Welcome to 29 Dimensions!
All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just playing with her toys.
So, to those of you reading Hate What You Do To Me, fear not! I am not abandoning, just trying my hand at two stories at once.
This is my first time writing in 1st person. I hope it's alright. Happy reading!
Step one: Signing Up
It's Saturday night and here I am with a glass of wine staring at the color spectrum on the screen. Seriously? A color spectrum? I'm supposed to plot my answers somewhere in the color void I think.
This is so fucking stupid. Why am I here? Oh, right. I'm a single thirty year old book nerd with no good prospects in sight who wants a family one day and the clock is ticking. In fact said clocks battery is running out. Did you hear me earlier? Thirty.
I know lots of women have children into their early forties, but I don't want to be that old when I start having children. And that is why I am spending Saturday night with a glass of wine and this fucking color spectrum. That and my best friends are hounding me to get off of my ass since the fucked up relationship that was Jacob.
Ok, I admit, the bottle of wine is sitting next to me. I'm just topping it off.
Words of wisdom; never date a man who is bi-sexual. He can cheat on you with men and women.
At the same time.
Leaving you open to walk in and see that shit. The image of my then boyfriends cock in some bitch while some guy pounds into him from behind was burned into my brain. No amount of bleach was going to cure that. The whole situation was now known as "The Jake Debacle" with my friends and me.
At least I can laugh about it now.
Mmm, this wine is good.
I didn't want to get back into the dating scene, I've done it enough. I give up. Maybe I'll get a couple of cats.
No. Wait. I hate litter.
A dog? They don't live as long as cats, so it would leave me sooner.
A bird? They can live for a really long time, but they screech and would piss my neighbors off.
Fish are fragile and not affectionate. The whole water needing thing and all.
Crap. I really am left with this stupid online dating. '29 Dimensions of Compatibility'. What the hell does that mean anyway?
Ok, back to the color spectrum. So many questions! Is this ever going to end?
Is there a question for 'are you a serial killer'? I really would not like to get matched with one of them. I mean, what would that say about me? Well, besides the obvious, that I too must be a serial killer. Though I have never killed anyone. Never even thought about it… well, maybe a passing thought about annoying bitch ass authors who make my life a living hell sometimes.
Well, one hundred billion questions down and no serial killer question. I don't know if I should be happy or freaked out about that.
Out of the last one hundred questions I swear I have been asked ten questions about five different ways. Is there an end to this compatibility madness?
Yes! Another hundred billion color coded questions and another glass of wine later and victory is mine!
… Oh, fuck. They want me to what? Fill out my profile and write about myself? My interests? Hobbies?
Well, I think I can check online dating off of my possible dating options. Like I mentioned, thirty year old book nerd. I work as an editor for Christ sake.
I'm boring. Vanilla. Of average looks and slightly above average intelligence.
With a sigh I studiously filled out my profile to pimp myself out to the male population. Cringing with every boring word about myself as I wrote about boring old me and attempted to make myself sound good enough to draw moths to my spark of a flame.
Maybe I should re-think the litter objection.
Oh, goody, the fun part has arrived. Pictures! I would add the one from Alice and Jasper, but the pixie had me all makeup upped and hair done. I don't wear much makeup, so I would consider that false advertising.
After going through all of the photos stored on my laptop I finally located a few decent shots.
After all was said and done, and after I offered up and arm and a leg for three months of compatibility matching and two hours of my life, the deed was done.
I, Isabella Swan, was officially in the online dating scene and all of its twenty nine dimensions of compatibility glory.
So, what did you think? Please let me know!