This is just a short, drabbly one shot that I wrote for my awesome beta and fuckawesome friend coachlady1. It's her birthday! W00t!

She's an amazing person and I just love the hell out of her.

Disclaimer: The pairing you read at the top of this page is not a typo. This is in fact, an Edward & Bella one shot *gasp* coachlady1 likes E/B, so that's what I gave her : )

Check out the blog happybirthdaycoach. blogspot. com for more one shots, drabbles, RobPorn and MOAR!

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"Will you stop whining? Your appointment's in an hour and you're not even dressed."

She pouts and plops down onto her bed, crossing her arms defiantly. "I don't wanna get dressed. I don't wanna go."

Her voice is strained and gravelly. The shit sounds painful.

"You're making this harder than it needs to be, Rose."

"Doctors are evil. My cough drops are doing just fine."

"Cough drops aren't gonna help with strep throat. You've been taking the damn things for a week and you've gotten worse-"

"They just need time to kick in-"

"Rose, you're going." She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off by making her talk to the hand. "Nope, don't wanna hear it. And I'm going with you to make sure you don't chicken out. Shut up and throw on some sweats."

*CL*CL*CL*

She keeps whining and complaining the whole way. Rose is usually a tough cookie but turns into a puss cake when it comes to doctors. She swears that they're demons, devils, sons of Lucifer, snakes, etc., etc.

I just let her talk.

She's talking, but that doesn't mean I have to listen.

I rarely listen when she throws one of her little fits.

The ride passes quickly, since I'm replaying my favorite Golden Girls episodes in my head.

She groans when I put the car in park and I give her a look. "Don't embarrass me."

*CL*CL*CL*

"Rosalie Hale?"

A plump nurse calls her name and we simultaneously get out of our seats and walk toward her.

She's plump and cute. She looks like she bakes a mean peanut butter cookie.

Rose glares and grumbles as the nurse goes through procedure, asking what her symptoms are, taking her temperature, checking her weight and everything else the doctor would need.

The nurse takes Rose's 'tude in stride, keeping a knowing, grandmotherly smile on her face at all times. "The doctor will be in shortly."

*CL*CL*CL*

There's a brief knock on the door before it opens... and the gates of heaven have been revealed, right before my very eyes.

"Hello, Rosalie. I'm Dr. Masen and I'll be looking after you while Dr. Cullen is away."

Rose huffs.

I drool and squirm in my seat. His voice is like Pegasus wings, softly fluttering against my eardrums.

"Where's Dr. Cullen?"

Rose's harsh tone jerks me out of my orgasmic fantasies and for the first time, I want to slap my best friend.

How dare she disrespect the father of my future spawns?

*CL*CL*CL*

"Basszus, nézd azt a segget. Zabálnivaló. Szerinted feljelentene, haegy kicsit megszorongatnám?"

For the past ten minutes, I've been having a one-sided Hungarian conversation with Rose while Dr. Feelgood checks out her throat. She keeps hissing at me to shut up and I keep telling her the various ways I would screw the good doctor's brains out.

Rose and I frequently have private conversations around other people while they stay oblivious to the fact that we're talking about them. It's fun.

I've come to the conclusion that Renee making us take that random Hungarian course a few years ago was one of the best things I could have done.

*CL*CL*CL*

He writes out a prescription and I almost cry because that means our time is almost up. I watch his fingers as they quickly scribble words on his pad and continue my naughty talk with Rose.

I mention a few things about how long his fingers are and how I'd ride the hell out of said fingers until they broke. Then I'd ride his cock until it broke.

At this point, Rose is sick of me talking about him, because he's a doctor and doctors are spawns of Satan. And according to her, Satan spawns hold no interest in having sex lives because they're too busy spreading death and destruction wherever they go.

In response to that, I tell her that he'll have a voracious sex drive by the time I'm done with him.

*CL*CL*CL*

The hot doc hands Rose the small piece of paper and she snatches it out of his grasp. "Do you have any questions, Rosalie?"

"No," she practically barks at him.

I mentally punch her in the throat for talking to my soul mate that way.

"Alright, well, if anything should arise or if you have any questions, feel free to call the office."

"Whatever."

*CL*CL*CL*

She stomps out of the door before I can even get out of my damn seat. I'm gonna have to teach that girl some manners. As I walk to the door, I notice that Dr. SexyMan still hasn't left the room. He looks nervous.

"Bella, is it?"

"Uh... yes?"

Maybe he forgot to give Rose specific instructions or something.

"Well, this is highly unprofessional. You see, I was wondering if I could maybe... take you out some time?"

Somewhere in the world, a choir is singing Hallelujah.

He licks his lips and my mind wanders to the wicked things that tongue could do to me. I imagine it trailing over my collarbone as I grip his hair, sliding over my hipbone as he uses his hands to hold me flat against the bed...

"I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. That was-"

Answer him, damn it!

"Yes. Yes, I would love to go out with you."

He smiles, all crooked and sexy and my ovaries drop about fifty eggs.

"Okay, good. Well, I should give you this." He hands me a business card with a number written on the back. "That's my personal cell. Just... call me any time."

Would it be pathetic if I cartwheeled out of here? I'm sure I'm blushing like a virgin right now. "Okay, I'll give you a call."

"Great. Remélem, még hallok felőled."

He smirks and quickly leaves the room while I stupidly stand here, gaping like a fish.

Dear Jesus,

Please kill me now.

*CL*CL*CL*

Da end.

*still humping your leg*

Happy birthday, Dee! I FLOVE you! *MUAH*

*CL*CL*CL*

Translations:

"Basszus, nézd azt a segget. Zabálnivaló. Szerinted feljelentene, haegy kicsit megszorongatnám?" - "Damn, look at that ass. Delicious. Do you think he would press charges if I squeezed it a little?"

"Great. Remélem, még hallok felőled." - "Great. I hope to hear from you soon."