What would happen if the characters in Kim Possible somehow became self-aware of their roles as a Disney cartoon, and how would they react to some of the unusual sitches and pairings they were asked to portray in fan fiction? And if they weren't particularly amused at the thought, what might they try to do about it?
The standard disclaimers apply: Disney owns KP, not me, and I don't make any profit from this other than the joy of indulging in a little parody…
Kim and Shego circled the other carefully, each looking for an opening to attack.
Hmm. Not quite right …
Kim and Shego circled the other hungrily, each looking for an opportunity to jump the other.
Nah, too obvious …
Kim and Shego circled the other warily, each eagerly looking forward to yet another battle.
"So, Cupcake. Here we are again."
"Yeah, so just hand over the device and I'll be on my way."
"Not so fast, Princess. What's the fun in that? You'll just have to come and get it."
Their eyes locked. Shego licked her lips in anticipation. With one swift flowing movement, she pounced. Pinning Kim to the floor, her grin widened.
"Now I have you exactly where I want you."
Kim feigned struggling while Shego continued to straddle her adversary.
And now for the payoff …
Kim's face now bare inches from her Green Goddess, their lips drew ever closer, until …
"Carl! This is the third time I've called you! Your dinner's getting cold!" A shrill voice from the other room suddenly interrupted his concentration.
Carl sighed. "Yeah, Mom, I'll be right there …"
He clicked the save button on his computer, turning the light out in his room as he left to eat his now lukewarm dinner.
His mother continued to scold him as he sat down at the table. "I just don't understand how you can just sit in front of that computer for hours writing those stories of yours, Carl."
As he shoveled in another mouthful of food, he replied, "They're not just stories, Mom. It's fan fiction. Totally different."
Carl's mother just shook her head. "Call them what you will, but while most of your high school friends are either out playing sports or going out on dates, you're cooped up in that room of yours. It's just not right."
Carl just answered absentmindedly, "Yeah, Mom …"
But as lethargic as he was physically as he played with his dinner, his mind was racing with ideas of how to continue his current Kim Possible fanfic. The few reviews to his earlier efforts had been tepid at best, so he was determined to spice this one up. He began to quickly finish his dinner so that he could resume writing his story just as soon as possible.
"Not so fast, young man. First you need to take out the garbage and finish your other chores. Then you can go back to your room and your stories."
Carl complained, "Aw, Mom …"
She folded her arms and gave her son a very stern look. "Don't 'Aw Mom' me, Carl. As long as you live under this roof, you'll do what I tell you. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mom." Now resigned to his duties, he grumbled as he slowly pushed himself away from the dinner table.
Meanwhile, back in the real world …
Kim sighed heavily as she got to her feet. "Man, that ended in just the nick of time. Well, Shego, it looks like yet another Kigo adventure, and not a very imaginative one at that."
The black and green clad villainess echoed Kim's discontent. "Yup, sure looks like it. And by the way, could you use a breath mint at the very least, Kim? As long as we're being forced into role playing these stories, you could at least make it tolerable."
"Sorry, Shego. Since we've all become self-aware after that Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer accident last month, I'm still getting used to the whole 24/7 personal hygiene sitch."
Shego's stomach growled. "Well, shall we get something to eat before God's gift to KP fan fiction finishes his own dinner and returns to the scene of the crime?"
Kim brightened up. "Sounds spankin.' I told Yori we'd meet her over at that new sushi place. I'm so sick of being forced to eat at Bueno Nacho all the time, I could just throw up. Either there or Chez Couteaux, and no one's ever figured out that I really hate French food. Can't these writers ever have me and Ron eat anywhere else?"
Shego nodded in agreement. "Sure would be nice, but don't hold your breath, Princess. And don't complain: at least you get fed. I can't tell you how many times over the past month I've had to scrounge around Drakken's lair for something even halfway decent to eat."
A few minutes later they entered Middleton's newest sushi bar. Yori smiled and waved them over to the table where she was sitting.
Kim tried to remain cheerful. "Hey, Yori, what's up?"
"Hey, Kim. Oh, the usual. I just wish that the writer in my current gig would come up with a different line than 'It would be my honor,' as I bow my head in servile deference. Hello, 21st century Japan is a lot different for women now than it used to be! It really makes me want to take the Lotus Blade and give some of these writers the Benihana treatment."
Her face broke out in a wicked grin. "Just once, it would give me great pleasure to slice and dice one of them up on a hibachi table, in delicious retribution for all those Psycho Stalker Ninja Babe fanfics …"
Kim laughed. "Whoa, Yori! This is a side of you I don't see very often."
Shego chuckled as well. "Yeah, but at least she's not being paired up with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the KP universe. I'm tired of constantly bouncing back and forth between you, Drakken and Ron most of the time. One writer even paired me with Ned at Bueno Nacho once."
Kim snorted. "Ned? That's just wrongsick. Well, at least no one's shipped you yet with Yori, as far as I can remember."
Shego grimaced, "Good going, Kim. Now that you've said that, someone undoubtedly will now."
Shego and Yori each shuddered and reflexively grabbed their breath spray.
As Kim swallowed another piece of sushi, a curious look came over her face. "Y'know, Yori, you may have just given me an idea. What if we could find some way to travel into the writer's world and shake them up a bit with a little payback sitch? Wouldn't that be fun?"
Yori nodded vigorously. "Yes, Kim-chan! It would be wonderful to inflict your American style of revenge upon some of these wannabe authors."
Shego agreed wholeheartedly. "Yeah, I'm real tired of being made to dance like a puppet in every lame-brained story that suits some of these geeky fanboys. I'd jump at the chance to turn the tables on 'em. But how?"
Kim scratched her chin in thought. "I'm not sure, but I think I've got an idea on who can help."
She activated her wrist Kimmunicator. A pudgy African-American boy appeared, slurping his usual soda.
Obviously bored, he offered a half-hearted greeting. "Hey, Kim. What's up?"
"Wade, I'm here with Shego and Yori. We were wondering if you knew of any way we could cross over into the writer's world for awhile for a little revenge sitch?"
He perked up immediately. "Whoa! That sounds like an awesome idea, Kim! Let me think for a minute." His hands flew across his computer keyboard. "I think I have an idea. And the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer might be just the ticket."
The three young women leaned closer in eager anticipation as the boy genius continued. "You're in luck: it's currently located at the Middleton Institute of Technology. The last writer to use it forgot to have it moved back to its top secret laboratory in an undisclosed location. The bad news is that it's still under lock and key, Kim."
Shego cracked her knuckles. "No problem, Nerdlinger, that's right up my alley. It'll be a piece of cake."
Kim smiled. "You rock, Wade! We'll bring it over as soon as we can grab it."
She switched off her Kimmunicator and turned to her friends. "Shego, I know what we're gonna do today."
Shego grimaced. "Uh, Kim, wrong catch phrase?"
"Oops, sorry. Been watching too many current Disney cartoons, I guess."
A thought crossed Yori's mind. "Kim-chan, shouldn't we also invite Stoppable-san? I believe he would enjoy our little plan as well."
"He probably would, but I think he and Drakken are currently tied up in some kind of weird retro Wannaweep sitch at the moment."
They all made a face at the thought of what that could lead to, and Shego suddenly looked a tad greener than usual.
"You can skip the details on that one, Cupcake."
Yori nodded in agreement, looking slightly ill herself. "Yes, please and thank you, Kim-chan. So I assume this will be, as you say, girls' night out?"
Kim grinned. "You got it, Yori. So, what are we waiting for?"
And with that, the three young women quickly left to put the first part of their diabolical scheme into action.
Shego purred, "Ooh, I really like the sound of that last sentence, Kim."
"Yes, Shego, I do too. This will be simply spankin' …"
To Be Continued …