A/N: So it's been a long, long time since I posted one of these drabbles. Four years, actually. I'm sorry it's been so long. Now that I'm a senior in college, I'm finding fanfiction is a good alternative to flipping out over schoolwork. Anyway, enjoy, please let me know what you think!
She never leaves my nightmares.
Instead, I lose her, over and over again. At the Cornucopia, Clove's knives carving her flesh into grotesque perversions of what a face should be. At the meaty hands of Cato, her neck snapped before I can even scream, even reach her. Trapped in the net like poor, helpless Rue. Hacked into a million pieces, blood soaking my hands.
Those are the worst. Not just the pain of losing her that threatens to bend me into two, breaking my mind even further. A descent into madness that no one could bring me back from. But the idea that I could be the one responsible, wake up one day to find that I have gone completely mutt, and erased Katniss Everdeen, my wife, from existence.
I wake with a scream stuck in my throat, my legs trembling. The shaking spreads to the rest of my body and I can't breathe, can't think—
It's a half mumble, half question, drooled into our down pillows.
"Mmm-hmmm." I don't trust myself for words. I don't trust myself for anything.
She turns over, and I feel the warmth of her body as she nestles again, pressing herself against my hips. My arm reaches to hold her automatically.
I wait until I hear the slow, labored breaths that mean that she's fallen asleep again.
I release the breath I had been holding back. She's here, I tell myself over and over. She's here, and she's safe.
I just wish I could believe that.