A big thanks to the lovely operagirl76 for editing this for me!
Itachi Uchiha wasn't extremely close with his younger brother. It wasn't as if the two hated each other – they got along well – they just weren't as close as other brothers. They respected each other's privacy well, never asking too many questions. While Itachi respected Sasuke's private life, there was one thing he was dying to know about it – rather, there was one person in it he strove to know about: Naruto Uzumaki, his little brother's best friend. Sasuke spoke of him all the time, and, apparently, he was always over at their house, but Itachi never met him, as he was conveniently out with friends or at class while the elusive boy came to visit. Itachi didn't understand: he had met all of Sasuke's friends, why couldn't he meet this one? He simply thought it unfair. He wanted to meet the boy, and Uchihas always got what they wanted.
He slid into Sasuke's room one morning, watching with a bored expression on his face as Sasuke slid on some jeans. He had to keep that same look on his face – the look that said he couldn't care less about being there. Otherwise Sasuke would get suspicious. Of course... that was the look Itachi always wore, so maybe he didn't have to worry about that.
"What are you doing today?" he asked monotonously.
Sasuke eyed his brother suspiciously as he tugged on a plain black t-shirt. "Naruto might come over... Why?" he said.
He shrugged one shoulder and turned to leave. "I was just wondering."
"...Why?" the younger repeated, halting his brother in his tracks. "What are you doing today?"
"Kisame and I are going down to Sasori's."
That was bull, though. Itachi had only told his brother that because Sasori was studying at the university in Chikuma City, which was three hours inland from Tokyo. It was a long trip, and when they visited they stayed until midnight or later. Itachi was aware that his brother knew this, which was why that was the lie he went with.
"Hn," Sasuke said with a nod. "...I hate Sasori."
Itachi snorted slightly. "I know."
And with that he left.
Phase One (getting Sasuke to think he was leaving for the day) was thus completed. Now Itachi just had to activate Phase Two, which was, thankfully, much simpler than Phase One. Phase Two was simply finding somewhere to hang out for a few hours until he was sure Naruto was over. So he went to Kisame's apartment and simply let himself in. His best friend wasn't there, so he figured he was still passed out in some one night stand's bed.
With a snort at the thought, Itachi wandered into the kitchen. Sasuke had hovered around him suspiciously all morning, interrogating him as to why he hadn't left yet. Because of that, he didn't get any breakfast (much to his displeasure). He didn't have any problems taking food from his best friend's fridge, either. He figured he was entitled to it after years of Kisame eating tons of food at his house.
Itachi settled onto the couch after finishing his breakfast (which, thanks to Kisame's terrible eating habits, consisted of bacon strips, two glazed doughnuts, and a can of some kind of orange pop). He was unused to eating such unhealthy food, despite being a nineteen-year-old boy, and he was feeling off because of the meal. Now, Itachi Uchiha didn't take naps – no, those were for toddlers and the elderly. No, he'd simply...- rest his eyes for a while...
"Hey, Uchiha! Get the hell up!"
For a moment, Itachi laid there, uncomprehending. Then he slowly blinked his eyes open, glaring up at the source of the disruption of his eye-resting. Kisame Hoshigaki grinned down at his best friend, blatantly disregarding the death glare he was receiving. After knowing the man for more than sixteen years, he'd grown immune to the look. Itachi stood up fluently, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes and eyeing the other man with disinterest.
"What're ya doin' on my couch?" Kisame asked, flopping onto the battered sofa and chugging back a swig of beer. "Did the almighty Uchiha get kicked out? Get totally smashed and stayed the night here?" Kisame laughed, knowing that would never happen in this lifetime, or the next, or the next, or...
"It's a part of my plan," Itachi replied simply. He crossed to the bathroom and scowled bitterly at the disarray his hair was in. He snatched a comb from the shelf near the sink and began to run it through his hair until two curtains of raven black hair fell around his face once more. He removed a hair tie from his wrist and skillfully pulled his hair back. Only when he deemed his hair presentable again did he return to his friend.
"So what's this plan?" Kisame asked. While Itachi had been primping, Kisame had gone to get a snack: a glazed doughnut cut in half down the middle, like a sandwich, with a stack of bacon in between. Itachi's nose wrinkled and he wondered not only how his friend stayed so fit, but hadn't gone into cardiac arrest by now. "Anything I can help ya with?"
"No," Itachi replied. "I'm trying to get, what you so eloquently call, a 'bed catch'."
A bed-catch, one of Kisame's many invented terms, was a particularly attractive male (or female; mind you, gender wasn't a problem with Kisame) that he sought after relentlessly. During the chase of said bed-catch, Kisame blatantly refused any sex. This would have been a problem for him, since he usually didn't go a week without at least a blow job, but the catches seemed to gravitate to Kisame like flies to honey.
"Sweet," said the older man with a smirk. "'s he hot?"
"I've never seen him before," Itachi replied. "Sasuke seems to think so, from a purely heterosexual stand-point, so I'm assuming that he must be."
Kisame fixed him with a slightly incredulous look. "Uh, look, Itachi, I know you're a genius and all, but even for you this is some pretty messed up shit... Going after a bed-catch you've never seen before? Even I don't do that!"
Itachi scoffed. "Please. Don't doubt me, Kisame."
Kisame held up his hands in defense. "Just sayin', man, just sayin'."
"And I'm 'just saying': do not doubt my methods, Kisame Hoshigaki."
With those parting words, Itachi stood up, crossed to the door, and departed.
Phase One and Phase Two were both completed successfully, which meant that Phase Three – getting back into the house and finding the mysterious Naruto – was next. All without his brother finding and killing him. The older Uchiha didn't think it would be that hard, really; the most difficult part would most likely be luring Sasuke away so he could speak privately to Naruto; either that or Phase Four – convincing Naruto to go on a date with him. Itachi would have laughed, if Uchihas did such nonsensical things. He was Itachi Uchiha, after all; no one said no to a date with him.
He parked his car in the garage and slipped into the house, happily noting that his parents weren't home. That would make it easier when Sasuke got pissed at him. He crossed silently through the kitchen and living room, not finding his brother or his friend in either room. Through the den, then into Sasuke's room, and still no sight of his brother – or, more importantly, the blond. As he entered the game room, however, he finally got lucky.
Sitting on the couch, all by himself, was a blond teenager. With tan skin, bright yellow hair, three scratches that almost looked like whisker marks on each cheek, and big, blue eyes, Itachi was instantly captivated. He just looked so damn... fuckable. He was a classic uke. Oh, Itachi was sure that he was going to like Naruto very, very much.
Itachi crossed slowly to the couch, smirking as he went unnoticed. Finally, as he approached the arm of the couch, he purred, "Well hello there, Sunshine."
Naruto let out a shriek and jumped a foot in the air. He scrambled to the far end of the couch and hurled the remote at the oldest Uchiha. It bounced off his chest, and Itachi raised an unimpressed brow at it as it clattered to the ground.
"Who the fuck are you?" Naruto yelled indignantly, cheeks flaming a bright red.
"Itachi Uchiha," he murmured fluidly. "I am Sasuke's older brother. And you..." A shadow of a leer crossed his face as he slowly moved towards the blond, bracing his hands on the arm rest on either side of Naruto's head. He leaned down, getting so close that their lips brushed when Itachi spoke. "You, Sunshine, are simply... delectable."
"What the hell?"
Itachi sighed and straightened up. He'd hoped to have more time with the blond before Sasuke discovered him. He was sadly disappointed, of course. Sasuke crossed to the two furiously. Naruto, getting redder by the moment, tried once more to scramble away and ended up falling over the side of the couch. Sasuke pulled him up by the arm, still glaring at his brother.
"You said you were going to go to see Sasori!" Sasuke exclaimed. "I leave to go to the bathroom for two minutes and you're molesting my best friend!"
"I wasn't molesting him," Itachi replied evenly, ignoring Naruto's cry of "I beg to differ!" "I was merely speaking to your friend, Sasuke. No need to overreact. Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I still have a conversation to carry on." He turned to Naruto. "What do you say, Sunshine, about a date? Tomorrow night?"
Sasuke's eye twitched as his glare intensified. Itachi had to admit, the level of death in the glare was admirable. Naruto, who had been slowly going back to his normal color, burned bright red once more.
"He doesn't want to date you!" Sasuke yelled. "Are you fucking insane, Itachi?"
"I believe that I asked Naruto, Sasuke, not you. He is capable of answering for himself."
"He's my fucking best friend, Itachi, and I think that I know what's good for him and what isn't!"
"There's no need to yell, otouto."
"No need to yell, my ass! Itachi, you're-"
A third, timid voice entered the mix. "I – I'll go out with you."
Both Uchihas froze, turning to Naruto. He was scratching the back of his neck, and had been peering up at Itachi before the raven met his eyes; his gaze quickly fell to the floor.
"...What?" Sasuke asked, stunned. Naruto looked back up at Itachi.
"Well, a – a date sounds kinda nice," he muttered, kicking at the floor. Suddenly, he grinned. "I like ramen, by the way."
"Hn. Since it's the first date, I suppose we could do that. Give me your number, Sunshine."
Sasuke watched in shock as the two exchanged phone numbers as if he wasn't even there. Itachi smirked at the little blond as he brushed a piece of hair out of his blue eyes. Naruto flushed but held the gaze, even grinning up at the older raven tentatively. He couldn't believe that his best friend and his brother were going out! His best friend and his brother! With a thud, Sasuke fell to the floor in a dead faint. Itachi snorted, pressed a kiss to the blond's forehead, and left the room with a graceful sweep.
Itachi, after receiving directions from Naruto, was parked outside of the blond's house at six thirty sharp (Uchiha's are never late). He stood and crossed to the door, knocking twice and taking a step back in surprise when the door burst open with a bang. Before him were two men, neither of them his Sunshine, he noted bitterly. One was brunet and tan, with a scar crossing over the bridge of his nose. The other was pale with silver hair and wore a mask that obscured part of his face. Neither looked very happy to see Itachi, and you didn't have to be a genius like Itachi to see that.
"Hello," the brunet said testily. "You must be Naruto's date. I'm Iruka, and this is my partner, Kakashi. We're Naruto's guardians." He regarded the Uchiha prodigy for a long moment. "Come in," he said finally. Kakashi yanked Itachi by his arm into the house and led him into a small but comfortable living room. Naruto was sitting on the far side of the love seat, looking absolutely mortified as Itachi was led in. His blue eyes snapped to Itachi's face with a look that pleaded for the raven's forgiveness.
"I'm so sorry!" he groaned. "I told them I was going out with some friends but I think Sasuke tipped them off 'cause he's still pissed and they go kind of psycho when they find out I have a date 'cause they're really weird and stuff and-"
"Nonsense, Naruto," said the silver-haired man briskly, cutting off the blond's rambling. "We simply thought that you two would like to stay here for a while before you go out. Iruka and I can keep you company. I'm sure we'll have plenty to chat about." The way he said "chat" came off more like "interrogate and harass" to Itachi.
Naruto groaned, turning bright red and burying his face in his hands. Iruka sat beside him, patting his back before leaning comfortably against the couch. Itachi had only a moment to mourn the loss of his opportunity to sit beside his Sunshine before Kakashi once again grabbed his arm and yanked him down, declaring, "Here, Itachi, you can sit by me."
For exactly four long minutes (Itachi counted), they all sat there in a tense silence. Iruka and Kakashi were both watching Itachi carefully, while the raven himself was sitting silently on the sofa, pressed uncomfortably close to the silver-haired man. Naruto was fidgeting, unable to sit still. He messed with his hands, tried to stand up once only to be brought back down by Iruka, and finally settled for tapping his foot rhythmically against the floor.
"So, Uchiha," Kakashi said, finally breaking the silence. "What are your intentions with Naruto?"
"Dad!" Naruto whined, going back to looking mortified. "It's just a date! We-"
"I don't believe I was speaking to you, Naruto," Kakashi interrupted, an edge to his voice; Itachi was briefly reminded of his own father. "Uchiha," he began again. "Your intentions?"
Itachi was tempted to snap back, "If you really want to know, I planned on taking him home with me and pounding him into the mattress until he couldn't see straight," but instead settled for something a little less X-rated.
"I planned on Naruto and I having dinner and watching a movie tonight," he murmured fluidly. "I was planning on having him home by ten o'clock. As for my future intentions, I desire to seek a relationship with your son. I'm... fascinated in a way by him." Which was true, though his first thoughts of bedding the blond were also still true. "He is someone I would highly enjoy the company of, and someone I would thoroughly enjoy taking care of and protecting." Also true. Though Itachi was generally not a relationship type of guy, he knew he was not going to let anyone else have the delicious little treat that was Naruto Uzumaki.
Iruka and Kakashi both fixed him hard looks for a long moment. Naruto's face had turned bright red in the middle of Itachi's speech, and his blue eyes were flicking back and forth between all three men. Finally, Kakashi stood and shook Itachi's hand firmly.
"Alright, Uchiha," he said slowly. "I think I speak for Iruka and myself when I say that you're... seemingly suitable for our Naruto." My Naruto, Itachi couldn't help but think a little viciously. "We'll allow a date... this time."
Naruto jumped up almost immediately, eager to get away from his crazy guardians. Itachi stood as well, though much more gracefully.
"Thank you," he murmured. "I'll have Naruto home by ten o'clock."
"I'll hold you to that," Kakashi replied evenly. He shook Itachi's hand firmly, gripping his hand so tightly his knuckles turned even whiter than his usual pale complexion. Iruka did the same, and then they were allowed to depart.
"I'm so sorry!" Naruto groaned as soon as the door shut behind them. The silhouettes of Iruka and Kakashi could still be seen in the living room window, watching them.
"Don't worry about it, Sunshine," Itachi murmured fluidly, opening the car door for the blond. He crossed to the driver's side, climbed in, and started the car again. "I'm more than willing to fight for someone as delectable as you."
Before Naruto could protest at being described as "delectable," a pair of soft lips closed over his own. The kiss wasn't long, barely a second (after all, Naruto's guardians were still watching), but it was more than enough to turn the blond's cheeks a light pink color. Itachi smirked at him before pulling down the driveway.
Oh, it was going to be a fun night: that, Itachi was sure of. The first four phases of his plan (which he had begun to call "Operation: Sunshine") were completed successfully, meaning only two were left – maintaining a stable relationship with the blond and not losing him, and then Phase Six, the final phase – getting Naruto into his bed. A smirk crossed his face at the mere thought.
He couldn't wait.