An: Ah… I wish there were more Mikado and Masomi doujins. If I typed in Shizaya, I'd get a shit ton of results. Damn the severe lack of MikaMaso (Or MasoMika) doujins out there… that are translated. I'm sorry, but that just makes me sad, cause they're my OTP and all. I've been waiting to get Ria drunk since 2059. Anyway extra long author's note for an extra long chaptah.


Whoop! Get crunk in the Tenth Chapter!

At five, still sober.

"Wow, you surpassed my expectations." Izaya said at my fifth drink. I just stared at him. "I thought you'd be drunk after one drink, NO, one sip!"

"You watch too much TV." I told him. "I've seen high school girls drink more than grown ass men and still be sober."

We weren't at a bar. We were just sitting in the park, drinking some vodka that Izaya bought, it was eight at night. Not late, but not really early either. I didn't mind hanging out with the information broker like that. It was better than nothing. I preferred how we were earlier in the day, though. Sitting, watching a crappy movie, and poking fun at each other.

Izaya sat beside me, pouring drinks endlessly into me. I didn't mind, I didn't actually care. I watched him buy the alcohol so I knew it was perfectly fine. Even if I hadn't, I'd still be fairly sure that it wasn't drugged or poisoned. Izaya was an asshole, but he wasn't homicidal… yet.

"I'm bored let's walk around." Was the last thing I actually remembered saying.

At some number, I don't even know, I'm hung over.

I awoke to the light stinging my eyes, my head feeling like a freight train hit it. I sat up, expecting to be on the couch. Instead, there was a warm cushiony bed underneath me. It took me a minute or so to realize where the hell I was. In Izaya's room. In Izaya's bed.

My mind swirled with dirty thoughts of what could have happened. I looked at the table beside me. I stared at the piece of paper on it. I picked it up.

The writing was almost purposely small, causing my head to hurt more.

Ohayou Ri-chan!

I put your jacket in the wash, because you got mud all on it. I asked you how, you only mumbled. So, I'm being so super nice and letting you borrow mine!

Love~ Izaya.

P.S.: You weren't lucky enough to get to even second base with me last night. Man, you're a desperate drunk.

I glared at the paper. Izaya, he was an ass. For no reason my back hurt, maybe I fell.

I slipped out of the warm bed. I hissed at the cold air and the bright ass sun. Walking to the living room I heard my phone ring.

I wandered over to get it. Moving like a zombie, I smacked my hand on the phone, slowly gliding it off the table. I flipped it open, groaning at the new light.

Text From: Celty:

Ria-chan, are you okay? You seemed rather drunk last night… I didn't wake you up did I? . Gomen.

I stared at the phone. Beginning my text back, I walked over to sit on the couch. I stared at my cards.

To Celty:

How did your number get into my phone? No, you didn't wake me up.

Sending…Sent. I shuffled the card deck. I drew a card. Lovers… again. I hissed at the loathsome, lying bastard of a card. I cleared my throat, there was some bitter taste in my mouth, it wasn't beer, because I didn't drink any. Probably vodka. My phone rang again.

Text From: Celty:

You gave me it. You don't remember? - No way…

I racked my brain to try and remember.

At seven, I'm only a little drunk.

I skipped down the street, followed by Izaya. I heard a familiar horse neigh and ran to the street curb.

"Celty-saaan!" I called, the motorcycle stopped in front of me. I did a little turn of glee. "Ah, Celty-san! It feels like we haven't seen each other in chapters!"

She just stood there, looked at me then turned to Izaya. She began typing.

Did you get her drunk? She showed the phone to the information broker, who shrugged.

"Nee! I just realized I never got your number!~" I yelled. I handed her my phone and stole hers. Finding the contacts I put in my number and typed in Ria. She handed me back my phone. "YAY! You should text me in the morning, Celty-san~"

She nodded and began to ride off. I waved in an over exaggerated fashion. I fell backwards a bit, but Izaya caught me.

I blinked. And texted her back.

To Celty:

I vaguely might remember… Anyway, I got to get out of the house or something. I'll talk to you later... maybe...


In the afternoon I'm walking down the streets.

I hissed at the sun as I walked to work. My legs were very cold due to the winter weather. The fact that I was wearing a skirt didn't really help. My torso was really warm however, due to Izaya's coat. I didn't want to admit it, but it made me feel kind of badass. Like, I could kick anyone's ass with the nifty bat that hung loosely in my left hand.

When I turned the corner, I saw Kida and his friend walking my way.

"Ah, Ria-sama." The friend said in a timid voice. I blinked. What was with the sama?

"Hey, Ria-chan! You look like hell!" Kida stated bluntly. He was smiling like usual. He was cute sometimes. "That makes sense considering how completely drunk you were last night."

"You saw that, huh?" I mentally cursed Izaya and his stupid ideas. He made me a bad influence. That bastard.

"You could say that." The friend smiled nervously. I turned to him and blinked. He had a good boy look to him.

"I'm sorry, what's your name. I don't believe we've been introduced." I stated, now curious about the equally cute teen. They had such young faces! I didn't envy them for it though.

"Ah, you mean you really don't remember? I mean, you were really drunk but…" He looked a little surprised.

At eleven, I've become a pedophile.

I bounded down the street. Skipping wasn't normally my thing, but it was rather fun that night. Across the street I saw a familiar smile and blond hair.

"KIDAKICHI!" I yelled and the boy turned to me. I waited for the crossing light to have the little man on it. Then I skipped down the crosswalk.

"Ria-chan." He smiled, yet again he was accompanied by a dark haired teen.

"Nee, Kidakichi~ You never introduced me to your friend." I hiccupped and smiled.

"It's Ryuugamine Mikado." The shy looking boy introduced himself.

"That's a fake name. THAT MEANS WE'RE IN THE SAME BOAT! Nee, nee, call me Ria-sama." I smiled twirling in circles.

"Um… okay?" He seemed hesitant. Kida laughed at my antics, I hugged him in my drunken state. He took a step back to steady himself, as all of my weight was on him.

"Woah. Ria-chan, are you alone?" He asked, clearly hoping a friend would recover me. I shook my head, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Izanyan left so he wouldn't get Shizuowned." I explained. It wasn't really an explanation, since it left more questions than answers.

"Woah, by Izanyan do you Orihara Izaya?" Kida growled. I buried my face into his neck.

"Nee, Kidakichi, went you graduate you should date me." I purred into his ear. Ryuugamine stood watching this all, very uncomfortable.

"You shouldn't get too evolved with that guy, he's no good." He warned me.

"Hehehe, too late~" I laughed darkly. "We're already in a bromance."

Kida looked at me, confused. I didn't let go of the under aged boy. Ryuugamine tapped me.

"Eh? Does Ryuukichi want to join?" I released Kida from my grasp and clung to the other boy, who also wobbled. I hiccupped and smiled. I looked into my junior's blue eyes. "Ryuukichi has such pretty eyes."

He tried to keep his balance as all of my weight bared down on him.

"You guys aren't as sturdy as Izanyan. I guess that makes sense cause you're younger and all. Hmm. I wonder…" I let go of poor Ryuugamine. I turned to Kida, biting my lip. I crushed my lips on top of his. He looked extremely surprised. "No, no. You're not as good of a kisser as Izaya. *hic* He's an ass, but he kisses really well. Hehe…"

The duo exchanged a highly concerned look. Kida looked disgusted at the thought of sharing an indirect kiss with Izaya.

"You're still very, very cute Kida. Ryukichi should be glad to have you as a boyfriend." I swayed around. The two denied having any kind of relationship like that. I laughed a little. "Kida-kun is so cute! If it weren't illegal I'd crawl into your bed tonight!"

He looked at me in surprise, probably because the first time we met I completely rejected him.

"I'm going leave you now, before I actually act on my dirty, dirty thoughts. Bye Kidakichi, Ryuukichi~" I waved and skipped off.

My hand was on my forehead as Kida and Ryuugamine finished telling the story.

"Oh, my god. I can't believe I did that." I shuttered at my inappropriateness from the previous night.

"It's alright, if you weren't so drunk, I might have been able to enjoy that kiss." Kida winked at me. I patted him on the head.

"Shut up." I said, just walking away from the situation.


In work, comes more shock.

I walked into work with Izaya's jacket, earning a few glares. It felt pretty cool. I'd have to get my yellow jacket dirty more often, because Izaya's was like a status symbol. I kept my face cool. But inside I was laughing like a creepy clown in the horror movies. It was super cool and fun to me.

"Hey Simon~" I smiled, it was probably very creepy and out of character, but I sincerely didn't care. Would it be to girly for me to state how the jacket smelled like Izaya? I mean, not to be creepy but it did!

"Is that Izaya's jacket?" He asked. I smiled smugly. Even though we weren't in an actual relationship, didn't mean I couldn't insinuate that we were. "You should not be getting too involved with him, you're knowing that right?"

"Why is everyone saying that today?" I grumbled, putting my name tag on. He just sighed and walked out.

I hopped to work, going to my table I saw a group of four people. Two of them I had seen before. I remembered their faces quite plainly, because they had talked to me briefly before about who I should Cosplay as. I pushed that aside greeting them like I normally would.

"Hello, my name is Ria. I'll be your server today, can I get you something to drink?" I asked politely. It was almost completely out of character for me, it would be if I wasn't working.

"Hey, I know you!" One of them said. He had brown medium length hair and a red vest. Not much worth mentioning. "You're the one who killed Ruri-chan's song!"

"Eh?" I blinked in confusion.

"YEAH! You sung with Yume-san and Hana-san at the karaoke bar!" Another said, he was one of those that talked to me that other day. The overly Asian one.

"What… no, I think you have me confused with someone else." I looked at them like they were a gaggle of idiots.

"I'm pretty sure it was you. Look! You even have Izaya's jacket to show for it!" The super Aisan. The only girl glared at me.

"You destroyed my OTP." She huffed. "I hope you know that."

I blinked at her, what?

At thirteen I'm doing things I normally wouldn't.

"ROAR OUT LOUDER!" I shouted with an equally drunk Hana. So far we had sung eight Hibijiribe Ruri songs. And now we had started on anime themes. "Mukuchi na yousei wa soko ni iru!"

After we finished that song Yume wanted to do a song all three of us. There weren't many other people in the bar who wanted to sing.

"How about this?" Yume pointed to some song, the only thing I could really make out of the words was ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH! I shook my head. "Eh? You don't that one either! Are you sure you're Japanese!"

"Actually I was born from Mother Russia!" I yelled loudly. The door to the bar opened. I really didn't care and continued flipping through pages.

"Come here often?" A voice raped my ears. I turned around swiftly only to see Izaya.

"Izaya! You left me! Why?" I yelled, hitting him weakly. "Bastard! I ended up making out with young impressionable boys thanks to your lack of responsibility!"

"How is that my fault?" He lifted an eyebrow. I leaned on him.

"I don't know… it just is." I hiccupped.

After that he sighed and led me out of the bar.

"That's how you ruined my ruined my favorite pairing! Shizuo and Izaya is now an unobtainable goal!" The only girl cried, putting her head on the table. I raised my hand to object.

"Um… if you know Kida Masaomi and Ryuugamine Mikado you could still ship them. They're pretty close." I offered not even sure if she'd know high school boys, she looked up at me.

"Holy crap! You're right! WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE! They'd be shota magic!" She exclaimed. "You're a yaoi genius! Although I still hate you for destroying Shizaya."

"Um… thanks? So, um… drinks?" I said in hopes to change the subject to anything else.


On the way home, I'm assaulted.

Was tense from work and my back STILL hurt. So one could say I wasn't in the best mood. That didn't improve as a trash can flew past my face, barely missing me.

"Heiwajima-kun, calm down, that isn't him." A familiar voice rang. I slowly turned around to see Mina and Heiwajima together, without Mina's nose leaking of blood. "Ria-chan?"

I fell to my knees, letting out a large sigh of relief.

"What are you wearing that flea's jacket?" Heiwajima asked. Mina helped me to my feet.

"My yellow jacket got dirty…" I stated. I looked at the two, they were standing next to each other naturally. "Are you guys dating?"

The two blushed and looked away from each other. Were they idiots? Acting like they were like middle school students. It made me actually glad for my and Izaya's dysfunctional relationship.

"Hey how's that tattoo going?" Mina asked. I blinked. What?

"What?" Shizuo turned to her.

"What?" I asked as well.

"What you don't remember?" She blinked. "You and Yume called me last night saying you were getting a tattoo on your lower back."

I lifted up my shirt and turned to look at my back, unfortunately I couldn't see it.

"Woah, that's pretty awesome." Shizuo commented.

"Really I think it's kinda scary…." Mina whined. It made me wonder what it was of. "Are you sure you won't regret this?"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S OF!" I yelled. The semi-couple let out a long ooohh.

"Um, it's a heart… and there's barb wire… and is that waves?" Mina attempted to describe it. I sighed, pulling down my shirt.

"You probably don't remember because I'm pretty sure you were drunk last night." Heiwajima informed me of things I already knew.

Ah, I faintly remembered seeing Heiwajima the previously. That's right! He threw a lamp post or something at Izaya, and I yelled 'YOU JUST GOT SHIZUOWNED!' at him. That was it. Hehe, Shizuowned.

I turned away from them, waving goodbye, to let them continue what I was fairly certain was a date.

I wished Izaya and I went on dates. I shook my head to get rid of the ridiculous thoughts.


At home, I feel uncomfortable.

"I'm home." I called walking into the apartment. I was met by Izaya. I couldn't explain why I was somewhat happy to see his smug asshole face.

"Welcome back." He smirked.

I sat across from him. The television was playing the news. They were talking about someone called Saika. I'm pretty out of touch with world news, or local news for that matter.

"So, how was your day?" He asked cheerfully.

"I'm never drinking alcohol again." I hissed at him.

"How's that tattoo of yours?" He asked. Oh, great even Izaya knew of it! And of course he didn't tell me. Must have slipped his mind when he was taunting me via notepaper.

"It hurts." I huffed and looked away. I wished I remembered much of anything from the previous night.

"I'm sorry." No he wasn't. I wondered how I ended up showing him the tattoo.

"Is it cool, I haven't seen it." I sighed. He stood up and grabbed my hand. Pulling me up he lead me to his room. Highly sexual thoughts rushed into my head until I realized there was a full length mirror in his room.

When we reached the room he placed me in front of said mirror. I lifted my shirt up and looked at my back. HOLY SHIT! It was a heart with barb wire and thorns surrounding it. A blue chinese dragon was above it, looking like he was going to eat it. It was rather awesome. Not the best tattoo ever, but still.

"That's pretty cool." I stated. He nodded.

"I like the way you revealed it to me last night better." Izaya cooed. I shot my look towards him.

"How did I reveal it last night?" I asked in a dangerous voice.

"I can't it's a secret." He smirked, skipping backwards.

"TELL ME!" I yelled at him.


{Izaya's POV}

I carried the heavy drunken girl on my back. She was mumbling many things that I honestly didn't care about.

"Nee, Izanyan." She huffed.

"Yes, Ri-chan." I responded in my usual perky tone, despite having to carry the heavy young lady.

"You're not allowed to bring home another girl like that." She hiccupped. What girl? Ah the blond from earlier. "You did that on purpose, she's prettier and has a better body. That bitch."

She punched my shoulder blade, it didn't hurt too much due to her drunken state. I simply hummed.

"Hey, Izaya." She buried her face into my neck.

"What?" We're where at the apartment and on our way to our loft. She hugged my neck in a very uncharacteristic way. I sighed as I tried to fit the key in the door without completely dropping her, no matter how humorous it'd be.

"I think… I might be in serious like with you." She stated as I opened the door. I couldn't help but smile, teenage girls seemed to flock to me like fat kids to a candy store.

"Oh really?" I smiled setting her on the couch. I looked at her jacket, there was a mud stain on there. "How did that get there?"

"Grmhrmmft." She mumbled and then snapped up. She began taking off her shirt. Literally nothing could have prepared me for that. She turned around. "Hey, look at my tattoo, cool isn't it?"

"Um, I guess so." It was okay. Not the greatest tattoo in the world, it certainly made her look more adult, from the back at least…

"Nee, Izaya." She wrapped her arms around my neck. She looked at me all love struck, which was creepy. At least considering the source. "You are so mean."

"You caught me! I brought you home from your own rampage because I'm so mean~" I sarcastically exclaimed.

She placed her lips on mine. I broke the kiss, simply because she tasted like alcohol and could vomit at any moment. Helping her put her shirt on I led her to my room. She needed to sleep in a bed, bed. She flopped on the bed.

I began to exit the room when she grabbed my sleeve. I sighed and turned around.

"Stay. Please." She pleaded, clearly very tired. Reluctantly, I crawled in bed next to her.

"Your not getting lucky though, not when you could throw up on me at any moment." I explained.

"So if I wasn't drunk we could-" She bit her lip.

"No." I cut her off. "If you weren't drunk you wouldn't want to."

She shrugged and put her head on my chest. She should learn to be that cute in everyday life. She was almost asleep.

"You just wait…" She whispered. "You'll be head over heels for me soon…"

"I'm not so sure about that Ria-ch-" I began, but it was useless, the blond was already asleep.

The nerve.


SUPAH SPECIAL AUTHA'S NOTE: So I'm a little stuck, so to help go vote on poll in profile. Now. Scurry scurry.