Author Note: Torchwood is owned by the BBC.

Bed Shopping

There were many ways that Ianto hated to wake up; a Weevil alert in the middle of the night, an empty bed when Jack was restless, a surprise rift opening, his alarm... but the worst by a long shot had to be as he was pushed onto the floor.

"Ouch!" he cried, landing on the cold tile.

"Yan?" came a small, sleepy voice. "What are you doing down there?"

"You pushed me out of bed again" Ianto grumbled, heaving himself up and glaring at a sheepish looking Jack.

"Sorry Ianto" Jack said, budging up and pressing himself against the wall "here lie back down."

Ianto sighed "Jack just face it, that bed is not big enough for two grown men, I can't keep staying here."

Jack shot up and Ianto tried not to be distracted as his blanket slipped down and revealed his bare chest. "But... but I thought that you were happy... you know... with me" said Jack sadly.

Ianto couldn't help his lips twitching in amusement as Jack revealed more than he usually would about his feelings. "I am Jack; I just mean that I can't keep sleeping here. We either get backache, or I fall out, or you don't sleep..."

"But we can't stay at yours all the time, we need to keep an eye on the rift" said Jack worriedly.

"I know" Ianto said, smiling slowly "what I was suggesting Jack was that you get a bigger bed."


At the time Ianto had thought that Jack buying a new, bigger bed was a good idea but now he regretted it. For one, he hadn't expected Jack to want him to help him choose one with him.

"Are you sure?" Ianto said doubtfully.

"Well you wanted a bigger one" Jack shrugged "plus you'll be using it just as often as me."

Ianto couldn't help but feel a little warm at that statement so had agreed to help Jack choose. He certainly hadn't realised that Jack couldn't simply just order one off of the internet; he wanted to try every bed.

"Jack" said Ianto, resisting the urge to face palm. "What are you doing?"

"What?" said Jack innocently, bouncing up and down on the bed "I'm just testing its springs; we don't want to make a noise do we?"

Ianto blushed fiercely as a nearby saleswoman just smiled at him knowingly.

"Jack" Ianto hissed "keep your voice down!"

"What?" said Jack, looking around the shop "ooh look at that one!"

Ianto sighed as Jack raced off to another bed across the shop and gave a faint smile to the saleswoman.

Ianto wandered over to Jack, his woollen coat folded across his arm, "Jack be realistic how are we supposed to get that into your room? We need a frame that can be built and god knows what we're going to do with the mattress."

Jack grinned as he sat on the bed and bounced "I went down into the Archives and got this machine, it makes things small, tiny even. We'll buy a bed, zap it with this," Jack waved a tiny black box that he pulled from his coat pocket, "and then it'll be hand sized so we can get it into my room!"

Ianto had to give Jack points for ingenuity but then frowned "you went into the Archives... alone?"

Jack looked sheepish "You were busy! I didn't make a mess, I swear."

Ianto rolled his eyes and began to mutter under his breath about impatient captains when Jack's eyes finally found his ideal bed. "Ianto look at that one!" Jack walked over to the bed and threw himself onto it, so that he was lying down "oh god this feels good." He crossed his ankles and put his hands behind his head "Ianto lie down!"

"That's alright Jack" Ianto said uncomfortably.

"Seriously you need to feel how good this feels" Jack moaned, almost obscenely.

"That is a good choice sir" said the saleswoman, her heels clipping smartly on the floor as she made her way over to the two men.

Jack sat up and grinned "do you think?"

The saleswoman then began to talk about the mattress being good for backs and easy to clean. Jack nodded at the appropriate moment but Ianto knew that he wasn't listening; he often adopted the same expression when Gwen was talking.

Jack waited for the woman to stop talking and then said "how strong do you reckon the headrest is?"

"I beg your pardon sir?" the woman blinked confusedly.

Jack yanked at the metal bars and rattled them a few times "do you reckon they can withstand a lot of pressure?"

"Jack!" warned Ianto, feeling mortified.

"He's embarrassed now" Jack whispered, winking at the saleswoman. "But it's not my fault that he makes it so that I need something to hold onto!"

The woman laughed and Ianto blushed bright red "I cannot believe you!" he hissed, feeling absolutely mortified.

"I definitely think that we should get this one" Jack said, still bouncing on the bed.

"You" said Ianto "you should get that one."

Jack just rolled his eyes at Ianto and then smiled at the saleswoman "so where do I sign?"


After refusing a free delivery and some nifty zapping on Jack's part, Jack's new bed was paid for and residing inside his coat pocket.

As the two men left the large shop, Ianto couldn't help but be aware of the saleswoman talking to another woman behind the till and overhearing her say "it's always the good looking ones!"

Jack has clearly overheard them as well, "ladies" he grinned, linking his fingers with Ianto's and swinging their arms as they exited the shop.

"That was humiliating!" Ianto groaned, as they finally stepped out into the sunshine.

"I just wanted to make sure that we made the right choice" grinned Jack.