Surprised to see me? Yeah, I understand why, but even so, I hope you enjoy the chapter.
For the first time in Mechanicward's history Maxipoo1024 did not work her magic. *gasp* She's a busy girl these days, and sometimes real life has to come first. Who knew? Before you freak out just know that the wonderful LendMeYourHrt looked this chapter over and has given me the okay to post. Thanks so much, Steph, for doing that last minute! Also thanks to Byrd and Tasha for pre reading their asses off. This installment of our beloved mechanic and his girl is dedicated to Emily, who is leaving Cali this friday to set off on an incredible journey in NY! Best of luck to you, sweet girl! The SoCal meet ups won't be the same without you. xoxo~ jac
What would you say, if I told you my secrets
If I sang you my song
Would you walk away, or would you hold on
I'd had enough, I'd given up, I was broken
Left to rust, hollowed out, life seemed hopeless
But here you are, you see my scars, and you're still dryin' these eyes
You are my, you are my, you are my reason why
Reason ~ Ron Pope
Being with Bella in her hometown gives me the opportunity to see her in her element. I can see her excitement about being home and I can also tell that her dad loves having her here. I see his eyes light up anytime he is around her, and I watch her watch him every chance that she gets. I don't know what it is like to grow up with only one parent, our house was always so full of people, but I can tell that it has made them very close.
I want her this happy always. I want to be able to give her a home, maybe even a home here, where she can have Charlie and I can have her smile. I've been thinking more and more about the possibility since Charlie called me to his office yesterday. I knew it was something important if he didn't want Bella around, and I was shitting my pants the whole way there.
"Son, have a seat." He closed the door to his office behind us, a chill ran down my spine. I know he likes me, but I was still the punk kid that knocked up his daughter.
"Edward, you have to know how shocked I was when you and Bells told me about the baby, but you should know that I am happy for you two. I know that you love her, son, but I also have a few concerns." He never faltered, looking me in the eye the entire time. He was definitely in police mode.
"I just need to know that you are going to be there for her, and I'm talking about forever. I'm not all that thrilled about the idea of her changing her last name, but I hope that is in your plans." Charlie smirks at me, and I see Bella in his eyes.
"Yes, sir, I definitely plan on marrying Bella. We have talked about it so much recently. I just want it to be perfect, you know? And I need to get her a ring. She's a hard girl to shop for because I know that a traditional ring isn't her style. Bella isn't a rockkind of girl." I sigh because all of that is true and I genuinely have no idea what kind of a ring she would like.
"Also, I'm not real sure about our living situation. I have never in my life thought of leaving Baker, but now I'm not sure I can imagine staying there much longer. I love the motel and my shop, and I love the life that I have built there, but can we raise a baby there? Our apartment really is just a converted motel room. And when I see her here and how happy she is, it makes me want to give her this. I want to give her a home." When I finally look up at him, his eyes are huge. I can tell that he is shocked at my suggestion. I know that Bella won't fight me on it. She likes our place, but seeing her here like this I know that she loves every single thing about this little place called Forks and all that surrounds it.
"I can't make that decision for you, kid," Charlie chuckles, as he pulls something from his coat pocket. "I can give you this, though. It was my grandmother's and it is meant to be Bella's. Maybe it will solve one problem for you."
It's a ring, a ring I can actually imagine on my girl's finger. I take it from Charlie and I know that it is the ring I will use to ask Bella to be my wife.
"Problem solved," I smile at my future father in law. "Should I start calling you dad?"
"Nope." The scowl on his face is one I've seen on his daughter many times.
"Too soon?" I ask.
"Yup." His answer is also a dismissal. He turns his back to me and gets back to work.
With only a few days left in Forks, Bella is trying to cram as much as she can into our trip. I wake up and find her already awake and planning our day. I won't lie. I'm kind of antsy myself. I need to find the perfect spot to propose, so hopefully one of Bella's places of interest will provide that for us.
Today she has dragged me to what she says is her favorite place in the world. Of course it is a beach, just like her other favorite place in the world she showed me in San Diego. It doesn't escape my mind that there isn't a beach in Baker.
"This is it," she says spreading her arms out wide and taking a deep breath of cold, salty air. "It's called First Beach. My dad used to bring me here every weekend, so that he could hang out with his buddies and I could spend time with their kids."
I look around and try to take in as much as I can. It's a beautiful sight, and I try to imagine little Bella running along the shore- maybe skipping rocks, or sitting bundled up in front of a bonfire, roasting marshmallows. I wish I could have seen that. I hope that one day we will be standing in this very spot watching our child do those things. "Edward, I love this place!" Bella dances in a circle reminding me of all of the reasons that I love her. I grab her hand and twirl her in a circle around me. "I want to bring our baby here and watch them run around here like I did! You will love it, baby, I swear to God you will never want to leave this place."
She snuggles up close to me and runs her cold nose along my jaw and I squeeze her tighter to me. "I believe you. I can almost picture you out here running amuck. I bet you drove Charlie crazy when it was time to leave. How long did it take him to drag you out of here?"
Her laugh is loud before she answers, but the sigh that follows it is sad. "Charlie didn't force me to do much. I was a very obedient child actually. I did what he said because I was always scared that if I didn't he would leave me."
I'm stunned stupid by her words. What the fuck is she talking about? Charlie loves her more than his own life, why would he ever leave her? "Bella, what are you talking about? Charlie would never leave you, he couldn't. It's impossible." I pull her in front of me so that I can see her eyes, and wait for her to answer me.
"After my mom left, I thought that's just what happened. She was just gone one day. I'm not even really sure exactly when it was. My dad never talked about it, and I could never get the courage to ask him." When she looks at me I can see tears in her eyes and that almost stops me from expressing my disbelief about her statement. Almost.
"B, what do you mean you never talked about your mom leaving? You mean your dad just left you to deal with that all on your own? He never sat you down and tried to explain the situation to you, or let you ask him questions?" I realize that I am yelling at her, but it's only because I am in shock. I can't imagine how she must have felt back then. Now my images of little Bella running around on the beach are totally different. I can see her sitting on a log or a rock all alone, or shuffling her feet down the shore line... looking out at the water wondering where her mommy went.
"Calm down, Edward. My dad isn't like your dad. We didn't talk or hug or have family fucking game nights like I'm sure you did. We went fishing and ate pizza. I got my hair braided by a neighbor on school picture days, and the school nurse told me about tampons. It would have been more unbelievable if my dad would have sat me down and had some big heart to heart about my mom loving me but... So don't presume to know what it was like for us, or what I did or did not go through as a kid."
"I'm sorry that it is a little bit shocking for me, Bella. And contrary to what you seem to believe, I didn't have the perfect childhood either. So maybe you shouldn't presume to know what it was like for me. I love you, and the idea of you being so young and so confused pisses me off. Sue me." I let go of her and sit down on the cold wet sand. I really don't want to fight with her, but her sudden attitude kind of threw me off.
"I didn't mean to yell at you, and I don't want to fight. I'm sorry." I say again and scrub my hands roughly over my face. I sit in silence for a few minutes before I reach over and pull her into my lap.
She sinks down willingly and lays her head on my shoulder. I feel her fingers in my hair and her tears on my neck. This girl will be the death of me. I just want to hold her forever, so nothing can ever hurt her again. The problem is that every time I turn around, I am the one making her cry.
"What is wrong with me, baby?" I ask, kissing her hair. "I didn't mean for this to happen, and I definitely don't want to fight with you. What I want to do is ask you to marry me, to beg you to let me love you forever and hope that you want the same thing. I want to give you and our baby my name and my life and to promise to take care of you and put you first, always. But damn, I even screwed that up."
I look down at her and find the biggest smile on her face. There are tears in her eyes, but she looks so fucking happy right now. She turns to straddle my waist and hugs me so hard that I fall backwards onto the ground.
"Was that your official proposal, Eddie? Because I still don't see a ring and I want a damn ring!" She sits across my stomach and watches with wide eyes as I actually pull a ring out of my pocket. There is no box, just her great grandmother's ring that her father has saved for her. I sit up, so that our chests are almost touching and hold the ring carefully between us.
"Here is your ring, baby girl. It belonged to Charlie's grandmother. He gave it to me along with his blessing, and my official proposal is this; Isabella Swan, you came into my life and turned it upside down. You showed me that my heart was still capable of love, and that I was worthy of being loved in spite of all of my flaws. You brought me back to life, angel. And now on top of all of that you are giving me a child and a second chance at fatherhood. I love you, Bella and I want to be your husband. Will you do me the honor, baby? Will you be my wife?"
She nods her head three times before she looks at me with big, fat tears running down her cheeks. "Yes, Edward. I'll marry you. I love you so much, how could I not?" She sniffles and waits patiently for me to put the ring on her finger.
I can't help but smile as I finally slide the ring onto her finger. It fits almost perfectly and looks like it belongs there. She is giddy and squeals when it is finally in place. I kiss her hand before she pulls it away so that she can take a closer look.
"It's kind of perfect, isn't it? I didn't know what type of ring you would like, but I knew that I couldn't picture you wearing a typical engagement ring. When Charlie pulled this out I knew it was the one. Do you like it?"
"I love it... so much. And I'm totally impressed that you talked to my dad about this- that was super brave." She laughs, still staring at her ring. "I'm also impressed that dad didn't shoot you or anything"
"Well, he did say that I couldn't call him dad, but other than that, I think he is happy for us." I squeeze her tight to me so I can whisper in her ear, "I'd love to sit here and hold you like this forever, but my ass is wet."
Her laugh sounds like angels and feels like salvation. I live to hear that laugh. I want to make her laugh every moment for the rest of our lives together. I hope she knows that, and just in case she doesn't, I plan on showing her until I take my very last breath.
"Take me home, Eddie." She says, pulling my hair so that I have to look at her. She kisses my nose before I stand and carry her back to the car.
This man, the love of my life… my fiancé… is driving me crazy. If I wasn't carrying his child he'd probably be driving me to drink. God, I miss drinking with Edward. I know I shocked him when I started talking about my mom, I shocked myself, but my new hormones made it impossible for me not to cry. It's his fault really, if you think about it.
I have wanted to tell him about my mom for so long now, I just didn't know how to start, Or when to start for that matter. I don't have much to say, really, the fact is that I didn't know her for that long. I think I was only six when she left. I remember her hugs and her cookies and that when she pushed me on the swing in the back yard I thought she looked like an angel. I guess I was wrong. She definitely wasn't an angel.
I already love my baby so much. I can't imagine ever being away from it- let alone walking away from it. I want so badly to be a good mother, and the fact that I have no frame of reference for that scares me shitless. I hope I am enough.
Being home in Forks has been so nice. I forgot how much I love it, but having Edward propose here makes me never want to leave. I know that our time here is coming to an end and it makes me ache. I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I've become home sick. I long for the sweet innocence that was my life in Forks. I never imagined living here again, but now the thought of settling down in a little house with a yard is all I can think about.
I hope that I can give my baby that kind of childhood- one with weekends at the beach and fireflies in jars. The kind of security and love that means they never have to wonder if they are the most important thing in the world that Edward and I share.
"Hey, babe? What do you think of Forks?" I ask on our last morning in town, while we lay in my bed, neither one of us wanting to get up. Since Charlie is already at work there isn't any rush.
"I really like here, Bell. It feels like home, even though it's my first time here. I can see how much you love it, and that makes me want to stay. Why do you ask?" He rubs his hand over my belly like he does every chance he gets now. There isn't anything visible yet, but we know it's there.
"No reason, just wondering if you like it here. I'm glad you do because I was hoping that we could visit more often. I mean, especially after the baby comes. Charlie isn't big on traveling, and I want our baby to know him. It's always just been him and I. Our babies will be his only grandchildren. I want to make sure that he knows how important he is to us." I run my fingers through his hair.
"Our babies, Bella? Are you planning on having more babies before this one is even finished cooking?" He tickles my sides before he lifts my shirt and places a kiss directly over my belly button.
"Of course I am!" I laugh and try to wiggle away from him as he holds me tight around my hips. "Can you even imagine how gorgeous this child is going to be? I mean, how selfish would it be for us to deny the world more of our beautiful babies?"
"Do you think she will look like me?" He asks, looking up at me with a shy smile on his face.
"She, huh? Is there any particular reason that you think this baby is a girl and not a boy?" My hand joins his on my belly and I wish that I could read his mind.
"Nope, it's just a feeling. I imagine her with my crazy hair and your big eyes." His fingers trace patterns on my skin, and it sparks something inside of me. Knowing that he wants this... us... so much makes me want him. Don't get me wrong, I always want him, but right now I need him.
I move to pull my shirt over my head, and the smile on his face is magic. His body covers mine, and I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips. Before I have time to even think twice, he has us both naked and I am panting beneath him. He has been so soft and gentle with me since we found out about the baby, but right now I don't want soft. I want to feel him; I want to be able to feel him tomorrow.
"Edward," I whisper against his neck. "Harder, baby. Please." My words fade off with the breath that is forced out of me as he slams into me. I lift my hips to meet him and he groans before biting my shoulder.
I am so close to where I need to be and I know he is so willing to take me there. My childhood bed squeaks beneath us, it would be amusing if I wasn't so focused on chasing my orgasm. I push my hand between us to the place where we are joined and feel it all.
"Fuck, baby, what are you doing to me? I'm trying to be all sweet and shit. You're making it very difficult." He winces and I know it isn't from pain. "Is this what you want?" He lifts my leg and slips further inside of me.
That's all it takes for me to fall, and I fall hard. I love him. I love him. The words beat in my heart. I can feel them, taste them. He is everything, and he is mine.