TOW Justin Bieber
(A/N: Another FRIENDS story! This one is about Rachel's new client? Hmmm who could that be? Maybe it tells you in the title? Set right after TOW the jellyfish. Warning: If you love Justin Bieber...don't read this!)
Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe were all sitting at the coffee house discussing global warming.
"What's the deal with global warming becoming an epademic crisis?" Monica questioned while sipping her light coffee.
"I think it's people smoking too much." Phoebe said. Then she coughed 'Chandler' and looked his way.
"Actually, Carbon dioxide and other air pollution that is collecting in the atmosphere like a thickening blanket, trapping the sun's heat and causing the planet to warm up. Coal-burning power plants are the largest U.S. source of carbon dioxide pollution - they produce 2.5 billion tons every year. Automobiles, the second largest source, create nearly 1.5 billion tons of CO2 annually." Ross said with a satisfactory smile afterward.
"My theory is that Santa and Mrs. Clause just got pissed that their elves were freezing." Chandler joked. Everyone except for Ross giggled at childish comment. Then Rachel busted through the door, grinning and jumping up and down.
"Oh. My. God. You'll never believe what happened." She squealed while jumping up and down.
"You have to pee really bad and you just wanted to tell us?" Chandler asked while imitating her.
"No." She stopped jumping and crossed her arms.
"Oh! You got a new bra?" Joey asked.
"Actually, yeah. But how do you know that?" Rachel looked down at her breasts.
"It's just a sense I have. ESPN or something like that." Joey nodded and tapped his head.
"Joey, that's called ESP. EPSN is a TV channel." Ross corrected him. Joey had a perplexed look on his face before Chandler finally said:
"The channel with the half-naked cheerleaders during half-time." Joey nodded.
"Umm hello? Kinda had some big news I wanted to tell you." Rachel said.
"What is it?" Monica asked
"Ok, so I got asked to help one of the biggest teen celebrities in the world to pick out their outfit for the NYAS!" Everyone was excited by Rachel's news. They all hugged and congratulated her.
"Who is it?" Phobe asked while tuning her guitar.
"Beaver?" Chandler cocked his eyebrow questioningly.
"Bieber." Rachel sounded out the name.
"Who's Justin Bieber?" Ross asked. Rachel gasped.
"You've never heard of him before!"
"No, I have better things to do than read up on celebrity gossip." Ross scoffed as he crossed his legs and took a sip from his cup.
"Oh, like read an 18 page letters then fall asleep?" Rachel crossed her arms and glared at Ross.
"Remember, You're means 'you are'. Your means your." Ross said in a matter of factly tone.
"So, where's this kid from?" Monica asked.
"I don't know actually."
"He's from Canada." Ross grumbled. Everyone looked at him with a 'what?' expression on their faces.
"Carol and Susan love his music." Ross defended himself.
"Hmm, maybe he's a lesbian too." Chandler joked.
"Wow, there aren't a lot of celebrities from Canada. This is the first I've heard of." Rachel said.
"Oh please, there are a lot of famous Canadians." Ross chimed in.
"Ok, Michael J Fox from Back to the future, which is the 2nd greatest science fiction movie ever! And...ummm...Matthew Perry!"
"Who the hell is that?" Joey asked.
"You know, the guy who played on 'Second chance'." Ross trailed on. No one answered.
"People always say me and that guy look alike. I don't see a resemblance." Chandler shruged as he started reading his newpaper again.
Joey and Phoebe were over in apartment 19. They're 'just friends' right? Well, you're wrong. Yes, the are just friends. But they have sex. A lot. None of their other friends knew this. Both of them were very sneaky when they would canoodle. They had to be especially careful when they'd do it at Joey and Chandler's apartment just because of the risk of Chandler walking in on them.
"Well, that was an interesting game of strip poker." Phoebe commented as she tied her robe closed.
"It was. But who won?" Joey chuckled and followed role, tying his robe too.
"We'll just say it's a tie. Again." Phoebe got out a box of condoms from the kitchen drawer.
"You keep condoms in the kitchen? You dirty chef." She gave him a playful wink. He returned the favor. She threw the box at him and ran into his bedroom. He followed order and soon the casual sex buddies went at it again. Little did they know Chandler came home early from work. He hung his jacket up and heard moaning from Joey's room. Joey's room usually had moaning inside of it. The woman started yelling Joey's name with pleasure. Chandler stopped for a moment. Her voice sounded fimiliar. Too fimiliar.
"Joey?" Chandler called out. "Joey?"
"Crap! Chandler's home." Joey whispered as he was on top of Phoebe.
"Go out there. I'll cover it." Joey got off and put his robe on and tried fixing his hair before Chandler saw him. Phoebe liked to mess his hair up before they did it. He walked out and saw Chandler sitting by the counter.
"Sorry dude. Didn't know you were home. We'll keep the bedrocking down to a minimum."
"That's ok. Who's in there?" Chandler crossed his arms and waited for an answer. Joey's face twisted as he tried to think of a girl's name.
"Joseph? Who's there?" Phoebe yelled from Joey's room as she impersonated Estelle, Joey's agent. Both Chandler and Joey's jaws dropped to the ground.
"Um, Chandler's here...Estelle." Joey struggled to get the words out.
"You're sleeping with Estelle!" Chandler whisper-yelled. Joey nodded quietly.
"Why! And Estelle! I thought you'd sleep with Elton John before you'd sleep with her."
"Well, s-she either wanted a raise or me to sleep with her...I chose the cheaper road of course!" Chandler started backing out of the room slowly.
"Ok...I'll give you 2 some privacy...then...bye!" He ran out of the room quickly and ran into Monica's apartment. Joey walked back into his room."
"Wow, you sounded just like her! Who else can you sound like?"
"Anyone you want, baby. You're not the only one who can act Mr. Tribbiani. I learned from the master." She purred while lightly running her fingers down his neckline as the 2 proceeded in their activity like nothing ever happened.
Even though it was just across the hall, by the time Chandler got to the apartment he was out of breath.
"Joey's sleeping with Estelle!" Chandler said quickly before panting for breath. Monica and Rachel stood next to him, supporting him as he stood and caught his breath.
"What!" Rachel gasped.
"Honey calm down, what happened?" Monica asked while rubbing circles with her hand around his back.
"Ok, so I got off work early and expected Joey to either be having sex or watching baywatch. I was right. But I recognized the woman's voice so I called Joey out to ask him who it was and when the woman talked it was Estelle!"
"Wait, did you actually see Estelle?" Rachel asked.
"No, but her voice is so distinct that I know it's hers!"
"Doesn't Phoebe do an Estelle impresion?" Monica asked.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, I remember a couple of times where she pretended to be Estelle on the phone to get Joey gigs. What did Joey tell you?"
"He said that she either wanted a raise or to sleep with him."
"Ew." Rachel commented.
"I got it! Let's call Estelle to see if she's really sleeping with Joey, if she isn't we'll call Phoebe and tell her something that she has to come over here for." Monica said. Her plans usually never worked but Chandler and Rachel both agreed with this one. They put Estelle on speaker. She picked up.
"Estelle's office how can I help you?" Monica and Rachel both motioned Chandler to talk.
"Hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani's roommate, Chandler. You're not sleeping with him, are you?"
"What? Of course not! The last time I ever had a man in my bed was when my father had a heart attack and died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry Rest in peace daddy, bye!" Chandler quickly hung up the phone. "Well, that was the most awkward conversation I ever had on the phone. One of you has to call Phoebe now."
"I'll do it." Monica dialed Phoebe's cell. After 2 rings she picked up.
"Hello?" Phoebe answered. Joey gave her a look to which she mouthed 'it's Monica'. Joey, still on top of her, laid his head on her chest with a muffled groan.
"Hey Pheebs it's Monica. Listen...can you come over?" Monica started to fake cry.
"Monica, what's wrong?" Joey rolled off of Phoebe and sat beside her as Phoebe put the phone on speaker.
"Well...I'm pregnant!" She fake cried even harder as Chandler and Rachel gave her a thumbs up.
"What! but I thought you wanted a baby. Why are you crying?" Monica tried to come up with a good excuse. Rachel pointed to Chandler.
"Because...Chandler's the father! That's right, my baby is a bastard and a Bing!" Chandler's mouth formed an 'O' shape as he took offense to the bastard and Bing comment.
"WHAT! THAT BASTARD!" Joey yelled. Phoebe put her hand over his mouth.
"What was that?" Monica asked as she pointed to the phone. Rachel and Chandler were literally jumping for joy.
"Oh, Days of our lives is on TV. Yeah, Dr. Drake just got pissed at the vending machine guy again. You tell him Drake!" Phoebe put the phone back to Joey.
"I wanted cool ranch dorito's not sharp chedder!" Joey yelled.
"I'll be over in minute. Bye." Phoebe hung up the phone as Monica, Rachel and Chandler all simultaneously jumped for joy.
"You couldn't have told her that it was the hormones that made you cry? Why did you say that I was the father of your imaginary baby?" Chandler questioned.
"Because, this way we can tell them that we secretly has sex and didn't tell the rest of you guys. That way, they'll fess up to them having sex too!" Chandler started blinking rapidly.
"What the hell are you doing?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, I just had imaginary sex with Monica 28 times." He blinked again. "29" Monica and Rachel both rolled their eyes as Joey came busting through the door in his robe and charged towards Chandler.
"I could kill you! How could you had sex with Monica and not tell me! Huh? I thought we were roommates, best buds!"
"We are! How come you didn't tell me about you and Estelle!"
"I just did like 20 minutes ago!"
"How'd you find out about this?"
"Phoebe called and told me."
"Really? She called you and told you?"
"Yes. Anyway, I have the right to kick you ass for knocking her up!"
"No, Joey! It's ok...It's better you found out this way. Yes, we are with child. And yes, we're together." She pulled Chandler into a romantic and passionate kiss as Phoebe walked in.
"Hey I'm here! Oh my god!" Phoebe stood there with her hand covering her mouth as Monica released Chandler. Who was still in shock but had a pleased smirk written across his face.
"Oh, hi Pheebs." Monica greeted nonchalontly. Chandler tried to greet her as well but it came out sounding like a baby who had gotten hit with a cinderblock.
"Hi...wow. I know you said you guys had...over the phone but...in person...it's just...wow!" Chandler put his arm around Monica as part of the act.
"Yup, she's my naughty housecleaner, Isabelle, and I'm her Bing-a-licious." Chandler spoke without trying to cringe from the nicknae he just gave Monica.
"So..." Phoebe trailed on.
"So...What?" Monica asked.
"How'd it happen?" Joey asked while sitting on the table. Monica clutched her stomach.
"Uhhh...morning sickness. Be right back. Chandler, come and hold my hair back." Monica and Chandler both ran into the bathroom.
"We need a story, fast!" Chandler was starting to panic.
"Ok, ummm...How about this. The night I broke up with Richard you came over. Seeing how sad I was you comforted me. Which turned into something more and ever since we've just had sex. Now we're pregnant. The end!" She clapped.
"Sounds great. Let's go." He caressed her back as she walked slowly out of the bathroom.
"False alarm." He assured the rest of the gang. He helped Monica sit down.
"Anyway, deets!" Phoebe sat across from her.
"Ok, so remember the night Richard and I broke up? Well, Chandler came over and saw me on the couch crying. He sat there for a while and held me as I cried. To thank him, I kissed him. And we did it. That's it."
"That's it! Man, I thought you guys would get together playing strip poker or something." She glanced over at Joey and winked a bit. Joey smirked back at her. Rachel, Chandler, and Monica's speculation was confirmed. Joey and Phoebe were sleeping with each other.