Well . . . I did say something about writing an Adrian/Sydney FF but somehow my hands got carried away with my crazy thoughts and this chapter was written and well, lead to another Adrian/Rose story. I hope I still have readers out there, who will show me the same kindness showed to me when I was writing my other stories. So here is to you, readers that need a cure for the shitty ending between Adrian and Rose in Last Sacrifice—my new Adrian and Rose story. I hope you enjoy!

I don't own VA. . .

Chapter 1: How Heartbreak Feels


The first fucking time I gave my heart out, the first time I had ever fucking fallen in love was the first fucking time my heart was broken. And all it took was two fucking words.

Rose Hathaway.

I motioned for the bartender to pour me another whiskey and he did just that.

Drinking was the only way to cope with the pain of losing Rose.

I brought the glass to my lips and it was like walking on a cloud.

Drinking solved all my problems.

Drinking took the pain away.

And drinking slowly drank the life out of me. . .

I slammed my phone on the counter of the bar. The screen cracked. Sometimes I felt like Rose had lived in my head. I knew I looked like hell but I just didn't care anymore. "Get on with your life" my stupid asshole of a father told me once when I had come home late. But he didn't realize! He didn't realize that my heart fucking broke every time I heard her name. I woke up in the dead of night just to hear her words whispered "We won't ever work out." Every night it was the same, reaching for the phone and dialing her number, just to hang up the phone after a second of thought. She was everywhere in my head. Every time I woke, her face was there, every time I slept, she was in my dreams. Every time I closed my eyes she was there!

And drinking my life away wasn't helping me at all. It eased some of the pain, but that was it.

Was she all in my head?

Or was she more than a memory?

It was about three hours later, barely sober enough to walk without tipping over; I walked through the front door.

"Adrian," my mother's soft voice called out from the living room couch. She shot up when she heard me enter through the front door. I looked around, and sure enough, Nathan was not around. Only my mother would be bothered with waiting up for me and actually worrying for her son like a normal mother would. But my father, he would rather "enjoy little hours of sleep." And I would reply something like "you could sleep when you die."

"Mother," I said, my voice immediately softening for her. My mother would be the only female I would actually care for. Ever.

"Adrian, sweetheart, it's been a year. How long are you going to keep on going like this?"

"Like what?" It was obvious, even to me. How long was I going to keep destroying my life with liquor, drugs, and whatever else I could get my hands on.

"Drinking. Smoking. Wasting your life? That. . .when is it going to stop?"

"When I get my heart back."

"But darling, Rose leaving you was bound to happen. Let's face it. She's dhampir, there's always going to be someone else before her needs. And you're a royal Moroi who is going to have other duties before your needs." She put a hand on my shoulder. "You're a reasonably cute guy; you can get any other woman you want."

"I don't want any other woman, I want Rose."

"Like I said, there's always going to be someone before you and her. And her leaving you again is just going to break you once more."

And then it hit me like a train. "Was that why you were so cool with Rose and me being together? You knew Rose and I were going to separate eventually, didn't you?"

With shame on her pretty face, my mother nodded.

"Well, what if things hadn't turned out the way you thought? What if Rose and I had stayed together? Would you still have encouraged the relationship?"

It seemed like minutes passed before she answered. "I wouldn't," my mother admitted. "But then I would have encouraged anything that made you happy. I would have encouraged anything that brought out the caring, compassionate son I have. And if the situation had been different, I would have divorced your father in an instant for you to be happy, since you know how much he gets repulsed by the idea of dhampir/Moroi relationships."

Her words were sincere, but they did nothing to heal my shattered heart.

If. If. That's what it all came down to. If. If Rose had chosen me over Dimitri? If Rose and I lived in a world of no rules and social classes. And if Rose had loved me enough not to break my already weak self.

I kicked off my shoes, running up the stairs. It wasn't that I wanted to avoid my own mother; I wanted to avoid all conversations that included the name Rose. Unbuttoning the few buttons my shirt had left, I stepped inside my bedroom in my parent's house. I preferred to stay inside court in my own room, but sometimes I just needed home.

Once naked, I grabbed a shower inside the too expensive bathroom my mother had paid someone to decorate with the ridiculous amount of money my father supplied. I toweled my hair as soon as my shower was done. I stood in front of the mirror to shave off the too long stubble my chin had produced.

Feeling much cleaner than before, I dressed and hauled my ass downstairs.

I threw on the coat I had tossed earlier and made my way to the front door.

"Where are you going now?"

"I don't know yet. I'm going somewhere, though."

"Adrian," my mom said with pure concern in her eyes.

"I'll be okay, mother. Don't you worry about me."

"Stay here, darling. You haven't slept in days."

I told her the words I always told my father. "I'll sleep when I die."

I left the house with her haunted look plastered in my mind.

( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( )

"Ivashkov, drinking your pain away?"

I craned my head to the side to find myself staring at icy blue eyes. I stared at the drink in his hand; he had in his hand a cup similar to mine.

"Don't get any ideas, this is just cranberry juice. I'm not all for the drinking-my-pain-away kind of thing."

I found myself smiling despite my situation. "What could you possibly be drinking away? You have the someone you love," my tone sounded bitter as I finished my sentence.

"I barely see her," Christian replied something like sadness in his eyes. "She's always so busy with her duties and whatnot."

"Haven't gotten any?" I asked, my face cracking a smirk.

"No." He threw a dark glare my way when he heard my laugh. Some of the tension in my heart eased when I heard my own laugh. "And you'd be happy that you don't have the someone you love; she has become someone so different than she was before; a bigger bitch more so now than she was ever."

Christian was talking about the one person, the one reason I was here tonight. My mind shut Christian down. I still wanted everything with her but she hadn't exactly been the kindest to my heart.

"Belikov doesn't treat her right."

As if it had been rubbed with oil, the glass in my hand slipped out of my fingers, landing on the ground, pieces of glass shattering all over. The bartender merely gave me a glare when he realized a precious royal had broken the glass. He was used to my glass-breaking.

"He what?"

"God, Ivashkov, you need to start paying attention more often to what—"

"Save the precious details. Tell me what you what just said?"

"I said, 'Belikov doesn't treat her right.'"

"And yet she's acting like a bitch?" I was so confused, I could slap myself.

Christian shrugged. "Don't ask me, life is known for being confusing."

That was about the shittiest way someone had spread the truth out for me to see.

Christian laid some money on the bar counter as he was preparing to leave. "I liked Belikov a few months before, but to be honest, now I kind of wish he had stayed Strigoi."

"That makes two of us."

"I mean, his fighting skills are pretty awesome, but that's it. As for how he treats woman, that's something he needs help with." My hands clenched on the new glass of whiskey the bartender had given me. I couldn't believe he was treating her wrong. Rose was like a delicate rose; she needed to be taken care in a certain way (a certain way, a certain someone could only take care of her). . . .

"How do you know all this?"

"He's my guardian." Christian shrugged on his coat. "Listen, I know you're crazy yourself and are driving yourself more insane by each second, and I know she's the last person you want to talk to, but she needs your help."

"Who is 'she?'"

"Rose. Despite how strong and tough she can act, she needs someone. Lissa isn't enough. And to what Lissa tells me of Rose, I know that before all this mess, Rose confided with you about anything. Reach out to her. Help her. Make her not become insane like you."

"Why would she possibly want to talk to me?"

"Because she still loves you."

I forced my heart to keep beating.

"You keep saying I'm insane, but have you ever for one second questioned your own sanity?"

"Ivashkov, I need no more reminders. I already know what I am." He rolled his eyes. "Believe it or not, she loves you. She won't ever admit it, though."

"And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Help her get her head back. And help her realize it's you that she loves," he said.

"As if," I scoffed.

"Look, as much as he makes me want to crawl under bed, I agree with Rose's father. You're a whole lot better for Rose than Dimitri could ever be."

"Rose's dad said what?" My drinking world gave me a hazy view of the world and what people had to say.

"He likes you better for his daughter than he will ever like Dimitri. He said something around the lines of 'Adrian and I have similar ways of thinking and Adrian can give Rose a future, little kickers included.'"

I smiled. Along those lines was exactly right. I could give a Rose "little kickers." Well, only if she wanted to ever have kids.

"You don't know what you're talking about, flamie."

"Sometimes I do. And I do know that Rose Hathaway is in love with you, but her stubborn ass won't let her ever admit it."

He turned on his heel and left, leaving me to wonder if the world was as cruel as I thought it was.

Could it be that possibly Rose was in love with me?

No, Ivashkov. Don't get caught up in lies once more. She lied to you once about feelings, she can easily lie again. You've gone this far without her.

It was going to take time, but I was going to forget.

And I can go on with my life once again.

Or at least try.

Soo what did you think of this chapter for a start? Did you like it? Hate it? Do you think that maybe I can make this into another story or do you think 7 A/R stories are enough?

Please tell me your thoughts!

And I hope you had awesome holidays!

Take much care everyone!