Monk's Diner

"George, why do you keep staring at me?" Jerry asked.

George leaned back against the slick seat and stared at Jerry and Elaine who were sitting across from him.

"I just don't get you two."
"You don't get a lot of things, George." Jerry pointed out.

When Elaine laughed, George shot her a look.

"So George what seems to be the problem?"

George continued to watch Jerry and Elaine in awe.

"George come on! What gives?" Elaine pleaded.

Jerry put his arm around Elaine.

"Come on, Georgie Boy." He said as he cupped Elaine's chin in his hand.

"This is the face of a woman who knows what she wants. Now are you going to deny her that privilege?"

"Cut it out, Jerry." Elaine said, playfully ruffling his hair.

"Out with it!" Jerry ordered.

George shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "You guys have been together for what, a week now and you're already sitting on the same side of the table? I mean, seriously do you have to make it so obvious?"

"Who's being obvious?" Jerry asked. "We've been sitting at this booth for years! You're just now noticing that we're sitting next to each other?"

He turned to Elaine and pretended to whisper. "Do you still have the number of that nursing home you used to visit? Because I think George here may need to check in early."

"Ha ha, very funny." George said. "But seriously, it's different now. You're... together."

"You know what, George? You're right." Jerry said, causing Elaine to glance at him worriedly.

"Jerry... what are you saying?"

"No, Elaine. George is right. Tell you what I'm going to do..."

"This is big..." Kramer said, leaning in to get a closer look.

"Jerry, please! Can't we discuss this?"

Jerry slid out of the booth and rose to his feet. "Okay. I'm standing now. Are you happy George?"

"Wait, what are you doing?" George asked.

"See? Elaine and I aren't together anymore. I'm here and she's there. I'm standing, she's sitting?"

For effect, Jerry waved his arm dramatically, as though he were a game show host pointing out the prize behind Door #3.

To his surprise, Elaine slid across the seat and grabbed her purse.

"Actually, I just remembered... I've gotta get going."

Now Jerry was worried. "But I thought we were gonna share an omelet!"

"Woah...You two were gonna share an omelet?" Kramer repeated. He raised his eyebrows up and down.

"Wow, you two really are lovebirds! Giddyup!"
Jerry rolled his eyes.

"I didn't mean it, really! It was a joke! Where are you going?" He asked Elaine, as though Kramer were non-existent.

One could only hope...

"Oh, I told Sue Ellen that I'd meet her at the gym for Pilates." Elaine replied.

"Pilates? Sounds like some kind of disease." George said.

Jerry was appalled. "Elaine, you hate Sue Ellen! She ran off and married David Puddy while we were locked up! How could you even associate with her?"

Elaine shuddered at the memory. "Don't remind me."

"I should thank her." Jerry said, taking Elaine's hand.

Elaine blushed at the romantic comment. "Jerry..."

George cringed at the mushiness. "What is this? What in the hell is this?"

"What is what, George?" Elaine asked.

George looked at his friends in disbelief. "You're holding hands now? Have you no shame?"

Jerry and Elaine looked at each other. "No, George. Apparently we don't." Jerry said.

"So Elaine, why are you rushing off to see Sue Ellen?" Jerry asked.

"Well, we ran into each other at the bakery-you know the one that has the marble rye?"

Jerry cringed. "How could I forget? To this day I can't even look at marble rye without thinking of that old bag!"

Elaine laughed. "God, I can't believe I forgot about that!"

"I wish I could." Jerry said.

"So anyway, we started talking and I realized that since David's out of my life for good, there's no reason why she and I can't be friends."

Jerry scoffed. "So apparently the fact that she married the guy isn't reason enough."

"Believe me, it's more than enough." Elaine said. "But I'm different now. I'm trying to look for the good in people. Although in some, it's harder to find." She added with a nod toward George and Kramer.

Jerry laughed, ignoring George's glare.

Elaine looked at her watch. "Oh man, I'm gonna be late! You know how insane Sue Ellen gets if she's kept waiting. I'll call you later?"

"Yeah, okay. Or just come on over. I'll be up." Jerry said.

To George's horror, Jerry and Elaine leaned toward each other and kissed. Right there in front of everyone in the restaurant!

"Bye guys." She said with a wave from the door to George and Kramer.

"What in the hell was that?" George demanded after Elaine was gone.

"What are you talking about?" Jerry asked, knowing full well what George was referring to.

"That!" George said, pointing to the now empty seat next to Jerry.

"The kissing, holding hands... and in a public place!"

"You know, I seem to remember a certain short bald guy who was all over his girlfriend Susan in these very seats, not that many years ago." Jerry said.

"Ye-ah!" Kramer yelled. "Explain that one, Shorty!"

George was taken aback by the unwanted nickname concerning his height. "Hey who are you calling short?"

"I'm calling you short, Buddy." Kramer said with a click of his tongue.

"Well?" Jerry asked.

"It was different with Susan and me. We were... in love."

Jerry scoffed. "Oh right. You were so in love with her that you practically jumped for joy when she died from licking those envelopes. You know, that concerns me. Someone actually died from that. I wonder if you can die from peeling off those strips from the big manila envelopes as well. I mean, if that sticky stuff got on your fingers..."

"I don't think so." Kramer said.

"But it's worth looking into, right?"

"You know, you're right." Kramer said. "I'll have Newman get on it right away."

"Well there's a comforting thought." Jerry said.

"Seriously, Jerry..." George continued. "You see, Susan and I, we were like two-."

"Imbeciles?" Jerry offered.

Kramer laughed hysterically, garnering the attention of several Monk's patrons.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh if you want to." George said. "But believe me... Susan and I were very passionate people!"

"So what does that make Elaine and I?" Jerry asked.

"Well, you're in a relationship." George said.


"So? Jerry... People know that you and Elaine hang around all the time. What are they gonna think when they see you two all lovey dovey?" Kramer asked, accenting the words lovey dovey with a high-pitched voice.

"He's right." George said. "People are gonna start talking, so you'd better be prepared to answer."

"And who are you, Dr. Phil?"

"I'm just saying that we've had more of our share of media coverage. I'm already an embarrassment to my parents. I don't need you and Elaine making it worse, okay?"

Jerry scoffed. "This from a guy who once got caught eating an Eclair out of the trash can! If that 's not the best way to embarrass yourself, I don't know what is!"

"IT WAS ON THE TOP!" George protested.

"I've got to get out of here." Jerry said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills, tossing them onto the table.

Immediately George picked up the money to examine it. "Jerry... this is a twenty dollar tip!" He exclaimed.


"So? Jerry, all you had was iced tea!"

To George and Kramer's amazement, Jerry shrugged.

"She was a good waitress! She deserved a big tip! Look I'll see you boys later, okay? I gotta go rehearse for a show."

When Jerry was gone, Kramer looked at the check and jerked back in shock when he saw the small amount.

George couldn't help but eye the pile of bills with envy.

"Do you think he'd notice if we took a couple? I mean, he does owe me ten dollars from six months ago."

"What? Are you crazy? This place is crawling with Feds!" Kramer exclaimed. "They'll lock you up in seconds! You have a criminal record you know. Yeah, the Feds... boy they love that stuff!"

George's eyes narrowed. "Feds? In Monk's Diner?"

"Come on, let's get out of here. I feel like we're being watched." Kramer said.

George followed Kramer to the door, then stopped and turned around just as Kramer walked outside.

Casually he re-entered the diner and walked back to the table. Just as he reached for a handful of bills, he froze when he spotted a cop sitting at the counter.

Oh damn...

Releasing his grip on the money, the bills floated back to the table.

He smiled and waved nervously at the cop.

"How's it going? Catch any criminals today? Boy, New York is sure crawling with them, isn't it? Yep, can't be too careful these days."

"Sure." The cop said with a nod and a fake smile.

When the cop returned his attention to his meal, George quickly scooped up all of the money and jammed it into the pockets of his pants.

"Here's a tip, waitress... Make better coffee next time."

He mumbled as he walked out of the diner.