Lessons in the Futility of Love

By Spunky0ne

(I mentally bumped into this storyline in the middle of PMing back in forth with Renjfantoo. *blows kisses* Thanks so much for reviving my interest in my favorite redhead besides myself, I mean…LOL. This is all about laughs. There needs to be some fun stuff to balance my personal angst, so get ready for a cute, lovestruck Renji pursuing a woefully clueless Byakuya (seriously, someone hand this guy a clue)…but don't expect he'll comprehend…he's a noble Kuchiki lord after all and much too busy worrying about pride and duty to notice the cute redhead checking him out!. Without further rambling…here's the story. Hope you like it!)


Chapter 1: All Kinds of Stupid

What the hell am I going to do? I just realized I'm in love with my captain…my noble (as in 'Rukon dogs need not apply,'), distant, cool, reserved, pale as snow, tall if he's not standing next to me, graceful, proud, kinda stuck up but 'heart is in the right place captain. But as crooked as I am, I think he's got to be straight as an arrow. And being a guy who always walks within the lines, follows the rules, tells the truth (or his perception of it), doesn't drink, doesn't swear (Shit, why does he have to be so perfect?) and puts duty before his own needs, I'm already thinking that I haven't got a stinking chance in hell with him. But me being a Rukon raised, gangly, brazen red haired idiot, and his sister's fuck up friend, of course I'm going to do something stupid. The only question is…how stupid will it be?

I mean, there's cute stupid, like when you go to say something and the other person starts to talk too and each tries to tell the other to go ahead, then both talk again. Then there's annoying stupid like always being late just to see how sexy he looks when he's angry (seriously, the guy's just hot with the pink glow around him…just watch out if he starts glowing white). There's dorky/nerdy stupid like when he tells me to do something and I can't get it right to save my life (usually because he's watching me with those wide gray eyes of his. I freaking love his eyes…shit, where was I? Oh…different kinds of stupid) There's sleepy stupid like when I hadn't slept for two nights because my heater in my apartment broke and as I passed his desk, I tripped over his garbage can and landed in his lap…and he just gave me a look like 'Abarai, what the heck is WRONG with you?' There's curious stupid like when I wondered what would happen if I crossed an electrical kido with a water one…and unwise stupid like when I went over to his desk this morning all ready to tell him I want to throw him on top of the fucking thing and…well…fuck…

"Abarai, are you planning to do anything today or are you going to sit staring at that same report all day?" Byakuya asked.

Aw, hell, not again…

"Sorry Captain," Renji answered, flushing slightly, "Just got distracted for a moment."

By your silky black hair I want so much to run my fingers through, your eyes that look like they want to freeze me, those perfect lips that always frown, but I would love to see smile…



"Do you have the training schedule for me to approve?"

"Yeah," Renji said, freezing as he was met with a disapproving gaze, "Uh, yes sir, right here."

He carried the requested schedule to Byakuya's desk, flinching and holding his breath as Byakuya accepted the report, his hand brushing against Renji's and setting off pyrotechnics in his vice captain's mind.

How does he do that to me? Does he do it on purpose? Is he even aware?

"Renji, would you mind bringing some tea for us?" Byakuya asked, startling him out of his reverie.

"Ah, yes sir."

He turned into the hallway and walked to the squad kitchen, his mind still firmly entrenched in thoughts of his captain.

I'm so damned fixated that I can't concentrate. And I keep piling one kind of stupid on top of the other…

He sighed and filled the pot with water, then heated it and poured it into two cups, preparing it the way Byakuya had showed him.

How pathetic is it that I've started drinking it the way he likes it instead of how it tastes good to me even when I'm not at work?

He walked back down the hallway with the two cups and set one on his desk. The other, he set carefully in his captain's hands, avoiding injuring the man.

Unlike last week when I was startled because he said my name at just that moment…huh, startled stupid…

Byakuya's eyes met his briefly.

"Arigato," he said smoothly.

Can I be brought to a climax just hearing his voice like that? I'm already hard as a rock…helpless stupid…or is it hopeless stupid?

"Abarai, we have been assigned a mission in Hueco Mundo. We are to infiltrate an area known to house one of Aizen's key scientists. There are rumors that this hollow is very powerful and that he has been conducting disturbing tests on captive humans and shinigamis."

"That sounds bad…"

"Security is tight in the area, so we will take a diversionary team that will distract the defenders while we slip in and out."

Fuck, did he just say that?

"What kind of distraction? An attack? Odd noises…what?"

Byakuya stared as Renji's stomach rumbled loudly.

Well…maybe I could distract them while he slips in and out…

"I will leave that to them. Nothing too flashy. We do not wish to be sensed by Aizen Sousuke."

Or we'd be distracted while he slipped in and out…shit…did I just think that?

Renji's stomach rumbled again. Byakuya frowned.

"It seems you will keep up these gastrointestinal interruptions until you are satisfied."

There's another way I'd much rather be satisfied, Captain…

"Go and find something to eat, Renji."

"Sure thing, Captain. Would you like to come?" Renji said, then he flushed.

Oh…I did not just say that!

Byakuya's brow furrowed.

"You…want me to join you for lunch?" he asked quietly.

"Well," said Renji, "Yeah, that's why I asked."

That…and because I don't want to be away from you for five minutes…

"Unfortunately, I have a captain's meeting."

Which I should have remembered, because I have a vice captain's meeting too…

"Ah…okay, I have to go anyway…to the vice captain's meeting."

"Yes," said Byakuya dryly, "Nice that you remembered, Abarai."

Forgetful stupid…

Renji watched quietly as Byakuya leaned over his desk and gathered several items for the meeting.

Kami, I want to sneak up behind him, wrap my arms around him, pull back that hair, kiss him on the neck and see if those lips taste as good as they look…reckless stupid…



"You are going to be late."

"Oh, right. See you later, Captain!" Renji said, starting towards the door.

"And don't forget I will be seeing you tonight."

Oh, I know I didn't just hear that!

"T-tonight?" Renji repeated, stopping at the door.

Byakuya shook his head reprovingly.

"Ban kai training," the captain said, "If you ever wish to make captain, then you must perfect your ban kai."

Ah…I would so like to make a certain captain…make him smile…make him blush…make him moan and beg for more, make that sweet white body dance all over mine…

"Until then, Renji."

Yeah…like that's ever going to happen…

"Bye, Captain."


"You know, Renji, you aren't going to be able to keep this from Nii-sama forever. As smart as he is, he is going to figure it out," said Rukia.

There are some things my friend Rukia knows all about, but her brother is not one of them. I can see why fate put these two together. They have so much in common, you'd think they'd been born siblings. But Rukia constantly gets things wrong when it comes to Captain Kuchiki. Like that day at the beach…with the sand sculptures…Kami, the look on their faces was so cute…

"What are you smiling at, stupid?" Rukia asked, "and aren't you going to answer me?"

"Yeah…I don't know what to do. Number one, he's a guy who was married to a woman. So unless he swings both ways, I'm out before we get to first base. Second, he's my captain…and I'm sure there's got to be something wrong about that. Third, I turn into a clumsy, breathless idiot whenever he even so much as looks at me."

"Naw, you're a clumsy idiot anyway!" Rukia laughed.

"Hey! I thought you were trying to help me."

"I am…but it will have to be later. We have to get to that meeting."

Renji slid to a stop.

"Huh? We?" he said, scratching his head.

Rukia turned slightly, showing off a thirteenth division vice captain's patch. Renji burst into a smile and laughed.

"When did this happen?"

"Just last night. They're announcing it today at the meeting, then my official ceremony is in a month."

Renji frowned.

"Does Captain Kuchiki know about this. I mean…I heard…uh that he…wasn't pleased with the idea of you being a seated officer…"

"Well, that changed."

"Just like that?" Renji mused.

"Yeah…just like that. He just said that I can't stay out of trouble anyway and that better I get into trouble doing something respectable than something frivolous."

Renji chuckled.

"Sounds good to me. Come on!" The two flash stepped the rest of the way to the meeting.

They entered the meeting room and sat down as the first division vice captain called the meeting to order and read over the head captain's latest orders. Renji tuned out except to listen and applaud as Rukia was announced Squad Thirteen vice captain…and he noted a few things to tell his captain upon his return. When the meeting was over, Rukia hugged him and flash stepped towards the thirteenth division, while Renji turned back towards the sixth.

So…ban kai training…that could be fun. Of course, if I had my way, I'd wrap that skeletal snake around the two of us, burn our clothes away with a kido spell and dive on that beautiful body of his. Aw, I've got to stop thinking like this! Face it. I can't even come up with a way to tell him. Speechless stupid…

"Welcome back, Abarai," Byakuya said as he entered the office, "How was your meeting?"

"Oh, can't complain. They introduced Rukia as the new vice captain of Squad Thirteen."

"Yes," Byakuya answered, sounding less than pleased, "It only seemed right. She does deserve the recognition."

He sat down in his chair.

"Still, it wasn't easy to do…"

He doesn't often open up and say things like that. I wonder why he did just now…

"Yeah. I know you worry about her."

"She is my sister."

"And you made a promise to protect her, I know, Captain."


Byakuya leaned forward, mentally dismissing Renji and turning to his work. Renji returned to his desk and spent the rest of the afternoon trying not to look at Byakuya. But even though he tried to turn his eyes away, he couldn't help but notice things about his captain…the black silky hair that looked like it wanted to be freed from the kenseiken, the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu that hid much of the lovely pale throat…the graceful hands partially covered with fingerless gloves.

Renji cleared his throat nervously and realize he was blushing. He looked down at his work, just missing his captain's eyes as he looked up. He was grateful for the fact that he was sitting at his desk so that the erection that always seemed to appear when he rejoined his captain after time away from him.

If they were lovers, he would…

Byakuya sat quietly at his desk, poring over the reports that covered his desk in neatly stacked piles. He looked content there, everything neat and orderly around him. But as he studied the paper he held with deeply focused eyes, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and warm lips brushed against his throat. Byakuya closed his eyes and moaned softly with desire. The sound ignited the coil deep inside Renji and nearly made him growl in anticipation. He turned the captain's chair and placed his hands on Byakuya's shoulders, then slid onto his lap, smiling and letting their hakama covered, hardened members rub together as Renji met his captain's mouth for an exchange of hot, delicious kisses.

"Mmmmmmm…Abarai…" Byakuya moaned, his hands moving to loosen their clothing. Renji lifted himself slightly as the hakamas were pushed out of the way and then he reclaimed his position on his captain's lap, moving his hips and rubbing their cocks together as he fastened his mouth on Byakuya's and thrust his tongue inside.

"Are you finished, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, dragging Renji back to reality and nearly making him groan.

Not fucking close, Captain…I was just getting started.

"Aw…I just can't seem to make a dent in this shit!" Renji complained.

Then, he colored.

"Sorry Captain, it's just…"

Byakuya sighed.

"Your reiatsu has been disturbed all day, Renji. And since the paperwork is not finished, we shall have to postpone ban kai training. But we won't finish the paperwork until you get this off your chest. So…out with it. What is bothering you?"

I love you…

I want to kiss you…

I want to go to bed with you…

"Ah," he said finally, "It's just that I'm not looking forward to going back to my cold apartment."

"Oh," said Byakuya, "Perhaps you need merely find another way to warm it."

If you only knew, Captain…

"Or alternatively, you could remain here."

Yeah…great…not as cold, just as alone…

"I will be staying in my quarters here while Kuchiki Manor is undergoing some renovation to prepare for the royal visit during the cherry blossom viewing."

Whoa…hold on…

No way…

No freaking way!

"Ah well, maybe you have a point. I can just stay here.

And have to survive a nightlong hard on…but it could be worth it.

Yeah, it could definitely be worth it…

Dreamy stupid…