Where Babies Come From


Note: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.


"Yeah, Buddy?" Aaron glanced up from his breakfast at his son, who was sitting across the desk from him. It was "take your son to work day" so Aaron had decided that they might as well make a treat of it by picking up breakfast at McDonald's and eating it in Aaron's office. He just hoped they wouldn't be called away on a case and that he wouldn't have to cut the time short.

"Wheh do babies come from?" Or maybe he didn't.

Sputtering, Aaron choked on his coffee. Grabbing some napkins from the desk, he wiped his mouth off. Deciding his shirt would have to be dry cleaned, he grabbed another from his go-bag and made a quick change. Then, sitting up and resumed eating, careful not to look up from his eggs.

"Well, Daddy?" Jack asked persistently.

"Sorry, Jack?" Aaron glanced up and then down again. He'd hoped Jack would have forgotten.

"Wheh do babies come from?"

"Uh… why do you want to know that?" Gosh! He'd though he'd have at least a few more years before he had to answer this question.

Jack shrugged. "Just cuwious."

"Well," Aaron stalled, "I think maybe you should ask your Uncle Spencer about that. He's very smart, you know."

"I know, but you smart too!"

"Uh… not as smart as him."

"But you need to know!" Jack insisted. "I use to be a baby, so hows did you and Mommy get me?"

It was times like this that Aaron missed Haley more than ever. Jack was growing up and some things Aaron just didn't know how to do. "Well, Jack…. I….uh…. you know how Daddy catches bad guys?" Aaron said, lighting upon an idea.

"Mmhm." Jack nodded.

"Well, sometimes those bad guys have babies and when we catch them they can't take care of them so we take them and give them to good people so they can have families."

"So, you not my weal Daddy? Jack exclaimed, tears starting to form in his little eyes.

"No! No!" Aaron said quickly. "Mommy and I got you much differently!"


"Uh, well… that's sort of something only adults know."

"It's okay. You can tell me." Jack answered seriously.

Aaron groaned inwardly; this was not going to be easy. "Um…" Thankfully Aaron was saved by Rossi walking in.

"Hey, Jack!" Rossi grinned. "What do you think of your Dad's work so far?"

"It's good." Jack took a sip of orange juice. "But Daddy won't answer my question, Uncle Dave!"

"What's that?" Dave asked.

"Wheh do babies come from?"

Rossi's eyes got as wide as dinner plates and he suddenly became very interested in his shoes. "Well, Jack, that's a complicated question." Jack just looked back at him. "Uh… well… they come from storks!" Rossi smiled.

"That's not wheh they come from, silly!" Jack laughed. "I saw on Rugwats that they come from somewhere else!" Jack's brow furrowed. "But they didin say wheh."

"Oh, well…" Dave shot a panicked looks up at Hotch who returned it. "Uh… why don't we go ask your Uncle Derek, okay?"

Aaron instantly wondered why he hadn't thought of that. Of course Morgan was the only one who wouldn't be uncomfortable talking about sex, even with a five year old. He gave a small laugh and a shake of his head.

"Yeah, let's go." Aaron smiled. "I bet Uncle Derek can answer you."

"Okay." Jack jumped up. Aaron walked around the desk and, taking his hand, walked out of the office and into the bullpen.

"Hey, Jack!" Reid greeted him warmly.

"Jack, my main man!" Derek grinned as they approached his desk.

"Hi Uncle Spensa, Hi Uncle Dewek. Daddy and Uncle Dave don't know the ansa to my question."

"They don't?" Morgan laughed. "I'm sure between genius here and me we can come up with something! What is it?"

"Wheh do babies come from?"

Morgan's expression clearly said that Hotch had been wrong in his supposition that he would answer the question. "Oh! Well, given certain aspects of my childhood I feel uncomfortable with that topic. I think you should ask your Dad again." He smirked at Hotch, and Aaron made a mental note to assign him extra paperwork for the next year.

Jack turned to look at his father but it was Reid who spoke. "It's actually quite fascinating how different cultures answer this question. I mean, we usually use the stork which is-"

"Reid!" Hotch growled.

"Oh," The young genius blushed. "Sorry."

"Can't anyone ansa my question?" Jack sighed and Hotch almost felt bad. Almost. Jack was only five after all; how much did he really need to know?

"Ooo!" Came a cry of delight and Penelope Garcia came rushing across the room."Well, hello my little cream puff! I didn't know you were here today! We'll have to get some cookies from the cafeteria later!"

"Hi, Aunt Penny." Jack said dully.

"Why so glum, chum?" Garcia asked, concerned.

"No one can ansa my question!"

"And what question is that, sugar plum?"

"Wheh do babies come from?"

"Oh…well…I don't-" Garcia stuttered, for once unsure of herself.

"It's okay if you don know the ansa." Jack said plaintively. "No one else does eitha." The five looked unhappily at the ground until finally Prentiss showed up.

"Hi, Jack. " She greeted the boy. "Hey, what's wrong?" She asked, seeing the looks on the faces of her teammates.

"Nobody knows the ansa to my question, Aunt Emly." Jack answered with a frown.

"Oh, what's that?" She asked, kneeling down and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Wheh do babies come from!

For a moment she just stared at him; then she snorted. "Oh, please!" She said, looking up at her teammates. "You guys face monsters nearly every day but you can't answer a five year old's question? Come on, Hotch. He needs to find out sometime; might as well be now. Putting it off will just confuse him." She picked Jack up and sat him on her desk. "Jack, when a man and a woman love each other, they get married and sometimes when they get married they want to have a baby to make a family."

"So what happens then, Aunt Emly?"

"Well, the man and women go to bed and have sex which is when the man sticks his penis in the woman's vagina and the woman gets pregnant which means that a baby starts to grow inside her and after nine months the baby is born."

"Oh." Jack answered, thinking about it. "That's gross!" Everybody except Prentiss gave an uneasy laugh. "But why didn Daddy just tell me that?"

"Because he's silly." Prentiss laughed.

'Thank you' Hotch mouthed at Prentiss. The worst part of being a single parent was over, now. He'd have to remember to get her a raise.

End Note: For those who think five is too young to hear about sex, just think about how strange it is that it's treated as something dirty instead of something natural. If people didn't lie to their children when they asked and just gave them a basic definition rather than making it into something mysterious maybe kids/teens would be in less of a hurry to have sex and less confused when they learn what it actually is.