Can it be...?
It is! Another chapter! Yay! :D
Now read it and review, please~!
Warning: Still contains angst.
P.S. Don't hate me...;n;
That is the only word to describe how I felt when I saw Kaoru walk through the front door, smile on his face, humming to himself. He didn't know that he left his phone in his room or that I got curious and checked his recent calls. He didn't know that I know he went to meet Tracy at the diner and that I've been waiting for him to come home to finally muster the courage to talk to him about something, anything. What I didn't know was that he would really do what I feared he would do.
"Oh, hey, Hikaru. I didn't, ah…see you there." Kaoru greeted me as he hung up his jacket in the mud room, noticing me sitting on the couch watching him.
"Hey. How did your plans go?" I fished my way to the truth, not wanting to hear the news that would kill me inside but hoping he would be the one to break it to me if need be.
I saw the hesitation in his eyes even from the couch.
"Oh, they went well. Actually," he took a deep breath and pivoted to face me, his head down a bit, "I uhm…I have a girlfriend. I asked Tracy out and she said yes."
Just like that, I felt my heart sink to my stomach, but I forced a grin.
"Really? That's awesome, bro, she seems pretty nice." I congratulated him, throwing in the "bro" just to make myself sink further into disappointment. The faster I get through it the less it will affect me later.
Kaoru mirrored my smile and I swear he looked pinker than before.
"Yeah, she is really nice. And pretty. I just…it's weird. I've never been with a girl before…" he trailed off with a mumble and part of me wanted to snort at him. He really did sound just a tad pathetic there.
I shrugged and rattled my mind for an appropriate answer.
"Well, first time for everything, right?" I even chuckled afterwards, trying to be a good sport. Kaoru's smile widened and he began to head towards the kitchen.
"I guess so. I'm gonna grab a soda, want anything?"
How I wish I could answer that truthfully.
"Nah, thanks though."
With a shrug, Kaoru left the room and I sat there for a bit, frozen in place, mind reeling. I'm supposed to be happy for him, right? I'm the one that pushed him away after what happened. So why do I feel this way? I want him to be happy, I'm happy he's happy now, but…it's not with me.
"He probably didn't even feel the same way." I muttered to myself in a huff, flopping into the couch cushion angrily. Was this how he felt when I was with all those girls?
If it is, I never want to make him feel like this again; its torture.
I watched Tracy leave the house for what seemed like the millionth time that month, allowing myself to at least smile politely and hold the door open for her as I walked in. Thankfully I missed the good night kiss. Kaoru's eyes stayed on her until he saw her safely enter her vehicle and turned off the outside light of the porch. Only then did he turn to greet me with the same smile Tracy left with in her mind.
I nodded at him, noticing Lauren peek her head out from behind the wall. Her hair was straight for once, though I didn't even know that was possible, and she looked concerned about something.
"Hey, Lauren. How are you?" I asked and she dared to come out from behind the wall a little.
"Hikaru…are you staying tonight?" she asked me and I tilted my head to the side, my face immediately softening.
"Of course, Lauren, why wouldn't I?" I asked her, not knowing what she meant. She shook her head, bangs swaying when she moved.
"No, no, I mean you. Happy Hikaru."
It took a good minute of a pause before it clicked. It had taken me my whole time here to figure out that Lauren saw everyone as separate people depending on their moods. It was something her illness caused, but at least she wasn't seeing herself as separate people.
What she was referring to was how I normally would be at night; alone, quiet, thinking too much and often times breaking down silently to myself. I had no idea she even knew about that.
At least she noticed tonight was a bit different.
I smiled and gave her a little nod.
"Yes, Lauren, Happy Hikaru is staying tonight."
With a little squeal of delight, Lauren ran up and wrapped her arms around my middle, holding me tightly. Then she pulled away and walked off to the kitchen like nothing happened, leaving just me and Kaoru alone again. I turned to Kaoru, who looked simply confused.
"Uhm. What just happened?" he asked and I shrugged.
"Nothing. Just your…our little sister being incredibly observant once again, unlike you." The last part came off a bit colder than I intended it to, and I realized this only after seeing Kaoru's face fall.
"What do you mean?" he asked slowly. I bit my lip; should I tell him now?
"Nothing, it's just that I'm in a better mood that usual." I replied briskly, leaving him room to ask for details if he wanted. If he didn't care, I wouldn't waste his time telling him.
I felt his gaze bore into mine as the last comment sparked his attention.
"Why, what happened?" he asked, genuinely curious. He perked up a bit at the thought of me being happy, which stirred a mix of emotions inside of me.
I swallowed hard and exhaled slowly through my nose.
"I'm dating someone." I announced with a grin. A wave of disappointment flickered across Kaoru's face before his perfect smile reappeared.
"That's great news! Who's the lucky girl? Someone from school?" he asked, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Oh, now he's interested in my life? Was that really all it took?
I shook my head.
"No. Well, not your school. And I never said I have a girlfriend. See, there's this guy back home, Tamaki. We've joked around about it a few times in the past but this time it's real. I asked him out when I was sitting in the park and called him. Maybe you can meet him someday, Kaoru; you would like him." I explained, a real smile lighting up my face a bit as I shared the news with Kaoru. I know it probably hurt him as much as he hurt me, but I hope he will be happy for me.
His expression never changed.
"Well any friend of yours has to be a nice person, at the very least. I'm sure I would like him if I ever met him." He interrupted himself with a yawn and grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry, Hikaru, I'm a little sleepy. We can talk more in the morning, okay? And hey," he paused to give me a pat on the shoulder, "I'm glad you found someone, bro. Maybe if he ever does visit, we could go on a double date." He suggested with a sleepy wink and tousled my hair. "G'night."
With that he went up the stairs, leaving me in the foyer to try to mend the pieces of my heart slowly falling to the floor.
I smiled at the silky sweet voice on the other end of the phone.
"Tamaki, hey! Just wanted to say good night, love. Well, good morning, for you." I chuckled, realizing it was technically tomorrow for him back in Japan. I heard his laughter in my ear.
"Yes, a perfect morning hearing your voice, love! I hope you sleep well, and sweetest of dreams."
"And you have a lovely day, please. Text me when you can."
I chuckled and kissed the phone, making the same sound. With that we hung up and I was left to listen to the silence of the house in the night.
It's hard to believe just a few hours ago Tamaki and I were chatting as friends, and now we bid each other good bye as lovers. Deep down in my heart I know I will never love him like I love Kaoru, even if I do grow to love him in any way other than as a friend. But Kaoru did what he needed to do and is with whom he wants to be with, and I can't stand seeing him with her and be all by myself. Tamaki was the first person to come to mind when I sat on the bench in the park hours ago, trying to figure out how to cope with my idiocy. He had gotten me out of so many tough times before, but never like this.
I know I will be happier with Tamaki as opposed to being alone.
But I will never be as happy with him as I am with Kaoru.
Please don't hate me, it gets better, I promise~! ;n;