So I decided to turn this into a Multi-Chaptered Fic in hopes of getting more readers. I worked really hard on this story and would just like to see it get a little more recognition :)
So read on and enjoy! :)
I laid on the edge of our small bed, staring at his serene face. I never got to see it like that anymore. When he slept, the innocence of the sweet boy I fell in love with was present. Awake, he was a man that I didn't recognize. He was a man with hate and regret permanently etched into his eyes. I didn't know that man. I didn't recognize him no matter how hard I tried.
When we were first married, I was the happiest woman on earth and he claimed to have been the happiest man. We loved each other. Of that I was sure. He was the only man I had eyes for and the only man I wanted. We were that idyllic couple that everyone envied. If we were together, we were touching somehow, whether it was intertwined hands or his arm around my waist. When we were apart, I counted down the minutes until we were together once again. Ten minutes seemed like an eternity to me.
And then we tried to have a child.
It was hard. Something about us didn't work, didn't seem compatible, and, even though the doctor claimed everything was in order, conceiving a baby seemed to be impossible.
But one glorious day while Jacob was at work, I took a pregnancy test. I had been feeling sick frequently and knew that there had to be something wrong…or right. But either way, I was wary as I counted down the minutes until I could check the offending little stick to see if it was a positive or a negative.
I was ecstatic to say the least when it said positive. I waited for Jacob to come home anxiously, even considering driving down to where he worked, desperate for him to know the glorious news. But I decided against it, deciding it would be better to tell him when it was just the two of us.
When he came home that day, it was the first time I noticed the slight dimming of his eyes. As I greeted him at the door, smiling from ear to ear, he gave me a half smile in return that didn't quite reach his eyes.
When I told him the news, however, his eyes lit up the way only his could and he pulled me to his chest, laughing joyously. This was the man I had fallen in love with, the man I knew I would love forever. And in that moment, everything seemed perfect. I had to hope that everything would be okay.
Growing up, my mother had always told me when things start going well, expect something to eventually to go wrong. Later, I would wish I had listened to her. Like most children, however, I didn't listen to her. I ignored her warnings.
So when eight months into the pregnancy I got into a horrible car accident, my mother's words came into my head. Jacob and I had been going to my parent's house during a particularly bad snow storm. The car got caught on some black ice and we couldn't regain control. The passenger side of the car was rammed into a large tree, causing the door to cave in directly on top of me.
Jacob and I waited anxiously at the hospital for the diagnosis of our little girl-we had decided to find out the gender of our child, and had already named her Morgan. The doctor came into the room slowly with a smile on his face, but it wasn't convincing and his blue eyes were sad. I begged him to tell me what happened to our child. The smile disappeared and a frown adorned his flawless face.
Morgan didn't make it. She was gone. They did a C-section to get her out of my stomach. The saddest moment of my life was when the doctor placed my baby girl in my arms. She was motionless and so very small. She didn't even look human-she looked more like an angel. She would have been beautiful.
I cried into Jacob's chest as we buried our little girl.
"It'll be okay, Bella." He said as he brushed the hair back from my forehead. "I love you. It's going to be okay. We'll get past this. I promise."
Sure, we got past it in some ways. After a while, the pain lessened and I could get back to my everyday life. But Jacob never quite got over it. He blamed himself and, no matter how much he denied it, I know he blamed me too. I could see the resentment in his eyes every time he looked at me. The words the doctor spoke to me after the accident haunted us both.
It was almost impossible for me to conceive a child now. It would be a miracle if I did.
And by this point, I didn't believe in miracles.
It had been almost a year since then. Things only got worse as time went on. Jacob's resentment grew as well as his alcohol consumption. He drank so much more than I was used to. It got to the point where he would come home from work and have a beer, completely skipping over pleasantries with his own wife.
We were falling out of love with each other, and I was helpless to stop it, no matter how much I wanted to.
I knew we were spiraling out of control the first time he hit me. Jacob had always had a temper, but I never believed he would hit me. The first time he did it, the guilt ate him alive. When he finally sobered up and saw the bruise on my face, he did everything he could to apologize to me and, for some reason I didn't understand, I forgave him.
But then it started again. He would get drunk, I would say something stupid, and he would hit me. And the next day, he would apologize every chance he got, showing me the affection I craved so badly.
He didn't hit me tonight. He was drunk sure, but he just passed out in bed with his work jeans still on, not even bothering to change out of them. I sighed as I tentatively reached over and brushed a long black hair out of his face. He shivered slightly in his sleep, reaching for me and pulling me against his chest. I breathed him in, enjoying his affections while I could for I knew this wouldn't last long. The only reason he was holding me now, I knew, was because he was cold.
I knew tomorrow morning, he would go back to the cold man that was a stranger to me in every way. I closed my eyes and let myself drift into sleep as I wondered if he would even remember his wife's 25th birthday.