Cherry Coke

Or, Jade's words should have a PG-13 rating, and Beck seriously needs to cut his hair before people think they're lesbians. / "Hey, you know what you taste like?" Beck/Jade.


"Hey, you know what you taste like?"

"Um, my twat?"

"Jade! No! Oh my god. No!"

"What? You asked."

"I asked.. I meant, like, your mouth. Not your…"

"Pussy? Cunt? Va-"

"Okay. No more words."


"I'm seriously going to put a sign on your face, that says NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN."

"You can try. I'll just distract you with my tits."

"You're a wily, wily woman, Jadelyn West."

"That's one of my charms."

"Anyways, I just wanted to tell you, your lips- and yes, Jade, the ones on your face- taste like cherry coke."


"Yeah. I don't know. Is it your lipgloss?"

"Oh, no. I know where that's from. See, that's what Cat's lipgloss tastes like, and since I've been fucking her on the side…"

"Ha. Ha. You're hilarious."

"Hilarious and sexy. More of my charms."

"I didn't say sexy- But, you know, you are. Especially now that you've.. taken your shirt off."

"Wanna come over here?"

"I think that would be a good idea."

"You're a regular Einstein."

"Hey! How rude."

"What did I tell you about quoting Full House when we're about to have sex?"

"…It ruins the moment."

"Yes. What else?"

"It makes you put your shirt back on."


"I don't like it when you put your shirt back on."

"Well, you have to learn your lesson somehow."

"You could punish me… In bed."

"Normally I'd say saying "In bed" is lame, and not speak to you until tomorrow, but I kind of like that idea. Kinky."

"Wait, I was joking. Jade? Where are you going?"

"Hold on!"

"Are those handcuffs? Shit, Jade-"


"That was fun."

"Um, yeah."

"So… where did you get those handcuffs, anyway?"

"I know a guy."


"Don't ask."

"I don't think I want to know."




"Don't be sarcastic. It's hurtful."

"Sure. Why are you all… happy?"

"I enjoy how you say the word like you've never experienced the emotion before."

"Happiness is for losers."

"You were definitely happy last night."

"Shut up, Aladdin."

"You know you love me."

"Seriously. What's with the pep, cheerleader?"

"I found a new fish!"

"That's nic- wait. You found a new fish? Like, found, found?"

"Yes. At the beach!"

"You were at the beach? With who? If you say Vega, I'll go have sex with Andre."

"Wha- Jade! ...Andre?"

"Please, we both know even you'd do him. He has great arm muscles. And abs."

"Okay, um, ew. Thanks for that image. And no, I wasn't there with Tori."

"Good. Because I'm pretty sure Andre wouldn't refuse, if you know what I'm saying… I'm saying I think he'd have sex with me."

"Why are you so sure of that? And why does everyone think I don't get sex references? Dating you has allowed me like, a guidebook of sex."

"It's because you look like a Disney princess, Jasmine. And I'm sure because I'm hot. Duh."

"I won't argue with the hot thing. But, hey, Disney princess?"

"Yeah. Your hair… well, it's getting a little long. And you've got the eyelashes thing going on."

"What's wrong with my hair!"

"Nothing.. if you want people to think we're lesbians. By which I mean, you need to cut your hair or I'm going to cut it for you. In your sleep. And I'm not super careful with scissors."

"Fine, I'll set up an appointment, okay? I was trying to tell you a story!"

"Good. And, yeah, sure. Go for it. Tell me about your new fishy pal."

"Our new fishy pal, Jadelyn. He's awesome! Look!"

"Um, Beck. He's like, ten times bigger than any of your other fish."


"Well, he could easily eat half of th- nothing. So, what's his name?"

"I've named him Zippy."

"Zippy? Really?"

"What's wrong with Zippy?"

"It's stupid."

"Shh! Jade! You're hurting his feelings!"

"Somehow I think he'll get past it."

"He'll need years of therapy now. And you'll have to pay for it."

"I'm not paying for your fish's quote on quote 'therapy'."

"You'll have to. We'll mail the bills to you."

"I basically live in this RV, dude."

"Then I'll have someone hand them to you. Personally. On one of those cool pillow things, with the tassels."


"Oh, I forgot about your thing with tassels."

"What exactly are the point of tassels? I mean, can you think of one use they have on anything? Wait, here's one: ugliness."

"Whoa. Okay. Anyways…"

"And anger at tassels isn't as bad as your fear of pointy things."

"Distaste. I have a distaste for pointy things."

"Yet you like pineapples. I don't even know about you, sometimes, Oliver."

"You love me."


"As stinging as that response was- what other name do you have in mind, if you hate Zippy so much?"


"Jerome? That is what's on the tip of your tongue?"


"Racist! Whoa. Whoa. You can't pull the race card out. First of all, I'm half Indian-"

"Oh, please. Stop using that. Just because you're a little Hindu or whatever-"

"A little? Wow. Always hating on the Indians."

"I'm not hating on the Indians, Beck, I'm hating on you."


"But true."

"Me and Zippy are officially offended."

"...Ugh. Are you really going to make me feel bad about this?"

"You said you hate me."

"I don't hate you. Okay?"

"You don't hate me, you…."


"Say it!"


"Jade… if you say it, Zippy's name can be Jerome."


"Well, no. But it can be his middle name."

"I don't hate you, I… love. You."


"I feel like you should be doing an ultra-wimpy yay! right now, and speaking in Valley-Girl lingo."

"His middle name's not Jerome anymore."



"Such a push over."

"Please. Who just told me they loved me?"



"Just a joke. You seemed pretty freaked out, though. Maybe I'll go give Andre a call right now."

"Jadelyn Marie West! You better be joking! …Jade? Jade! Come back!"


"Me and Jerome missed you."

"I was gone for an hour. Clingy much?"

"An hour that you could have been having sex with Andre in."

"Who's the jealous one now?"

"That's not fair."

"Think of it as revenge, babe. Hey, you changed the thing's name."

"He's a fish, and yeah."


"Well.. Jerome's cooler than Zippy. In a way. I guess."

"Told you."

"And you're always right, I know."

"Damn straight."

"Want to help me set up Jerome in his new home? Hey, that rhymed."

"You're one smooth guy, Beck Oliver."

"I'm a poet and I didn't know it."

"I'm not even sure what to say to that."


"You should be."

"Still want to help?"

"I'm not really doing anything else, so… fine."

"You're a sweet, sweet young lady."

"Shut the fuck up. And don't tell anyone."

"I love you."

"Psh, I know."