A/N: So... it did take me less than 6,5 months this time... right? :) Nothing much happens here, and I doubt a whole lot will really happen in this, although I try to make it somewhat eventful. I'm just not very good at that. Sorry.
Damn indeed. Kurt glanced towards the Gryffindors for a split second and immediately realised that they weren't going to trust (or even like) him anytime soon. They were all glaring at him now.
At least something wasn't that different from what Kurt had always read.
He was ready to trudge over to the bench at the other side of the room (filled with Slytherins, Ravenclaws and a stray Hufflepuff, it appeared) when he was called back.
"Don't forget about the Scarf of Sexual Preference!" 'Dumbledore' told him in a scolding tone.
"The scarf of what?" Kurt asked, bemused. He knew of a lot of scarves, but that wasn't something he'd come across lately. He hoped it wouldn't be too hideous –
Okay. It was completely tacky.
Then again, had he really expected it to be fashionable after that poor excuse for a hat?
"I already know my sexual preference," he said quickly, dodging the scarf at first. "I don't need this thing to tell me – "
"Straight as a ruler!" the scarf squeaked out, and Kurt felt his eyes widen.
"Straight as a ruler?" he repeated, if possible even in a higher voice than the scarf's. "No – I'm gay! What is – "
"The scarf of sexual preference has spoken," 'Snape' interrupted him. "Now sit down with the other students in your House."
For the next minute, Kurt sat on the bench in shock. Not only had he become a Slytherin, but from now on, everyone here expected him to be straight? This was plain madness.
During his musings, another person had come in – someone Kurt recognised without too much trouble as Professor Lupin. He also realised that Snape was far from careful in dealing with Lupin's secret in this world. Still, perhaps he'd join that astronomy club. It was better than getting dirty and sweaty from Quidditch anyway.
Or maybe not. After all, all Kurt wanted was to just get out of this place as quickly as possible. There was absolutely no need for him to join in on any extracurricular activities.
When Lupin left (after cursing a great deal (which, for some reason, caused all the students in the hall to quickly cover their ears – as if they'd never heard anyone curse before, Kurt mused)), Dumbledore told the group about Sirius Black escaping Azkaban. So this was… during third year? Kurt was confused.
He briefly wondered if he should just inform the group that Sirius Black was not a criminal, but he didn't get the chance (as if they'd believe him anyway). He did notice, however, how 'Ron', once more, thanked a certain 'Herman' for Sirius heading towards Hogwarts.
Did he mean Hermione? He didn't seem too keen on her, at the very least – he didn't even pronounce the girl's name right.
Once again, Kurt was shaken out of his reverie when Dumbledore announced Professor Umbridge.
First of all, this was just Kurt's luck, ending up in a weird Harry Potter world, right when Umbridge was introduced. Second of all – that couldn't be right, could it? Umbridge was at Hogwarts during Harry's fifth year, not his third.
Then again, Kurt had never read anything about Blaine secretly being Harry Potter.
Or the other way around, if that made more sense.
Loud stomping sounded from outside the 'Hall' (wasn't that Moody, though? By now, Kurt wasn't sure about anything anymore). A couple of seconds later, the door flew open. Kurt frowned.
This was Umbridge?
The last time Kurt had checked, Umbridge had been a woman. The person standing before him, however, was not a woman. Kurt wasn't all too sure if this person was a man per se, but... okay, he was sure about the fact that there was no such thing as a separate gender for Umbridge.
At least Dumbledore and Blaine/Harry were confused as well.
Later, in his dorm, Kurt couldn't be more annoyed (alright, maybe he could – for instance, if he'd had to stay in the Great Hall to listen to Umbridge, or something equally disturbing). He'd thought that sharing a room with Finn was bad – these guys were much worse. He'd barely even met them, and he already wished for something to get rid of them.
His only three dorm mates were Malfoy and his two cronies. For Malfoy went basically the opposite of what went for Umbridge: 'he' was supposed to be a guy, but sounded suspiciously like a girl. Coincidentally (or not), the same went for Crabbe. Goyle, though, was definitely a guy.
When he told the three of them this, though, he was ignored by both Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy did take offense. Or something.
"All respectable wizards were diapers," he/she told Kurt haughtily. "It has nothing to do with whether you think I'm female. Actually, it's rather misogynistic of you to assume that women wear diapers, you know that?"
"I didn't say anything about a diaper!" Kurt protested. "Wait – you still wear diapers?" For the first time since he'd found himself here, he laughed. Loudly. "Draco Malfoy… wears diapers?"
"You can't make me use the potty," Malfoy told him. "I could very well fall in and be killed."
Kurt didn't even bother to respond to that.
A/N: Even though in the musical(s), Scarfy is pretty much right all the time... he isn't here. He can't be correct all the time, right? :)
Anyway, let me know what you thought of this (or if you have any ideas for the rest of the story (I vaguely know where I'm going with this, but most of it is still very blurred)) - please review!