Dear journal,

Have you ever had a time when you just cried, just sat down and cried for what felt like no reason at all, but then it hits you why you are. Yet you are still confused. I sat there alone in my dorm just crying for the past few hours. I never cried but lately I would have random out bursts of tears, they would just flow down my cheeks for no reason. Gliding upon the pale surface giving no explanation as to why. But then I would see her I would see her fiery red hair swish as she walked. We would share little smiles as we walked through the halls, they probably were nothing, yet i strived for them. I lived off the glances in the halls, off watching how her freckles would stand out in the most adorable light and I couldn't help but smile.

Our friends spread rumors about us getting together, but in a way I knew it would never happen. She was popular, confident, and beautiful, yet she didn't notice. She thought she was invisible, yet everyone new her name. I was just ... me. One day one of my best mates Al showed me letters that they owled to each other. She liked me, she really liked me. She said I was cute and that she wished we would talk more. I all of a sudden I started to care what I looked like, I combed my hair more and started wearing aftershave. I even started to notice a faint blush on her cheeks when our eyes met over and over again. I made the first move and I started to owl her, I said a simple hi and and introduced myself. I told my mate i should ask her to Hogsmeade, but she admitted her parents wouldnt let her date till she was 14. We owled letters only a few times, and then it happened. I never saw her anymore, I figured she was avoiding me like the plague. All of a sudden she was gone, out of my life. I've never seen that warm smile again the silent glances we shared would never happen anymore. Out of desperation I sent her letters, she replied but not with any care, I had lost her. My heart was truly ripped right out of my chest when I found out she had a new boyfriend, on instinct I pictured him tall, dark, and handsome. I never knew his name, all I knew was that he was an attractive guy from durmstrang, and that the lie she fed me about not being able to date was just that. A lie, a huge lie that tore me up, I felt like I was hideous. For weeks I huddled in a fatal position on my bed just staring at the ceiling. I didn't cry, crying couldn't explain how I felt, the lies I believed for her was just her plan, she swallowed me in and from the inside out my love was being stolen.

It's been a year and a half since I talked to her. I think I've gotten over her yet sometimes I will cry. I never know why I do, yet I do, and then when I think that maybe it's her I am crying over, my tears start to flow harder and more. Sometimes they are burning hot, everywhere they go they leave burning tracks as they sear down my face. As hot as lava they sting down me and I feel like they are mocking me telling me that she wanted me to feel this pain. But sometimes the tears feel ice cold like they are freezing me so I can't thaw out. The cold at least makes me feel like this is reality and that I am not just fading away.

Sometimes I think that maybe if we got together that I could truly move on, I could feel that way about someone else. I haven't looked at anyone in that way since her. When I sleep the image of us always pops into my head. I feel sometimes that I may never love like that again because one of the first times I put myself out there I was stomped on, trampled by something I had never experienced before.

Sometimes I feel that if I never date Rose Weasley that a piece of me will never be there.

With tear stains throughout this paper,

Scorpius H. Malfoy