AN: This story is in Craig's POV, and will be until further notice.
Chapter One: A Liar
Sometimes I wonder if people mistake my apathy for me just being a jerk.
It's worth mentioning that I am indeed a jackass. There's no way around that. But it appears I have friends, and it appears that they think I like them. That I listen to them and care about all the bullshit they spew at me. I guess I egg them on, nodding and grunting in sympathy and understanding where I'm supposed to. But I don't care, not really. No one makes me feel anything.
I'm something of a sociopath. I'm a walking, talking meat-sack that lacks the things necessary to truly be considered a human. Feelings: compassion, sympathy, empathy, joy, sadness, burning hatred, love- just words. I read what they are supposed to do and when they're supposed to happen, but all I feel is an annoying buzz of what could be a seed of emotion. It never takes root and grows.
I have no goals, no focus, no plans, no wants.
Nothing to make me human.
So what does that make me?
It makes me a liar because humans can't mind their own goddamn business. They can't just take things the way they are. They need religion and science and physics to try to explain the world, which in its entirety is unexplainable. Hell, if an angel fell out of the sky with a message from God telling us to just ignore him and we'll get world peace, they'd still probably cut it up and dope it up and imprison it.
Support groups would form and riot for its rights.
Churches would be swamped of selfish people who suddenly care about the existence of God who were praying for forgiveness.
It'd be the topic of the night for months. Sides would form, conspiracies would follow, crazies would feed their paranoia.
There would be so. Much. Talking. Because people never seem to do anything anymore, you know? Everything's illegal for the safety of the citizens. No fighting, no killing, no threatening, no unpleasant speak. Turning into a nation of weak lambs who can't take of ourselves.
But I digressed- twice.
First- they'd do the same thing if a demon popped out of Mt. Everest. Sometimes I wonder if there's really such a difference between what's right and what's wrong in the world.
Second- what does this all have with me?
It's not impossible that I'm a little paranoid, but whatever. I think that if people knew me, really knew me, that things would be… bad. If people started truly believing the indifference in my eyes, if my friends (acquaintances- the words seem to be interchangeable in society; I mean, just look at Facebook- there is no way in hell that people are actually friends with as many people as they claim to be, even "Facebook friends-" I abandoned my page years ago) realized that I don't care about what they say or them, if my family realized what I thought about them… shit, I don't know. I don't know if anyone would even care. If I'd insult them to their very core (why, though? It's not like I did anything to them personally.) If they'd try to fix me.
There are too many "if"s. How am I supposed to tell anyone anyway? "Hey, guys, just thought I'd let you know I'm kind of a sociopath. I hope this doesn't upset you. Not that I really care either way, but emotions are so messy and I don't know how to deal with them."
I have to keep this act up, at least until I leave this God-forsaken town. These people know me- they believe they do. If I drop my act they'll notice. They'd try to weasel the answer out. I gotta hide from these people.
Plus, I remember back when I used to care they were my world. Before this chill had slinked into me, and I remember being sooo happy. Some part of me is still trying to fight this, and thinks that they can do it.
The rest of me knows better.
~AN 2.0: So… what do you think? Good? Crap? The Holy Grail of fan fictions? Eyes are burning? Reviews make me update before July. And since the story line isn't exactly set in stone yet (or, you know, really started yet) I'm up for suggestions. And Tweek is going to show up eventually, but not for a chapter or two or three. Like I said- story line needs some work. Grammar corrections are welcomed and encouraged. Also- did you know that there are, like, thirteen things called burr (not including what I'm using it for)? Seriously. Wiki it.