Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer!
Chapter 24-Trying to Remember-Part 1
Edward's explanation of who Jacob Black was not as helpful as I know he was trying to be. As it turned out, Edward didn't know much about Jacob. He only knew enough that came from a party at Alice and Jasper's place. Apparently, that had been the night I confessed my feelings for Edward and the same night Edward realized how much he cared. Seeing me with Jacob made him jealous. However, even with all the details Edward had given me, that didn't leave me with much insight about my relationship with Jacob. Who was he? Why was he so worried about me? Why did it sound from all of his messages that there was something going on between the two of us? I needed answers. There was so much I was still missing, not including my own ability to remember all of this information. Through my entire stay at the hospital, I had been reintroduced to everyone that was part of my life. Jacob was not included which made me question what part he did play in it. I couldn't exactly call him back and ask who he was. For one, that seemed so strange to me and secondly, there was no number with the message. I assumed it was blocked. I hated not being able to remember anything.
"I don't get it," I admitted, shaking my head trying to process everything.
"What Bella?" Edward asked; I knew I hadn't made it clear enough for him to understand.
"Just...all of it. I don't get why I can't just remember already! I hate not knowing my own life and the people in it. I thought if I became reacquainted with the people that were in it back at the hospital but apparently not," once I started my rant, it was getting harder to stop. I needed to let it out. "I bet you Jacob is not the only person from my life that I knew. This is so unbelievably frustrating!" I put my head in my hands, trying not to let the tears make their way to the surface. I wouldn't cry over this; I would fight it. I had to get my memories back. I felt Edward's arms around me, trying to comfort me. .
"It's going to be alright Bella," he told me. "You'll get your memory back; these things take time." I couldn't explain why but I instantly felt comforted. It wasn't just Edward's words which helped calm me down. It was more of Edward himself and the way he was making me feel as he held me close. Something about his touch felt right to me; as though with him in his arms is where I belonged. This electricity which I felt ignite as soon as he touched me was not the first time I experienced it and I wasn't sure what it meant.
"What if I never get them back Edward?" I never thought about that until this moment. What would I do if I never remembered? How would I be able to handle having to be taught about how my life was?
"Then you'll have new memories that you will build Bella. I'm just so thankful that you're ok; I don't know what I would've done without you," He told me as he held me tight. I felt my heart ache at the thought of not having him in my life; this too told me something had to be going on with Edward. He pulled back slighlty to look me in the eyes but I didn't know what he was searching for. As he looked at me, I couldn't help but see the memories I had already acquired. I could remember saying I loved him just before the car hit me and I could remember planning Alice's wedding rehearsal with him and how much fun we had. There had to be something more behind the type of relationship we had, I was sure of it. Why else would I have said I loved him right before I was in a car wreck? I sat there as I began to notice Edward start to move closer to me and tilt his head. Was he going to kiss me? I probably should have been hesitant considering I technically didn't know him as well as I was supposed to know I did but something about this told me to go for it. I felt as though it was the best thing to do so I leaned as well. Just before our lips touched the phone rang, causing us both to sit back in our original positions.
"Can you get that?" I asked him, worrying about facing whoever it was that was calling me. What was I supposed to tell people? Sorry I don't know who you are even though I probably have a good friendship with you, I just can't remember? That was horrible.
"Sure," he answered as he smiled at me and went over to the phone. I sat there, thinking over what almost happened. My entire body was ready for him to kiss me. It was though it had been waiting forever to kiss him. So being interrupted didn't sit too well with me. I watched as Edward dealt with whoever had just called me and it happened again.
-My mind wandered to a different place that I could not recognize but I waited for a scene to play out before me until it fully developed. I didn't recognize where I was; it was very crowded with loud music playing. It seemed as though everyone was celebrating something. I looked around, trying to really take in the scene while I had the chance and noticed a banner congratulating everyone on graduation. It was then I spotted myself standing by the refreshments with my sister as a blonde haired guy came over and started bothering me. I moved closer so that I could hear what was going on.
"Come on Bella, one dance," The blonde guy seemed to be very persistant. "You know you want to." He moved even closer causing me to clearly be uncomfortable.
"Mike, I've told you many times I wasn't interested," I answered. So this Mike guy had tried getting to me many times. "What makes you think tonight will be any different?"
"Don't be like that Bella," he pushed, taking my hand though I instantly pulled away.
"She said she wasn't interested." I saw Edward appear out of nowhere stand between me and Mike as though protecting me from the creep.
"Mind your own business Cullen," Mike spat at Edward and I watched as Edward's body tensed. He was trying to keep himself under control and Mike was making that difficult.
"Bella is my business, now get lost Newton." Edward answered through his teeth. I watched as I took his hand to help calm him and he noticed. Unfortunately so did Mike Newton because the contact seemed to bother him.
"Oh so now you two are together?"He asked, anger evident in his voice.
"Yes we are now get away from my girlfriend!"Edward told him. I watched as a small smile formed on my lips when he called me his girlfriend even though it was a cover up to get Newton to leave me alone. Were we dating? I couldn't be too sure but from an outsiders perspective, that's what it seemed like. When he finally left, Edward turned to face me as I let out a deep breath. He cupped my face with both his hands and stared down at me with a strange intensity in his eyes.
"Thanks for that Edward," I told him, causing him to pull back slightly. I guess he had allowed himself to get too carried away. He smiled at me as he dragged me onto the dance floor though I didn't look to pleased with it. "Edward, no you know I can't dance!" I told him, shaking my head in disapproval.
"It's all in the leading Bells, come on," He led me out to the dance floor and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close as I snaked my arms around his neck. I watched myself as a blush appeared on my cheeks.
"So where's Victoria tonight?" I asked him, instantly confused. Everything I was witnessing was telling me he was my boyfriend...I guess I was wrong. The thought of him with another girl didn't sit to well with me even though I couldn't understand why.
"Who cares," he laughed. "It's over with her." He told me, not seeming too broken hearted over it.
"Another one bites the dust I guess..." I heard myself respond. Edward nodded his head in agreement, unable to surpress laugh. I saw the saddness in my eyes as he laughed about this we weren't together and from the sound of it, Edward dating wasn't something surprising especially if suddenly the relationship abruptly ended. Was he some sort of player?
At this thought, the scene before me instantly changed but I wasn't back in my reality. I was in a new location, one that appeared to be more in our time as opposed to a few years back. The date on a nearby poster indicated it was merely a few weeks ago. I took in my surroundings, realizing I was at some sort of cafe...apparently it was called the Cafe. That's not to original, I thought. Bringing myself back to focus, I watched myself stand, almost hiding behind a booth though I wasn't sure what caused myself to have such a hurt expression. It looked as though I was on the verge of tears. I looked over in the direction to see what was going on and what I saw put everything into place for me. At least this chapter which continued confusing me for days. I saw Edward and some unknown blonde making out at their table. My attention instantly went back to myself, curious to see just how much this was hurting me. I watched as I sat down into the booth, forcing myself to fight back tears but it wasn't working. I was seeing myself go into a panic attack...I felt as though something was missing here. Why would this hurt me so much?Well...it seemed this explained why I was so drawn to him. I knew some pieces were missing but one thing was for sure, it appeared as though I was in love with Edward but he hadn't felt the same for me. With how he'd acted towards me, it seemed like he had feelings for me but, apparently not. Even I wanted to cry at the scene I had just witnessed. I watched as I asked a waitor to help me...he introduced himself as Jacob Black. So that was Jacob...-
Before I knew it, I was back in my new apartment with Edward hovering over me trying to snap me out of my reverie. I blinked a few times, trying to get a grasp on which reality was my reality. Though I knew right away that this was it. I looked into Edward's worried eyes. Instantly I felt confused. If he didn't love me...why was he doing all of this? Why was he wasting his time taking care of me if he didn't love me? I thought he did...all his actions, his glances, his touch...everything had me convinced that he was in love with me. Boy was I wrong.
"Bella, are you ok?" He asked, panic in his eyes. I knew these black outs weren't a good thing but as long as I was remembering things, I didn't care.
"Yea, I'm fine." I told him, pulling myself out of his embrace. I could tell this confused him and I understood. Before I was open to him holding me and almost kissing me but now I was even more confused. I needed to put some distance between us to figure out what everything means. I hated not knowing. "Who was on the phone?" I asked before he could say anything about my newest black out..probably the longest I've had yet. Maybe that meant my memory would be coming back to me sooner?
"Jacob called, I explained to him what happened. It seemed no one had told him about your accident," Edward told me as he studied my face very closely. I still wasn't sure what role Jacob played in my life since I hadn't gotten that far but for some reason he felt important. I didn't feel towards him the way felt towards Edward which told me maybe the relationship I had with Jacob was a close friendship...nothing more. I wanted to go see him. Figure things out but without Edward. I knew it'd hurt him but I just didn't understand and I needed to talk to Alice and maybe even Jacob in hopes they could be answered. I stood up, heading over to the phone and Edward called out to me. "What are you doing Bells?"
"I'm going to give Alice a call, I'm hoping she can take me to the Cafe," I told him before I started dialing.
"You remember that place?" he asked as he approached me but I turned away, trying to keep my focus on my phone call. "Bella..why don't I take you?" But before I could answer him Alice picked up, excited to hear my voice. I told her where I wanted to go and she said she'd be over in a few minutes. I even agreed to go over last minute wedding details even though I was completely in the dark about the wedding. I figured it was the least I could do, especially with the rehearsal dinner being in a few days.
"She'll be here in a few minutes," I told him.
"Bella, what's going on? Why are you starting to act diffferently towards me?" he asked. I could see the hurt in his eyes and that made my heart ache. I didn't want to cause him pain. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Edward...all of this is extremely overwhelming and I can't get my head on straight," I answered him, hoping he would understand. "I just need some time to think it all through. Besides, she wants to go over wedding details so no better time like the present right?" I went over to the counter to grab anything I might need, all while avoiding eye contact with Edward. When I felt his hand touch my shoulder, I tried to ignore the electricity I felt rush through me and attempted to go over towards the closet to find a jacket. It wasn't easy moving around in crutches but I had to do this myself. I just hope he wasn't too hurt by my need to escape his embrace.
"Bella, do you want me to wait for you here?" He asked. I could hear the saddness in his voice.
"You shouldn't stay here by yourself Edward. I'm sure there are things you need to take care of," I never looked up at him when I said this. I was afraid of what I'd see in his eyes.
"Who's going to help you around the apartment Bella? You can barely get around on those things," He pointed out. I knew he was right but I didn't care at this point.
"I'll figure it out Edward," I started. "If anything comes up and I need help, I could always call Alice. She's two blocks away right? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
"Oh...I see," I heard him mumble possibly to himself. "You don't want me here..." Before I could answer him and tell him that was not the case, a loud buzzing sound came in through the intercom. I knew it was Alice...who else would I be expecting? I hit the button to respond, letting her know I'd be down shortly so she didn't need to walk up here. Edward opened the door for me to leave first. Despite the silence between us on our way down, Edward helped me the entire way. He never looked me in the eye and I knew it was my fault. I didn't mean to hurt him; I was just so confused. He brought me over to Alice's car and opened my door for me right before he started to turn and walk away. In that moment I had forced myself to look him in the eyes and was taken back by the amount of pain I saw in them. This was my doing.
"Edward wait..." I called after him, not wanting him to leave thinking I didn't want him to help me or be with me.
"I'll see you later Bella...at the rehearsal dinner. Enjoy your time with Jacob.." He called over his shoudler, refusing to look at me. I couldn't believe the mess I had made with one stupid decision..or better put, indecision. I was an idiot. One thing was for sure though. I needed my memory back now. Not later and I would do whatever I needed to make that happen.
A/N: so sorry it's taken forever! but let me know what you guys are thinking and I PROMISE, you'll get another chapter soon! I'm already starting the next part...