I originally posted this on my blog, the link to which is on my profile. Terrahfry asked me to post it here, too, so here it is. The YouTube of the song is embedded in the blog post in case you're unfamiliar with it (which I'm guessing you probably are; I have weird music taste) and want to follow along. It's not vital to the enjoyment of the parodied lyrics, but I think it's fun.
Okay, so this song was playing on my Podling (yes, i listen to Barry Manilow, don't judge me) and i started singing the entirely wrong lyrics. Which inspired a Jedam ficlet. And yes, the setting they're in is a very familiar one to me. Enjoy!
Title: Could It Be Magic
Warnings: Language, dirtily parodied lyrics
Jeff and Adam sat in a booth in the corner of the deserted diner. Adam had a couple too many shots at the bar after the show and had drunkenly insisted they go out for greasy food and coffee. Last call was ridiculously early in this state and they'd arrived at the diner during what passed for a bar rush on a weekday in a Midwestern town. They'd been sitting there for hours and the other patrons had long since stumbled home to their beds. The lone server, after taking their plates and making sure their coffee carafe was full, had retired to the other side of the restaurant to lie in a booth and watch TV. It was now after three in the morning and though Adam was no longer shitfaced, he'd drunk almost an entire pot of coffee to himself. Now he was not only tipsy, but practically vibrating with caffeine overload. Jeff supposed he should be annoyed at his lover, especially knowing what he'd have to deal with in the morning, but the combination of Adam buzzed and hyper was the most amusing thing he'd ever seen. They'd had a long, in-depth discussion about the definition of 'douchebag' and whether or not Chris Masters qualified, then Adam had started playing epic air-guitar renditions of whatever song the easy-listening muzak station was playing. Jeff tried to play drums with his silverware, but kept dropping his spoon because he was laughing too hard at Adam's over-the-top rock faces. He'd almost peed himself when Adam started windmilling like Peter Townsend during Bette Midler's The Rose. Jeff tripped to the bathroom with tears streaming down his cheeks.
When he returned to the booth (the server had asked if they needed anything as Jeff passed, and Jeff had replied they were fine) Adam was dumping creamer into his latest cup of coffee.
"Don't you think you've had enough?" Jeff asked as Adam tried stacking the empty creamer containers in a complicated tower. Unfortunately, his fingers were trembling too much.
"Probably. Jeffy, these damn things aren't cooperating." He hunched down, peering at the haphazard tower with one eye, the other squinched shut, and his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on completing his project. Jeff snickered, distracting Adam and causing him to knock over the tower. Empty creamers scattered across the table and Adam pouted. "Je-EE-eefffff! He whined. Then he sat up straight, cocking his head, and his eyes lit up. "Oooh! I love this song!"
Jeff slid Adam's coffee mug behind the rack of syrups on the table, hoping he'd forget about it while he was bouncing to the song. How he managed to bounce to this particular Barry Manilow song Jeff would never figure out, but there he was, bouncing away. Barry was a guilty pleasure of Adam's, especially while driving, and thanks to many long car trips Jeff knew the songs almost as well as Adam did. Suddenly Adam gripped the edges of the table and whipped his head around to stare at Jeff through the hair that had fallen into his face. He opened his mouth and Jeff realized Adam was about to start singing.
"Spirit move me. Every time I'm near you. Buzzing like a dildo in my miiiiiiind," Adam pointed to his temple dramatically as Jeff choked. Adam's hand shot forward and grabbed Jeff's. "Sweetest Jeffrey, angel of my lifetime." He sang the next part very quickly in one note. "Answer to all answers I can findEvenThoughYou're AnEnigmaAndByDefinition HaveNoAnswersAtAll BabyILoveYouCUM! Cum! Cum into my ass! Let me know the wonder of all of you," Adam gave Jeff a wicked grin and shoved his foot into Jeff's crotch. "Baby I want you now! Now!" His fist banged on the table. "Now and hold on fast." Adam brought his arms to his chest, clutching at his heart, his face stricken as he sang. "Could your cock be magic at last?" He slumped over so far his forehead rested on the table. Jeff was howling with laughter and trying to get Adam's shoe off his groin. Adam weakly slapped at the table, finally planting his palms and pushing himself up. He raised his head just a little, acting groggy. He struggled upright and swept his hand dramatically through his hair, then leaned his head back and rested the back of his hand to his forehead like a tragic southern belle.
"You are a goof," Jeff giggled.
"You wouldn't want me any other way," Adam said. He reached for his coffee and looked confused for a second, but then he realized the next verse was starting. He turned to Jeff again, holding his hands out.
"Jeffy take me. Any way you want to." He raised one hand in the air, looking up at the ceiling. "High up where the stallion meets the sun whichIGuessMeans YouHaveAHorseCockOrSomething AndYou'reFuckingMyShoulder..." Tears of laughter sprang to Jeff's eyes again, but Adam took Jeff's hands and turned a little serious, "I could love you. Build my world around you. Never leave you till my life is done." He winked at Jeff. "Baby I love you, cum!" He grinned again as Jeff giggled. "Cum! Cum into my hand! Let me know the wonder inside of you. Baby I want you, now, uh.. now?" He checked his watch and nodded. "Whoa, now! Whoa, now and hold on fast! I know your ass is magic at last. COULD IT BE MAGIC?" He kept singing, gesturing wildly and flinging his hair about. "WHOA, let me know the wonder of all of you ALL OF YOU, BABY I WANT YOU!" He clenched his fists and sang at the top of his voice. "CUM! C'MON, C'MON CUM!" Jeff fell over in the booth laughing as Adam dissolved into helpless giggles. Just as Jeff started to get a hold of himself, Barry started in about cumming again, Adam made a jacking motion under the table, and they both lost it. The server peeked in on them and Jeff managed to ask for the check, his ribs hurting. He gazed at his Adam, affection for him rushing into his chest and filling his eyes. He needed to take his ridiculous love back to the hotel and screw him even sillier.