Author's note: I'm starting the year 2011 with three one-shots. No.2: A very old idea for The Queen of Swords, a show I watched when I was around ten. Grisham wa HOTTT, but I always rooted for the doctor, even though I couldn't hear his English accent in the Czech dubbing.

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue.

Queen of Swords - You Don't Want to Know

„Oh my God."

Robert Helm jumped in his bath, splashing water on the floor.

„Oh, great. Can't you see I'm bathing?"

The accused person in black turned away from the mouth-watering sight and locked her eyes on a window.

„I am so sorry, Doctor. I wouldn't have come if it wasn't necessary."

„I noticed by the lack of your visits in the last couple of weeks. Now stay where you are, I'm getting out."

Hearing the noises of water, towels and clothes, the female vigilante fisted and unfisted her hands in waiting.

„So, what are you here for aside from my humiliation?" the doctor teased her.

„As a matter of fact, my ownhumiliation. Trust me, Doctor, we will be even sooner than you think."


The Queen of Swords.

Sitting on his table.

Legs spread.

Telling him to rip her pants open.

Doctor Helm didn't know whether to cry or laugh.

„Just crop the part out with scissors, they're done for anyway," she told him.

„Should I even ask what you were doing?" he pointed to her superficially shredded inner thighs.

„Running from a fight, actually. I was tired of roof leaping, so I slid down this rod... And considering the amount of sharp edges, it was not my smartest decision. I realized I was asking for an infection when I mounted my horse, so..."

„So you came to me. Good. I'll clean it up, pad it with gauze and take you home."

„I'll get home on my own, thank you, Doctor," the Queen reminded him of the secrecy of her identity. „I can always ride sidesaddle." He fell silent as he cut away the pants from her thighs.

„Would you like some brandy for the pain?"

„No thanks, I'm riding," she quipped. Doctor Helm brushed her wounds with a wet cloth and heard her hiss. He couldn't help but adore the smooth skin that was waiting under the dirt.

„I have to warn you, riding a horse will be a nightmare," he murmured as he reached for an antiseptic. He covered a large dabber with it so that it would cover all of her wound at once.

„I know, and that's just- OW!" the yelp she gave was the most vulnerable he ever heard her. Looking away from his hand pressing to such an intimate place, Helm watched the Queen wince in pain, breath through her nose, bite at her glove and finally, whimper like a little girl.

„Just a little more," he whispered before he pressed the dabber from a different angle.

„Oh God – damn it – NO..." Her hands actually pushed at his shoulders, even though there was little strength in it.

„There, it's done. Now the other leg."

„Uuh," the Queen huffed reluctantly, but she let him prepare another dabber and approach her.

„Are you alright?" he lifted her chin and saw her eyes fall directly to his lips. He pretended he didn't see it and tended to her other thigh.

„Well, here we go..."

The Queen whimpered again, but this time her back arched and the hands grasping his collar pulled him down for an intense kiss. Without hesitation, Robert Helm gave all he had to make her forget the pain, sucking at her lips like a hungry man (that he was – he hadn't had a woman in over two years).

When he moved the dabber again to let the antiseptic penetrate properly, the Queen groaned and pulled him even closer. He tried his luck with a tongue, wondering if she'd let him in. She did with a lovely gasp. There were so many tricks and techniques he wanted to show her, but first, he tore away to finish the work on her injury.

„I'll apply a healing ointment and wrap it in gauze if you don't mind."

„Huh? Uh, fine with me," she answered distractedly and the doctor had to supress a smug grin. Once he was done, he laid his arms against the table, stopping only an inch from her body. She took the bait and initiated a kiss again.

Exploring the inside of her mouth expertly, the doctor revelled in the tiny sounds he made the Queen of Swords utter. Soon, their tongues were battling for dominance in one of the best kisses he ever experienced. If he only knew this was the first time Tessa shared a kiss that deep.

Heated with passion, the doctor didn't realize his hand on the table was inching closer to her body until it touched... what happened to be her crotch. The Queen jumped like a coy animal and pushed him away.

„Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he was persuading the lady in black who was covering her mouth and stuttering. „I'm gonna get some pants for you," he escaped to his bedroom.

Idiot! Lecher! Barbarian! He scolded himself as he looked for pants as silky as possible. She's very young, he reminded himself, and by her speech (and her skin), noble. She probably doesn't share the tenth of your experience.

When he returned, the Queen of Swords was gone.


After a long day of fruitless investigating, Doctor Robert Helm slammed the door behind him only to find the very stolen medical supplies on his own working table.

„Queen?" he looked around the tiny house frantically, hoping he didn't miss her. She was lingering at his back door.


„Are those...?"

„Yes. I hope nothing's missing, but I couldn't exactly watch it with all the fighting on top of the thief's carriage."

„Stay for a minute, please."

„Will you offer me tea?"

The doctor chuckled. „Only if you want some. I've...I've heard Montoya talking to Grisham today."

„My goodness, with words? And I thought they finally mastered their telepathy."

„Yes, well, Montoya is planning something big to discover your identity. I heard him say: There are only so many young educated women in this town who could be the Queen. And he's right."

The heroine bit at her lip.

„Listen, please. If you tell me who you are, I may help you. You could fake an illness, something contagious, so that I would forbid any visits and guard your room. Or I could say we have an affair-"

„Doctor Helm, I – thank you for the offer. Truly. But I'm not sure this is a good idea."

„Haven't I proven that you can trust me already?"

„You have, and, in my weak moments I really want to tell you myself, but..."

„Then tell me. I can't keep calling you Queen of Swords while kissing you," he cupped her face and moved as if to kiss her, and to his surprise, she left the awkwardness of their last meeting behind and went for the kiss.

While caressing her cheek, he noticed the mask was stuck to her face only lightly, he could slide a fingertip underneath if he tried, and then it would come off easily-

„No!" The Queen jumped away from him, anger and hurt clashing on her face. „What if you really don't want to know, Doctor, have you even thought of that?"

„What do you mean?"

„Unmasking me would complicate everything. Change things. Change us. For the worse, I'm affraid."

„Are you married?"


„Promised to someone?"

„No...I have to go, Doctor."


„I will think about it."

She will think about it. OR, she will never let him kiss her again for fear of getting unmasked.

Why was he chasing that loose canon of a girl, that dangerous swordswoman, anyway? There was no future for them.

On the other hand, Robert Helm stopped dreaming about the future long time ago. With the way he refused to kill in self-defense, he probably didn't even have any.

There was just the present.

And the Queen and her cause was all that was on his mind lately.


Not long after; the sun was just setting; Doctor Helm was visited (if breaking in through the back door counts) by the Queen of Swords, this time with an injured prisoner supported on her shoulders.

„You didn't happen to dig up that secret underground room you joked about, did you, Doctor?"

„No. Who is he?"

„Arturo just moved here from Spain only to be blamed for one of Montoya's murders. They're right behind us."


„Help me get him under your bed, I have an idea."

Shaking his head disbelievingly, Helm helped the Queen, listening to soldiers' footsteps closing in on his small house.

„There. Now act as if you had a woman in your bed. And stall!" she basically kicked him out of his own bedroom.

„Doctor Helm," Grisham didn't even bother to knock.

„Whatever you want, now is not the time, Grisham," Helm switched to his annoyed tone. After some bickering, Grisham reached for the door to his bedroom.

„I'm calling on whatever's left of your conscience, Captain. If there's a piece of a gentleman in you, plese be considerate of the lady you are about to distress."

„Sorry, but I think the only lady in there is the Queen."

As the door flew open, both men heard a dramatic female gasp. It sounded familiar: a gasp of a lady who thought herself much more important than she ever could be here in Saint Helena. A gasp of a woman who believed her beauty could get her anything and anyone. A gasp of a brat who never worked a day in her life and wasn't planning to.

There, in Helm's bed, covered with white sheets, gentle tanned shoulders showing, sat Tessa Alvarado.

For a second, the doctor caught himself thinking: How did the Queen get Tessa over here so quickly?

„Oh! Captain! Please don't tell anyone! This is...A moment of weakness; my first, so please, I'm begging you..."

Incredible. TESSA ALVARADO? Even now that he knew her secret, the high-pitched babbling was getting on his nerves.

„I thought you hated her guts," Grisham turned to him.

„Me too," Helm ground through his teeth.

„Oh I get it. It's one of those love/hate things, right? Well, your secret's safe with me, señorita. But you'd better watch out, these kinds'a relationships can get toxic." And with that, the captain left them.

Señorita Alvarado babbled some more about the quality of his sheets, all the while calling him Robert, but once she was sure the soldiers were out of hearing distance, she rolled her eyes and let her body fall back into his bed. With dark hair spread around her and hands clutching the sheet to her skin, she asked the man under the bed something in Spanish.

Now that she was acting natural, Doctor Helm breathed out and realized how well her disguise worked. Colonel Montoya and Captain Grisham saw her almost on a daily basis – heard her voice, watched her ebony hair flow in the wind and probably paid attention to her uniquely shaped cupid's bow when she spoke. Yet no one ever thought Tessa Alvarado would be capable of holding a blade, let alone using it.

For Christ's sake, Helm DESPISED that girl.

I can't believe it, he thought. She's a genius.

He almost didn't hear her when she asked him to turn around so that she could dress herself.

„Oh damn, I think I ripped my shirt when I was pulling it down," she mumbled and suddenly, Doctor Helm was able to imagine the rest of his life with that person. Long years of working against Colonel Montoya or any sort of crime and corruption after Montoya was gone. Bearing with señorita Alvarado's public behavior, keeping the Queen's reckless decisions down to minimum, and maybe, in time, asking for the true Tessa's hand in marriage...

The thought scared him.

He wanted to fight with her, he wanted to help her at any occasion, he wanted to offer his life when hers was at stake, he wanted to take care of her, he wanted...

For the first time in years, Robert Helm wanted something in his future. Her.