A friend of mine wanted a pure smut story that centered around hot and nasty sex. Her only request was that it had to be a foursome. FOURSOME? Talk about a challenge to end all challenges! After researching (and subsequent need for therapy!), this story slowly came to me. Then to add to the challenge, she said that there had to be no less than FIVE positions! Okay, she is officially trying to kill me here! Now I have to make sure that I live up to my ability to tell a good story.

This story is dedicated to Tracia. Enjoy.

Song prompt: "Get Off" by Prince

I don't own Criminal Minds. When I get done with this story, I don't think anyone affiliated with the show will ever come near me. Oh well.

Get Off

"23 positions in a one night stand." Prince

The atmosphere in Emily Prentiss's brownstone was subdued as she, Hotch, Dave and JJ sipped their drinks slowly. It had been a comfortable evening with four friends getting together and catching up on life.

Located on the soft, deep couch, the two women sat across from both men who were occupying separate chairs.

"So, I'm sitting at the really long table next to the Secretary of Defense as dignitaries from all over are making their speeches," JJ spoke as she poured herself a glass of wine. "And I'm thinking to myself, how did I get here, when a dictator took the podium. I won't mention any names, but the longer he droned on about some kind of nonsense, it dawned on me that dictators closely resemble…"

"Serial killers," Dave Rossi finished as he topped of his glass.

JJ's eyes widened in surprise. "Exactly! How did you know?"

"Similar characteristics. Narcissist, ego maniacs, control freaks… The signs are there. The only difference is that one has an army behind it and the other has an army looking for it."

"I'll toast to that," Em commented and raised her glass. "God knows I had to do my fair share of sitting near them when my parents were on assignment." Shuddering, she took a long sip. "My parents could do the turn a blind eye thing so well, but I couldn't; I wanted to arrest those bastards so badly. That is when I decided to get into law enforcement."

"I know what you mean," JJ replied.

"So were there any good looking guys there?" Em asked.

"A couple, but they didn't speak English, so the extent of our meetings was a handshake."

"You don't need to speak English to fall into bed," Dave offered.

"Dave!" Em and JJ cried out.

He shrugged. "Sex has it's own universal language."

"Which is why your reputation precedes you," Hotch remarked, his eyes strayed to the two women sitting across from him.

"A reputation that I worked hard to get." Dave raised his glass. He had no idea how the talk had been diverted down this avenue, but he was willing to go along for the ride.

"True." Hotch clinked his glass to Dave's and then sipped.

The two woman looked at one another.

"Okay, Mr. FBI Lothario, when was the last time you got laid?" Em challenged.

Dave looked at Hotch. "Which amendment prevents me from self incrimination?"


Em clapped her hands loudly. "Ah ha! I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Dave replied smoothly but his heart was beating fast.

"How long?" Em asked.

"Long enough."

"Longer than Hotch?" JJ asked smoothly.

"Hey!" Hotch spoke up. "Don't pull me into this!"

"You're sitting here listening; you're pulled in." Dave grinned.

"My sex life is off limits," Hotch replied indignantly.

JJ swirled the dark fermented purple liquid while in thought. "Damn, Hotch, that long?"

"What do you do?" Em inquired. "I mean…when you…get that urge?" Her eyes were wide with anticipation to his response.

Dave turned to look at his best friend. "Yeah, what do you do?"

Hotch sputtered a non verbal response.

"Sorry. I was just curious," Dave apologized.

"Be curious somewhere else."

"There has been no one since Haley?" JJ asked softly.

"There was no one before Haley," Dave corrected. Hotch's elbow connected with his rib. "Ooof! I was just telling the truth."

"How long has it been since you last got laid? Before you broke up with wife number three?" Hotch opposed and poured more wine. If they were going to discuss his sex life…or rather the lack of one…he was going to approach it three sheets to the wind.

"I have gotten my dick wet. And I haven't had to wear out my hand with lubricant either." Dave shot a look Em's way.

"What are you doing looking at me?" she asked, turning a light shade of crimson.

"It's been how long since you've been on a date?" Dave asked.

Em rolled her eyes heavenward. "I don't want to embarrass any of you, but six months."

"How was it?"

"Good." She grabbed the bottle and poured it to the rim of her glass. Leave it to Dave to get the upper hand in a conversation, she fumed inwardly.

"Good?" Dave's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Or good?"

"He found out that Em reads Vonnegut and he bailed on her," JJ supplied.

"Gee, thanks! Tell the whole world!" Em muttered and took a big swallow. "Look, Miss I Have Someone At Home…"

JJ looked down at her hands. "Actually, Will and I broke up."

"But you were getting some," Em groused.

"It's been a year," JJ whispered.

"Whoa! Maybe you need this too!" Em poured the wine.

"How did we get around to discussing our sex lives…or rather the lack thereof?" Hotch asked.

"It's the natural progression of things," Dave answered.

"There is nothing natural about discussing my sex life. I get satisfaction," he finished, unable to make eye contact.

"Can you call it that?" Dave challenged.

"Satisfaction is welcomed any way it can be achieved," Hotch retorted.

"Amen to that!" Em praised.

The silence around the table weighed heavily as each occupant tried to make eye contact but failed.

"So, what are we going to do about it?" Em asked.

"About what?" Hotch replied.

"Our situation."

"We don't have a situation."

"Speak for yourself," Dave cautioned.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked.

"You're wound pretty tight, my friend. You need to get laid," the older agent observed.

"You're a fine one to talk."

"Are you offering?"

Hotch made a face. "No. Are you?"

"Not that hard up yet."

Em turned to JJ and whispered loudly, "Can you believe this?"

"I wish I had a camera," JJ joked.

"It's almost comical."

"Who would have imagined that the two best looking and most eligible bachelors at the Hoover Building are taking the situation in hand every night?" Em kept her face blank.

"Hey!" the two men protested.

"Now they are denying it."

Em arched an eyebrow. "Would you admit it…if you were David Rossi?"

"True." JJ shook her head pathetically.

"What?" Dave barked.

"It's almost sad," JJ continued. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Well…we could broadcast it," Em mused.

"Too easy."

Em shook her head. "No one would believe it."

"There has to be something we can do to help them, and us," JJ pondered.

"There is…if you're game."

Hotch and Dave looked at one another and then at the two women on the couch. "What do you have in mind?" Dave asked cautiously.

Em shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "I suggest we have a foursome." She placed her empty wine glass on the coffee table.

"A what?" Hotch swallowed hard. A weird rush of excitement slowly coursed thru his body.

"A foursome. We're all adults…we're not committed to anyone…and we have urges. What we're doing on our own sure isn't helping any of us. So why not try something new?" Em threw back at him. "Unless…you're scared."

"I don't know…" Hotch hesitated.

Em expelled an exasperated sigh. "Look, Hotch, I'm hot, bother, and horny as hell. I'm in the mood for a great fuck. If you don't want to help, fine, but I'll get it where I can." Cupping a hand behind JJ's head, she pulled the blonde woman's head toward her. "Come here," she growled low before covering JJ's mouth with hers for a deep, wet kiss.