I met another pilot. He talks a lot. Doctor J taught me that friends only endangered the mission so I did as little talking as possible. Still I cannot help remembering those deep amethyst eyes and that lively smile. His voice was soothing and thinking about that three foot braid makes me smile…or it would, if I were capable of human emotions such as joy. I can't help but recall his bitter words nor the truth behind them. "Why don't you stop pretending to be human?"

     I told that boy, Trowa, to act on his emotions. He seemed surprised. I'm sure Duo would spit those words back at me. I have no emotions. Humans have emotions.

     I went to…see that boy. He got himself captured. He wanted me to shoot him. I hesitated. Why didn't I kill him? I didn't want to…it was another mistake. I rescued him. Why? Why can't I kill them?

     I hit him. I did it for the good of the mission. I hit him. I hurt him. I hurt Duo. That little girl kidnapped Relena. He thinks I love Relena. I do not love. Humans love [1].

     Duo's eyes widened as he flipped through the rest of the journal. It was completely filled with his name. On the last page he noticed the writing had been blurred, as though someone had been crying on the page [2]. He ran his fingers over the page, noting that some of it was still damp.

     The door opened. Heero's eyes widened imperceptibly at the sight of Duo, sitting on his bed, holding his personal journal.


     "Gomen, I was upse…" A human emotion. Heero seemed to change instantly, he pulled out his gun and took aim.

     "Calm down Heero, buddy. Don't do anything you'll regret," Duo said, raising his hands in surrender.

     "Regret is a human emotion," he pulled the trigger. Duo yelped as the book hit the floor, a hole through its center.

     "Man, you need some serious therapy! You scared the hell outa me!" Duo yelled, standing and walking towards Heero. He was met with a gun pressed to his forhead. "Heero this isn't fu…!" Duo was cut short as Heero's lips pressed against his own. Before he could react the kiss ended and Duo was pushed out the door. The rest of the night was filled with the sounds of gunshot ofter gunshot.

     Heero came down to breakfast the next morning as if nothing had happened. The others sat in awkward silence, none daring to say a word to the stoic boy. After about half an hour Duo came downstairs. His eyes grew three times their normal size as Duo saw Heero. The other three pilots mumbled excuses and left the room.

     "Well if it isn't the great Heero Yuy! That was one hell of a show you put on last night pal!"

     "I don't know what you're talking about." There was a small thump as what little remained of the journal was thrown onto the table.

     "You wanna tell me why my name was written in there so many times?"

     "I don't know."

     "Why not, you wrote it didn't you?"


     "Then why?"

     "I don't know."

     "Bullshit Heero, tell me!" Heero stood.

     "I don't know, any excuses I give you will be based on human emotions."

     "And just what's wrong with that?"

     "I'm not human."

     "Damnit Heero you don't have to take everything so literally! I talk a lot, if all of it were one hundred percent correct…Look, I'm sorry I said you weren't human, I was just talking." Heero stared at him blankly. "Heero you are human, machines don't write things like this and then shoot the hell outa them."

     "And humans do?"

     "Well…not sane humans but…yeah, I guess humans do."

     "Hn," he started to walk away. Duo stood in front of him.

     "One more thing I'd like to talk about Heero. Last night, that kiss…" Heero pushed past him and was out the door before another word could be spoken. "That guy, one of these days I oughtta kick his ass."

     Heero wasn't sure where he was going, he just knew he couldn't face Duo. He had kissed him on the assumption that he would be dead by now. But when he tried to pull the trigger he had failed. Instead he had tried to content himself with shooting that damn book. He scowled. No more bullets and I shot my journal. He made a sudden turn that ran another car off the road. First stop gunshop.

     Heero entered the store hesitantly. He didn't belong here. But he had to come here. He walked through the many shelves of books until he finally found what he was looking for. He smiled slightly as he picked up the small black book. Page after page of empty lines waiting to be filled…with Duo. He walked toward the check out quickly, once again realizing that he didn't belong in a bookstore. He ran into someone.



     "What are you doing here Yuy?"

     "Buying a book."

     "Well I can see that, but it seems abnormal for you."

     "Hn," he walked the remaining few feet to the checkout and put his book on the countertop.

     "A journal? Couldn't that be considered a liability?"

     "The war is over Wufei."


     "That'll be two ninety five."


     "Two ninety five please." Heero scowled as he realized he hadn't brought any money.

     "Here," Wufei said, putting three dollar bills on the counter top. "Keep the nickel." She smiled and handed Heero the book along with the recipt. The two ex-pilots left together.

     "Thank you," he hopped into his convertible.

     "Mind if I tag along?"

     "I'm not going back to Quatre's mansion."

     "Then where…?"

     "I don't know, but I don't want to talk to Duo just yet."

     "I see."

     "You're welcome to come along but I don't know how long I'll be."

     "I'm not busy," he opened the door on the passengers side and got in. They began driving. "Maxwell told us you kissed him last night."


     "You know if it's true none of us would hold it against you."

     "What does that mean?"

     "Well…you wouldn't have been the first."

     "Are you talking about Quatre [3]?"


     "This is different."

     "Is it?"

     "I wasn't drunk."

     "So you did kiss him?"

     "I didn't expect to still be alive today."

     "Suicide? Don't you think that is the weak way out Yuy?"

     "My life doesn't matter."

     "I'm sure there are certain braided pilots who disagree."

     "Duo would want it that way."



     Duo was pacing around the living room, still fuming over Heero's quick exit.

     "Damn boy, why doesn't he just talk to me? Can't he see I'm not mad?"

     "You are mad Duo."

     "What? Oh hey Quat. I'm not mad."

     "Then why are you pacing?"

     "I could use the exercise." Quatre smiled. "Alright, I'm mad. But you should have seen it! He downright refused to talk to me!"

     "Duo…Heero isn't used to his own emotions, he just needs some time."

     "And a whap with the baka mallet." Quatre smiled again and hugged Duo. Duo smiled too.

     "What would you like for lunch?"

     "Anything is fine Yuy."


     "Pull in here." Heero did so.


     "Something Duo got me on to."

     "Hn." They went inside and were seated. "We might miss dinner."

     "Have you decided where we're going yet?"



     "It's a long way away from here, we might not get back for a couple of days. I can take you back to Quatre's if you want."

     "No thank you, I'm interested to see where you're going." They ate in silence before beginning their journey again.

     It was getting late, Duo was once again pacing.

     "Where the hell is that guy, it's nearly time for dinner!"

     "Maybe he's with Wufei, he's not back either," Trowa suggested.

     "Oh sure, he'll spend all day with Wu but he can't spend five minutes talking to me! Well I hope they crash."

     "Calm down Duo, he'll be back soon."

     "Yeah, yeah. But that doesn't mean I can't worry, does it?"

     "You're worried about him?"

     "What does it look like?!"

     "You seem rather hostile."

     "Hey, I'm not pointing a gun at your head." Duo smiled.

     "Dinner's ready! Duo, Trowa, come and get it!" Duo bolted toward the kitchen, Trowa followed at a normal pace.

     "Where are we going Yuy?"

     "Somewhere I haven't been for years."

     "And where's that?"

     "Just wait, we're almost there." There was a few minutes of silence before Heero pulled over.

     "Why here?"

     "This is where Duo and I first met," he walked over to a specific spot. "You can still see the dried blood from when he shot me."

     "That's why we came all this way? To remenice about Maxwell shooting you? You must really like him."

     "I'm trying to understand. I don't really know why I kissed him, or why I wrote that journal."

     "Journal? The one you just bought?"

     "No, that's just a replacement. I had one but I shot it…several times." Wufei's eyes widened.

     "Is that what you were doing last night? We were wondering."

     "When we were fighting in the war I didn't have room for emotions, they only got in the way. But I couldn't just dismiss everything so I wrote it down. I realized it was a liability but it helped. Now the war is over and I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling."

     "For Duo."


     "What you're feeling for Duo?"

     "What I'm feeling toward all of you. What I'm feeling towards Relena, and Zechs."

     "Is it that hard?"

     "J didn't like my emotions."

     "Still, for them to be so unfamiliar to you…that would be very difficult wouldn't it?"

     "It wasn't easy for him, I told you about that little girl and her dog. I learned that emotions could only cause pain."

     "Not all emotions, joy? Happiness can't hurt anyone?" Heero turned to him and Wufei noticed the slight shine to his eyes.

     "For an old man with one hand Doctor J was very strong."

     "He beat you didn't he?"

     "You don't sound surprised."

     "The rest of us talk Yuy, we speculate."

     "What about you, what made you into a Gundam pilot?"


     "You miss her?"

     "Every day, but it helps to have someone else [4]."

     "Do you think they would approve of each other?"

     "They didn't."

     "Did you love her?"

     "Hn. Not at first no, neither of them. But she was my wife, I learned."

     "Do you think I'll ever learn?"

     "With Duo's help, I think it's possible."

     "What about without Duo?"


     "Let's go home Wufei."

     When Heero and Wufei entered the mansion they were instantly glomped by Quatre.

     "I was so worried! Tell me when you'll be home late!"

     "Hn." Quatre let them both go, bid them goodnight, and went upstairs.

     "You guys gave him a pretty good scare, makes me wonder what you were doing all day," Duo's voice sounded from the shadows. He stepped forward so that he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Wufei went to stand in front of him.

     "I brought him home to you Maxwell, don't waste it," he went upstairs.

     "Duo." The boy in question took a few steps forward, punched Heero in the stomach so that he collapsed, and hugged him.

     "Don't do that to me Heero, it isn't fair."


     "Can we talk now? Or are you going to run off again?"

     "Gomen Duo, for last night…and this morning. I'm just so confused," he pulled himself closer.

     "I can understand that Heero, we all have our problems. You just have to trust me. I can help you if you just let me try."

     "Gomen Duo."

     "No problem."



     "I think…ai shite ru." Duo sighed.

     "Yeah, ditto." And they kissed.

[1] This is in reference to Endless Waltz, in case you were wondering

[2] In case you couldn't figure it out, Heero was crying

[3] I wanted to have an example of yaoi tolerance so I decided to use Quatre, Duo got him drunk and he kissed him. Personally I love 3+4 but Jonathan said he didn't want Trowa to be yaoi and since I'm nice and don't have a problem with 2+4 here it is

[4] Hey, it's my fic so I have to mention his new girlfriend, me! Not Sally.