Author Note: Thank you for those who followed the new rule and used the code word! (Everyone who used the code word "Coffee Cream" last time gets a guy with a coffee cart to follow you around so whenever you want coffee he's there to give it to you)
Also, I don't own any of the movies/books/musicals that I referenced in this episode. Some quotes were taken directly from said forms of media.
NOTE: Fanfiction document manager acted a little weird so the format might be slightly off, I tried my best to fix it all but I might have missed something.
If you read this author's note, please put "pine tree" in your next review.
LittleGreenGirlxx, AnimegirlTohru, xFroggyFernyCabbagex, Whitermermage, Hedwig466, darkgemwildcat, ZeGabz, SunRise19, Elphaba-goodwitchofthewest1, BwayGeekForGood, bremela, DuckInTheHat, Sweet Lunacy, kym667103, I3Fiyerba, Latte-The-Cat, Twicked, SideshowJazz1, DefyingGravity4Good, DEgreeniFYgravity, YeroismyHero, Fizzy Starburst, FaeTheDevoutScholar, listen2music4ever, Wicked Is My Life, Novelist N Training, srhittson, Jedi Annie Scrambler, SazAnn, Aron LeStrange, JMbroadwayfan, twilightslittleangel, Lily-Ginny 4257, writergirl28
Shockheaded Peter's Sister, Anonymous, The All Knowing (on fence)
SHOULD THE WIZARD GET A CHAIR?
Whitemermage, kym667103, SunRise19, Fizzy Starburst, Elphaba wannabe, Lily-Ginny 4257
DefyingGravity4Good, darkgemwildcat, Shockheaded Peter's Sister, xFroggyFernyCabbagex, SazAnn, AnimeGirlTohru, Latte-The-Cat, twilightslittleangel
"Hey, hey! Look at me and my random burst of motivation! That's right; I'm updating my Q&A again! First of all, I'd like to thank all of you guys from the bottom of my heart for making this possibly the most successful Wicked Q&A on fanfiction! Gold stars and unicorns for all! So thank you—just really thank-"
"Don't start crying, we all know you're not that sentimental, Mindy. We're on a time limit!" Elphaba called up.
"Oh fine," Mindy rolled her eyes. "…but can I just say one more thing? Shockheaded Peter's Sister's last review made the last chapter totally worth writing! Round of applause? Okay, there was a round of applause you just couldn't hear it through your computer screen. So without further adieu, let us welcome back the characters of Wicked and, of course, Rob the produce guy! You spoke, and I listened. But three different people said three different things, so Rob will be selling watermelons in this chapter," Mindy announced.
"Oh I just love, watermelons, Rob! You know, pink goes good with green," she said, pleased with the use of her overused, but still magnificent, musical quote.
"And even though it is still pretty close, the Wizard still doesn't get a chair for this chapter. Keep sending in votes, 'cause now it's up to you! Last announcement, I promise, we had several great suggestions on what to name Nessa's new turtle but I can't decide. So vote on what you think its name should be, either Noodles the Great (submitted by Therealfae) or Shimmering Sylvie (submitted by Twicked). Now, our first reviewer for the day was ZeGabz who asks Nessa and Elphaba, have you ever gone to a really crazy party before?"
Nessa and Elphaba exchanged nervous and accusing glances at each other.
"Well heaven knows I never did!" Elphaba spoke up at once. "I was always very devoted to my studies and never even had time to think about-"
Glinda turned her attention from Rob, with whom she was politely conversing with, and gave Elphaba a look.
"Well what about that one time you stumbled into the dorm at three o'clock in the morning? What were you doing then, huh?"
Elphaba's eyes widened. "Glinda! You pinky swore me that you'd never tell anyone about that! What kind of world do we live in when I can't even trust your pinky swears!"
"No! Elphie, you can trust me! I promise!" Glinda stuttered, looking guilty. Elphaba crossed her arms and looked away.
"You went to a party?" Fiyero asked Elphaba, intrigued.
Elphaba glared at him. "You don't remember? You were there, remember when-" she leaned over and whispered into his ear. Fiyero nodded.
"Elphie!" Glinda gasped. "You went to a party with Fiyero and you didn't tell me?"
"Well you broke your promise, which is worse."
"Before this argument results into another catfight scene, let's move on. Morrible,when did you stop using your first name?Was it embarrassing or were you just so horrible people stopped using it to call you Horrible Morrible?"
Morrible sneered in no one's particular direction.
"I, for your information, happen to have a very lovely name. It's Cruella Dolores Mary Yolanda Velma Stormy Ursula Evil Enchantress Morrible!"
Everyone stared at her.
"So why did you stop using it?" Boq finally asked.
"Well it took too long to write on documents so I just started writing Morrible."
"Hmm…" Mindy said thoughtfully. "Kind of reminds me of that well-rounded and realistic character I made once, Mary-SueStarlightMagentaFrostingCrystalRoseFeatherSunshineSweetnessFlawless. She's copyrighted, you can't use her. Okey-dokey, next reviewer is FaeTheDevoutScholar! She has granted Glinda a-"
"Ahh! Where did Glinda go?" Rob yelled.
Everyone looked to where Glinda's chair was, but she was no where to be seen. The silence was broken when they heard a loud shriek.
"Where did I go? I can't see my manicured nails!" Glinda called, seemingly from nowhere.
"See? This is what happens when people interrupt me," Mindy sighed. "Just like Into the Woods, do you think those characters did so well after the eliminated the narrator? As I was saying, she has granted Glinda a sparkly red invisibility cloak."
"I'm invisible?" Glinda said, soon her head became visible as she shook the cloak off of her, which had landed on her head.
"Ooooooh! Look at this!" she said, looking at the cloak. "Just think of all I could do with this!"
Elphaba paled. "Mindy, you can't permit this!"
"I don't make the rules," Mindy answered.
"Wait a clock-tick…yes you do! You can do whatever you want! Do you know what damage Glinda could do with that cloak?"
"I don't know, but it'll be interesting to find out. Now she also gives Dorothy a free peach because biologically tomatoes are—oh I don't know. Dorothy, you get a peach."
"I'm allergic to peaches!" she cried. "Auntie Em could never put her homemade peach jelly on my toast, it was so sad!"
"Well you get a peach anyway. And Elphaba, you get a four leave clover and some poppies."
A pile of poppy petals and a clover fell over Elphaba's head, many of which falling in her hair. She coughed.
"What am I supposed to do with these?" she asked as Fiyero began picking some of the petals out of her hair.
"Our next audience member is JediAnnieScrambler. Glinda, why in Wizard of Oz do you give that brat Nessa's shoes, knowing she wants to go home AND knowing the shoes will take her home.Then let her go around and mess all of Oz up to FINALLY tell her(after she's 'killed' your bestfriend) that the shoes will indeed take her home?"
Glinda giggled, admiring her new cloak.
"Those shoes never had the power to take her home, why would they? They were just shoes. Fabulously stylish, yes, but not magical. Well I guess since Elphie bewitched them they were technically magical—oh well-I just said a quick spell to get her home. I just gave them to her because I was mad at Elphie and I thought they would look nice with her outfit, I regret it now. It clashed terribly with the yellow brick road."
"Elphaba, have you ever heard of Maureen Johnson?" Mindy asked.
"Yes, but I'd like to remind everyone that I am Elphaba, not Idina Menzel."
"Our next review is from Twicked for Cruella Dolores Mary Yolanda Velma Stormy Ursula Evil Enchantress Morrible, when did you first start to look like a fish?Or were you born that way?"
"Baby I was born this way!" Boq sang out before Nessa whacked him in the back of the head.
"I have no idea why people keep comparing me to a fish! I can't even swim!" Morrible complained. "I should sue all of you."
"Good luck with that, I have Billy Flynn as my lawyer," Mindy smirked. "Razzle dazzle 'em! Now for the gifts, Twicked has granted Dr. Dillamond a pair of taps!"
The old Goat was pleased when a pair of shoes appeared before him.
"Why thank you, miss," he said, putting them on. "To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again!"
"Here are some shiny stickers for Nessa's turtle who has yet to be named. I feel like Santa without the beard, there's one more gift. A house sized bag of cotton candy…for Glinda."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Elphaba, Fiyero, Nessarose, Boq, Dorothy, Doctor Dillamond, Morrible, and the Wizard. Toto barked unhappily and Rob covered his ears as Glinda's face lit up.
With a thud, an enormous plastic bag filled with cotton candy fell from the ceiling, bouncing a bit before landing near Glinda but not crushing her. She was speechless as she stared at it before walking over to it and hugging the bag that covered the pure wispy pink sugar.
Fiyero and Elphaba grasped each others hands tightly in horror and Nessa looked like she was about to cry.
"What's going to happen to us?" Elphaba asked Fiyero softly.
"I don't know, Fae, I don't know."
"Before anything goes wrong maybe I should introduce the next reviewer!" Mindy interjected quickly. "Let's welcome DefyingGravity4Good who has a question for Elphaba. How exactly did you cope with all of the bullying and teasing that you were put through during your childhood?"
"Two words: serenity now!" she said. "No, I'm only kidding. It was actually really difficult, but I just did my best to ignore it and eventually I developed a very thick skin and began to accept it."
"Next question, Glinda do you have a favorite article of clothing? Um…Glinda?"
Everyone looked over to her chair and she was, once again, missing.
"Did she put on the invisibility cloak again?" Mindy asked.
"No, it's right here," Fiyero pointed it out.
"…she's not in the bag of cotton candy, is she?" Elphaba finally asked in horror.
Everyone looked to the bag.
"Glinda?" Elphaba called.
"I'm fine, don't bother me!" Glinda's muffled voice called out from the bag. "Whatever the question was, I'm sure the answer was my shoes. So shoes!" she called.
"Hmm…that actually did answer the question. Next question is from SideshowJazz1, what is the most redeeming feature of your LEAST favorite person in the room?"
All of the characters (except Glinda) glanced around the room at people like people do after a teacher announces that you'll have to choose partners for a group project.
"Well Morrible is very intelligent and for the most part gave me an excellent education at Shiz," Elphaba finally said. "If it weren't for the second act of the show, I would have continued to look up to her as an excellent role model," she glared.
"Boq, among his numerous bad qualities, was responsible for one of the first happy nights of my life," Nessa said with a touch of sadness. "I really enjoyed dancing at the Ozdust."
"Elphaba is my daughter, and redeemy enough for me!" the Wizard said.
"Er—the Wizard likes the color green? I suppose?" Fiyero said slowly. "And he's Elphaba's fath—I'm going to stop talking now. Still don't like him."
"Glinda has pretty hair!" Dorothy piped up.
"Oh like she's really your least favorite person in this room!" Elphaba pointed out.
"I would really like to contribute something but I just—can't," Morrible said.
Glinda finally crawled out of the cotton candy bag, her hands shaky and a bit and her eyes darting everywhere. Rob went over to her and picked out a small piece of cotton candy out of her hair and gave her a slice of watermelon which she took gratefully.
"Next we have Therealfae who asks Elphaba, if Fiyero brought an orange fire breathing llama named Jerry, would you teach it to speak?"
"What kind of absurd question is that? Technically, llama's can't talk. If you were talking about a Llama who has lost all powers of speech then I would indeed teach him, if he were willing to learn."
"Oh can we keep him, Elphaba, please?" Fiyero begged.
"He doesn't exist, Yero."
"Next we welcome twilightslittleangelto the show! To Elphaba and Fiyero, Do you ever feel creeped out by the Fiyeraba Fluff Fics that are so numerous in the fandom? Have you ever read some of them?"
"Well, Fiyero won't let me read any because he says they'll anger me too much," Elphaba grumbled. "I feel they're flattering at best, but strange. I don't understand the appeal."
"Uh…what she said," Fiyero nodded. "Though…I have read a few-"
"I know, so have I."
"What? I told you not to, Fae!"
"You can't tell me what to do! Thanks for trying to protect me, but I can handle it."
"Hey guys, wouldn't it be soooo weird if our whole life right at this very moment was just a fanfiction?" Glinda asked, shaking from too much sugar.
"Stop being silly, Glinda," Elphaba scolded. "That's ridiculous."
"Yes—er-yes—okay! She has also suggested that we give Boq a Cats T-shirt," Mindy said.
A plain black shirt with two yellow eyes fell into Boq's lap. He looked at it before putting it on.
"It's—er—it's a little tight," he said, barely being able to lift his arms because the shirt was so form fitting. Nessa giggled.
"EnjolraSiriuSkywalker34 dares everyone for the rest of the fic to call the Wizard Gilderoy Lockhart."
"Hey, he's that guy who everyone thought was really great and impressive until people found out he was just a huge fake the whole time—oh…" the Wizard said.
"Oh! I just understood the connection as I typed that," Mindy announced proudly. "listen2music4everis up next! I was wondering if Elphaba and Fiyero knew about Liir (from the book) and what would their reaction to him would be if he came in the Q&A?"
"Liir?" Elphaba asked, frowning. "Fiyero, do we have a son that we don't know about?"
"I don't believe so, unless he belonged in some alternate universe…definitely not in the musical. Ha! Next thing we know you'll be allergic to water or something."
"Ha!" Elphaba cackled. "Preposterous."
"No Glinda, you've had enough cotton candy for one day," Rob said. Glinda pouted and ate a chunk of her watermelon.
"Also, I was wondering if Glinda has a little crush on Rob," Mindy read.
Glinda and Rob both turned very red and Glinda slid the invisibility cloak over her head silently to hide her face.
"Um…no?" she said guiltily. Rob pretended to be very interested in the floor.
"Let's welcome Lily-Ginny 4257 to the show now who has, cue dramatic music, given me the Sorting Hat to sort you guys! But since that would take awhile, I say anyone who looks like a good guy can go to Gryffindor anyone who looks like a bad guy goes to Slytherin and the rest of you can do whatever you want."
Elphaba- Gryffindor (almost a Ravenclaw)
Doctor Dillamond- Ravenclaw
"And I have seen A Very Potter Sequel but, unfortunately, the scarf of sexual preference is on vacation right now and unable to fulfill its duties. Our last contestant for this episode is writergirl28, Elphaba,I dare you to bake a batch of cupcakes, ingredients of choice and give them to everyone in the Q&A."
"What do I look like, Betty Crocker?" she complained. "Well…I suppose I can bake them in between episodes because I'm sure I'll have plenty of time, but I want the reviewers to vote and decide what ingredients I should use," she bargained.
"Fair enough," Mindy agreed.
The rest of the room exchanged nervous glances, hoping the reviewers wouldn't be too cruel to them.
"Fiyero, I dare you to read the entire Hunger Games series and not cry. At all."
"Hey, I do not cry," Fiyero defended himself. Elphaba suppressed laughter. "And second of all, I do not read."
Elphaba shrugged, looking at her hands.
"I don't know, I love someone who is into books" she said. The moment she said this and looked up Fiyero was already halfway through the first page of the first book.
"Quiet Elphaba, I'm reading," he said. "Is Buttercup a cat or Cat?"
"Alright, well I think that's all we have for this episode! Keep reading and reviewing, sending gifts, giving dares, causing chaos, etc…Thank you for keeping this story alive! Tell me what references you caught and vote on the following: What ingredient should Elphaba use? Should Nessa's turtle be named Shimmering Sylvie or Noodles the Great? What produce item should Rob sell next time? And if you're new to the show, please vote on our Nessa support poll and whether or not the Wizard deserves a chair. Until we meet again!"
YOUR TICKET TO THE SHOW