Author's Notes: Okay so Kenny is back and I hope that this chapter won't be quite as depressing as his last. But lets face it, Kenny lives a life that no one should have to and he's a bit beaten down by it.
Things to Want and Things to Need
"You...You can always talk to me..."
It had happened just the other day at her car. She had stumbled as she said it...But the way she looked up at me through her bangs, just the way her eyes had set on mine, I knew she meant it whole heartily. Wendy and I never saw eye to eye on many Many things, but I could still honestly say she was the kindest and most caring person I had ever met. She went out of her way to help the needy and volunteer at charities, not for her college resumes, but because she wanted to make the difference. Now she's reached out to me. Where I saw her as her as a person that was going to go places and had the power to make our world a better place, she saw me as poor, and in need of help in order to survive. Yes, it meant I was cared for, but it was a disheartening and soul crushing kind of caring. She pitied me. It was my own fault. Ever since she had shared the bench with me that one sunrise we watched together, I had noticed she was looking at me differently. I must of said too much. I let the wall I so obsessively build around me crack and she saw something in me that must have screamed for help...Help has become a word I can no longer say outright. I'm not saying that I don't need help...I'm saying that no one can saving me from this prison. Not even the girl I even find to seem so invincible.
It had been about two weeks since the incident with my father. Things have gone quiet in the McCormick home since then but not without concerning events. He had gone missing for a good two days. On the third day, I had just finished telling my mother not to file a missing persons report and that we were better off without him, when he came through the front door. He stayed in the doorway when our eyes locked. It felt like an old western the way we stood staring each other down. As he took two steps in the house I could have sworn I heard spurs and the end of his boots.
"Can't purvide fur my family? That what you said, Boey?" He asked in his heavy white trash accent. I only stared into his blood-shot eyes as he threw down a large wad of bills onto the coffee table.
"My Lord," My mother says as she falls onto the coach. She picks up some of the money to inspect the bills, "Most a these are hundreds."
"Don't want your drug money in my house." I state still glaring at him as his face twists.
"THIS AN'T YUR HOUSE! THIS IS MY HOUSE AN' I WILL FINANCE IT HOW EVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE!" He walks past me with a shoulder bump and heads into the kitchen, " 'Sides, it an't no drug money."
My mother and I watch him as he grabs a Blue Ribbon beer from the fridge; a drink that is always well stocked in the McCormick home. I grimace as he opens the can with his teeth and my face can no longer hide its disgust when he comes and sits on the couch hand half way down his pants. It wasn't his action that make me sick but that I know when I'm comfortable and not thinking about it I sit in the same manner. The little things that remind me I'm his son always make me want to vomit a little in my mouth. As he turns on the T.V. He looks at both of us, "What the hell ya lookin' at?"
My mother just smiles and pats his leg and says in her sweetest raspy voice, "It's good ta have ya home. I was worried."
He smiled and placed two cigarettes to his lips lighting both on them. He hands one to her and she gladly excepts it like some kind of peace-pipe. She curls up beside him and watches T.V. as if the last few days never even happened. All I could do was shake my head and go to my room; other wise I think I would have just killed the poor bastard.
Yeah, it had been quiet since then but I was still watching. I didn't like not knowing where the money came from and I didn't like how much there was. But it allowed us to pay back some late fees and have everything working for now. I talked myself into thinking it was okay. He earned it doing yard work or something to those lines. I didn't like that money but we couldn't afford to question it. Summer was coming up soon and if I could play my cards right I could get a job. If I had it my way I would be working now and sometimes I can pick up a small one to two day job during the weekend. Unfortunately when I had turned fourteen I told my mother that I was going to quit school and find work to help around the house. She was more than angry with me for it and had bound to a promise that I would finish high school and that I was to only work during the summer. There were days I wondered if it would just be easier to go for a G.E.D but she always spoke about seeing me walk across that stage and being able to say to the whole damn town "That's my boy!". I did want to make her proud of me; and I suppose that's why I do stay in school instead of trying to find work.
So that's why today I find myself sitting in the floor of my bedroom doing homework. It was math. Not one of my favorite subjects. Oddly enough I was decent at it I just found it boring. I preferred science and did much better in those classes. To drown out the sound of a recent bicker between my parents I had an old Simon and Garfunkel tape playing in a small boombox that Kyle had given me one day when he was cleaning out his room for his mother's yard sale. That very day on my way home from his house I found the cassette on the sidewalk. Fate I like to think. It was unmarked at the time and I'm glad it was. I'm not sure I would have played it if I had known it was an old hippie band from the 60's. Honestly this tape had opened a whole world of music to me. George Harrison, John Denver, The Animals, there were so many great musicians back then. They were my escape from this life of horrors. They sang of love, peace, and pain as if it was all one. It was nice to hear that with all these terrible things around me meant that I was to experience the same amount of joy. Simon and Garfunkel were the best at making me feel better about the world. Even when they sang of sadness it makes me feel glad that I can feel sad at all. They reminded me that it is needed to feel all the emotions of life to truly live. And that's not really something I'm good at.
It was one of our parents smaller arguments but it must of bothered Karen because she peeked her head in with what seemed like a small coo from a dove, "Kenny?"
I look up from my Algebra2 book with a smile. Despite my love for my music and how it can help me through my moods no voice sounded sweeter than hers. It could always place me at a peace of mind. When times were low, hearing her tell me things will be okay was like hearing the first songbird of the year after a long hard winter, "What's up, Wren?"
She smiled back and walked in wearing one of my old T-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts for her as pajamas. She came and sat in my lap without a word and picked up my book trying to understand what I was to do with all those numbers, "How do you get this stuff?"
I chuckle, "Well, I don't half the time. I normally have to sit on it for a while before it clicks."
She makes a small "hmm" and tilts the book to it's side as if it would make better sense that way, "It's 'cuz your so smart you can understand it."
"I'm not smart."
"You are smart. You make good grades and your going to get out of here. Your going to find your callin' just like Kevin and fly away." She set the book down and placed my arms around her waist and hugged them. It was something we had done since we were little. I would hold her like this until the fighting calmed down. There were even times she would come sit with me like this when she had a bad dream and I would rock her until she felt better. I never have the heart to tell her she's getting to old for this, but the day will come when she wont need me anymore and I think I will miss these moments, "I was so happy for him when he was excepted in the army. I hope he's doing okay."
"I'm sure he's fine. Living off his government wages and never looking back." I snort back.
"Don't say it like that. He wasn't happy here."
"And we are?!"
"No, but you'll leave too. You'll find your ticket and never look back too, and don't say you wont."
It wasn't somthing I had planed, not until I knew she could find a way out anyway, "What about you? What will your ticket be?"
She made a small laugh, "Pregnancy probably. I'll end up like mom. I'll be out of my old broken home and into another one."
"Karen!" I whip her out of my lap and sit her in front of me holding her shoulders tight, "Don't ever let me hear those words out a yur mouth! You have just as much a right as any one to have a good life! You are smart and you are beautiful. Don't ever forget it."
She smiles and hesitates before she asks,"You really think I'm pretty?"
I sighed at her adolescence about her looks, "Inside an out. And don't worry. I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm here for you and Mom. I'm not going to turn my back on you like Kevin did."
Her smile fades and she nods as she stands up walking to the door. She stood there in the door way about to close it behind her when she spoke, "That's nice and all...But I really wish you would."
I sighed at the closed door and wasn't sure what to do about a comment like that. Homework wasn't going to happen; I was to put off for that right now. I stand up taking a pack of cigarettes out of my hoodie pocket and sit on my bed by the window. The unlit stick dangled from my mouth as I opened the window so the smoke had a place to go. After it was lit and I had a few good puffs out of it. I crossed my arms and let my chin rest on them as the cigarette rested between my lips. I moved it up and down as I gazed up at the stars. One shone brightly forcing me to pay all my attention to it rather than the sky as a whole. "I'm damned if do or don't, is that it?" I ask the star humoring the thought of it answering me back.
The next day before the first sun ray could touch the small town of South Park I made my way to my usual bench at Stark's Pond. It was always so peaceful here. After but a short time the sun began to rise. I took a long drag at my smoke as I watched the lights dance across the water, becoming dawn.
"You'll miss school if you don't hurry." I didn't have to turn around to know who was speaking. Wendy rested her crossed arms against to the back of the bench making her head right beside mine.
I exhale, "I don't think I'm going today."
I don't look at her but I'm sure her eyebrows grew together at my remark, "Why?"
"Can't a guy just have a break from time to time?"
"I guess but I don't see what kind of break you could have. You can't go home or your parents would know you skipped; and you couldn't go to any of the shops or arcades because all the adults know each other around here."
"Well you just described everything I wanna escape from so that's really no problem."
"So where will you go?"
I shrugged, with no plan in particular I didn't really have an answer for her.
There was a long silence between us. The sun had finally made it's lazy rise and could be seen just above the mountains. It must have gotten suffocating for her because she broke the calm morning with, "I'm worried about you."
I sighed and let my head roll to look at her. We were face to face and I had to ignore the pitiful expression she held, "Wendy, I don't know what I said to you the other day to get me on your soul saving list, but I'm fine."
She stood up straight now but she didn't make any moves like she was going to walk away or come sit down, "Wendy I'm not mad."
"Then what are you pouting about?"
Color went to her cheeks and her arms crossed just under her chest causing her bust to push out, "I am not pouting!"
I chuckle and look back at the water, "Sure seems like you are."
"It just seems like you haven't been acting like your normal self these last couple weeks...Uge!" I jump at her loud grunt and watch her sit on the bench with a quick thud. I start to open my mouth but she cuts me off, "It's like no one is acting right! You, Stan, it's like everyone is going screwy."
"Well I doubt two people counts as everyone."
"No...But it's still two people I count on to be who they are."
"I see that with Stan, with him bein' your boyfriend and all, but what's so important about me behavn' right?" I place an arm on the back of the bench behind her so that I could turn and see her face better.
She sat with her elbows on her knees and her chin in her left hand. She gestured to the wind with her dainty right as she spoke "Kenny, your the one that lightens the load. When I'm having a bad day sometimes nothing will put me right until I hear one of your stupid jokes."
I had to double take on this, "You hate my jokes. You always snap at me for my jokes."
She looks at me now with a look of loss and she shoulders slumped and even her voice has a bit of a wine to it as she speaks, "Well yeah but, I don't know...Even though I think they're sexist or just stupid they still put me in a good mood." She looks like she's trying to find something else to say. I wondered if she was trying to continue because I was looking at her like she was crazy, but she soon found the right words and maybe I was growing soft but I could have kissed her for what she ended up saying, "Kenny...I never know if things are going to be okay until I get a cue from you saying so. If you're not your fun obnoxious self then I feel like the whole world could just collapse."
As good as it felt to hear that it only confused me more, "But Wendy...Look at who your talkn' to. I'm Kenny McCormick. South Park's white trash symbol. Everythin' is already crumbling around me. I have to find the good in it or I'll go insane. Hell, I might already be ripe to be sent to the nut-house, I don't know."
Wendy smiles but as she tucks her raven hair behind her ear the smile is tarnished into a look that I don't think I could ever feel right seeing on her. It looks reserved and downtrodden. Her hands feel warm and soft as they graze across my ears. She scoots closer to me as she gingerly places her palm on the sides of my head like she going to run her fingers through my hair but it's to short do be done properly, "That's why I need you Kenny." I could feel my chest constrict as a familiar and dangerous feeling started to creep with in me and I think I started to hold my breath when she continued, "You have gone through things that no person should have to and you are still such a good person. You remind me that I have no good reason to be upset over my little problems and give me strength to get through my mediocre bull shit. Not only that! Kenny..." Just as the words get caught in her throat I start to feel my heart beat in mine; and just as she finds her words I think I'm able to swallow it back down, "Kenny, if you're in such bad spirits then I know something bad is or is about to happen and it scares me. I worry. After everything that has happened to you already, after all that you have bested, God Kenny, what could have you beaten so far down?"
Since that fight with my father I suppose I haven't been hiding my troubles to well. Even Kyle has been on my case that I haven't been acting right. I was just in need of a day off to reboot. Can't I just have a break without all this?
She was holding my head by my jaw line and I couldn't help but feel that if I had put dead weight into those small hands she could still hold me up. But instead I scoff and sit back returning my face to the cold morning air, "So what your sayin' is not only are you worried about your own shit I've got you all worked up on mine too?" I could have left it at that. I could have made a serious conversation and reassured her like a decent person; but something inside me told me to pick the fight. Something didn't want me to get close and there are so many reasons why,"I'm not seeing how this is my problem Wendy."
Her hands had fallen into her lap when I had pulled away and now they clung to the him of her jacket ever so slightly. She turned her head away looking down to the ground letting her bangs cover her eyes, "I didn't mean for you to take it like that."
I wonder from time to time if other people have outer body experiences like I do. There are times where it seems like I have no control over myself and I am just forced to sit in the corner and watch my body destroy things around me.
"All I'm saying Wendy, is that your coming to me with a problem that really has nothing to do with me. Whatever it is you have associated with my thoughts or feelings is in your own damn head." My body betrays me as it stands and snorts. It looks down at her and she looks up with a face that made my guilt-ridden heart jump. It still felt like someone else as I re-lit my only half smoked cigarette, talking out of the corner of my mouth, "We aren't even friends. I'm not even friends with your boyfriend so this is a lot like you beggin' for help from a stranger." I take a long drag and blow it down towards her, "You get what I'm sayin' here? Don't associate yourself with me. My shit is my own and you should do the same with your shit. Quit trying to drag other people in it."
I kept waiting she her to snap. To take a swing at me for being such a complete dick to her but I should have known better; because in all reality my words had some harsh truth to them. We were kind of like strangers. Yes we saw each other every lunch but she was there to see Stan and I was there for Kyle. That was our only connection. Our only conversations were bickering arguments.
She knew this. Just before her eyes swelled with tears she let her head drop again. She sat there for a moment before standing and started to walk away but after a few steps she made a half turn back to me, "I...I really thought I could come to you."
She was crying for help...I took another drag staring in her moist eyes ready to cry at any moment. She just needed the right wrong thing said to her, "Thought" I quoted, "Key word there, Sweetheart."
She turned forward and started on her way to school that she was already late to. "I'm sorry," was the last thing she said. It quivered like she was already crying and that made it hang in the air around her. I had made a complete one-eighty on her and for the life of me I'm not entirely sure I felt that good about it. All I know is that I had to do it. We had no business making a friendship out of what little we knew about each other; but as I watched her turn her walk into full run I felt like the man from White Fang. She couldn't belong in my world so I have to make her believe I don't want her in it.
My cigarette's taste went bad so I flicked it out of my hand and started off for the main road. On a day like today I like to pretend I'm leaving town for good. Just going to walk out of town and never look back. I never actually go through with it. I just walk down the highway until its dark and I hitch hike a ride back. It gives me time to think, about home, school, and I guess life in general. It also give me time to fantasize what life could be like if I could live it in a normal fashion. By the time I'm actually walking on the pavement of the highway I start to list off what could be in a perfect world.
Let's see...For one I could make this trip today without any guilt about what Karen and my mother will do for dinner. That would be nice. To not have to be taking care of a family at my age. I mean hell if that were the case then I would be able to have an actual love life. Not that what I have isn't good. I get my jollies here and there but I wonder what it's like for Stan. To have a good girl by your side like that. I never thought about commitment or anything, I'm way to young for that nonsense, but what if people are on to something with it. People poor, rich, young, and old all look for that one person to share their life with. Even my parents look for it in each other even though they have no business being together. The only thing I look for in a girl is sex. I know why...There's no room for a relationship in my life. I'm a high school student with a family to protect and care for. Life has dealt me a card that keeps me restricted. My mother and sister tell me I should find "my own way"; to forget about them and to make a life better for myself and though that would be nice, I would never be able to have that life perfect. I would always look back and wonder if they were okay. They were my responsibility, they had been for a longtime.
By the time my stomach was starting to growl I came up to a shop that was a combination of a mechanic's garage and a general store. It was placed just about on the outskirts of town. It was my only pit stop on these trips. The old man that ran it was a bit off but he's good people. He often makes the prices of my snacks more cheep then he should for me; that or he just tells me it's on my tab. I honestly don't think he keeps track but I do and I plan to pay it all back one day when I can. A bell jingles as I walk in an old man in overalls and a straw hat comes out from behind the counter, "Well hello there Kenny," he talks slow with an accent that seemed to me even slower then the hick's around here, "Skippin' school today, huh."
He said it more like a statement rather than a question so I didn't bother answering. I just nodded as I walked over to him, "Hey Jud."
He smiles as he walks to the cooler and takes out two beers. I sit myself on the counter as he hands me one he had just opened. You can tell he's happy to see a familiar face even if it does belong to a free loader. Being outside of town he doesn't get many visitors. To be honest, I'm not to sure how he keeps the business open. I had this theory that he lived in the space upstairs so it was not only his place of work but his home. I try not to think to hard on it though.
After a good swig of his own beer he asked what I was up day for the day. I didn't really have an answer for him but he just smiled and told me a smart man doesn't make plans, that way he doesn't have to change them later. It was a nice way to think but I suppose I couldn't live that way. If I were an old mechanic I'm sure I would have taken heed. Oh well.
My visit was short as usual. We talked about little things like T.V. shows, movies, books. All the normal media type of conversating. He gave me an egg salad sandwich saying for some reason he felt like he was going to see me today so he made two. I gladly took it along with some jerky and another beer that was out on my tab. I used my hoody's front pockets to stash my goods, all except my new ale that I opened before I started heading out the door," Thanks again for the cold ones, Jud."
"Just don't tell anyone where you got 'em." he smiles as he warns.
I was just about to step back on to the road when I hear the old man call out to me. I look back to see him stepping out of the store but he doesn't walk any closer to me. It reminds me of a shut in stoop kid afraid to walk to far from home.
"Don't hitch hike today, McCormick."
"What?" I heard him just fine but I wasn't sure I understood.
"Stay away from the cars. Better to walk home today."
I squint from the sun as it's bright lights blinded me from seeing his face properly. I still wasn't sure I completely knew what he was getting at and all I could think of to say was, "You think?"
"You don't want what they have to offer, McCormick."
I couldn't help but smile at the old fool," Don't worry, I know not to trust the strangers with candy." I give a chuckle to let him know I'm just poking fun.
"No Kenny." He warns like any adult does when they are trying to let a child know they're being serious," They know what sweets you want. Walk home today. Don't be like your father and take te easy ride."
I scowl at him and turn back to the road. "You've been readin' to many of your Steven King novels again." I yell back to him as I raise my hand out as a goodbye. He called out something but I was no longer listening. After his remark about me resembling my father I was no longer in the mood to talk so I cut him off with a,"Thanks for the beer, Jud!"
He was a good man but he had a talent for getting himself and everyone around him worked up. It was just best to leave him be when he started talking cryptic. Other than that I enjoyed his company. He just read to many mystery books and I was starting to wonder if he was going senile and couldn't tell what was real life and what was his stories. Who could blame him living in a town like South Park, though.
I decided to just brush the whole strange conversation out of my head. I take a swig of my bottle and keep on my walk. This was my day to clear my head; not to confuse it with an old man's rambles. Instead I filled my mind with the sounds the road and the wind. Every time a car would pass by me I felt the earth rumble beneath me and it reminded me I was still alive. I didn't only walk. I would take breaks and wonder into the woods to watch an animal scurry away from me. One day I had locked eyes with a large buck. It was terrifying and romantic all at the same time. The only person I felt safe telling about it was Kyle. Anyone else I'm sure would have made fun of me for thinking it was some magical moment. I guess Stan would find the serious sence in it, him being the animal lover he is, but we hadn't really had heart to hearts for so long.
He was the reason I took this long walk for the first time. It was then that Stan and I kind of cut out friendship. It was for the best but it was a big wake up call for me. There are days I silently thank him for showing me that I am to truly walk this world alone. Yes I have Karen and my mother and even Kyle at times but I a young man that is ment to hold his troubles on his shoulders like that man in the statue or painting or something. The one where he's holding up the world. Yeah he and I could talk. It made things a little less lonely after I just excepted no one was going to understand me and that no one was really going to be there for me. So I guess I do owe Stan for that, but at the same time I can't bring myself not to resent him for turning his back on me the way he had. It was after that fight that I walked this very road and found myself a way to cope; or reboot my mind. That day I fully intended to walk my way out of the whole state of Colorado, but I grew cold feet and ran back to family. I still like to pretend that I could do it. Run away from all of this.
It was during one of my little breaks sitting there by the busy lane when I looked back to see how far I made it this time. I couldn't even see the town anymore. It was unnerving in away. I was already sweating from the May sun and the long walk but a chill still ran down my spine. It felt as if it was something besides just my broken home that kept me from leaving that small hick town.
I was just taking off my hoodie to cool off a bit when a familiar truck was coming my way. They were driving towards town and I still wasn't sure if I was ready to go home yet. This was the farthest I had made it in a long time. Before I could decide whether to flag them down the truck pulls to the side and rolls down his window.
"Hey Mr. Marsh." I greet as I stand, dusting the dirt off my pants.
"You know you can call me Jimbo." He laughs. I honestly don't remember ever being given permission to be so casual with Stan's uncle but it was never said that I was suppose to be formal either, "Same goes for Ned here." He leans back and the middle aged veteran waves to me. Jimbo leans out the window now with a cocked eyebrow, "Hey aren't you suppose to be in school?"
"Hello Ned. I wave back," I then look at my watch that tells me it's four, twenty three PM. I smile,"School's out."
He smiles back knowing full well I skipped, "Hop in the back I'll give you a lift into town."
I do as he says. When I make it back there Ned opens up the small window to their cockpit. "How you doing Kenny?" Ned asks using his throat back to talk. I remember how the other kids thought he was wierd and his voice would creep them out but I always liked it. Felt bad for the guy now that I knew what it was really for though.
"I'm holdin' up. How 'bout you?" I answer as Jimbo makes his way back onto the thoroughfare.
"Can't complain." He laughs the best he can like he just made a joke and I smile like I understood it.
"I'm glad we ran into you, Kenny." Jimbo has to kind of yell back to me now so that I can hear him over the wind resistance.
"Whys that?" I holler back. I make my way to the window but we still have to speak up to fully catch what the other is saying.
"I have a job opportunity for ya!"
"No I know what you said. But- I mean-"
"Speak up Boy, I can't understand ya."
"Well what is it?"
"Have you ever though of being a bookie?"
Ned chimes in and it's hard to hear since he can't turn up the volume on his voice box but I manage to hear him enough, "Keeping books. Records of payments."
"Like a secretary? or somthin"
Jimbo speaks again, "Yeah like that. See, Ned and I have been doing some work with the state. We need someone to keep track of all of our...finances and transactions."
"Sounds like you could do it yourself." I immediately wondered if I had just ruined my chances of getting paid by not thinking before I spoke. But they both laugh and I'm reassured I'm still in this interview of sorts.
"Nah," He answers furthering my relief, "We have too much to do to have time to sit down with all of that. Plus I'm trying to give you an opertuinity to make some money here, Kenny."
"How much we talkn"
"Smart Boy, don't say yes until you get what you need. I like that. How about we start you off with ten dollars an hour."
"Holy Shit are you serious?!" I practically jump on to my feet and I'm squatting at the window now holding the frame of the bed.
"If you do us right then you can get a raise."
"Jimbo that's too much!"
"Are you kidding? You'll be hanging with the big boys! It would be wrong if we didn't pay you that much."
"I don't know what to say."
"YES! God yes! Guys you don't know how much this means to me!"
"Good! You can start next weekend."
"Is it okay if I only work weekends until school is out?" I ask worried that it might break the deal all together if they have to work around school.
"Of course, we don't need your mom finding out your working during the school year."
Reality hit me when I remembered I wasn't allowed a job until the summer, "Oh shit! My mom. She won't like me working."
Jimbo looked back to me with a grin before turning his eyes back to road, "That's why she won't find out. You work the weekends and do your schooling during the week and no one will be the wiser. Best not to tell your friends either incase it gets back to their parents and then to your mom."
It made sence but now something told me something was risky about all this. The pros and cons didn't lie though. The house hold needed money and I still didn't like the thought of my father bringing his weird cash home. The more I thought about what I could do with that money the more I got excited. I could buy Karen new clothes, my mother that nice purse she was wanting, and above all else I could buy food! Pay the bills and have a decent living for them.
"Count me in guys!" I call to them as I stand up in the truck bed holding on to the hood of the ford for support. Energy was writhing through me. I let out a howl as the wind beat against my face. I wasn't sure if it was the adrenalin from knowing I was finally going to be able to provide for my family or just the moving motion of the car but I felt like could really fly right then and there.
My life was finally going in the right direction.
Yup it seems like things could be looking up, huh? Maybe?
Tell me what you think guys. I want good constructive criticism! I don't ask for reviews so people can blow smoke up my butt. I just want to make the story better. And that means I need your help! Tell me what is good and what is bad so that I know what to fix an what to inhance. I would love to use your insite for the next chapter! 3 Wendy is up next!