It was dark.
That's all I could think of at first. A thick blackness surrounded me – choking me – and it didn't matter where I stumbled, I couldn't see anything, I couldn't feel anything, I was so lost...
Then everything changed, I wasn't a body, but a presence. And then I saw him; Roxas.
I loomed over him, he didn't see me, didn't know I was there. But I still followed him.
He was rushing around the castle asking- no, begging, "Have you seen Axel?"
But everyone else ignored him.
Larxene laughed and pushed past him, "Fire-crotch is missing? Good riddance."
I watched as Roxas grabbed the back of Demyx's cloak pulling the Melodious Nocturne to a stop. "Please Demyx," there were tears building in his eyes, "Have you seen Axel?"
Demyx stared at him for a long silent moment before shrugging, "Haven't seen him. But who cares?", before pushing Roxas' hand off him and walking away.
I could only watch as Roxas' shoulders slumped, his arm dropping to his side as he watched Demyx walk away.
Then it hit me. I was missing, Roxas was searching, but no one else cared.
I jolted upright, gasping softly. It was just a dream.
I was still here, in the Castle, in my room, in my bed – with the sheets all tangled around me.
Running a hand through my red spikes I sighed before pushing up off my bed and walking to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
I couldn't help but think... if I really disappeared... would anyone miss me? What have I done with my non-existent life so far? – nothing of importance really.
It was depressing to think about.
Roxas was waiting for me in the kitchen, sitting on a black marble counter swinging his legs like a child. When he saw me he smiled and gave a small wave, "Hey Axel,"
I nodded my head in greeting before shuffling over to the fridge and rummaging around in it for food. Finding some of Demyx's crumpets I decided they were good enough, so put them in the toaster.
"You're awfully quiet this morning Axel." I glanced up in surprise to see Roxas watching me with a slightly titled head, a quizzical look in his expressive blue eyes, "What's the matter?"
I shook my head slowly, "It's nothing..."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Sure, and Larxene's a sweetheart."
I poked my tongue out at him, then got my breakfast, smothering the crumpets in honey, and leaned against the counter opposite Roxas to eat.
He leapt delicately off his counter and turned on the kettle then looked over his shoulder, "Coffee?"
We stood in a comfortable silence for a while – the only sound being the water boiling and my soft crunching.
A steaming cup of coffee was offered to me in my favourite purple mug which I took gratefully and Roxas now jumped up on the counter beside me.
"Now tell me what's bothering you Ax." his voice had taken on a don't-fuck-with-me tone.
I shot him a glance out the corner of my eye as I took a long sip of gods best beverage.
"Well..." I felt like a complete pussy, I was about to discuss my dream? How pre-teen girl.
His boot clad foot prodded my leg and he gave an encouraging smile.
"I had this dream last night..." I glanced at him to see his reaction. The bastard was smothering a smile, and when he saw my glare he coughed and waved his hand,
"Please, do go on..."
I let out a huff but continued, "Ehem. As I was saying... I had this dream... and I was missing... I was lost in darkness. Then it changed and... I uh, saw you..."
"Me?" his eyes widened slightly.
"Mm, Yeah. And... you were looking for me. But no one else cared. Nobody else cared that I was gone..."
I felt his hand on my arm, "You're still here Axel. And I'm sure they would care..."
I shook my head, "That's the thing Roxy- ow!" I rubbed my arm where he punched me, "-I don't think they would care if I was gone... we don't have hearts remember. Nothing to care with."
"I would care."
I reached out to ruffle his sunshine spikes, "I know Roxy. But I'm pretty much convinced you actually have a heart – or part of one anyway. But no one else would."
He prodded my side, "Is this all that's bothering you?"
"No... see I was thinking. What have I actually done with my existence? Nothing I can really be proud of. I do missions – and I do them well. I hang out here and stuff, but that's about all..."
I frowned and swivelled my body so I could look directly at Roxas, "Rox, would you ignore everything worthless I've ever done? Forget my wrongs? I want to be more than just a forgotten memory... I need to leave some reasons to be missed."
I put a hand on his chest, he stared at me, his jaw dropped,"Rox... will you promise to remember me... to miss me? Don't ever resent me for the things I've done – and will do. Please, keep me in your memory..."
A small, delicate, but calloused hand covered mine, "I promise."
I looked up into his eyes and leaned forward to peck a kiss on his nose, then looped an arm around his waist to pull him into a hug, "You're my best friend Rox, you know that?"
He nodded and ducked his head under my chin, hiding his face in my neck, mumbling softly, "I know Ax. And you're mine."
We sat side by side on the top of the clock tower, the setting sun glaring into our eyes and melting our ice-creams, we raced the sun to finish the treats, and I watched in bemusement, laughing as Roxas frantically lapped at his wrist- then arm as the sticky ice-cream dripped.
He grinned at me sheepishly, with blue tinted lips, and a creamy blue mess on his face and hands.
"I think the sun won that one Rox." I teased, before popping my popsicle stick in my mouth, and smirked at him.
He flushed a pretty pink and ducked his head, "Shut up."
I just continued to smirk turning to look back at the sky. The golden-orange glow had darkened to a red.
I found the small blonde curled up in the corner of his room – a quivering mess of tears.
"Rox?" I uttered softly.
His only response was a heartbroken sob.
Quickly I bent down to gather him up into my arms, he was heavier than expected and I grunted softly as I carried him over to his bed, sitting down on the edge and holding him in my lap, curling my body protectively around him as his tears soaked my shirt.
Eventually his sobs lessened to sniffles, and then he was quiet. I felt the hand now fisted in my shirt tug softly and I looked down at him.
His eyes were red from crying, and they had a glassy sheen to them. His lips were trembling slightly and he whispered softly, "I'm sorry."
"I know, Roxy. I know." I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and tightened my hold on him.
"Get back here!" an enraged shriek followed us down the halls as we sprinted, partners in crime.
"Is she following?" Roxas gasped out, not daring to turn his head to check behind him. I risked a glance behind and saw only empty hallway so when we turned the next corner I pulled him to a stop.
"I think we lost her."
We looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"Ahahah- Oh god! Did you see her face?" Roxas was clutching at his stomach leaning against the wall. I'd already slid to the ground, unable to hold myself up, and lay on my back with tears streaming from my eyes, "Yes! That was brilliant!", and just thinking about it, about her face... it made me laugh harder.
I heard a soft thump as Roxas finally fell to the ground, he rolled onto his side giggling and grinned at me, I too was quietening down and I grinned back, "Best. Prank. Ever."
"Oh really? Well I didn't find it quite so hilarious." a venomous voice hissed.
We both glanced up with wide eyes to see Larxene standing over us, charred, smoking bra's dangling from an outstretched hand.
I squeaked out a giggle which I quickly stifled at her glare.
"You two are so dead." The air crackled around her dangerously, and Roxas and I shared a glance, and a nod.
Then we both leapt up and high tailed it out of there.
"Run! Run away!" Roxas shrieked with laughter, and I followed him laughing – albeit nervously.
God help us if she caught us.
We lay tangled together in my bed, skin sticky with sweat, and panting softly. Roxas shuffled a bit and pushed some damp hair away from his face, "Well... I wasn't exactly expecting that..."
I grinned and propped myself up on my arms to lean over and kiss his jawline, "I couldn't resist."
He smiled sweetly up at me "I don't blame you. I'm pretty good looking."
"I know." I smirked and kissed his neck, whispering "Wanna go for round two?"
"Only if I can top."
"Anything for you baby," I replied then pressed our lips together again – already addicted to this.
He was leaving. He was leaving.
I tried to control my expression.
Don't look too desperate- don't want to scare him off.
I leaned against a cold pillar my arms crossed as I waited.
Soon I heard the soft tapping of his footsteps – he nearly walked right by me. But I know he knew I would be waiting.
"Your minds made up?" I asked softly.
I heard his footsteps cease, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes I saw he had stopped- but hadn't turned around.
"Why did the key blade choose me?" he turned his head in my direction, "I have to know."
His voice was firm and final.
I whipped around to glare at him "You can't turn on the Organization!" I didn't mean to sound so pissed. But I was. "You get on their bad side, and they'll destroy you!"
Please, don't leave me...
He didn't even look at me, just turned slightly, "No one would miss me." then he started walking again.
"That's not true." I fisted my hands to stop them from shaking, "I would..."
With all my non-existent heart...
But he was already gone.
And I slumped defeated. Well, there goes my world.
I stood alone as everything that mattered to me walked away. It wasn't meant to be like this...
I always feared I would be forgotten, he promised to remember me... but then he leaves me. I always thought it would be the other way around...
It's not a life without my sunshine.
I love you...