More Than You Will Ever Know
I walked into the spacious Heads common room at about 1:30 a.m., probably looking very tired from chasing my best friend/werewolf through the Forbidden Forrest for the past 5 hours. I was planning to just crash in my room until any of my fellow Marauders came to find me so I swiftly headed toward the golden staircase that led to mine and the Head Girl, Lily Evans', bedrooms.
Before I could make my way upstairs, though, something caught my eye. I turned my head to see soft auburn hair draped over the arm of the couch. The vivid colors were etched all over the room because of the small fire (that didn't supply and warmth whatsoever) in the fireplace.
I automatically knew what it was or 'who' it was properly. It was the Head Girl herself, Lily Evans. She was also the girl that I realized im completely in love with. She was curled up on a red velvet couch with a book I noticed was 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austen. If you focused your eyes just right you could see that she was shivering.
As I got closer I realized she was asleep. Suddenly she bit her lip subconsciously. The fire accented her tear streaked face. "Lily?" I whispered softly. When she didn't stir I spoke again. "Lily, come on get up." I encouraged some more. Still she refused to awaken. I touched her forearm comfortingly only to find that her body was freezing from the temperature of the room. I felt her forehead also, with the back of my hand, to find that she was running a very high fever.
Suddenly, my heart told me what I needed to do. "Lily? I'm going to take you to your bed ok?" I asked her sleeping form before scooping her up into my arms. Surprisingly, I felt her hands clasp around my neck in effort to support herself. Her face was nuzzled into my chest as I climbed the stairs.
I laid Lily down on her bed and made her body as comfortable as possible. I turned her bedside lamp on so that I could find a potion for her. Although I had to go all the way into the bathroom to find the potion, it didn't phase me at all. I would go to the ends of the earth for Lily. If only she would feel the same way. I wouldn't admit it to anybody but I longed to call her mine. I knew I would never feel this way with anyone else. Lily is my soulmate.
When I came back I was surprised to find Lily's eyes wide open. Except she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at a framed muggle picture beside her bed. I knew it was muggle because it wasn't moving. The picture was of her mom, dad, and herself. I knew it must have been hard for Lily. Her parents died at the hands of Voldemort and her sister blamed her for everything that had happened. A stray tear poured down Lily's face, and she made no move to do anything about it.
How I longed to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be alright because I was there with her. How I longed to tell her everything I felt for her. I wanted to tell her that her pain was my pain and that we would get through it together. I knew Lily would hex me into an oblivion if I did any of the above though.
Lily must have sensed my presence in the room because her head snapped in my direction. Personally I thought she would scream at me for being within 10 feet of her. "James?" she asked. Her voice melted and her eyes softened. "Here's a potion to make your fever go down." I said automatically as if that is what I had been waiting to say for the entire time I was staring at her. She gently took the glass vial from my hand and put it to her soft lips.
As she drank the potion, I took the time to really study her. I can honestly say that even with messy hair, bloodshot eyes, and tear streaks all over her porcelain face, she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
After she had taken the potion and laid her head back down on the powder blue pillows, I realized she had taken my hand in hers. I gently squeezed it, in fear of breaking it. I turned off her lamp with my free hand and laid her hand slowly on the bed beside her. Before I got to the door, though, I heard a tiny voice say "Please don't leave me here alone like everyone else."
I turned and through the darkness I could see bright green eyes, full of sorrow and longing. "Oh Lily," I replied and walked back toward her bed. I knew inside me at that very moment that this was my chance to tell her everything. I sat on the edge of her bed and placed my thumb on her cheek and brushed away the tears cascading down her face. "I'm not going anywhere." I told her confidently. I looked at her hands which were shaking and then out of nowhere I grabbed one and pulled it to me. "Stay with me." She said. With that I laid down next to her and pulled the comforter over both of us. Then I pulled her limp body toward mine and wrapped my arms around her.
All of a sudden Lily started sobbing into my t shirt. "Oh James," she said, "Everyone's gone, my parents are dead and my sister hates me more than ever." "It will be alright," I replied, rubbing circles into her back with my thumb, "I'm sure she doesn't hate you. You're too beautiful, smart, and kind for anybody to hate you." Lily sniffed and then said, "You don't mean that." Then the words just started pouring out of me without even thinking. "I do though." I told her truthfully.
Lily's face was buried deep inside my shoulder to where I couldn't see her face. "Lily, look at me." I whispered into her cottony hair. She shook her head in protest and clung to my shirt even tighter. "Come on Lily, please look at me." I pleaded. Slowly she pushed back a bit from my chest and opened her eyes. They twinkled up at me. "There they are." I said with a smile on my face. "Your eyes are brighter than any star in the sky. Did you know that?" I asked her. "That's a lie." She replied with a small smile on her lips. "It's true." I told her.
"Also, every time you smile every one in the world smiles too, Even the Slytherins." This made her smile grow even bigger. "Those are actually two of the reasons that I fell in love with you." I whispered. Her smile automatically faded and silence echoed in the room. It was as if the world had stopped rotating. "You don't love me James." Lily said breaking awkward silence. "But I do Lily, with all of my heart and soul. If you don't believe make Slughorn give me some Veritaserum."
"Why would someone like you love someone like me?" she whispered referring to our blood statuses. "Lily I don't care about things like that. You know I'm not superficial. I don't care if you're muggleborn. None of that stuff matters when I'm with you, and it doesn't change how I feel about you one bit." I said. "James?" she asked apparently believing me now. "Yes?" I asked her. "I love you too."
Then she kissed me, and before I could even think I kissed her back. When we finally pulled apart, she snuggled into my chest once again. This time though I heard her say "Goodnight James. I love you." Finally I said it freely without anything happening, "Sweet dreams Lily. I love you too, more than you will ever know." Then we fell asleep enjoying each others presence for the rest of the night.