Brennan's mind wandered to the conversation she had with Booth when he was driving her home, after her close brush with death.
"I got the signal, Booth. I don't wanna have any regrets." Brennan glanced at Booth, earnestly waiting for his answer. Booth looked away, with pain in his eyes. Why did this have to happen just now? I've been waiting for this moment so long but now is not the right time.
"I'm with someone, Bones. And Hannah, she's not a consolation prize. I love her." Booth paused for a moment. Tears started to well up in Brennan's eyes until she could no longer hold it in. She cried and moaned.
Booth continued on, hoping to console her. "You know, the last thing I wanna do is hurt you. But those are the facts."
Brennan let out a sigh. "I understand. I missed my chance." She nodded, conceding defeat. "My whole world turned upside down. I can adjust."
"Yes, you did."
Booth was concerned of leaving Brennan alone. She was fragile and vulnerable, different from the confident and independent Brennan that he was used to. "Do you want me to call someone to be with you?"
"No, I'm fine alone. Thanks." She gulped softly and closed her eyes.
Her thoughts shifted back to the present.
In a subconscious trance, she sauntered to the kitchen counter and examined around cautiously. A brown block of wood caught her attention. She grabbed the smallest black handle sticking out of the block and steadily pulled it out. The blade of the paring knife glistened, teasing her to play with it. Brennan stared at the pale white girl reflecting back from the blade. Her face was still, devoid of expression and energy. Brennan turned her eyes away, repulsed by the image. How can I be this numb?
Brennan pressed the sharp end of the blade down on her left wrist until a rush of dark red seeped through her skin. She inhaled slowly, savoring this moment when emotions and feelings flowed naturally within her. She moved the blade a bit further up and repeated the gentle slitting motion. The physical pain was invigorating and it masked any emotional pain she was lacking.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
She was not expecting any visitors. Surprised, she dropped her paring knife. As soon as she heard the sound of the metal blade hitting the marble floor, she snapped back to her senses. What did I just do? She glanced down at her hands. They were drenched in red.
"Bones, please open the door. It's me, Booth."
Her heart beat faster. Oh no, Booth's here. What should I do now?