"Can you still here my voice? Do you still remember the words? As my memory fades, does yours?
At times your voice still haunts me; it comes randomly through long forgotten dreams. Exact words have faded and memories glorified. The bad starts to seem less tragic over time.
I forgave you from the start and let go after I was able to see the truth I hid from. We were not strong enough to last. Through your nonchalance is one petrified of ridicule. You let me think that I was the one who was weak; I tried to hold onto something that never was. You abandoned all hope at the first sign of disapproval.
You see me with anger in your eyes, and occasionally regret, but about what , I couldn't say. Was the regret about you leaving, or maybe for the reasons why? I'm over you, but our eyes still search; through habit we still seek.
Should I blame coincidence for why we still see each other everywhere? Maybe your not as over me as you thought. We've gone through so many changes in our lives and we've grown apart through choice, but one thing hasn't changed; I loved you then and sadly, I always will."
A few people clap for me as I finish my monologue. It's like a poetry jam that the students put on once a week to vent out their frustrations. I used to come here with Sasuke, my now ex-boyfriend, Ino, and…Naruto. This was the first time that I actually got up on stage to read my own work.
It's been almost a year since Sasuke broke up with me. I don't blame Naruto at all; I knew he was in love with Sasuke before I even started dating the raven. I wanted him even if it would hurt one of my best friends, but Naruto never once made a complaint about it, even if I could see he was hurting.
Sasuke never even liked me in the first place; he was just using me as his beard. I knew it too, but I kept hoping that the longer I held on, maybe he would start to feel the same way. I was so stupid.
I take one last look at the crowd before walking off stage and I catch sight of him. We lock eyes and he looks so remorseful. I'm not sure if it's because he left me or if it's because he used me to hide his love for Naruto and ended up leaving me for him in the end; I have a feeling it's the latter, but I can hope.
I walk off the stage and head to my table with my new friends. I stopped talking to my old ones after what happened. Ino and I still talk occasionally, but we're not really close anymore. I haven't spoken one word to either Naruto or Sasuke in almost a year. I got new friends that barely associate with any of my old friends.
Ayu and Airi welcome me over and congratulate me for going up there. Marinabelle orders a round of drinks on her, and Sakaya tells me I should go up again next week. Sakaya is the only one that has a slight connection to my old group; she's Ten-Ten's twin sister, but they don't really talk much.
I can feel him coming towards me before I can even see him. Since the incident last year I've become very sensitive to when he gets near me. I turn around as he reaches the table.
"What do you want?" I don't mean for it to come out as bitter as it does.
"Hn." Of course that's what he says.
"Seriously? What reason do you have to come over here? I'm over you, but maybe you aren't as over me as you want."
"What more could you possibly want from me?" I just want him to go away so I can get on with my life.
"Naruto misses you, and so does the rest of the gang. You know Naruto blames himself for what happened."
"Well I'm glad they miss me, and it isn't his fault. It's yours."
"Take some responsibility for yourself here."
"What did I do? I fell in love with you only to find out that I was your big gay beard!"
"You knew Naruto was in love with me. You knew I wasn't in love with from the beginning. You knew I was in love with someone else." He doesn't have to remind me of what I already know!
"I don't care anymore! Please just let me move on!"
"Fine. I just wanted to apologize for what I put you through."
He turns to leave and I want to yell at him, to hit him and make him feel as terrible as I do, but I let him go. I watch him walk away from me again, but this time I let him. I see a familiar head of blond hair meet him and crystalline azure eyes find mine and they're full of regret. His eyes were never meant to look like that so I give him a small reassuring smile. His eyes brighten and he turns to his beloved. Sasuke leans down to kiss him and I can't look away.
They belong with each other and I realize this now. I know they were always meant for one another, and I never even had a chance. That thought doesn't stop my eyes for watering, though. I force myself to turn away as the tears start falling. I know that I'll never stop loving him, but I can find love with someone else eventually after my heart heals; until then I have four amazing friends that are trying to get me to stop crying and are asking me if they need to go kick his ass.
I know that I got rid of everyone that reminded me about what had happened, but maybe I shouldn't let go of my old life completely. Maybe tomorrow I'll call up Ino and the girls and invite them over to meet my current friends. They are still my friends, and didn't have anything to do with what happened between me and the two lovebirds. It's about time that I realized moving on isn't getting rid of my past.