Contrary to popular opinion, Santana wasn't bummed out when Brittney started dating Artie. Unusually enough, it was because Brit was one of the few people that she genuine feelings for.
Santana had plans. Plans for college, a career and beyond. And, those plans definitely didn't include "Twu Wuv" with anybody. So, it was good that Brittany found somebody else.
Still, (And she would cheerfully shoot anybody who dared to suggest it) she missed being with somebody who honestly cared about her. Puck liked her and all, but he would blow her off in a heartbeat if he had something better to do. The thought kept surfacing that somebody a liitle nicer would be a better choice.
It was especially on days like today that the thought intruded. As her, Brittany, Quinn and Mercedes stood in the Cafeteria lunch line, Brittany had this happy grin on her face that practically lit up the room.
Santana didn't want Brittany back and she sure as Hell didn't want Artie. But, she did want a little bit of that happiness.
"Maybe I should give Finn another try", she mused to herself as she grabbed an orange juice and put on her tray. "He's like a big puppy-dog. Dumb, but sweet and loyal. Plus, doggies are trainable". Santana grinned wickedly. "If you give them the right kind of treats."
"And, it'll drive the midget insane. Bonus."
Thoughts of sex and retribution were interrupted when Mercedes, not knowing Brittany's nuances, asked the blonde about what had her in such a good mood.
"My parents went out to dinner and a movie last night, so me and Artie had the house for hours." And, for those who couldn't understand less than subtle subtext, Brittany stretched sensuously and added, "The sex was the best."
That stopped Santana cold. Um, Artie? The best?
Seeing her expression, Brittany hastened to reassure her friend. "Don't worry. You're still the best at girl-sex. Artie's just the best at boy-sex."
Despite lots of experience at hearing bizarre things come out of Brittany's mouth, this was still a shocker to the other three girls. "You mean," Mercedes said slowly, "out of all the guys that you've been with, Artie's the best in bed?"
This came out a little louder than expected during a natural lull in the background conversation. As a result, half of the line heard Mercedes, did a double take and strained to hear the answer.
Brittany beamed. "Totally."
"But, with his legs, he can't really...uh. You know." Delicacy warred with curiousity as Quinn struggled for the best way to ask for details.
"That's kinda why it's so good." Brittany examined a bowl of jello, made a face and put it back, then turned to look at the other blonde. "For a long time, he wasn't even sure that his equipment would work. So, he researched other stuff to do."
"Other stuff?", blurted out a girl from a few places down the line, who then blushed furiously when the glee girls glared at her.
Fortunately, Brittany didn't notice the interruption. "Oh, yeah. Last night, he did this thing with his hands and his tongue...". As she struggled with the finer points, one of her hands made vague pinching motions while the other one made equally vague thrusting gestures. "It's kinda hard to describe. Mercedes, give me one of your Hostess Cupcakes and I'll show you."
"Ewwwww. No way!"
"Give her the Cupcake!", Santana barked.
"Back off!" Mercedes grabbed the desserts off of her tray and held them out of snatching distance.
"I'll buy you some more. C'mon! I wanna see this."
"Some things", Mercedes said with great dignity, "you're not supposed to do in public. I've got a hunch that this is one of them".
Santana couldn't really argue that point, although she seemed ready to anyway. But, the lunch lady (A surly 30-year vet of the school system that even Coach Sylvester wouldn't dare to mess with) chose that moment to snarl out that they were holding up the line and "Move it along".
The four of them moved down the line and, after they were a safe distance, Santana prompted Brittany. "So, let's hear some more."
Blank stare in response. "More about what?"
Santana mentally sighed, wondered for the millionth time about whether or not her friend was secretly on medication and said, "About you and Artie and creamy filling."
Quinn and Mercedes snickered at the double entendre, but it sailed right over Brittany's head. "It was really great." Brittany practically glowed in remembrance and added, "It was a whole bunch of small orgasms, one right after the other, and they built up to a really huge one." Oblivious to the frozen expressions around her, she sighed happily. "Aren't those the best?"
"Lucky bitch", Quinn muttered.
"I was just clearing my throat," Quinn said reassuringly and gave a rather unconvincing (To anybody but Brittany) cough.
"Oh." Momentarily thrown off track, Brittany quickly resumed her glowing. "And Plan B was nice too."
Mercedes gave her a questioning look and said, "Plan B?"
"Yeah, Plan B. Artie's never actually done any of this stuff before. So, in case he tries it and it doesn't work or I don't like it, he brings a back-up plan of something else to do." Brittany gave another sensuous stretch. "I'm so relaxed today 'cause Artie got this massage oil off the internet. Since we had plenty of time last night, after we did it, he gave me this incredible rub-down. It was totally purry."
Mercedes gave her another questioning look, but this was the special kind reserved only for Brittany. "Purry?"
Brittany returned her look with a "Duh, it's obvious" expression and said, "You know, when you're warm and relaxed and happy and you just want to purr like a big kitty."
"Lucky bitch". Pause. "Cough".
Concern broke through Brittany's happy daze and lit up her eyes. "Quinn, maybe you should see the school nurse."
Nothing moves faster than gossip and nowhere does it move faster than a high school. By the time the last period ended, everybody knew about what Brittany had said in the cafeteria.
Everybody but Artie, of course.
As he wheeled himself down the hall, he wondered about why all the girls were acting so bizarre. For one thing, they all seemed to be tossing their hair and giggling and saying "Heeeey, Artie".
"And dropping things.", Artie thought. "That got to be the twelvth one today."
Directly ahead of him, one of the Cheerios had dropped a pen. Uttering a almost theatrical "oops!", she slowly bent at the waist to retrieve it. Her long legs and tight assets were showcased admirably by her short cheerleader's outfit and, judging by the confident smirk on her face, the girl knew it. Straightening, she flashed the teen a smile over her shoulder before scampering away.
However, years of being at the bottom rung of the social pecking order had conditioned Artie to where he didn't even consider that the girls might be flirting with him. Instead, he just shook his head at the strangeness of it all and wheeled on.
Spotting Brittany by her locker, he cruised on by and asked with a grin, "Wanna lift, pretty lady?"
A few weeks ago, after a grueling cheerleading practice that followed on the heels of an equally tough glee session, Artie had offered a tired-looking Brittany the option of riding while he pushed them both. Most girls would have been hampered by embarrassment or concern that the burden would be too much. Brittany just said thanks, plopped onto his lap and told him to head for biology.
Artie had put on enough wiry muscle to where two people wasn't a problem and Brittany liked being chauffeured around. "It's like having an easy chair that moves," she said. "But without the foot part that flips up."
Nowadays, the blonde felt perfectly comfortable perched sidesaddle across Artie's legs and leaning against his shoulder. As she snuggled in, he took a moment to inhale her scent and to marvel for the thousandth time that Brittany actually liked him back.
Brittany's head snapped up and she looked around as they proceeded down the hall. But, before she could comment, Artie beat her to it. "Brittany, have you noticed all the girls are acting weird today?"
"You've seen it too?" This was a relief. Most of the time, when Brittany saw something bizarre (Like that time on Mulberry St.), people gave her strange looks when she talked about it. "I think they're all sick."
Artie glanced at her, concerned and said, "Sick?
Brittany nodded sagely. "Quinn had this cough at lunch and since then, I've been hearing it everywhere."