"Go, Light, go!" Sayu cheered from the doorway. Sachiko offered her son a wavering smile.

"Growing up so fast… I can hardly believe that just yesterday you were spouting out from Todd's-"

"Crush their dreams and spirits!" Sayu waved a pair of pompoms at him furiously. "Take no prisoners!"

Light, halfway down the driveway, paused. "You know that means kill them all, right?"

Sayu blinked. "'Crush their dreams and spirits'?"

"No, the take no prisoners part. Because when you're taking no prisoners, that's because you're slaughtering all of the opposition." Ryuk, bobbing along next to Light, yawned and hoped this would be over quickly.

Sayu looked shifty. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Well, not really, I guess." Light readjusted his hair. "It's just that I'm going to take an exam, not… I don't know, take care of someone, if you know what I mean."

His mother sighed lovingly. "Just do your best, sweetheart. And come back before it's too late. I'm making pie!"

Giving his mother a disturbed look, Light hit the road. Then, examining the new rip in his shirt with a frown, he picked himself up off from the road, waved goodbye to his family, and started walking.

"So," Ryuk looked questionably at Light as they approached the building where the exam was going to take place. "You nervous? Huh? You nervous?"

"Ryuk, please." Light smoothed out his shirt collar. "Why would I ever need to be nervous?"

Ryuk nodded his head at the nerds that filled the exam room. "These guys are too hideous to be here because of anything other than their brains. Shouldn't you be worried about the competition?"

Light smirked. He had taught his dog well. Well, well considering the first part of his statement. "Hardly. I'm too beautiful to fail. Besides, I have a secret advantage."

"What's that?" Ryuk, while filing his nails, cast a greedy look at Light's bag. Not because he wanted his fashionable man purse, but because there were apples in that bag. Apples for him.

"You, of course." Humming faintly, Light sat down at his table.

Ryuk floated back, appalled. "Whoa. Stop right there, human." The shinigami tried to pout. Let's just say it was a good thing he was invisible to the majority of the room's population, because it was not a pretty sight. Light made a mental note to get him a dentist appointment, and fast… right after he found a dentist that could not only see but was able to treat shinigami. "What makes you think I'd help you out? Didn't I tell you I was being Switzerland?"

Light gave a mock gasp, gesturing with one arm at his man purse. "And let these apples go to waste?" He winced once more seeing Ryuk's frown. "You didn't think I'd be giving these to you for free, did you?"

"I was hoping you would…" Yeah. Maybe that could be Light's third job. World Dictator, World Therapist, and Shinigami World Dentist. "Besides, how am I supposed to tell who has the right answers? I can read names and dieing days, not brains."

Nope. Light was still too afraid of drills to be pursuing that as a career option. But if he got desperate enough he supposed he'd consider it. After all, all good things came in threes… Light jolted awake when Ryuk pushed his upside down face in front of his. "Oh. Right. Just look for the ugliest person here," Light said dismissively. "And that'll probably be him."

"Begin," a stuffy looking man announced, and Light shooed Ryuk off and set to work. Or, at least, he tried to. "Student 162!" The stuffy looking man barked. "Please sit properly." Annoyed at the commotion, Light turned to glare at whoever had messed up his concentration.

Three rows behind him, a rather freaky looking man Light wouldn't be hard-pressed to imagine sitting on the corner of a highway shaking a tin cup at passing cars sat crouched in his seat. He had the biggest fish eyes Light had ever seen, and they came equipped with black bags that indicated he was either a huge fan of Avril or desperately needed some Advil.

"Hey, Light!" Ryuk called out him, gleefully spinning in circles around the weirdo's head. "Is this guy ugly enough?"

Allowing Ryuk a slight smile, Light nodded his head, cast one last lingering look at the Avril Lavigne eyed freak, and turned back to his test so that he could work his way to college the old fashioned way.

Which was cheating, of course. Not actually working. Just in case you didn't get that part.

All in all, it was just another day in the life of Light Yagami.

L, after finishing glaring at the man who dared critique his sitting style, turned to contemplate his latest suspect. Light I'm a gay… He was suspicious. No one's name was supposed to fit them that well.

Holding back a sigh, L looked down at his test and concentrated as hard as he could for the following five minutes. Then, finished with it, he propped his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand and leaned forward to continue his latest hobby, Light watching.

He was positive the too-perfect-to-be-true teen was really Kira. After all, what other explanation was there? From what he had observed, Light was a megalomaniac who talked out loud to himself and his imaginary friend, a female dog named Ryuk, and also doubled as an amateur magician with a one trick pony of making apples disappear in mid-air. Puh-lease. L had seen better on American Idol. And everyone knows that when the Americans can do it better, then it's not something worth doing.

Oh, and Light also had the odd quirk of his eyes flashing red, being prone to occasional bouts of maniacal laughter, and of keeping a diary, but L wasn't too concerned about those factors. Those things were nothing compared to some of the crazy kids he knew from the Wammy's. As long as Light didn't suddenly develop an intense craving for jam, L was content enough to leave those clues alone.

A small frown playing on his lips, L irritably drummed his fingers against his knees and waited for the testing hours to be over. He had told the NPA that there was only a five percent chance that the Light kid was Kira, but he'd been lying. According to all of the collected evidence, there was more like a .05 percent chance that the teen was the mass murdering therapist's nightmare. There was a twenty five percent chance that Light was the son of the anti-christ, but L respected Soichiro's mustache's sweet fetching skills far too much to inform him of the fact that his wife might have cheated on him.

That was probably part of the reason why L hadn't told the NPA that, in L's opinion, Light's chance of being Kira was more like ninety five percent than just five. Well, that and the fact that L's evidence for that wasn't something he'd want to admit to a room full of semi-respectable detectives - or anyone, really.

L scowled as he tried to glare his impending blush away. He still couldn't believe that the I'm a Gay kid had porn! And what looked like the good kind, too!

After all, L was going to be turning twenty-five, and he'd never seen a real woman at all, forget about naked. And since it was too much of an identity risk to go out and buy some magazines himself, and Watari absolutely refused to buy him anything not G rated, L was left with asking his jail bait, L-in-training brats to buy him the good stuff.

Mello, at least, would probably do it, but L wasn't that desperate… yet. His quest for not possessing all v-cards would have to wait a little longer.

On a different note, L had no problem being approached by guys. Well, he had a problem with the fact that he was approached by guys, but not a problem with getting them to approach him. Apparently, they could tell by his coal.

Why they all thought he'd been rubbing reject Christmas presents around his eyes, he had no idea.

Suddenly struck by a thought, L cast a nervous look at the still scribbling Light Yagami. He had been planning on moving the Kira investigation up close and personal, and he'd seen the way Light was with some of his more… difficult patients.

L wondered if he should do some research on how the whole gay sex thing worked, just in case. He was pretty sure he could guess the basics, but he didn't want to have to waste more cans of whip cream than necessary.

Knowing Light, he'd probably leap at any chance to outshine L once he brought him in on the Kira investigation.

L didn't really think he was ready to take this hypothetical step in their non-existent relationship, but he knew with a last name like Light's, there would probably be no warning. Or if there was, it would probably be all backward.

Alright, L thought to himself as he started to hyperventilate. Stay calm. Just look out for any signs of Light being not gay… And then you'll know when he's about to make his move.

Light sneezed. "Uh oh, Light." Ryuk snickered as he floated lazily above his human charge. "Somebody must be talking about you."

Light held back a snort. I'd be worried if somebody wasn't, he thought idly, then turned back to his test with a vengeance.