My Lover's Son
Ahmose Inarus aka hatochiisai
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Criminal Minds, nor do I make a profit off of writing this.
I wanted to die. I was ready to. And I completely intended to. I sat up there on that ledge for a long time, thinking about… things… and yet… I don't remember what I was thinking about. When I try to, I remember my mind being blank… but I seem to remember that at time, it was spinning. So many thoughts. I'm… kind of glad I don't remember what I was thinking. I don't really WANT to know what I was thinking in those moments in which I was ready to take my own life.
And for the first time in my life… even seeing Hotch wasn't a relief. It wasn't comfort. It was just another torment. I honestly thought that he would… try to talk me off of that ledge, and then leave me. Leave me behind in that place again. Leave me to madness. Suffering. Despair… I want to think that I was… searching for a reason to live. But I have so many. So maybe I wasn't thinking of them. If I was… I'd like think that I would have changed my mind. Even with Hotch there, begging me, CRYING… I was ready to die. But I didn't. Because HE saved my life.
I had given up. Hotch will tell you, I was literally on the edge. If I had leaned back just a LITTLE BIT more… that would have been it for me. But then HE called out to me. You know… Rossi… he's really a… well… what he did. That was below the belt. And he knew it. Heh… But… he knew… He… He KNEW.
He knew I wouldn't do it. Not with Jack watching.
I honestly think that if I hadn't heard Jack's voice in that moment, I would done it. I would have jumped. I wanted to. I really did. He really didn't HAVE to do that, you know. All they would have had to do was have Hotch tell me, 'Jack is here… he's watching… please don't do this in front of him…' And I wouldn't have done it. Not in front Jack. Never in front of Jack.
Of course, then again, if they had TOLD me that Jack was there, I think… no… I KNOW… that I would have let Hotch take me inside. And the moment I was alone… the moment I had another opportunity, I would have taken my own life. But Jack talked to me… my God… He… he's a great kid… He's his father's son, through and through. How many kids at his age can say that they've talked someone off of a ledge, huh? Hnh… He should be a hostage negotiator when he grows up. He'll put his dad's skills to shame.
Anyway, Jack talked to me. And… and he caught me. Red handed. The Great Genius Dr. Reid who has a fact or statistic or SOMETHING to say about ANY thing… was speechless. I didn't know what to say to him. I was in so much pain. So much agony, torment… hopelessness, helplessness, despair… I felt like my heart was dying. And that it was time for my body to give in. It was time for my pain to end. How do you describe that to a child that young? Why would you even try?
… Why would you want to?
Anyway… He talked me off of that ledge. He asked me why I was getting wet… said I could come inside and get dry and we could have cocoa… But… then he told me… He said… He said, 'Don't make Daddy sad… He loves you.' And I was crying. And begged Hotch not to do this to me… not to make me keep living like I was… it hurt too much. But then… Jack said, 'I love you too.' And I stopped. I couldn't do it. I wanted to. GOD, I wanted to. But… I heard hope in Jack's voice. Maybe… the future was brighter than I thought it was. And all I wanted was just… just to be HELD. I wanted to feel warm and safe. And then he was holding me… Hotch… and… and I let him take me inside. And Jack was there. He hugged me. And he kissed my cheek. He was so warm. And then Hotch promised me he was taking me away from that place.
That was when my nightmare ended. Hotch may have been the one to take me off of that ledge, but… Jack was the one that saved my life. Now, I get to start over. I get to heal. He gave me a second chance. A new lease on life. I can never thank him enough.
"Would you like to try?" Reid looked up at Dr. Blair.
"Huh?" He asked. The woman smiled and stood, walking across the room. She opened the door and called out softly. A moment later, Hotch appeared. And standing by his side, holding his hand, was Jack.
Reid slowly sat up, eyes wide.
"Hi Reid." The little boy said. Reid blinked.
"We've been working on how to say your name correctly." Hotch said with a soft smile. Reid smiled back. "Go say hello to Dr. Reid, Jack." Hotch said, and the little boy ran across the office. Reid rolled off of the sofa and landed on his knees, catching Jack and hugging him tightly.
"… Docto'Reid… Why are you crying?"
"I… I'm sorry Jack. I'm not sure." Reid said, smiling. He sat back on his heels and smiled at the boy. "Thank you."
"… For what?" Jack asked.
"I know you're too young to understand but… You remember when you talked to me when I was outside on the building? And I was wet and sad?"
"You saved my life that day."
"You're a hero, Jack." Hotch said, smiling.
"Like daddy?" Jack asked with an excited grin. Reid grinned back and hugged Jack again.
"JUST like Daddy." Reid assured him. "I love you, Jack."
"I love you too." Jack replied, and kissed Reid's cheek. "You're crying again."
"I know. I'm sorry."
A moment later, Haley appeared in the doorway.
"Come on, Jack." She called. "Time to go." Jack grinned and ran over to her.
"Thanks for letting him come." Hotch said softly to his ex wife. She just looked at him, then glanced at Reid. Then she just nodded and walked away, holding Jack's hand.
Hotch turned and looked at Reid who was now standing in the middle of the office. He smiled and walked over, and the pair wrapped their arms around each other, smiling.
They had a second chance. They were going to make it count.
Next time, 'Return from the Edge'. Reid is released from the McBride Psychiatric Facility and is allowed to return to work. And his first case will take him home to Las Vegas. Now, he has to confront his mother, who hasn't heard from him in four months... Add to that the fact that his and Hotch's first anniversary is only days away... And Hotch has something big planned. And I mean BIG.
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