A/N: This was originally written as a fluff meme fill. I hope you enjoy. :)
"I think I'm going to throw up," Kurt whispered to Finn.
"Relax," Finn said. "I've had Rachel over here loads of times. It's nothing."
"Your mum doesn't own a flamethrower," Kurt muttered.
"Your dad doesn't either," Finn replied. "Does he?" he added nervously a second later.
Kurt shrugged hopelessly. "Well, that's the threat he's always made if Blaine doesn't, in his terms, treat me right. Tonight has to go perfectly. So, no PDA, no reinforcing the 'gays-are-only-in-it-for-the-sex' stereotypes; we have to be on our best behaviour so that Dad doesn't have cause to completely freak out."
Finn raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Kurt was almost glad that Finn was polite enough not to point out that he and Blaine hadn't done anything that would cause Dad concern - they hadn't even progressed as far as Finn and Rachel, which, if Finn's complaints were anything to judge by, was saying something.
Actually, sometimes Kurt wished that they had done something worthy of being hidden from their parents. He wasn't going to tell Blaine that, though, since Blaine had been so nice about taking it slow.
Kurt and Finn were sitting in the living room of the Hudmel household. Finn had just put on a DVD in a transparent attempt to stop Kurt imploding with nervousness while waiting for Blaine to arrive. Kurt wasn't quite sure what it was, other than the fact that it had explosions – he was too busy panicking to pay attention.
"Kurt?" a voice called from the kitchen. "I just had a worry – does Blaine eat pork?" It was Carole. She'd been hard at work preparing for tonight's meet-the-parents most of the afternoon.
"I don't know," Kurt called back.
"Can you find out?" Carole called. "If not, I can make a salad and you can go out for a nice private snack afterwards, but I really do hope he likes the roast."
Kurt looked at Finn. Finn looked back as though trying not to laugh.
"She did this when I first had Rachel over too," Finn said. "I think she's as nervous about this as you are." He looked at Kurt closely before amending that statement. "Or maybe not."
Kurt winced, hoping that he didn't look as bad as Finn had implied.
Kurt pulled out his iPhone while Finn paused the movie. Worried about his appearance – and planning another trip down to the basement for the tenth time to ensure that his meticulous grooming was just so – Kurt didn't pay that much attention to what he was typing.
I need to know – do you like pork? If not, can go for snack after dinner. He didn't stop to read it before pressing send. Then, a second later: "Shit."
Finn jumped at the uncharacteristic curse. "What is it?"
Mortified, Kurt handed over his iPhone.
Finn read the text out loud. "'I need to know – do you like porn?'" Finn frowned, going redder and redder as he continued. "'If not, can go for anal after d—' What the fuck?"
"It was auto-correct!" said Kurt. He was speaking faster than usual and his voice had jumped an octave. "What am I going to do?"
"Tell him you didn't mean it!" Finn sounded hysterical.
Kurt quickly typed an explanation to Blaine and pressed send. A moment later, his phone beeped, signifying a reply. Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before looking at it, hoping that Blaine hadn't taken offence.
I think both sound pretty good, said the text, though I'd prefer to look at that hot arse of yours than a porn star. Didn't know you were into either - though have been looking forward to you being ready for this.
A second later, Kurt received another message. Shit, sorry. I won't hold it against you if you never speak to me again.
Kurt sat there, staring at his phone for long enough that Finn asked, "Is everything okay?"
Kurt had to think about it for a moment before nodded slowly.
"What did he say?" Finn asked.
Kurt felt his face go warm. He looked back at his phone for a moment to confirm that he'd read that right. Yep, he had. Well, this was somewhat awkward.
His phone beeped a third time. ...Is it bad that I found that hot? Blaine asked.
Kurt smiled slightly and hesitated before typing a reply. If I wasn't so mortified and Finn wasn't in the room, I think I would, too. Anyway, you finding it hot is loads better than a erection.
Blaine replied a second later. Lol, I think you meant to say 'rejection'. At least I hope so, cos I kind of have one of the other things.
Kurt looked at both messages, noticed his mistake and felt the urge to swear at himself again before taking in the full content of Blaine's reply. He felt Finn watching him and struggled to control the expressions that he knew were crossing his face – this wasn't something he felt like explaining to Finn.
"...I might go down to my basement," Kurt told Finn.
"You're not going to do your hair again are you, cos it's fine," said Finn cautiously.
"That wasn't what I had in mind," Kurt replied
As Kurt hurried down the stairs so that he could examine his feelings in private (among other things), he received another text.
I do like pork, BTW, said Blaine.
Kurt typed a reply. The other stuff – doesn't sound so bad, either. He waited nervously for Blaine to respond.
All in all, he was quite pleased to receive a flirtatious ;) as a reply.