OK, I tried something like this before, but I guess I didn't do it right the first time since I was told to do something about it before I got in trouble with the site. Fortunately, I think I fixed that, so this is what you get.

Important Disclaimer! I don't own anything related to Yu-gi-oh!™, YGO: The Abridged Series™, or pretty much anything else here. They belong to Takahashi Kazuki, LittleKuriboh, and whoever else respectively.

Yugioh: The Abridged Series in a Nutshell!

Director; "OK everyone; it's time to start filming today's episode. Everybody sound off!"

Yugi; "Super Special Awesome!"

Yami; "Mind Crush!"

Joey; "Nyeh, Brooklin Rage!"

Téa; "Friendship!"

Tristan; "Goddammit, Nappa!

Grandpa; "Did I die yet?"

Duke Devlin; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "My game uses dice."

Kaiba; "Screw the rules, I have Money!

Mokuba; "Hey Seto, I-"

Kaiba; "Shut up, Mokuba."

Hair Guy; "Attention Duelists, my hair is supposed to be witty!"

Pegasus; "How fabulous!"

Mai Valentine; "My breasts are not fake!"

Mako Tsunami; "The Ocean says yes."

Rex; "Buttmunch…"

Weevil; "Heh heh, yeah."

Bandit Keith; "In America!"

Zombie Boy; "Brains…" (translation: I want more lines!)

Marik; "I COMMAND you to shut the *EFF* up!"

Bakura; "OK, forget what I just said…"

Ryo; "Hey there Yugi, can I be the episode?"

Kaiba lackeys; "Hail Kaiba!"

Zorc; "I'm going to destroy the world!"

Teddy; "You all belong to Satan!"

Melvin; "Hey Binky Boy, who wants a hug?"

Ishizu; "Because shut up."

Odeon; "Did somebody say…Gummi Bears?"

Hobson; "Hobson smash!"

Internet Trollz; "POUT!"

Kuriboh; "Do da la la la la la la la la la, lala la lalala la la!"

Celtic Guardian; "I'm so bamboozled…"

Flame Swordsman; "My name is Frank!"

Steve Lunar; "Bow down before your digital ruler!"

Steve Umbris; "You got that right, suckas!"



*Yami has a bunch of cards floating around him and says "Yugioh GX? More like Yugioh BS!', then it cuts to Yugi and Joey*

Joey; "Hey Yugi, I have a question for you."

Yugi; "Sure thing Joey, ask away."

Joey; "How come you always grow a foot taller whenever Yami takes control of your body?"

Yugi; "Oh Joey, you and your Brooklyn accent always say the funniest things!"

Joey; "It's not funny, it's true!"

Yugi; "No it isn't."

*Yami takes control*

Yami; "Not one bit."

Joey; "But you just did it now!"

Yami; "Don't make me bust out my Egyptian Rage on your Brooklyn ass, Wheeler!"


*theme song* Quieter! Send Kirby down! Tourniquet! Frylock's high agaiiin! (In 3-D!) *theme song*

*In the Kaiba office*

Seto; "I haven't had a Duel with Yugi Motou in three hours! Someone get on the cameras and find out where he is!"

Mokuba; "But didn't you take them all down when Yugi threatened you with that lawsuit?"

Seto; "Shut up Mokuba, just do it!

Mokuba; "If you say so, brother…" *Looks at monitors* "I can't see him anywhere, Seto."

Seto; "Did you check the one in his shower?"

Mokuba; "Aren't there rules against putting cameras in other people's showers?"

Seto; "Screw the rules, I have money!"

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Téa; "Man toy! Oh, Man toy!"

Joey; "Téa? Who are you shoutin' for?"

Téa; "I'm looking for Yugi. He was supposed to meet me in my panties an HOUR ago! You haven't seen him anywhere, have you?"

Joey; "Sure I have, he's right- Nyeh? Where is he? He was right here just a second ago.

Téa; "Dammit! I was so close…."

Joey; "I wonder where he could have gone off to?"

Tristan; "Where could who have gone off too?"

Joey; "Tristan? When did you get here?"

Tristan; "I've been here since sun up. Serenity told me she'd meet me here today."

Téa; "Let's go get the others. I'm not going to let my Man Squeeze get away from me that easily…!"

Joey; "Tristan, I'm sorry to break it to you, but Serenity told me this morning that she was going to meet Duke at the arcade today."

Tristan; "Tristan Rage!"

Joey; "Ignoring the fact that you totally stole my catch phrase, I think we should listen to Téa. I mean it's not like we have anything better to do, much less go to school and learn stuff."

Téa; "By the way Tristan, you didn't happen to see which way Yugi went, did you?"

Tristan; "Burn the witch!"

Téa; "…OK?"

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Pegasus; "So what's on the agenda for today?"

Hair Guy; "Attention Duelists! My hair says today you have to go annoy the hell out of 'Kaiba-boy'."

Pegasus; "Sounds absolutely fabulous! Let's go do that now!"

Hair Guy; "Attention Duelists! Didn't you have a sponge bath you said couldn't be put off any longer? And you have an Evil Council meeting today as well."

Pegasus; "You're right, I should take care of that first, and then I'll go to the Council."

Hair Guy; "Cool, that'll give me a chance to practice my child grabbing in the mean time!"

Mullet Guy; "Attention Duelists! I thought my mullet told you to forget about that!"

Hair Guy; "Yeah? Well Mom's 80's bangs said you can't tell me what to do, so there!"

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Yami; "Thank goodness I was able to slip away before Téa showed up."

Yugi; "Oh come on, she's not that bad…"

Yami; "Yeah? Well, you didn't have to go on a date with her and have f[beep]king birds attack you while Disney™ songs played in the background!"

Yugi; "You're still sore about that? That was, like, a million years ago!"

Yami; "Yugi, it was only a few months ago."

Yugi; "Really? It seems like longer."

Yami; "Again, that's because you stuck me on a date with the whore of Domino City!"

Yugi; "You know, you really need to lighten up about these things…"

Yami; "You know, I've got half a mind to put you on the leash again."

Yugi; *giggles*

Yami; "What's so funny?"

Yugi; "Heh heh, you said half a mind. It's funny because-"

Yami; "OK, screw leashes, I think I'll just shoot you." *pulls out gun*

Yugi; "Hah! That won't work on me, I'm in spirit form right now."

Yami; "True, if I wasn't holding an Evoker right now…"

Yugi; "Wait, what?"

Yami; *shoot Yugi in leg*

Yugi; "OW! That hurt!"

Yami; *evil grin* "Exactly…"

*Meanwhile, somewhere in Egypt…*

Marik; "I now call this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order! Silence!"

Bakura; "Marik, why the hell did you just silence us? You were the first and only one to say anything yet."

Marik; "Never underestimate the value of a Pre-emptive Silence, Kitty!

Bakura; "Not a kitty…"

Marik; "Now, on to business; how shall we defeat Yugi Motou today?"

Bakura; "Here it comes…"

Steve L; "Instead of your usual idiotic plans, this time we should take Yugi Motou to the Moon, and whip him for twenty days and fifteen nights!"

Steve U; "Whip him good!"

Pegasus; "Why only fifteen nights?"

Steve L; "We take the weekends off."

Steve U; "We need our rest, man!"

Marik; "What don't you people *EFF*ing get about not whipping Yugi!"

Zombie Boy; "Brains brains, brains?" ("Why don't we go scare him?")

Marik; "Excellent idea, Zombie Boy! We shall go and scare Yugi Motou!"

Bakura; "And how, exactly, are we going to do that? (I shudder to ask…)"

Pegasus; "Why don't we miss-match his socks? That always sends me into shivers…"

Zorc; "I know what you mean."

Bakura; "Please, as if anyone would be stupid enough to-"

Marik; "That's perfect! The shock of his miss-matched foot gloves shall be overwhelming to his pitiful brain! It shall be his undoing!"

Bakura; "OK, forget what I just said…"

Marik; "To Yugi Motou's sock drawer!"

*Deep beneath the ocean's surface…(And also thousands of miles away…)*

*someone shouts "Double Fine!" and "The Hellion" by Judas Priest begins playing*

There is a sign that reads "Closed for today due to ancient Atlantian holiday. Come back later so we can dew you with our awesome dicks. On motorcycles, douchebags! Dartz and Co.".

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Téa; "OK everyone, here's the situation; Yugi and I are suppose to the having sex right now."

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "You know, I could help you with that…"

Téa; "As hunkalicious as you are, the point is that I'm not doing it with YUGI!"

Serenity; "Joey, is she always like this?"

Joey; "Nyeh, usually she's not this calm."

Téa; "Silence!"

Joey; "Did you just 'silence' us? Or at least me?"

Tristan; "I thought that was Marik's shtick?"

Téa; "Could we get back to my problem here?"

Mai; "Listen Tutts, as far as I see it, Dice Boy here would solve your problem right now."

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "You know, she has a point."

Téa; "But I don't want Dice Boy, I WANT YUGI!"

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "'Dice Boy' has a name, you know."

Tristan; "Yeah, the witch has a name!"

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "I'm not a witch either."


*nobody speaks*

Téa; "Thank you! Now here's what we're going to do…"

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Yugi; "You didn't have to shoot me twenty-five times, you know…"

Yami; "Yes I did; you were annoying me."

Yugi; "Where the hell did you even get an Evoker, anyway?"

Yami; "That's for me to know and you to not know."

Yugi; "So what now? You're obviously not going to let Téa find you."

Yami; "I was thinking of going to the Museum; nobody ever goes there anyways and I might learn something about my oddly elusive and completely irrelevant past."

Yugi; "Sounds boring; besides, I suck at DDR. Let's go back to my room!"

Yami; "But I want to go to the museum!"

*Yugi switches back*

Yugi; "Well, I'm going home. Feel free to go to the museum if you want. Oh wait, you can't; you have to go wherever I go!"

Yami; "Grrr."

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Mokuba; "Seto, how much longer do we have to watch these cameras? It's been hours, and I'm hungry!"

Kaiba; "When I find Yugi, then you can have something to eat."

Mokuba; "But that could take hours!"

Computer; "Yugi Motou sighted at [subject's place of residence here], Shower Cam #1"

Mokuba; "Hobson!"

Hobson; "Hobson smash!"

Mokuba; "No Hobson, I just need you to get me some food. Would you mind doing that?"

Hobson; "Hobson suppose so. What Mokuba want?"

Mokuba; "Whatever they're making in the kitchen is fine."

Hobson; "OK, Hobson be right back."

Kaiba; "Now that I know where Yugi is, I can Duel him. Let's go, Mokuba!"

Mokuba; "But what about my lunch?

Kaiba; "Fine, I'll get you a burger or something on the way. Now grab your coat and let's go!"

Mokuba; "But it's over seventy-five degrees out today!"

Kaiba; "Just do it!"

*Kaibas leave approximately five seconds before Hobson gets back with Mokuba's lunch*

Hobson; "Hobson back! Chef made cake today- Huh? Where Seto and Mokuba go? Oh well, Hobson go smash silverware 'til they get back…"

*Meanwhile, somewhere in Egypt…(again…)*

Marik; "OK, now that that's taken care of, what should we do next?"

Teddy; "Sell your souls to Satan?"

Marik; "No, we did that last time. What else?"

Bakura; "Well, I've got Zorc & Pals: The Movie on Blu-ray just lying around, why don't we watch that?"

Marik; "Lame!"

Rex; "Huh huh, that show sucks balls."

Weevil; "Heh heh, yeah, it sucks Rex's mom."

Rex; "That was your mom, ass munch!"

Weevil; "Yeah, that's what she said!

Steve L; "It is so 2006!"

Steve U; "It's garbage man!

Zorc; "What's Zorc & Pals?"

Bakura; "F[beep]k you all, that show was awesome!"

Marik; "Silence!"

Pegasus; "Marik, did you just use a 'silence' correctly?"

Marik; "I always use 'silence' correctly!"

Bakura; "No, I'm pretty sure that would be the first time you've used that word correctly."

Slenderman; "Hey guys!"

Bakura; "Ugh. Hello, Slenderman…"

Marik; "Frig! What are you doing here, faceless man! I thought we got rid of you after that fiasco with my movie."

Bakura; "Actually, I believe he wrenched it from your grasp and made it his own."

Slenderman; "It did quite well at the box offices."

Zorc; "I saw that movie; Kurt Russell was great in it!"

Slenderman; "I know!"

Marik; "Would you get the *EFF* out of here? You're not ever animated the same as us this time."

Slenderman; "Aw!"

*Meanwhile, at the tool shed… (Oh wait; wrong abridged series! I don't even like watermelon!)

Téa; "OK, is everyone clear on the plan?"

Tristan; "I'm not even sure what the plan is."

Téa; "Fine, I'll go over it again for good measure; when we find my booty call, we take him back to him back to his room and lock him in with me. Then you guys cover every exit to make sure he doesn't escape."

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "Why would he escape?"

Joey; "And how long do we have to stand around there anyways? I have to go buy children's trading cards later."

Téa; "Oh, you only need to stay around for about eight hours or so…"

Serenity; "That's past my curfew, I can't stay that long."

Mai; "And I have an appointment with a public opinion poll on whether my beast look real or not."


Serenity; "I'm scared, Big Brother."

Joey; "Nyeh, I think we all are, sis."

Tristan; "You're not going to take away my virginity, are you?"

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* "You mean you didn't take care of that yourself already?"

Tristan; "No, because there was always some evil witch who got to Serenity before me!"

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Mokuba; "Are we almost there yet?"

Kaiba; "No. Now please be quiet; I'm trying to be stealthy."

Mokuba; "You're flying a big, dragon shaped jet plane into the middle of Domino City. I don't think that's very stealthy, do you?"

Kaiba; "Shut up Mokuba, just be quiet before I change my mind about getting you a burger on the way back."

Mokuba; "But you said-"

Kaiba; "What was that? You said you don't need any food until tomorrow?"

Mokuba; "I'll be good now."

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Yugi; Ah, room sweet room!

Yami; You know you could stand to clean this place up once in a while…

Yugi; Still sore about not going to the museum?

Yami; Well, actually-

Yugi; Well too bad! I'm finally back in my sanctuary, far away from anyone who-

Kaiba; *bursts from closet* I finally found you, Yugi Motou! Now it's time to play a children's card game!

Yugi; *gulp!*

Mokuba; Hey Yugi. You got anything to eat?

Yugi; S-sure, downstairs in the fridge. Just watch out for my Grandpa; he was looking at his Black Luster Soldier card earlier.

Kaiba; I know, we saw.

Yugi; Oh, that's why Mokuba's eyes are charred.

*Mokuba tumbles down the stairs*

Yugi; I probably should have warned him we were on the second floor…

Kaiba; He'll be fine. Anyways, are we going to Duel or not?

Tèa; Not so fast!

Yugi; Tèa? What the hell are you do- I mean, oh goody, Tèa's here.

Tèa; I'm here to get what I rightfully deserve ever since this lame story started!

Kaiba; A bullet right between the eyes?

Tèa; No. Yugi's-

Yugi; Tèa!

Tèa; What? I was just going to say sweet, sweet monkey love.

*Yami takes control*

Yami; You got yourself a deal, orphan boy! (As long as it keeps me from her…)

Kaiba; Fine. But just so we're clear, no cheating?

Yami; Fine by me.

Kaiba; Alright then…

Both; Let's Duel!

Kaiba; I'll go first, and I'll summon my three Blue Eyes White Dragons!

Yami; Wait a minute, did you just summoned a bunch a monsters in one turn? Isn't that against the rules?

Kaiba; Screw the rules, I have money!

Tèa; Wow, that joke is so played out now…

Yami; Yeah? Well, two can play at that game! I summon my three Egyptian God cards!

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Mokuba; Ow…

*And now back to the pointless bickering…*

Kaiba; Your puny Egyptian Gods (inexplicably) don't scare me! I play Polymerization, combining my Blue Eyes into the ultimate monster, The Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon!

Yami; And I sacrifice Slyfer the Executive Producer and Mega Ultra Chicken to give Obelisk infinite attack strength!

Kaiba; Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, attack!

Yami; Use Fists of Fury, Obelisk!

Tèa; Seriously? Have the writers lost any sense of originality they had?

Blue Eyes; *attacks Obelisk the Tormentor*

Obelisk; *Tor-ment!*

*Kaiba loses all life points*

Kaiba; I lost! How unexpected.

Yami; So that makes…ten times this week?

Kaiba; Losing a children's card game has caused me to have an existential crisis.

Tèa; I have prepared a Friendship Speech for just such an occasion-

Kaiba; Never mind, I'm all better now.

*Yugi switches back*

Yugi; I know the feeling…

Kaiba; Well, I guess I'd better be going now. Later Yugi.

Yugi; Which reminds me, how the hell did you get in here in the first place?

Kaiba; Through the secret passageway I installed in your shower.

Yugi; You put a what in my what?

Yami; *in spirit form* That's what she said.

Yugi; Shut up Yami!

Kaiba; What was that?

Yugi; Nothing!

Kaiba; Huh…

Tèa; Well, now that he's gone…

Yugi; Grandpa!

Grandpa; I can't hear you; I'm, uh…cleaning! That and I'm old.

Yugi; Yami…?

Yami; You're on your own, bitch.

Yugi; Nooo!

*Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…*

Joey; Nyeh, what's taking Tèa so long?

Tristan; Maybe she took a wrong turn at Albaquerqy?

Serenity; Somehow, I don't think that's it…

Duke; *"Bringin' Sexy back" plays* I could tell you exactly what she's doing.

Mai; I'd prefer you didn't.

Yugi; *from in his room* WHO THE HELL MISSMATCHED MY SOCKS?


Well, there you have it; a day in the life of the Yugioh Abridged cast. I hope it was a fraction as good as what Littlekuriboh does. Again, most of the jokes belong to LK, and the Yu-gi-oh™ franchise belongs to Takahashi Kazuki. Anyways, farewell, and remember…

"'Heart of the What' now?"


Omake; Joey's new job

Joey; Hotdogs! Get your nice, fresh hotdogs here!

Yugi; Joey, what are you doing here?

Joey; Oh hey Yug. See, I needed money to buy more children's trading card. And since no one I know will lend me any, I decided to get a job!

Yugi; Selling hotdogs at a ballpark?

Joey; Yeah, it's great! Finally, a place where my Brooklyn accent can feel right at home…

Tristan; Yeah? Well, my voice is the Vice President!

Yugi; Shut up, Tristan.