A/N: Written on 5 March 2007. I had just watched the first episode of Ugly Betty and I thought - "Wow! That's so Dramione!" It's plotless, it's part of the reason why I didn't publish this before. Needless to add, it's AU. ;P
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
"That's so you!" Hannah Abbot gestured to the telly as the closing credits scrolled on the screen.
"What?" Hermione Granger shook her head at the non-sequitur.
"Ugly Betty, of course!" At the blank look on Hermione's face, Hannah added, "You know? The show we just watched? You're Betty."
"No, I'm not," Hermione protested. "I'm nothing like her!"
"Let's put it this way, girl," Hermione's roommate sat back, a sly smile on her lips as she prepared to prove her point. "You're the ugly chick working as an assistant for that beautiful man."
"Beautiful man?" Hermione scoffed. "I'll have you know Draco Malfoy is hardly a beautiful anything."
"Only you would think so. Witch Weekly and the rest of witch-dom beg to differ."
"Ok, fine. I'll allow that Malfoy could possibly be eye-candy for some witches. But Hannah, I'm not Betty. I'm not down-trodden, generally pathetic and I don't need this job as desperately as she does hers. And I'm not that ugly."
"Well, fine. You're not that level of ugly, perhaps—"
"Perhaps?" Hermione all but screeched. "I don't wear those ugly braces and have that big, bushy—well it's more tameable nowadays anyway."
"Granted you've got better looking hair now, but as to the braces… I distinctly remember a time where a certain densaugeo caused Pomfey to reduce the size of your front teeth… when was that? Third year?"
"Fourth year," Hermione conceded grudgingly. "All right. I might have resorted to wearing a set of braces. God knows my parents were a bit excited by that possibility—" she rolled her eyes, "—but teeth and hair doesn't Betty makes."
"True," Hannah nodded sagely. "It all has to do with the ugly duckling working for a gorgeous, rude, clueless man."
"Well, you've got rudeand clueless right," Hermione muttered.
"And all that UST simmering in the undertow. You just know that that Daniel character would fall for Betty!" Hannah gave a dramatic sigh and flopped back on the settee.
"Were we even watching the same show? What UST? That disgusting, pompous Daniel Meade was 'entertaining' a series of models right under Betty's nose! How could he possibly fall for her? And let's not even mention how stupid Betty was to allow Daniel to take the credit for that ad campaign she thought up! How could it develop into more?" Hermione shook her head. "You, Hannah, are an eternal romantic!"
"Hey, we're discussing how you're like Betty."
"I'm nothing like Betty."
"What about Draco Malfoy?"
"The pompous git I work for? I just work for him – it's not like I can't get another job if I wanted to."
"So why do you still work for him?"
"Take a look around," Hermione invited.
Hannah surveyed her surroundings. The girls lived in a beautiful apartment in a good area of muggle London; an apartment filled with exquisite, expensive furnishings.
Hannah rolled her eyes. "The pay is certainly good."
"It's certainly an equitable reward for working for that prat."
"But you can't deny that in many ways, your work relationship with Malfoy is like that of Betty and Daniel."
"If it's the fact that Daniel won't ever sleep with Betty, you're right. Zabini Senior forced Malfoy to hire me for the job precisely because he was fed up with Malfoy sleeping with all his assistants, and then having to fire them once he was done with them. Zabini figured that Malfoy would never proposition a Gryffindor, much less Harry Potter's best friend," she smirked.
"Which makes you Betty!" gushed Hannah gleefully.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Only in your dreams, Hannah. Only in your weird, fangirly dreams."