Edit: I've combined chapters 1 and 2 because it was my first story and I make chapters way too short!
WARNING! Hidan's in this chapter... and all the others, so expect swearing!
Talk, SCREAM, Think, (translation)
Disclamer ~ I don't own Hidan or Kakuzu... but I have plushies of them! Yey!
Chapter 1 Unexpected meeting
Kakuzu walked with rapid strides along the road leading to the next village. He did not even bother to check that his partner was still following, Hidan was always bitching about something, making it easy to tell where the bastard was. It was always, 'I'm cold, I'm hot, I'm hungry, I'm tired'… Goddammit, why could he not just kill the man and be done with it? The last time he tried, Pein got on his case and became… well… a pain.
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BIRDS OR I'LL SACRIFICE YOU TO JASHIN-SAMA!"
Damn, now he's threatening birds… Lovely.
"Stop bitching and hurry up, Hidan. I need to be at the village before nightfall."
"But I'm tired! Can't we take a break?" Hidan whined loudly.
Kakuzu just sighed before sitting under a large tree. "Fine, but you better not take too long." He crossed his arms and watched the jashinist lie down, the man's magenta eyes following the clouds above. "Don't sleep" The elder said in a irritated voice. "And what if I do?" The little jashinist answered a smirk on his lips. Kakuzu was about to inform the nuisance of all the cruelties that would be inflicted upon him, but a noise in the forest interrupted them. "Who's there?" Kakuzu asked, standing up from his relaxed position.
The stranger didn't answer, instead he continued running in the opposite direction. Kakuzu and Hidan looked at each other before pursuing the stranger. From behind, the stranger looked like a young man, about twenty years old, with white hair, black skin, and wearing only a pair of black shorts… Hidan frowned, the person seemed familiar, he had the same hair, same shape and he even looked the same age… But it wasn't possible! There was only one Hidan! Wasn't there?
After what seemed like hours of running to the Akatsuki pair, yet was actually only a few minutes, they came across a river, but what drew their attention was a man with long dark brown hair, sitting on the opposite bank, reading what looked like a map. "KUZU! Nescioquid me!" (J'ai trouvé quelque chose !)The white haired stranger shouted before being launched in the river by some black treads… "Wait? Black treads? What's going on?" Both of the Zombie twins were confused by now, their minds having formed some ideas on what was going on, but it was still confusing as hell. The brown haired man glared angrily at the other, "I told you not to call me that, Hidan!"
Everyone was now staring at the second Hidan, who was now waist deep in the river. Hidan2 looked at them and smiled. "YAY! Videtur quod alia sunt Hidan alius Kuzu !" (YAY! Another Hidan and Kakuzu!)
Kakuzu2 looked at them, looked at the map, looked at them and then back at the map angrily before saying "No wonder we're lost, the map doesn't match…"
Kakuzu stared at the second Hidan, still lying in the water. "Another Hidan, another Hidan, another Hidan, no it's not real! A nightmare! Yes, wake up Kakuzu! It's just another nightmare!"
Meanwhile Hidan was examining the second Kakuzu. "Another fucking old man… Wait, what the fuck's he wearing? And what the hell is that shit on his face? Was that always there? freak… how did he get those?"
Kakuzu2 stared at his map. "We were in Oakwater not so long ago, stupid map. How did we end up in here… Wherever here is?"
Hidan2 stared up at Hidan before screaming "ALIUD JASHINIST!" (Another Jashinist!)
Okay now to get them to stop staring at each other…
"Who are you?" Kakuzu asked slowly.
"Well, as I said earlier, the half naked guy in the water is my partner, Hidan and I'm Kakuzu Misaki, a bounty hunter."
"Jashin-sama said he willa send Hidan ana alternata universa !"
"What? And why me? I hate you and your stupid Jashin!" Kakuzu said angrily to the black Hidan.
"Jashin… told... something… to you… lucky bitch! Why not me Jashin-sama! I pried you every fucking days and sacrifice you many…" Hidan start but was interrupted by Kakuzu.
"Are you in Akatsuki too? I mean, in your universe, is there another Akatsuki?" Kakuzu ask.
"Hey fucker I was talki…" He was interrupted again by the other Kakuzu, who don't care about what Hidan does for Jashin.
"Akatsuki ? Never heard of it. There's only Hidan and I, which, as far as I'm concerned, is far too many people in this line of work." Kakuzu2 said in a bored tone. "Map tua non operatur in hoc universo perimus! Volo domum redire!" (Your map does not work in this universe, we are lost! I want to go back home) Hidan2 complained.
"Fuck! Let me talk! Why does he talk like that?" Hidan asked, pointing at the other Hidan.
"Well… When I trade him, they hadn't told me that he can only speak Latin, and a little bit of japanese..." Kakuzu2 responded.
"Trade him? Holy Jashin! I'm a fucking SLAVE!" The Akatsuki Hidan screamed.
Kakuzu look at him with a smirk "Like the other me would really want to buy such a nuisance like you…"
Kakuzu2 only sighed, while Hidan2 started a passionate conversation with… no one, because he only talks Latin…
"O Jashin! Tandem alia jashinist! Unus mundus simul occidam omnem gentes et dabo vobis dignum! Sed neque cum amare Kakuzu circum cooperiri debeat sic os meum volo gemere clarior!" (Oh my Jashin! There is another jashinist! Together we will destroy all the heathens, and we will make you proud! But Kakuzu will never want to fuck me with these two around, he must cover my mouth or I will make too much noises!)
Kakuzu2 gave him the 'shut up' look and he finally stopped talking. Ignoring his double, the actual Hidan turned to Kakuzu, "Hey maybe they can join Akatsuki? What about asking the fucking dickface?"
"You mean the leader?"
"Yeah, the fucking dickface!" Hidan repeated with an all knowing smirk.
"They don't look like ninja…" Kakuzu thought, looking at the two other. "But they are bounty hunters... That Hidan prays to the same stupid God as this Hidan, and the other me seems to have the Jiongu (Kakuzu's thread technique)… So they seem to be just like us…"
Hidan2 left the river and stood beside Kakuzu2, squeezing the water out of his hair and fixing up his appearance.
"Fine" Kakuzu said, "But you better don't slow us down. Like one Hidan doesn't slow us down enough, now there are two… we'll never make it in time…" Kakuzu thought with a sigh.
Chapter 2 On the road
If Kakuzu was honest with himself, traveling with these two wasn't too bad, if anything Hidan2's complaining in Latin sounded almost like some weird prayer to Jashin-sama and Hidan was much too intrigued by their doubles to complain.
"Kuzu, why is Hidan2 still in curse form?" Hidan asked, his brows furrowed in curiosity.
Kuzu or Kakuzu2 looked towards the black and white albino walking in front of them, "I don't know, I assume he likes to be like this, I think it's because in his curse form, he looks kind of like Jashin." Kakuzu2 paused, "And stop calling him Hidan2, to me YOU are Hidan2. Baka."
"I can call him whatever I want! He doesn't even speak Japanese! So how would he know anyway?" (Author note: yeah, they're speaking Japanese)
"Call him black Hidan and you will be white Hidan." Kakuzu said.
"Yeah and you will be stupid old miser and the one with no hood will be very stupid old miser!" Hidan grinned mockingly.
" Kuzu! Defessus sum!" (I want a break!) Black Hidan complained loudly, interrupting their conversation.
White Hidan and the two misers look at him. "I said don't call me that!" Kuzu growled. White Hidan just burst out laughing. "Now you will be KUZU!" Hidan shouted before laugh ever more. "Perfect! Now he will stop calling me that…" Kakuzu said, a 'happy' smirk adorning his face under his mask, well let just pretend it's a happy smirk. Kuzu merely grumbled, glaring down at the dirt.
"I'm tired! Can we take a break? Pretty please? With sugar on top?" White Hidan whined, sounding just like he did in the anime.
"Witha sougar ona top?" Black Hidan repeated, proud that he could say a new sentence in Japanese, no matter how un-Japanese it sounded to everyone else.
They all turned to stare at Black Hidan, and then White Hidan started laughing. "Witha sougar ona top! Ahahahahha! No, it's: Can we take a break?"
"Please." Kakuzu added. Everyone now turned to look at Kakuzu, White Hidan looked shocked, "Did you just say please?" Kakuzu blanched, "I meant you! You must say please!"
Black Hidan looked at them and tried again: "Cana we takeu ana break, plase?" There was silence for about a second before, "No" Both Kakuzu's shouted in unison. "We're already late thanks to you two, at this rate we will never reach the village by nightfall, let alone before." That said both Kakuzu and Kuzu sat down, both pulling out various forms of counting equipment and money while motioning for both Black and White Hidan to start setting up camp. White Hidan immediately turned grouchy, "I know it's just because you don't want to pay for an inn! Admit it you stupid old miser! And you too very stupid old miser Kuzu-chan! You are so…" Unfortunately White Hidan never got to finish that sentence due to the fact that he had two fists jammed in his face, courtesy of both the Kakuzu's.
Sitting around the fire, Kakuzu and White Hidan spread their cloaks on the ground, fully intending to sleep on them for the night. Luckily the temperature was warm enough so they didn't need to sleep in the tent that was kept inside one of their storage scrolls. Kuzu used his own storage scroll (from who knows where) to summon two blankets, one for him and another for Black Hidan. White Hidan lounged lazily on his cloak, looking up at the stars. Black Hidan did the same thing on his blanket, while Kakuzu pulled out an old book and began to read leaving Kuzu to stare at the campfire.
"So…How it is?" White Hidan asked Kuzu, his gaze still locked on the heavens above.
"How is what?"
"Why, in your shitty world, is Black Hidan a fucking slave? "
"Well… Shitty is right, all children are born slaves until they kill their master or are , parents sell their children to buy drugs or food. People are like currency in our world. All the prisons are full, and sometimes countries declare war just so they can send all their criminals to be killed without having to do it themselves, just because they need space for new criminals, so in other words just a small sentence of 2 years ends up being a death sentence. Not to mention the fact that it's so crowded that there are at least 2 people per square meter."
"Then you were a slave?"
"What if I was?"
"Funny." Hidan said with a smirk.
"I think I hate you."
Kakuzu do not bother looking up from his book and said: "Of course. Hidan is not the best person with whom to have an intelligent conversation, I'm sure your slave is more appreciable." White Hidan gave him an angry look.
"Oi! He doesn't even speak Japanese!"
"He can say and understand a few words in Japanese. Am I right, Black Hidan?"
"Huh?" Black Hidan looked up at Kuzu.
"Say something in Japanese."
He sat on his blanket, glad that Kuzu was talking to him.
"Black Hidan hungry." He said with a smile, lightly touching his stomach for emphasis.
"See?" Kuzu looked at white Hidan, whom looked curiously at Black Hidan.
"Black Hidan hungry Kuzu-chan!" He repeated with more conviction.
"Hn…" he looked in his bag, found an apple and tossed it to black Hidan who happily bit into it.
"Eat that and go to sleep, I don't want to listen to your complaints tomorrow." he said whilst picking up one of his books from his bag and starting to read.
Kakuzu chuckled before adding: "That goes for you too Hidan… the not nice Hidan."
"Hey I'm nice you old fag!" He lay down and looked up at the stars again while swearing. "Fucking dirty old miser who thinks I'm not nice…" He was interrupt by black Hidan "Shut up, black Hidan sleep."
"Shut up yourself, you fucking slave!" White Hidan replied before closing his eyes, slowly falling asleep.
Kakuzu and Kuzu continued to read before Kakuzu finally broke the silence.
"Why did you do that?"
"Give him something to eat. It's not like he would die without food."
"Give a child candy and the child will stop crying."
"And the next time he wants candy, he will cry louder." Kakuzu added with disdain.
"And when he cries louder I will sew his mouth shut, so by now he's learnt not to cry. He understands the meaning of no. Plus, he listens to me when I ask him to sleep. Your Hidan just insults you."
Kakuzu didn't respond leaving them to read tensely in the resulting silence before they turned in for the night.
The day after, they woke early and had a quick meal before continuing on their way to the village. A little snow was scattered on the ground so they put on warmer clothes. They continued to walk for most of the day, around 5pm, they were having trouble walking now, as the snow became increasingly abundant and the weather increasingly cold. They now had snow up until their knees making the going slow and difficult. Soon the sun retreated and darkness soon encompassed everything but the soft glow of the snow around them, slowly getting colder.
Black Hidan tried to run in the snow, the others were a few meters behind him, until he stopped and turn around, his face filled with fear. He started screaming, his hands coming up and protecting his face from imagined blows, "Hidan fear! Hidan fear! Cold! Cold dark! Cold hurt Hidan!" Kuzu, Kakuzu and white Hidan stopped walking while watching Black Hidan as he started to struggle through the snow with a lot difficulty. White Hidan scoffed, "What? He's scared of the dark? Pathetic!" The red tints of anger and embarrassment on his cheeks showed how ashamed Hidan was of his double.
Seeing Kuzu wasn't doing anything to help him caused black Hidan to became almost hysterical. "Hidan fear cold! Cold hurt! No put Hidan in freezer please! Hidan sorry! Hidan fear! Cold dark hurt! Kuzu! Please! Hidan sorry Kuzu! Please don't put Hidan there!"
Kuzu look at him with a blank face, while his emotions where in chaos inside him. "Wha… What the hell? Someone put him in the freezer? Why? One of his previous owners perhaps? "
Black Hidan stopped screaming. He just stood silently shivering and looking at his hands as though there was blood on them. "Why? Why I'm so afraid? I know I'm not in a freezer… Kuzu would never put me in that thing… but it hurt so much… It's so cold it burned… no… burning is different… they burned me… being burned hurt so much more… being boiled hurt even more than that… so freezing is not too painful, I can deal with it… but I don't want Kuzu to hurt me… If he hurts me I probably deserve it though … I can bear physical pain, but I want him to love me…"
Kuzu walked towards him, a blanket in hand. When Kuzu reached him he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, while leading him back to the group. "I don't know what he said… I wish I would… he don't want to hurt me, he give me a blanket… he's not angry that I'm scared of cold and dark, scared of being freezing again…" Kuzu could feel Black Hidan relax within the blanket and they continued their way towards the village.
To be continued