Title: You've Got to Be Kidding Me
Author: Takebuo Ishimatsu
Summary: "There once was a girl named Marrisha Leonada Takebuo Sparkly-Power Dancer the Second. She was beautiful and fell in love with a boy named-" "Wait a second, her name was *what*?"
Warning: Making fun of Mary Sues. If you write Sue, move along.
Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice.
"There once was a girl named Marrisha Leonada Takebuo Sparkly-Power Dancer the Second. She was beautiful and fell in love with a boy named-"
"Wait a second, her name was what?" Robin asked suddenly, turning away from his game momentarily to give Kid Flash a Look, believing that he was messing with him.
Wally rolled his eyes, "I said 'There once was a girl named Marrisha Leonada Takebuo Sparkly-Power Dancer the Second.'"
Robin raised an eyebrow, "The Second?"
"The Second. "
"Right," Robin muttered, turning back towards the TV.
He'd let Wally have that one, if he was so insistent on it. As if real writers actually named their characters that.
"Anyway, Marrisha Leonada- You know, I'm just gonna call her Mary from now on."
Robin made a noncommittal noise, a slight frown coming to his face as he tried to get his character to dodge around the oncoming monster. Didn't these game developers know how to make their avatars move properly?
"'She was beautiful and fell in love with a boy named Robin.'"
Robin rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't give Kid Flash the satisfaction of acknowledgment.
A boy named Robiin. Riiiiight.
"'And Robin fell in love with her equally. You see, even though she was abused by her abusive uncle-'"
"Isn't that kind of redundant?"
"I'm trying to read the story!" Kid Flash made a "shushing" motion with one hand while scrolling with the other, as if he was interrupting the climax of a murder mystery rather than his craptastic rendition of Robin's nonexistent love life.
"'By her abusive uncle, she was kind and loved by animals.'"
Robin turned to glare at the other young hero, "Are you making fun of my name, Flash Kid?"
"No way, Rob, I know what that name means to you," Wally waved his hands around frantically in denial, "It's totally in the story, I swear!"
"Right. The story that you wrote."
"I'm telling you, man! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!"
Robin rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say."
"Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, 'And Robin loved animals as well. Which is where they met, the cat shelter.' See? It wasn't even talking about your name!"
"Logically, as names and metaphors go, I should especially hate cats, shouldn't I?" Robin murmured, only half paying attention as he was trying to stab the monster to death.
Run, stab, run, stab, extra stab, ruuuuuuun.
The game would be a lot easier if he wasn't so worried about what Batman would think of him playing a game with gun violence. Hard mode with a knife was hard.
"Dude, I told you, I didn't write this."
"Mmm hmm," Robin furrowed his brow and scrunched up his nose in concentration as he quickly darted back the health he'd left stashed behind a crate.
"Anyway, this is kind of long, so I'm gonna speed read, ok?"
Robin didn't reply, so Kid Flash took that to be an approval.
"Right, so they met at the cat shelter, she didn't know it was him, obviously...romantic blah...oh, here's the good part. 'You! You're Robin! The Boy Wonder! The boy I've fallen in love with is actually a masked vigilante!' 'Mary, I know this his hard to believe, but I love you and I'll give up crime fighting if you only tell me to!'"
Robin choked on the water he'd been drinking. Kid Flash looked up worriedly as he began coughing harshly.
"Dude, you need the medic team?"
Robin, watery eyed, shook his head as he took in a few deep breaths.
"No, keep going."
"Ok, if you say so. 'No, this is wonderful! I too am a crime fighter at night, named Spirit Reader. I can see into people's souls and know everything about them. That's how I knew you were the one for me since the moment we met.'"
"That doesn't even make sense. Why wouldn't she know the guy was 'Robin' if she can read his soul?"
"Uh, I think I skimmed that part out. Something about true love blocking her powers or something."
"That still doesn't add up. If true love blocks her powers, how did she know he was the 'one for her'?"
"Dude, I'm just the guy reading the story."
"Did Conner write this?" Robin asked suddenly.
The clone's limited knowledge of the world might just be what was required to make such a God-awful excuse for writing.
"I told you, I found it on the internet! Hack it if you don't believe me!"
Robin rolled his eyes, "Fine, in a minute. I gotta beat this level before Batman comes back and yells at me for wasting my time."
Kid Flash sighed dramatically, though he didn't comment on the Bats' crazy parenting skills. They'd already gotten into that too many times.
"'This is the happiest moment of my life! Even more so than when I met Batman and became a masked vigilante! Marrisha Leon...Mary, will you marry me?' 'Yes, of course! And then we can gave babies together and train them to be crime fighters as well!'"
"Ok, that's it. Let me see your computer," Robin huffed, jumping up from his game to grab the laptop away from the speedster.
Pulling out a wire from the mini-computer above his glove, he pushed it into the drive and waited as his self-made programs searched out the original source and hacked in.
"No way," Robin blinked, finding himself connected to a computer full of online news stories about him and his adoptive father. The unknown person was even reading one at that very moment.
Not knowing how long the other person would be online, he quickly began browsing through the files.
"I guess I owe you an apology, KF. There's actually a real person behind this...written work," Robin was hesitant to actually call the story that, but there weren't many other words to describe it that weren't utterly crass.
"Told you," Kid Flash smirked, gently pushing the other's shoulder.
"Hmm, what's this?" Robin murmured, clicking on a file simply labeled "R."
Both boys' mouths dropped open as various thumbnails appeared showing the Boy Wonder in all of his...wonder. The pictures of real men in skimpy Halloween costumes were especially worrisome.
" I do not approve."
The two young heroes jumped a foot at the gravely voice behind them.
Flushing, Robin whipped around to explain, "Flash found this story online about me and this crazy chick and I didn't believe it was real, so I went into her computer and found this."
Robin pointed accusingly at the screen, feeling somewhat violated, even though most of them looked nothing like him. Some didn't even have the costume colors right.
Wait, was that one a mini Joker? Robin's frown deepened.
"You're famous. People fantasize about famous individuals."
Batman reached over and closed the lid of the computer, clearly declaring the subject done with. Robin took it to be his mentor's nicest way of saying, "Get over it."
Kid Flash watched on as the bigger Bat took the other by the arm and gently led him out of the room. Glancing towards the paused game, he smirked.
Rob was going to be soooo mad when he came in the next day and found "KF" at the top of the Highest Score list.
He deserved it for believing Wally could ever write...that. The speedster shuddered slightly, getting a sudden chill down his spine.
AN: Not my best work, by far, but rather something that just kind of popped into my head while reading other authors' rants about The Sue. Something about Sues being so God-awful, it's hard to believe people actually take them seriously. Really, I'd think it a bad joke if it didn't happen so often in the fandoms I love.
No particular Sue is being made fun of here, and, honestly, no serious offense meant to Sue writers. (I wrote Stu one time. Then I realized how utterly horrendous it was once I was a more experienced writer and purged it from the world.)