This is for cherrygurl1225:) I'm a little late on her birthday and the holidays, but better late than never right? I swear I was working on this fic before she posted her gift for me. Clearly we both got really attached to the 'Britta as a vampire slayer' premise LOL
This will eventually be a longer piece with a plot that will pull in Abed and many other faces from Greendale but I wanted to get something up now. With classes starting back up on Monday, I'm not very sure how much time I'll get to write :(
This premise was originally inspired by mry_soleil's fic 'Hold On, One More Time with Feeling' which briefly introduced the concept and prompted a very in depth discussion between me and Lara about who would play which of the other roles.
The dewy grass glistened in the moonlight as Britta crept along, eyes darting from headstone to headstone. Her senses were on high alert, checking for any sign that something was out trying to make a second living for itself. Nothing had shown up so far, but she knew a body had been buried that afternoon in the far east corner. The death had seemed ordinary enough with no strange wounds or bite marks. Still better safe than sorry. Britta turned to head over there.
Something rustled behind her. It was faint but enough to put her sense on high alert. Britta reached back and closed her hand around something solid. Yanking hard, she flipped a body over her shoulder. She pinned the guy, knees on his stomach, stake poised above his chest, before she realized who it was.
"Whoa, Britta! What the hell?" cried Jeff.
Britta rolled her eyes. "Oh it's you."
"Yeah it's me! Who'd you think it was?"
"I don't know, maybe a vampire trying to kill me. Oh wait." Britta pressed harder on the stake.
"Ow!" Jeff craned his head up and stared worriedly at where the stake met his chest. "You're going to rip my shirt if you're not careful!"
"Oh no, not your precious shirt!" Britta mocked.
"You probably already got grass stains on it." Jeff shoved Britta off and stood up. He tugged and twisted to try to get a look at the back of his shirt.
"Grass stains? Seriously?" Britta got up from the ground. "And you wonder why I never let you patrol with me."
"I don't have to wonder. You've already stated it a million times. I'm an 'obnoxious stuck up douche bag who's more concerned with hair products and social status than anything that's actually life threatening or important'."
"Plus you whine incessantly if your clothes get messed up."
"I do not whine!" Jeff frowned but Britta continued on without looking back. "Hey I do not whine!" He shouted and chased after her. A stick cracked off to his left and a hooded figure stepped in front of him.
"Holy shit!" Jeff skidded and lost traction, falling back on the grass. He looked up and saw Troy peering at him from beneath his sweatshirt hood.
"Dude why are you on the grass? Was there an attack? Ah man, did I miss it?" Troy glanced around.
"No just a sneak attack by a crazed ninja-wannabe," Jeff grumbled as he stood for a second time and evaluated his clothes for rips or stains.
"I'm a ninja. Cool," Troy said, looking pleased.
"Who's a ninja?" Annie asked as she and Shirley walked up.
"Me!" Troy said.
"Since when?" asked Shirley.
"Since Jeff just called me one."
"I did not call you a ninja."
"You can't be a ninja, Troy," Annie said.
"Why not? Shirley's a witch."
"Excuse me! What did you call me?"
Troy looked confused. "A witch."
"Oh uh un. Now I know you know I'm a Wiccan," Shirley said. Now Troy and Jeff looked confused.
"What's the difference?" Jeff asked.
"Wiccans study and take their craft seriously and are friends to the Earth," Shirley said primly. "Witches run around in those ugly pointy hats wreaking all kinds of havoc with their satanic spells."
"But," Troy said, "you still have spell books."
"Good, clean spell books."
"We've got some black magic spell books too. Upstairs in the balcony area." Everyone looked at Annie who quickly added, "Which I've never looked through or even been up there. Ever."
"That's it, you're coming with me to my next Wicca gathering. I'm not having you turn evil on us." Shriley said. "And I'm telling Britta to keep a closer eye on you, especially when you're in the shop."
"Britta does not need to keep a closer eye on me." Annie folded her arms and glared at Shirley. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"You almost got killed by a hell god last year," Troy pointed out. "Us too, by the way."
Annie gaped. "But.. That wasn't my fault! That was those stupid monks' fault!"
"Damn hell god ruined my favorite jacket," Jeff sulked.
"Way to have your priorities straight," Annie snapped.
"Oh don't you start. I get enough of that crap from your psycho sister."
"Hey where is Britta anyway?" Troy asked, glancing around at the nearby graves.
"Well I was outtrying to do my job," Britta's voice answered.
The group spun around to see her walking up behind Jeff.
"I could hear you guys clear on the other side of the cemetery! How am I supposed to get any slaying done with you making so much noise?"
"I think the better question is: how are you supposed to get any slaying done when you're walking around in 3 inch heeled boots?" Jeff replied.
"Kicked your ass earlier though, didn't I?"
"I wasn't actually fighting you earlier!"
"Fine. Attack me now so I can kick your ass properly."
"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Okay," Annie cut in, "as much fun as watching you two bicker is, we actually did come over for a reason."
"We did?" asked Troy.
"We have an Anthropology test tomorrow," Shirley reminded him.
"Yes, which we all need to study for still," Annie added.
Britta rolled her eyes. "Annie, I think I have more important things to do than study for a stupid exam. Like rid the world of undead scumbags."
"But Britta! You promised you'd put more of an effort into your studies this semester!"
"I can't go off and study right now. I haven't dug up a single vampire to kill yet tonight!"
"Maybe all the vampires took a night off because they knew you had a test to study for," Annie suggested.
"Vampires don't take a night off."
"Except for Halloween," Jeff corrected. "And when the Victoria Secret Fashion Show is on but that's more of a personal rule than a general one."
"That's what's up," Troy said as he gave Jeff a fist bump.
"Well we need to study," Annie insisted, ignoring Jeff and Troy's exchange.
"And I need you to leave so I can do my job," Britta said.
"Jeff! Make her study!" Annie cried.
"Whoa what?" Britta exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'm not about to endorse studying for anything, especially school," Jeff said, shaking his head.
"And he sure as hell isn't going to 'make' me do anything!"
"Your grade is at stake too, you know," Annie said, eyes still glued to Jeff. Troy snickered at the word stake.
"Actually, unlike you guys, I didn't sign up for the class in an attempt to pursue higher education. I signed up for it because it conveniently took place after the sun went down and was an easy way to keep tabs on the Slayer."
"Stalker," Britta mumbled.
"So bombing that class?" Jeff continued. "Really not a big deal to me."
"But if you bomb the class then everyone will know, and they'll always associate you with the word 'failure'. You don't want that to be your reputation, do you?" Annie stared up at him with wide, innocent eyes. Jeff cracked and let out an annoyed sigh.
"No you do. Buh duh dun!"
"Troy!" Everyone shouted.
"What? I had to! It was so obvious!"
"Yeah a little too obvious," Jeff said. "Maybe try a more clever joke next time."
Troy pouted. "Pierce would have appreciated it. Stupid old guy saying he has to meet a chick just so he can get home and go to bed early." He kicked at a patch of grass.
"Pierce is in bed already?" Britta asked. "Well then screw this. I'm going home."
"What about all that hoopla about having to hunt down vampires tonight?" Shirley asked.
"Hey, if the Watcher gets to go off-duty early, the Slayer should too," Britta said and began walking off in the direction of her house.
"So that means you'll study now right?" Annie said, darting after her.
Jeff and Troy stood back and watched Annie and Britta leave the cemetery still arguing with Shirley close behind.
"Man, Annie's not even a real human so why is she so worried about grades?" Troy asked.
"Because it's Annie, have you not learned anything in the past year?"
Troy thought. "Well I've learned the words 'hola', 'gracias', and 'muy caliente' oh! And you know those dog treats that look like bacon?" He leaned in close to Jeff and whispered, "they're not really bacon but shhh! Don't tell any dogs that."
"I'm not even going to ask," Jeff mumbled.
"No, I didn't eat them. This guy on the football team did it for a dare. He wound up puking it back up all over the gym floor." Troy frowned the added, "I also learned that the Dean does not appreciate the game Truth or Dare."
"Wow great lessons. All of them. Really," Jeff said. "But come on, we should get back to Britta's so we can study."
"Are we still doing that?" Jeff gave a Troy look. Troy nodded. "Oh right. Course we still are. It's Annie."
"Good job, Troy." Jeff patted Troy on the back and started walking. Troy quickly followed suit.
"So did Britta really kick your ass again earlier?"