Hawaiian Vacation Blues... and Frogs

Author: Tari_Roo

Rating: PG13 (Gen)

Fandom: SGA/Hawaii 5-0

Prompt: handcuffs
Characters: Sheppard with any team members and SGC personnel
Request: Sheppard arrested on Earth in case of mistaken identity or other mistake by law enforcement (big city or small town USA); whump him a bit.
Don't Want: extreme abuse; Sheppard commiting any crimes (i.e. DUI); unlikely law enforcement criminal/brutal behavior.


His day had started out pretty good. Surfing first thing with the sun a bright yellow ball on the horizon, the ocean dark and mysterious. His only competition for waves were a few locals and hard core pros, all of whom were pretty damn cool to talk to.

So it was pretty damn surreal that 5 hours later he was in cuffs and sitting in some uber-flashy high tech law enforcement office. It was very blue.

"Hey, how about that coffee?"

His yell went unnoticed, the four LEOs (at least he assumed they were LEOs) all hovering and conversing outside the small interrogation room. "And an icepack," Sheppard muttered more to himself than anything else.

It wasn't his fault they had surprised him, come at him without announcing who they were. Ok, so maybe they had announced themselves but who in the hell was '5-0' and 'Sergei Markov'. In his defence he hadn't expected to be 'Sergei Markov' a person of interest for Hawaii's mysterious agency.

And maybe he had resisted arrested, because well, he wasn't Sergei Markov! And being tackled to the ground by a 200 pound former-Seal was no laughing matter. He'd got a few shots in before the standard police issue firearms were shoved in his face and he let them cuff him, but really, this was going a little far.

Wincing a little at his bruised ribs, Sheppard sat up straight as the four agents, er officers, er people, walked in. The Seal Guy threw a piece of paper on the table and sighed, "You got some nice moves for a zoomie."

Detective Williams, who had properly introduced himself when reading Sheppard his rights, turned a confused but resigned expression on Mr Seal, "A what?"

Rolling his eyes, Mr 'I'm a Navy Seal' snarked, "Airforce Officer."

To which Sheppard deadpanned, "Not that I didn't try and tell you that already. Air Force Lieutenant Colonel. On shore leave. For the 100th time."

Apparently they still couldn't hear Sheppard because Detective Williams perked up and smiled, "Oh yeah, like Top Gun?"

There was a collective and loud, "No!" from both Mr Seal and Sheppard.

Looking as offended as any Frog would at the slightest implication of association with the Airforce Zoomies, Officer 'I Eat Zoomies for Breakfast' said, "That's navy pilots, dress whites, remember?"

Williams waved off the remark, "Whatever. So you don't fly F16s?" This was addressed to Sheppard, and surprised but delighted to actually be included in the conversation, John drawled, "Choppers, actually."

"Oh yeah! Like Airwolf?"

John couldn't help the smile, even as 'I have a big ass tattoo to prove my level of macho' Navy Seal growled, "What, your only frame of reference for shit is 80s tv?"

Nodding like a kid on speed, Williams laughed, "And movies, man! Best years of my life."

"Still handcuffed here," John tried to interject.

At this, the pretty Fake Lifeguard Lady hurried over and said, "Sorry, sir. Case of mistaken identity. You look a lot like Sergei Markov, a suspected gunrunner."

"Yes and when you didn't appear on any airplane manifests or immigration control lists, we assumed... made an educated leap, sir. Sorry, again." The up to now silent fourth LEO, a mix Hawaiian-Orient man stepped forward, hand out in extended apology.

Sheppard shook it, and gave the female officer a brief smile. "Well, I..."

"Just how did you get on the island, then?" Navy Seal growled.

John smiled and said, "Oh, I have friends in high places. And if that's my official apology, I'll get back to my vacation."

There was round of apologies from everyone but the Frog, and as Sheppard left, he saluted mockingly and shouted over his shoulder, "You punch like a girl, dude."

And in the quiet of three people trying not to laugh, Steve McGarret grunted, "I hate Zoomies."