Title: Fissures
Day/Theme: 11 December / what shall I say from a heart that loves you?
Series: Code Geass
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Nunally, Lelouch, mentions of Kallen, Suzaku, Rivalz, Milly, C.C,
A/N: A tad bit disjointed at the end and this was supposed to be about Shirley and she only gets one line. XD But other than that, this came out as I wanted. =D
Summary: Even when he's dead, Nunally still can't bring herself to tell him a lie.
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This is perhaps the only thing she knows, the only thing she can rely on:

Nii-san loves her.

There are no ifs or buts to that statement, no lies or masks (only that mask is still present, adorning a face it shouldn't, killing two lives instead of one). Lelouch, Lulu, the Emperor of Britannia, all of these names still amount to that one fact.

He loved her.

And she didn't love him enough.

If she did, she would have understood what he did and not gone against him. Or maybe she could have even stopped him from dying.

Or...there are a lot of possibilities, a lot of paths she wishes she had taken. Paths that would have had him smiling down at her, Suzaku grinning broadly to the right. Shirley would still be alive and there would be no broken hearts or shattered lives for her to politely ignore when she waves to Kallen or talks to Rivalz.

Life is better now, she can admit. She tells him so when she visits his grave, when she talks to the wind. There are no wars, no senseless killing, just this strong sense of unity.

As though the whole world is now a family, the family her brother never got to enjoy.

"Kallen is going to university and C.C. visited last year. She made Kallen turn a bright red and she exploded! Milly is hosting a ball soon, with a costume theme and a contest. Rivalz is still chasing her, nii-san, and he's trying to learn chess. Maybe so he can win the contest or maybe he just wants to gamble again. Su-Zero is kind and gentle and..."

She stops there.

She thinks she's forgetting what Suzaku looked like before, just as her brother his fading from her mind. What would they look like now, with knowledge and experience aging their appearance?

That is a question that will never be answered.

"Nii-san," she starts again, because he is her brother and he loved her and she will always love him. And if there is one thing she has always been, she has been truthful. "You know..."

Nunally still can't bring herself to finish that sentence again. Rivalz sometimes gives her the most broken eyes when he looks at her brother's picture. Kallen doesn't like to drive and C.C. likes to send blank postcards and Milly doesn't give as many harebrained plots.

Suzaku-no, Zero, she needs to stop thinking of him like that-can't stand the colour red or purple anymore and when he thinks she isn't looking he sometimes trembles when he clutches his sword.

She still has nightmares, of pushing that button, of the lives vanishing with a soft glow. Of his red blood dripping down her fingertips, of the fading light in Lelouch's eyes, of the thousands of thoughts that came together as one and broke apart as instantly.

There are some things that can never be fixed and she doesn't have the heart to admit that yet.