A/N Hi again, first I have to say a massive thank you for all the reviews so thanks! Any who it seems most wanted to see a continuation so I've tried my best to rustle one up and I hope you enjoy it. You don't have to read this part you could leave it as a one shot if you prefer that but this is just how things could have gone afterwards.
So on with the show.
Day 1 –
Everyday starts with a first step just get up, don't think about it just do it. Don't think about the way she used to keep me here in bed. The way her black curly hair would tickle my face when I woke up. She's not here that moment doesn't exist anymore.
I threw off the sheets and the cold morning air seemed to help me get up. I went through my monotonous morning routine like clock work…brush, Floss, shower. I wonder if she's thinking about me right now in this moment. "Stop it" I whispered to myself. I wasn't in the habit of talking to myself but if I didn't I knew I would obsess.
I poured some cereal just enough for one and took a seat in front of the TV. I don't feel like doing anything today.
Day 2 –
"Ouch" I muttered as I felt my spine correct it's self against the abrasive couch. I took a quick sip from whatever stale drink was on the coffee table. It wasn't that bad. I turned the TV back on and moved to my side. Why does it seem like when your trying to forget something everything seems to remind you of it? I turned the TV off and moved to stare at the ceiling.
The sound of keys at the door was a welcomed break from my enforced blank thoughts. I hope it was someone coming to take me away.
"Bella…Bella." Angela's familiar voice sounded throughout the apartment.
I didn't answer but instead moved to face the back of the couch. I didn't want Angela to see me but I didn't have the energy to get up.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to get you anything? Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asked in her best motherly voice.
"I'm fine, just leave me alone."
"Come on Bells I'll go wherever you want. How about that junk shop on Madison that you like?" Angela sat at the end of my bed bouncing lightly.
"It's an antique shop." I said pulling the covers over my head. I wish she would just give up and let me wallow in my own thoughts.
"One mans junk I'm just saying. Okay how about we…"Angela drawled out the word until she thought of what to say next. "I got it we could go to the diner and eat our weight in chicken and waffles."
"As fun as it sounds I'm not hungry."
Angela pulled down the covers and placed her hand against my forehead. "Your always hungry…this must be serious."
I rolled my eyes waiting for her to remove her hand. "Ang if you want to go just go."
"I don't want to go I want to hang out with you I want the old Bella back. The one who says 'yuck' every time straight people kiss on TV and still watches Saturday morning cartoons. Where did she go?" Angela placed her hand on my calf in a comforting gesture but I didn't feel any different.
"She died." I deadpanned
"No she's in there somewhere I know it. So do you want to talk about it yet?"
I brought the neck of my top up to my nose to determine if it was time for a change of pajamas. I really do need to change my pajamas but I think I can maybe get another day out of them. I had the phone in my hand ready to call in sick to work again. I think my boss knew why but she was nice and always just said 'okay hope you feel better," Yeah me to.
After the cursory call I dropped the phone by my side and curled up with my music. I heard someone at the door Angela must be back for her daily check-in routine.
"What died in here?" Rosalie asked bemused while covering her nose.
I couldn't think of anything I cared enough to say back.
"Okay I've had enough of this self loathing bull crap. Seriously I'm even beginning to miss the old Bella and she was a sarcastic bitch but I'd take her any day over this pathetic lump."
I knew what she was saying was right but in fairness I was like this before just on the inside. I just didn't know any better I lived a happy ignorant life full of simple pleasures like TV and books and now I know better and want more. I don't know how to live like this with these feelings.
"Rosie don't you think that's a little harsh." a familiar voice spoke a voice I hadn't heard in a week.
"No Emmett I don't think it is. Do you think Alice is moping her way through the days in smelly old pajamas? I don't think so. So get your butt out of that bed get in the shower, then get ready cause we're going outside you know in the sunlight where the people are."
"Go away." I tell them but it's muffled against the pillow.
"Sorry Bella but I made a promise and I've not been keeping it so I'll give you a chance get up or I'll have to get you up." Emmett spoke but the threat seemed hollow.
"No I don't want to go out, get out of my room please." My throat was like sandpaper from days of not talking and it hurt to speak.
"Okay Bella but just remember you had a choice."
Yeah I had a choice and I made the wrong one. It was all…what the hell? I felt two muscle bound arms tighten around my waist picking me up off the bed so my back was against his chest.
"Emmett…Emmett put me down. I don't want to go anywhere I want to stay in my bed. Let me go!" I coughed and choked on my own words.
"Rose get the shower quick."
I thrashed against the giants hold but it was useless. He just held tighter each time.
I felt cold as the water hit me in the chest and started to soak through my pajama's getting me wet before I was ready. Emmett and Rosalie were getting soaked right along with me. Emmett still hadn't let go and Rose began to put shampoo in my hair. The coldness of the water actually felt rather refreshing. I whipped my wet hair back and hit Emmett in the face and he dropped me and started to spit out a few soapy bubbles.
I couldn't help myself as the laughter took over at the image of all three of us in this small shower with our clothes on soaked to the bone. Rose wielding a shampoo bottle like a deadly weapon and Emmett spitting out soapy water.
I fell against the tiled wall in a fit of laughter and then I heard Emmett's loud chuckle and Rosalie's light snigger.
The laughter started slowly turning into sobs and Emmett pulled me into his side and I grabbed at his shirt balling it in my fists dragging him down to the floor and he came willingly. The water from the shower masked my own tears.
"I just miss her so much." I started sniveling into his shirt.
"Yeah me too."
Day- whatever who cares it's been too long to count.
"Bella wake up, wake up. Please you have to get ready you can't be late to the wedding you're the maid of honor." Angela pounced on my bed bouncing me up and down.
"Chill Angela I'm up, I'm up. I only take ten minutes to get ready." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes trying to get a grip of where I was. Oh yeah my bed.
"Yes I know and I've never been more thankful for your man like changing time but we still need to hurry." Angela tossed a dry clean bag over the chair to my desk and continued to stare at me until I finally got out of bed. I couldn't lie the thought did occur to me to go back to sleep once she had left.
"Why am I the maid of honor anyway?" I thought out loud as I slowly made my way out of bed. I took a moment to scrunch my toes into the carpet trying to clear my mind of the drowsy dreams that lingered there.
"Well if it wasn't for you they would never have found each other. So they kind of owe you that one," Angela mused.
"Nah I think they would have met somehow, someone that has that much impact on your life you have to meet somehow if not me then probably just some other way." I tried to hold back a yawn.
I made my way to the bag and I knew what was inside but it didn't stop me from taking a moment to pray that she had changed her mind. I exhaled and pulled down the zip to reveal the damn midnight blue dress. It's not that it wasn't a nice dress it's just the fact that it was a dress and for that reason it earned my eternal hatred.
"Stop glaring at the dress and get it on we still need to go help Rosalie get ready."
"Fine," I huffed and began to put on my clothes.
"I'll go get your shoes, hurry up." Angela was so damn bossy sometimes, I kind of felt bad for Ben but hey maybe he liked bossy. Eww bad thoughts I pressed my eyes together to get them away. Once I had banished the bad thoughts and I was finished with the underwear I slipped on the dress then zipped up the side and threw my hair back and took a short look in the mirror. It'll have to do I guess.
Angela came back into my room carrying a pair of flats and I thanked the almighty SpongeBob that I did not have to wear heels.
"Bella you can't wear socks with these it looks weird." Angela spoke pursing her lips at my foot attire.
"Who cares if I'm wearing socks? There comfy." I reasoned justly.
"Rose will and you won't match everyone else so just take off the socks and put these on we're going to be so late she's going to kill us anyway."
"Rosalie said all I have to do is show up and not complain. She said nothing about socks." I tried to reason.
"Bella." Angela moaned in her best mom voice it was almost chilling. I felt sad for the child she would have that kid stood no chance.
"Come on not even one?" I knew it was useless to argue with the mom voice so I relented and took off my socks and put the damn uncomfortable shoes on.
Once I was fully dressed and ready to go Angela began to shoo me out the door and into a cab outside. When we were in the cab my legs started to shake I tried my best not to think about it but I knew she would be there and I know today is going to be hard.
Angela placed her hand on my shaking knee trying to calm me down I looked into her eyes and smiled an anxious thank you.
"Are you going to be alright?"
I just nodded unable to speak in fear of throwing up. It's not that I didn't want to miss my friends wedding I loved Rosalie and Emmett and I wanted to see them happy but seeing Alice again after all this time. I had no idea what she was like anymore I just had this image of her from four years ago playing in my head. Would she be single? Would she not? God what was more scary? I knew I should have just asked Emmett about her but I didn't want to seem weak or hung up on her. I didn't want Emmett to call her up and be like 'Bella asked about you again today.' How bad would that make her feel? Knowing I was here wishing I had made her stay.
I clasped my hands together to stop them shaking. The cab came to a halt and I stepped out into the familiar sight of the Brandon cinema. As Angela paid the cabbie I spotted Jasper at the only open door looking handsome in his suit like some movie star.
"Hey where have you been? You should have been here ages ago I bet Rosalie's still freaked out you should go talk to her." Jasper spoke fast and gave me directions to where Rosalie was and I instantly felt guilty at not thinking more about Rose on her big day, she must be freaked out a little.
I stormed into the little staff room and found Rosalie pacing back and forth like a cadged animal and Alice just standing behind her staring aimlessly. I only glanced at Alice for a second then focused my mind on Rose.
"Where the hell have you been? I'm about to get married and I'm missing two bridesmaids."
"I'm sorry Rosalie look we're here now and everything is going to be fine." I tried my best to reassure her but it was useless.
Her eyes darted around the room as it checking for an escape root. "But what if its not? What if I'm not ready to get married? What if I step out there and Emmett's not there?"
"Rose look at me." I placed my hands lightly on her cheeks to get her focus but not enough to ruin her make up. I was already on her bad side. "As soon as you step out that door and you stand at the top of that aisle and you look into Emmett's eyes your going to know that you made the right choice. You're supposed to be together I can't see it any other way."
Rosalie's eyes went from frantic to slightly more relaxed and I knew I had done my job. Rosalie's mother came in and asked if we were all ready and then went to take her seat. We all followed behind her to the doors of the screening room where the ceremony would be held.
"Seems like you still know just what to say." Alice whispered as she walked past me and up to Jasper taking his arm completely ignoring me.
I was walking behind them next to Edward I took his arm in mine and waited for the doors to open and the music to start. I couldn't help but think about Alice's voice wrapping it around me like a comforting blanket on a cold winters night. I just stared into the back of her head silently willing her to turn around but she didn't. She seemed the same yet different more mature and calmer almost, different from the excited ball of energy I was used to. It was odd how I forgot how her voice sounded or that slight skip she walked with.
Edward didn't say any thing, as a current of anticipation seemed to run through us all keeping everyone silent and still.
There was an Echo of piano music that got suddenly louder as two boys pushed the doors open and held them there Angela and her partner went first then Alice and Jazz then Edward and I followed by Rosalie and her father. The only thoughts going through my head at this moment were 'don't trip, don't trip.' Luckily I made it to my seat as Rosalie continued to the stage. I should have know she would get married on a stage it just seems so Rosalie like her life is a show come to life.
Emmett was shaking worse than me in the cab as he looked at Rose but once she was in front of him he grinned like a mad man. He took her hand in his and the faced towards each other. There was the usual stuff but I was intrigued by the image they had on screen of rain falling like a downpour and there was a quite noise of falling rain mixed with piano music. Emmett retrieved a rumpled piece of paper from his inside pocket and began to try and flatten it out.
"Rose the minute I saw you I knew you were the one for me. You may have been drunk." I huffed a laugh and so did a few others. "And you yelled at me and thought I was stupid for wanting to play kids games but I saw past all that. I saw someone so strong but weary. Someone tired of empty promises and being let down and I know you've been hurt before but I need you to know I could never hurt you Rosie and I won't make you any empty promises but if you'll let me I just want to be your resting place, your shelter from storm, your sun when there is none." Emmett's words were so heartfelt I felt tears start to creep up and I tried to blink them away. I had no idea Emmett was so poetic in his feelings I think I was a little awe struck.
Edward handed me a handkerchief and I whispered a thank you. The whole ceremony seemed to pass rather quickly and Emmett and rose did the run down the Aisle whilst we followed slowly behind.
(Later that night.)
Okay this is why I hate weddings it doesn't matter where you go it's cheesy music and old people dancing with children on there feet and guys getting plastered at the bar. I sat at my table with Angela and Ben and Edwards parents for some bizarre reason but I didn't make the seating chart and I hope I'll never have to. I tapped my fingers on the table lazily going along with the beat of the music when I noticed Alice approach the dance floor.
She just stood there alone watching some of the other couples dancing and she sighed tilting her head to the side. I guess some things never change, she looked amazing in a dark green dress similar to mine but it defiantly looked better on her and I couldn't stop my eyes from slowly dragging there way up her body taking in every thing about her. Her milky white skin reflecting the lights from the dance floor and her slightly bored expression that probably mirrored mine exactly. She ran her hand past her hair moving a wisp from in front of her eyes and it seemed a lot shaggier I guess maybe she was growing it.
"Why don't you go ask her to dance?" A woman with long wavy hair and kind eyes asked me with a smile.
"I can't." I didn't really deserve to either.
"Why not? It's easy just go up and ask."
I looked at Edward's mom then to Alice and it didn't seem that easy there were layers of history and Awkwardness not to mention the fact that I'm a horrible dancer.
"Okay." I stuttered as I left my chair and crossed the crowded hall. I felt like a teenage boy going to pick up his first date my palms were sweating and I could hardly hear the music over the beating of my own heart. Not to mention I had no idea what to do with my hands I really wished this dress had pockets. I approached her slowly as if not to scare her but she didn't even seem to notice me at all.
"Would you like to dance?" I mumbled nervously, running my hand through my hair.
She spoke my name with surprise and I was just happy she remembered it at all. I held out my hand and she seemed to take a moment her gazing at me like she was evaluating the pros and cons. I bit my lip in anticipation, as it seemed to be the longest moment of my life.
"That would be nice." She put her hand into mine and I lead us to the floor as the music changed it was a slower paced song acoustic style song and I put my hands on her hips and she clasped hers behind my head. You could probably fit a giant panda in the space between us. That would be weird thou.
"I thought you hated to dance?" Alice asked me and I was glad that she seemed to be trying to push past any awkwardness and I was glad that we could both just be adults.
"I do but I know you like to dance and you where starting to stare a whole in the dance floor I was afraid people might fall in." I laughed at my own joke and Alice joined in shuffling a little closer.
"I'm sorry I didn't hear that answer because I'm still in shock at the fact your wearing a dress," Alice quipped and I left my face get hot as she looked at my legs.
"I know" I groaned, "I'm just trying not to look down so I can pretend I'm wearing jeans."
"You shouldn't you look…nice. Uh do you have the time?"
"No I don't know what time it is." I looked around for a clock usually kept high on the wall but there was nothing. "Why are you gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight or something?" I smiled and it felt like the first smile I had in a while.
"I just have someone I need to call." Alice shifted her hand to my shoulder and my whole body tingled.
"So…how have you been?" I knew it was a question loaded with possible answers but I had to ask it.
"I've been good I graduated and now I'm looking for jobs I'll probably start applying to a few quite soon."
"Where are you applying?" I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't want her to say Seattle. Even after all this time if she wanted just to pick up where we left I would say 'Hell yes.' But does life ever work that way?
"There are some I've been looking at here in Seattle. I really miss Emmett I feel like I'm missing him growing up." She scrunched up her face at her own words and I chuckled, "That sounded weird didn't it?"
"Yeah it did but it was funny." I said in-between laughs, "It feels like we got divorced and I got Emmett in the settlement." I instantly regretted saying the word divorce as soon as it left my mouth. Why did I have to say that? Her face dropped a little and the song finished. I lead us over to an empty table so we could keep talking. I forgot how much I just missed talking to her.
"Has Emmett been okay? I know I haven't been home much there was so much work and other things and I lost track I mean I still called him like everyday but I always felt like he wasn't telling me everything."
I didn't think Emmett of all people would keep anything from her. "He just missed you. Did he ever speak about me?" I questioned thinking maybe he didn't tell her how badly I handled the months after she left.
"No not really but to be fair I didn't really ask. I wasn't taking it very well and his silence just made me think that you must have been okay with everything so it would have just made me worse." She took a napkin in her hand and started tearing off little pieces littering them over the table.
"I think the thing he wasn't telling you was that I was a wreck." I nervous laugh shook through my body.
"Really?" Alice asked quizzically.
"Yeah I was pretty bad." Understatement of the century, "I basically did nothing except lie around all day eating cereal in my pajamas and watch day time TV." I didn't know if I should really be telling her this but it was years ago now and she asked me. It was really hard to deny her anything she asked.
"Why didn't he tell me?" she spoke quietly more to herself than to me.
"I guess he just didn't want you to worry. I wouldn't have wanted you to know either at the time. I was pretty pathetic it took Rose and Emmett to get me out of bed and literally get me in a shower and once Rose told me how well you were doing without me I just thought…" I took a breath not knowing how to finish my sentence. I never really tried to move on. I just tried to make it through the days without feeling like there was something missing. I tried to push that feeling of incompleteness down so deep that I forgot it was ever there. "I just tried to be better."
"I lied…I lied to Emmett I thought about coming home everyday. I used to walk into the travel agency on the street where I lived like everyday for a year and stare at the magazines. I came so close to buying a ticket home. I think the people who worked their thought I was crazy." Alice got a far away look in her eye but then came back to the present. "Do you have the time?"
"No, I don't have a watch," I showed her my naked wrist indicating that fact. I bowed my head shuffling my chair closer to the table not wanting anyone to over hear the word I was about to say the words I told myself I would never ask. "Do you regret it?"
"Sometimes but we can't change the past, I have grown up a lot and the school was everything I thought it would be so I think I should say thank you for making me go. What do you do now? I feel so rude I haven't even asked."
Even thou I knew she was trying to be nice it felt like a shot to the gut. "That's fine it's not really exciting. I'm a freelance journalist mostly local and regional stuff I just like the freedom it gives me. I don't have to be stuck in an office all the time."
"That's great, isn't that what you always wanted."
"Yeah kind of." I whispered the last part.
"I have to make this call now before it gets to late." Alice said with an apologetic look.
"Yeah that's fine but you'll have to go out the front for a signal."
She nodded in silent understanding grabbing her jacket and leaving through the double doors. I sat silently and alone at the table filled with half empty bottler of beer and a few wine glasses. I smiled to myself at how easy it seemed to be. I was worried about nothing really. Maybe I can ask her out again if she's staying in the city this time. There would be no obstcals to try and get over it would be easy this time just her and me.
With my new found happiness I decided to get a drink maybe I should see if Alice wants one as well. I walked to the front of the hotel bypassing the reception and saw Alice pacing back and forth on the phone through the ornate glass doors.
As I approached I noticed she had on an old grey jacket similar to the one I gave her all those years ago maybe it was the same jacket maybe it means she still misses me. I leaned against the door just to look at her in this candid moment when she didn't know I was looking at her. She ran her hand threw her hair and spoke softly into the phone. I thought I might as well wait not wanting to interrupt her phone call.
"Yeah it's been great I forgot how much I missed it here." Alice spoke and couldn't help but wonder what the other person was saying.
"I didn't say that."
"Look I don't want to get into this again. I'm going to be staying in Seattle for a little while and maybe longer you know I just can't leave. I have interviews and I'm watching my brothers place while he's away." Her words were tired like it was the hundredth time she had said them.
"Yeah I miss you too." Her voice got higher as she spoke and I felt my heart drop at her words. She missed someone. Someone somewhere wanted her back.
"Yeah that sounds great okay love you to…bye." Alice hung up the phone and I wanted to run but my legs didn't seem to be listening to me right now.
I don't know what my face looked like but Alice looked shocked as hell to see me standing there. "Bella…I."
I wanted to lie, I have never wanted to lie to someone more in my life than I have at that moment. I could finally understand what the phrase 'saving face' meant because there was nothing more I would have liked to do than go. 'Yeah I just came out here to call my girlfriend as well.' "I have to go." I threw the words at her and left.
I ran into the street and hailed the first cab that passed. Alice was shouting 'wait, wait' but I couldn't. I couldn't hear those three words come from her mouth to someone else. Meant for someone else. I told the cabbie where to go and slumped back into the seat.
It had been two days since I had seen anyone Angela called a few times but now that I lived alone it was easier to go days without seeing anyone. I still did my work but I turned Angela's room into my office so that's a hermits bonus right there.
I sat on the couch with my laptop staring at the blank word document the blinking little line taunting me. "Stupid little line."
There was a knock at the door but I ignored it keeping my staring contest going with the little blinking line. There was another knock slightly louder this time.
"Go away." I yelled in the doors direction.
"Bella I'm not leaving till you talk to me and I have nothing better to do today so just open the damn door." Alice yelled from the other side.
I had calmed down a little since my dramatic exit I mean I knew this would happen. Subconsciously I think I always thought it would always happen. She would meet someone better and I would be alone. I relented and put down my laptop and walked to the door where I could already hear her moving around on the other side.
I opened the door to her and it hit me like a wave like her presence made me into a different person and I forgot how much I like being that person. "What are you doing here?" I asked trying not to look directly at her as if it would somehow help me but it was like trying not to look directly at the sun you could avoid it but your whole world still revolved around the big yellow bastard.
"I'm standing in your doorway. I've always been standing in your doorway." She smiled.
"Still stealing your lines from movies I see." I huffed a short indignant laugh.
"Well I was never as good at the words as you are." Her smile slowly faded and I inviter her in.
We both took a position on the couch facing each other but still with a big panda sized gap in the middle.
"I'm sorry I never told you about Tanya it's still a kind of new thing and…" She stuttered and I took the chance to cut in.
"Don't apologize Alice it's none of my business. I just had to accept that fact and I didn't do a very good job of it but I should have known."
"What do you mean?"
"I always knew you would meet someone. I would be lying if I said I don't still have feelings for you but I never expected you to stay single."
"Why are you so dumb? Please tell me," she said pinching the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"Excuse me?" Okay now I was totally confused she should be happy. I think I'm taking it rather well.
"I just don't understand how someone so smart can be so" She waved her arms like she was physically searching for the words "…dumb."
"I'm not getting you."
"It was so hard, so hard to come back here after so long. To see you again after thinking about you so much and I came because I wanted to be here for my brother yes but I wanted to see if I could see you again without feeling that… pull and even after all this time I look at you and I look into your stupid eyes and I forget what I'm going to say." She sighed and I just kept my mouth shut was amazed.
There wasn't really much I could say to that I know what it felt like to be unable to control your own emotions it felt horrible and great at the same time. "So how long have you and Tanya been…together?" I asked awkwardly
"Only a month." She said like it was nothing.
"That's about double what we ever had." I reminded her.
"Yeah but it felt like a lifetime," She sighed. "I don't understand how you thought it would be easy for me. It was never easy." She placed her hands softly in her lap shaking her head lightly.
"I don't know I guess I just thought we had this kind of tornado thing then when it calmed down I was left with a cow in my living room. I didn't know how to re-act. I just never really believed in my mind that you would deny everyone else who wanted to be with you to be with me when I couldn't even be there." It felt cathartic to get all this out I didn't even realize I felt this what myself but the words just seemed to come one after the other forming there own sentences.
"So you thought I would cheat on you? How could you think that?" Alice shook her head in disbelief.
"Because I'm not special, I'm inept and I'm a coward I don't deal with my feelings. I've rejected anyone who has ever tried to love me because I'm too afraid to risk getting hurt. I didn't want anyone to have that power over me. My mom she cheated on my dad and I saw how it left him broken. I didn't want that to happen to me. I was only trying to protect myself." I wanted to take back the words as soon as I had said them. To inhaled them back into my mouth because I had never told that to anyone but I think she deseved to know and she asked.
"I would have protected you too you know. You act like I'm some sort of perfect person and I'm not. I left because I thought it was what you wanted."
I looked at her and I knew she meant it but I was different then younger even more dumb if that's possible. "I know that now." Damn hell good it does me. " I'm happy for you, you know. I just want you to be happy whatever the choice."
"Thanks." Alice spoke with a hint of sarcasm and her voice was hoarse and I offered her a glass of water that she declined. Alice's phone rang and she looked at it for a moment before letting it ring and putting it back in her pocket. "I think I should go. We've really re hashed some issues and I'm feeling kind of I don't know overwhelmed. I just need to think."
"Yeah you can say that again."
"I'd rather not." Alice said exhaustedly but still attempting to smile.
I walked her out to her car and was amazed to see she still had the Porsche. I thought she would have upgraded this a long time ago. "I can't believe you still have it." I patted the hood.
"Well it is a classic." She turned to me and we did a little awkward dance until Alice grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.
I inhaled her scent that kind of reminded me of fabric softener a fresh fragrant warm feeling that wrapped around you and made you feel relaxed.
"I'm gonna pretend you didn't just sniff me." She laughed and I smiled into her hair glad that I was still slightly taller than her.
"Okay as long as I can pretend you didn't like it." I re-winded back what I had just said in my mind and I don't know that it made sense, Ah well it doesn't have to. I released her from the hug and waved a short good bye watching her drive away getting smaller and smaller until she was completely out of vision like when I was a child and used to let my balloons go in the yard and watch until they disappeared into the sky.
I was just at a good point in my book. It turned out Mark's twin brother who was supposedly dead stole the diamonds in the big hotel fire and they were buried with him but they dug him up and nothing was there. I was getting ready to turn the page when my cell went and I instinctively picked it up.
"Hello." I spoke into the wall of noise.
"Bella! It's me I need help I think I broke Emmett's stuff I don't know how to control it!" She yelled through the back round noise.
She seemed to really need some help I couldn't just not help. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
Once I arrived outside Rose and Emmett's house I could already hear the noise. I opened the door without knocking and went to the living room where Alice was randomly grabbing remotes and pushing buttons. I walked up to the TV and turned it off then the stereo and the DVD.
"Thank You!" Alice shouted slightly deafened.
"You don't have to shout!" I screamed back.
"Sorry! Sorry I was just trying to put the TV on but there's so many remotes I don't know how to work this stuff." She looked at all the controls and buttons like she had just seen them for the first time.
Emmett's stuff was slightly higher tech than the average Joe's but it was easy to learn. "Do you want me to show you some of the stuff?"
"Yeah please I'm sorry I had to call you. I would have asked Jazz or Edward but they're both at work."
"And you know I'm a bum that works from home and has nothing better to do." I glanced over my shoulder as I turned on the TV.
"You know I didn't mean it like that." Alice's voice was high and I could tell she was flustered.
"It's fine Alice I'm just kidding, did you forget how to take a joke living in New York for so long?"
"I guess not being around you and Emmett so much I have or maybe I've just grown up unlike some people." She looked me up and down and I laughed.
"You want me to grow old? Start acting my age?" I enquired.
"Maybe, why wont you?" She huffed crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
"Well maybe I like acting young maybe I haven't met anyone worth growing old with yet." I looked her in the eye challenging her. She looked away first and I took that as her saying she'd rather not talk about it anymore. I had made a decision last night a sort of promise to myself that I wasn't going to give up on Alice on my own happiness because for some reason unknown to me the two are linked and it seems I can't have one without the other.
"It's simple really." I picked up the remotes and showed her what one went with one piece of equipment.
We watched TV for a while in a comfortable silence and I don't know why I didn't just leave but I wanted to ask her a question and it was like I wasn't letting myself leave until I had. So I took the dumb root and just blurted it out randomly. "What's Tanya like?"
"What?" Alice turned to me surprised.
"Why her?" I just had to ask didn't I? My own mouth betrayed me asking questions I didn't really want to know the answers too.
"Do you really want to know?" Alice asked turning to me a look of curiosity and fear crossed he features. As I continued to look at her becoming accustomed to he voice and her presence I could feel the remnants of our romance slowly piece itself back together.
"Because she didn't remind me of you." Alice said like it was some secret she had been keeping and maybe she had. "She's serious and tall and has blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair and loves fashion and takes me shopping and she told me she loved me."
"And do you love her are you in love with her?" I ignored everything else in the room and looked her in the eye because if she were in love with this 'Tanya' then I had no chance but if there was a glimmer of hope for me I would take it.
Alice bit her lip contemplating her answer. "I tried to be."
As the past tense slipped passed her lips it was the only word I heard. "What do you mean 'tried'?
"I tried to look at her and make those feelings happen but they just weren't there. When she called last night I told her that and we broke up."
"I'm sorry." I don't know why I said it I just felt sorry I inched my way closer to her and once I was close enough I put my arms around her and pulled her into me. Apart of me inside was yelling 'yes' so loud and the other part just wanted to make sure she was okay. I kissed her head just chaste in a sign of comfort I only meant to do it once but I was like a junkie that just relapsed and I did it again and again creating a trail along her jaw.
"Bella." Alice moaned turning way exposing her neck and I pulled away for a breath trying to get a hold of myself.
"Sorry I didn't mean to get carried away, I was just trying to comfort you."
"That's how you comfort people?"
"Only the spiky haired ones called Alice." I chuckled. Even thought she just told me she basically broke up with her girlfriend because of the feelings she had for me. I was still nervous I was still getting use to these feelings again. Feelings I had buried so deep I didn't ever expect to see them again.
"Would you have dinner with me tonight?"
"Are you asking me on a date?"
I laughed at how silly it seemed. "I know it seems rather redundant but then I feel like you've changed so much and I haven't changed at all."
"You know I'm still the same old me. Just a little wiser is all." I caught her eye sparkle in the low light of the late afternoon and I knew she was still the same Alice I remembered.
"So is that a yes? Or a no?"
"It's a yes." She smiled crookedly almost smirking.
"Well I better get going I have a date tonight I have to get ready for, say eight o'clock my place." I leaped of the couch and walked backwards to the door and I realized in my excitement I totally forgot to say goodbye.
I jogged back to the living room where Alice was still sitting her back to me unmoving on the couch. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "Miss you already."
(Later that night)
I had some music playing softly and the food was ready now all I needed was Alice. I checked my phone and she still had ten minutes till it was eight o'clock but maybe she didn't run by the Swiss schedule I seemed to be running by. God I need to lighten up it's just a date. I've had dates before.
There was a knock at the door and a shoot over to open it on the first knock. "Hey"
"Can I take your coat?" I held out my hand for the old grey thing.
"Sure." I took her coat and hung it up beside the door.
"I have to ask is that my coat?" I pointed to the coat I just hung up.
Alice blushed and nodded a yes and it was adorable that she's getting embarrassed over it.
"Are you embarrassed? Cause I think it's really cute that you kept it after all this time." I pointed out.
"Gah it's so embarrassing." Alice placed he hands over her eyes so I couldn't see her face. "I just kept it to…remember you and you probably think it's creepy but it's soft and warm and just comforting."
I placed my hand on top of hers taking it from her face and placing a kiss on the back like I used to. "I don't think it's creepy at all." I laughed a little thinking of Alice as some creepy stalker who liked to climb into people's bedrooms and watch them sleep.
"Let me show you something" I brought her to the small dinner table and held out her chair for her to sit. "I'm just gonna get something."
I went to my bedroom and into my wardrobe in search of an old shoebox I liked to keep things in and look at again when I got lonely or had thoughts about the past. I found the box and went back to Alice placing it on the table and opening the lid. She peered inside the box but I don't think she understood what it meant to me but maybe it just looked like a box of junk.
I grabbed the torn orange ticket from inside the box and held it out for her to see. "This is the movie ticket from the horrible blind date I went on. I keep this to remind me of the first day I met you. This is the pack of skittle you gave me on our first date I never ate them because I was so nervous." I raked through the box. "This is the mixed tape you gave me the day after we went to la push for the first time and I still haven't played it because no one owns tapes anymore and this is the note I left for you after I saw you for the first time and I couldn't get you out of my mind."
Alice looked awe stuck as she looked through other bits and pieces picking up a rock I took from first beach examining it then putting it back.
"How did you get that?" she pointed at the note in my hand. " I thought I lost it."
"The first time I stayed at your place I found it in the drawer. I think I was looking for a shirt or something. I took it because it reminded me of a rare moment of confidence I had where I knew what I wanted and I wasn't afraid to ask for it." I looked at the note going over my old scribble.
"And if you had a moment of confidence right now what would you say? What would you say right now?"
Alice stood and I turned to her taking both of her hands in mine trying to clear my mind of all the foggy thoughts and rally focus on what I wanted. Then I looked into her eyes and I just knew.
"That I love you." There it was four words that cause so much fear and doubt. There were no cryptic clues this time. No replacement words not subtle touches to convey feelings but mostly I told her because she asked and I couldn't deny this woman anything. It wasn't within my power.
I felt naked in the silence and I was about to ask her to say something, anything. Then I felt it the cool sensation and the rush of adrenalin as she pushed her lips onto mine. We moved in a rhythm neither one of us wanting to stop for a breath until it became absolutely necessary. My hands found place running up and down her sides catching in the of her top making it rise as she twisted her hands in my hair trying to pull me in eliminating any room between us.
I broke away first gasping for breath but not moving far. The oxygen seemed like fire in my lungs as I tried to inhale too much at once. Alice leaned her head against mine. I could feel her breath ragged and panting across my face.
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that," She smiled.
"I bet I could take a good guess."
Alice walked away from me and I didn't even realize until she was away from me that she didn't say it back. Alice plopped herself down on the couch looking at the ceiling she looked so content.
"Hey so." I pointed to myself in a kind of what about me gesture.
"What?" Alice said like there was nothing wrong.
"Well it's a general rule when someone tells you that they love you that you either say it back or give a reason why you don't." I didn't understand this girl.
"Come on since when have I ever played by the rules." She slung her arms over the couch in an effort to look cool and relaxed.
"You think your cool eh? Getting to sit there while I do all the feelings and junk. Well I'm giving you a choice say it or I'll make you." I threatened trying to suppress a smile as I stood like a shadow over her.
"Now you know Bella you can't make people love you." I knew she was enjoying this little game as the corners of her lips tugged into a grin.
I decided to take this as a challenge, "Oh really?" I crept closer until I was straddling her waist and her breath hitched and I hid my smile with a veil from my hair as I leaned into her ear brushing my lips against her skin, "because I think I might know one way."
I place my hands on her hips and slowly trailed them up and then when she least expected it I began to tickle her relentlessly.
"Ahhh…stop it." She repeated in-between laughs trying to escape my grasp. "Please please stop it, fine…fine I love you okay I love you I love you."
"See was that so hard?" I asked raising an eyebrow and she swatted me on the arm. "Still quick to violence I see."
"Well you better get used to it, I don't plan on going anywhere." She pulled me by the neck of my t-shirt in for another kiss to which I gladly accepted.
"So does this mean you'll stay with me forever."
"Then I should have told you I loved you a long time ago."
A/N Thanks for reading. So was that a more fulfilling ending? I don't know I'm still on the fence between the happy and the sad endings. Maybe I should make it longer. If anyone's interested the song with the rain and the piano at the wedding in my mind was 'leaves in the river' by Seawolf and the dance song was 'if you gotta go, go now' by . I listened to both allot whilst writing. I really appreciate any reviews:)