The Lady Doth Protest Too Much

I don't miss you.

I don't feel guilty for my part in sending you to the Underworld. I don't wonder why you never told me you served the Keeper.

I don't wish I'd had the courage to ask you about your apparent obsession with the Mother Confessor (whom I don't envy, by the way, for how the men I love fall at her feet). I don't wonder if you ever cared for my son as much as hers—that monster who ruled in the future. I don't question your loyalty.

I don't care who you marry, who you name as your heir…

I don't doubt my choice to help Richard, knowing it led to your death. I don't think the nightmare future would have been different if I were still there at your side.

I don't think about you in the middle of the night, when the others are asleep. I don't remember how your fingers felt against my skin, or the night you first made me your favorite, or how gentle you were while I was pregnant…

I don't ever regret giving the Keeper the chance to destroy the whole world, and everything I've ever held dear (my son, Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, my sister…) I don't compare Richard to you and find him wanting in common sense.

I don't think about our fights, our sparring…how you made me feel alive. I don't remember when you gave me the Breath of Life, or when I used it to revive Denna after I killed her in our first real match…

I don't long for you, for the sweet simplicity of your commands—I don't give you credit for my strength, when I never used to doubt myself. And I don't blame you for that false confidence, either. Your eyes aren't a mirror I wish I could see myself in, again.

I don't think you could have done all this much faster, saved the world without pausing to rescue kittens in trees…

I don't imagine being your favorite, your first, your Queen…I don't wish you'd made my son your heir, don't wonder what it would have been like, raising a real family with you…

I don't hate you for abandoning me, here and in the future. For telling Triana to kill me. For leaving me with no choice, then or now—survival before dignity, survival before love.

I don't hate you for choosing the Mother Confessor over me, for plotting to destroy Richard, for wasting my talents until it was too late…

"Cara? What are you thinking about?" Richard asks brightly.

I don't miss you. I don't love you. I never think about you. "Nothing," I say calmly.

You never got under my skin, you never got into my heart…you never broke me.

You are nothing to me, Darken Rahl.

Liar.

Was that your thought, or mine?