disclaimer: all rights belong to their respective owner
If someone say 'Japan', probably the first thing that comes to your mind is anime, cosplay, doujinshi, weaboos shelling out their every penny to get there and, musically, J-pop. Most likely, I'm right, how...shut up, you dare disagreed with me? I'm an epic proportion of a clairvoyance, BOW DOWN TO ME AS A GOD AND...
*Cough* Uh, please excuse the previous outburst.
Anyway, like I were saying, yeah, Japan contains those but that doesn't mean that they should be just limited with these, they also adopted Western culture into theirs, most recently popular ones were, of course, death metal, after a widespread fame of Dethklok around the globe. So popular, that the fans demanded a concert conducted by them...via mass suicide, conducting nation-wide chaos and creating weapons of mass destruction made of their sister's(or brother's) tampons and said sucide victims' head. METAL HEAD.
And, obviously appreciated the effort, the whole Dethklok band chose Japan as the next destination for their tour and, obviously to avoid further hundred more deaths, they allowed such concert to be held in Osaka. This quote will be remember throughout a year, a decade, some argue to be even century and they still won't forget about it, straight from the mouth of the well-respected prime minister, he gave his own simple appeal to the general public,"Dude, ask first, so you asshat don't kill yourself unnecessarily."
The general public simply shrugged, shortly after, the minister simply face-palmed.
As of 10th day of January of 2011, in Osaka, Japan, the once abandoned large-sized concert was renovated and redecorated from a traditional Japanese opera to a death metal playground where there's 99% chance of dying from spikes sticking on wall and the ceiling, insane pyrotechnics and over-buffed guard dogs chained to at the front of the stage in case some dumbass decides to crowd-surf and fuck about on the stage with Dethklok. However, there's no deaths occurring on that day, despite the distinctive melodic and brutal death metal been heard within the concert.
That's because the band merely practicing their songs on stage, you twat, but nevertheless, even the word 'merely' would be such an understatement for a practice from Dethklok. Besides, they saving up their Japanese fan's souls for the real thing. Why? For brutality.
However, everything can't endure said brutality forever.
"Alright, who access my laptop and watch my porn?" William Murderface yelled with his usual heavy lateral lisp voice, turning his head to the source of the sound so fast that his medium sized brown afro shook briefly but still to a great extent.
"Uh, that's not your porn,"Pickles the drummer corrected."That's..."
However, Pickles didn't need to finish his sentence to explain what was going on as a BRUTAL MANLY screams cuts off anyone who dared talk while the most tragic moment was carried out.
A man, recognized by his height,taller than a tree(figuratively speaking) and his long flowing blond hair, kneeling down, screamed in agony, not for his pain, if he has any, but the damage of something dear to him.
But he has a name, so we shall refer him by that.
"My string!"he finally bring himself closer to his sanity briefly to explain and further that claim by raising his black Gibson Explorer guitar, which was easily identifiable by its unusual 'futuristic' shape, complete with a white pickguard that protects the guitar from pick scratch onto the body of the guitar. After everyone in the concert set their eyes upon the guitar, they knew the problem immediately: the G-string was broken(A/N: is that a proper term for string?).
"The string broke again?"a voice heard from the distance, however, no one have to guess as Charles Foster Ofdensen, the origin of the voice, got to Skwisgaar to inspect the guitar, as if his bespectacled eyes defy him and yet, the damage was real as he is.
"Urrgh, I thought that string was supposed to last for a hundred years,"he lamented, yet he spoke not with the voice of a whining, but of authority, that's to be expected from a manager, legal counsel and CFO of the most popular death metal band in the world.
"But look on the bright side,"Nathan Explosion, the always death growling vocalist, attempted to make light of the situation."At least that means that Skwisgaar's too brutal for custom-made heavy-duty string."
Murmurs of agreement were heard throughout the whole band once Nathan pointed it out.
"Yes but,"even Charles agreed but still pessimistic."But that's the problem, regular strings snapped the very second Skwisgaar strum them and heavy-duty strings are rare and expensive."
"So?"Nathan impatiently questioned."We practically swimming in money."
"Yeah,"the rhythm guitarist Toki Wartooth agreed, stroking his fu manchu mustache."I have swimming lesson on how to do a butterfly stroke on loads of paper money in ten minutes."
"Yes, yes,"Charles said."But that's just a minority of the two problem. long explanation short, one custom-made string took at the very least a month to produce. We only have 3 hours till you guys need to perform."
Charles's strong emphasis on the time length was causes the whole band to widened their eyes and Skwisgaar screamed even more, then bow down whilst still kneeled down in defeat.
"so what are we going to do?"he asked, hoping for a solution.
"What about we switch roles?"Toki proposed, to which Skwisgaar tilted his head towards him."The rhythm parts have no use of the Gs and my guitar's perfectly fine."
Toki then transiently played a solo on his similarly colored Gibson flying V, which uses conventional strings, for that reason, Skwisgaar can't play on them.
"That's not the solution I'm hoping for,"Skwisgaar rejected."You are the equivalent of a dying cat on cocaine riding a V2 rocket into the dildo of another screaming dying cat."
"But on the other hand,"Charles debated in favor of Toki."What's the other alternative?"
"I have," an unfamiliar female voice has spoken, who paused for a brief moment in order to catch people's attention first, a sure evidence was that everyone in within her hearing range turned to the speaker. Everyone except Charles, who pinched the bridge of his nose with minor annoyance.
"What do you want, Yukari?"Charles muttered but at the volume where generally anyone can hear from a fair distance, who then turned to Yukari, who was kneeling down on the seatless audience area directly in front of Dethklok and far from the dogs just right so that they can't reach her by approximately a centimeter, holding a pink parasol as if it was outdoors but the one thing that caught most of their attention was her outfit, it was the most outlandish compared to Dethklok's plain simple clothing: her dress was white dress with the vertically center part occupied by a singular wide purple strip and to top it all of, she wears a mob cap with a thin red ribbon tied in the front which barely covered her long flowing blond hair.
In short, she was dressed like a socialite, a type that never even been seen by any member of Dethklok till then.
"I know this wonderful dealer,"Yukari Yakumo started to say with a childish yet cunning grin."I could take you the..."
"Who is she?"Nathan whispered into Charles's ear while Yukari continued her proposition.
"Yukari Yakumo,"Charles explained quietly while still pinching his nose's bridge."The most annoying 'businesswoman' I ever have to dealt with in my entire career, who kept showing up at the most unpredictable moment, always trying to sell me some exotic equipment that she claims to works wonders with death metal."
"So why didn't you kill her already?"
"I tried but somehow she teleported the guards to...some place."
"Wait, did you say teleport?"
"In short, she has some magical powers. We'll elaborate on that some other time..."
"So let me get this straight,"Skwisgaar recapped, who now sat upright, which caught Nathan and Charles's attention."I travel with you to the depths of Hell to re-string my guitar with some thing called 'hell raven'?"
"Yep,"Yukari simply confirmed.
"Alright," Skwisgaar immediately jumped down to Yukari with excitement and his Explorer swinging on his neck like a large necklace.
"Good decision, my friend,"Yukari happily said and immediately get up to her feet and turned her back to Dethklok."Just let me get my gap rea..."
"Now hold on,"Charles said with his index finger imitating a mother scolding a child."Why don't you just bring the string to us instead of vice versa."
At first, Yukari ignored his question as she held out her hand to nothing. Then, out of the blue, the once an empty space slowly opened a rugby ball-shaped portal which somehow decorated with thick red ribbon on both side but the inside gave the whole band(or at least Toki)chills down their spine: a dark purple void with countless eyes spread out like polka dots, staring and shifting randomly.
Yukari tilted her head to Charles, her dark yellow eyes met Charles's brown eyes hidden behind the spectacle. With a playful smile, she said "Wasn't it fun that way?"After which, Yukari held Skwisgaar's hand and jumped into the gap, which Skwisgaar also complied and just as slowly as it appeared, the gap closes back on itself.
After a seemingly long awkward silence, it was broken when Murderface yelled "Just don't tell anyone about my porn."
"Uh, what?"Nathan said."Sorry, I was busy telling people on Facebook about your wierd-ass fetish on my death phone. Can you repeat what you sa..."
Yukari and Skwisgaar gapped back to, what could you say, the World. In that case, technically, yes, you're right, just not the same World Skwisgaar originated from. Skwisgaar's yellow eyes drifted unconsciously to the detail of the place Yukari teleported him in: An underground, bleak, voluminous, dark gray cave,'decorated' by stalagmites and stalactites, some as half as tall as the cave itself, all lit by the blazing hell fire, dancing wildly among themselves.
But that detail was bound in the background, in front of them was a western-style mansion, most of the top part of the entrance, which they were facing, was occupied by three large glass-stained window, the center one was placed higher than the the other two, both for implacing its importance and to allow space for a double arched door.(A/N: Ah, too lazy. Is it okay to excuse myself of describing the place properly when I'm writing a oneshot fic that's meant to be comedic?)
Of course, with every mansion, it also typically needs a well-tended garden to top off the luxurious impression and this mansion was no exception, seems that settling down in Hell was no setback for the owner. The garden was simple, yet exquisite, wall of hedges about Skwisgaar's waist length, be reminded that Skwisgaar was taller than an average human though, a couple of bunch of assorted flowers grouped together into a tidy pattern, all tended with love and care by...cats?
Skwisgaar has the same confusion and asked Yukari if that was real or just high on cocaine as they stroll down the footpath made of natural flat stones that have never been touch by a chisel.
"Meh,"Yukari said, feeling that it'll be too complicated to explain properly in such a short time."You encounter weirdness all the time if you were to live in Gensokyo."
"Genso...what?"Skwisgaar further questioned.
"Oh, I can show you the rest of Gensokyo after we're done re-stringing your fancy Gibson Explorer there,"Yukari said, acknowledging the guitar Skwisgaar's holding as if he was about to play it even though it was disconnected from an amplifier."Or perhaps later in your lifetime?"
"Naw, sounds like rainbows, teddy bears and all that dildoes Toki loves."
Yukari stopped once the door was just an arm's reach, she turned back to Skwisgaar with a gaze, alone it depicts either completely unamused or offended, however, coupled with Yukari's smile, a laid-back, friendly one, strung Skwisgaar out on confusion, all he knows that he needs to hold his breath.
Until Yukari said "You don't know what you're missing" and proceeded to knocked on the door, allowing Skwisgaar to exhaled. Almost immediately, a muffled voice inside shouted "Just a minute there!" with such alacrity to match Yukari's, if not more. The door abruptly swing opened, revealed inside, and most likely the one responsible for nearly damaging the door, was a person sporting on a long raven-black hair tied loosely together with a green hair-ribbon, wearing a white short-sleeved shirt with the red 'eye' in the center of her chest, a short green skirt to match the ribbon. The weirdest feature to Skwisgaar, though, was that she has also wears fake large black wings, imitating one from a raven, partially covered by her cape with imprints of the galaxy in the inside and white on the outside.
That was what Skwisgaar think, at least, and he got the description almost right, here's an extremely short list of correction: that 'person' was actually a hell raven, which also means that the wings are real, but no one has the chance to tell him his mistakes.
True to the prediction, the hell raven was enthusiastic as ever, smiling from ear to ear...while holding holding a sealed beaker labeled plutonium.
"Ah!"she quickly said."You must have read my adver..."
As soon as she realized that she was talking to Yukari, her smile quickly turned into an extremely agitated frown.
"Urrgh,"she growled."It's you again, Yukari."
"Oh my, Utsuho,"Yukari sarcastically exclaimed, though she does not make an effort to mask it."Am I really that much of a killjoy?"
"Seriously, you gotta cut your cat's fingernails, it's sharp enough to damage the damn strings of her guitar you bought her. Hell, I'm an equivalent damn nuclear physicist, not some musical store dealer where all they ever sell is strings."
"Oh,"Skwisgaar uttered."I'll be going now."
Before he turn around to depart, Yukari held his black sleeveless T-shirt in order to prevent him from leaving.
"Oh, it's not for my dear Chen but this gentleman here,"Yukari appealed, attempting her speech as innocent as a child."Needs his string really badly, his concert's starting in a short time, none of the strings at the outside World works and..."
"Alright!"Utsuho shouted, setting the plutonium on the table besdies her and step out of the mansion."Just one last time, after that, if you come to me, you better be buying some of the product that's WITHIN MY PROFESSION!"
"Aww, you such a dear, I always wanted nukes anyhow,"Yukari complimented Utsuho, holding her cuddling her own face with one hand while gave Skwisgaar a push towards Utsuho with another."Just not now."
"So,"Skwisgaar asked."What now?"
But already Yukari was too busy reaching into her gap she recently opened to answer back, fumbling for something. Utsuho was also busy with preparation, pointing upwards to the stone ceiling.
Just as Skwisgaar began to have second thoughts on considering Toki to take a lead guitar role instead of replacing the string, which is something to behold if he thinks of that, Skwisgaar noticed an additional light, not from the blazing flames from the back but from on the top of...Utsuho's index finger?
"Uh, dude?"He tried to asked in order to lift the confusion of his head, only to be enlightened, no pun intended, when Utsuho's raw spot of light slowly starting to take shape, a regular hexagonal rod, held up vertically up. Please note that when I wrote 'regular', I meant all sides are equal to each other, not the other, more 'social' meaning.
The rod silhouette caught in flames and extinguished in a second, now fully solidified, revealing even more that the rod was colored orange and signs with straight lines and circles on the hexagon edge nearer to Utsuho.
As she lowered the rod, Skwisgaar can make an estimation on its height, it's taller than Utsuho's hip length, resorting her to hold it arbitrarily diagonal on the ground instead of upright.
"You're finish, Yukari?"she asked, tilting her body to the right so that she can see Yukari behind Skwisgaar.
"Yep!"Yukari answered back just as she pull her hand out of the gap.
"Alright, now, hand over the guitar so I may perform the re-stringing,"Utsuho said, her unoccupied left palm stretched out, ready to retrieve the Explorer.
"Oooh...kay,"Skwisgaar said reluctantly, still amazed by the rod's fancy appearance, subconsciously obey Utsuho. She grab the guitar by its strap and hung it over her neck.
"La, la, la, la,"Utsuho muttered, each 'la' lower than the last til she achieve the woman's version of 'death' growl voice."3, 2, 1..."
Another day, another practice
Utsuho sang, trying to give off more vibration than an average female can do, though to Skwisgaar, was unamusing. Once she quickly pointed her rod to the ceiling and blast a fireball, roughly the size of her head, and create a large hole in the ceiling gave Skwisgaar something to pop his eyes out. Figuratively speaking.
string snapped, another damage
To both thee unholy musical instrument
and thyself self-confidence
none of them works for you
and here you are,
She emphasized her song further by hovering her index finger centimeters away from Skwisgaar's eyes. Then opened completely and slammed it onto the ground, and automatically crouched down, with the left leg bent down, the other was still straightened, just diagonally placed, parallel with her rod. Only then, Skwisgaar finally noticed another feature on both of her legs: the right has a feet encased in concrete, the other was orbited by atoms. Though that doesn't mean he didn't notice the wings started to flap.
dumb and desperate
for an alternative
With a twitch of her muscle, she flown up, aiming for the hole she created and gracefully and easily succeeds so. Needless to say, Skwisgaar's jaws were opened, cracking up and snorting all sorts of drugs in one intense dust, he thought and about to add whole lot more thoughts to the whistling engine of a train of thoughts when a slap on his back crashed all of them in a big pile of rubble.
"What are you waiting for?"Yukari asked."Fly!"
Skwisgaar was bewildered by the request and yelled "Fly? I'm not a bird or a..."
But just a surprisingly strong throw from Yukari send him flying upwards, earning a worried, long scream and a hilarious face, provided you can see it, from Skwisgaar.
Yet, he was able to rise continuously, closer to the hole and soon pass by it, finally catching up to Utsuho, though with her nose peeking upwards for streamline purposes, she cannot see him, nor does she care to do it.
"Woah, I'm flying?"he self-consciously spoken, not knowing it's all done by Yukari, manipulating the border of flight for Skwisgaar's sake via her gap, that's what she fumbled in the gap a while ago for. Hey, live as long as Yukari with some crazy border shit and I'll be surprised if you did NOT learn how to enable flight upon yourself with the help of the border within at least a hundredth of Yukari's lifetime.
By the way, her age on that day is 1200 years old. How she able to look young? Borders. How is she still alive? She's a youkai, but I'm too big an asshole to explain the term 'youkai'.
Suddenly, she stopped, now the background is...outer space? With the Sun in the center?
looking for the answer
and it's there in front of ya fucking blind eyes
of the Sun God
Utsuho gave Skwisgaar a cold shoulder as she turned around and point the rod at the Sun. If you manage to get a look on her face, she looks pained, tired, tensed, all of her energy was given to her rod, controlling an object from the Sun.
whose flesh I devoured
given me the power
so fucking delicious to be precise
but now, I summon the remains
Now Skwisgaar were able to see what she was controlling that needed her all of her strength...
A giant skeleton.
First, its head came out of the Sun, resembling an average raven til you see the rest, running along the center was spikes, resembling a mohawk, which resembles bones, due to its similar color and decay.
That's because IT IS bones.
But meh, we seen scarier, or at least, Skwisgaar and me, the author of this story, who wanted to publish said story SO badly.
Utsuho charged up another fireball, this time looks seemingly more unstable than the last, if you consider the latter to be stable.
However, she never crossed her thought on firing it again nor was it necessary to do. As the skeleton came closer, the number of holes where there's should be a mohawk spikes became visible to Skwisgaar's area of vision, that's explainable since Yukari mentioned the Chen snapping the strings and whatnot.
The nearest spike came at speed that question the sanity and safety consciousness of Utsuho,but she's not going to shoot it, she lifted her rod slightly in backwards and whack it onto the spike instead.
The whole skeleton suddenly stopped upon hit, the fireball on the rod melted into liquid and burns white-hot as it runs down the spike as if it's a colored water. As soon as it engulfed the whole thing, it starting to shrink it down, gradually, til the spike became nothing but a mere string, the length of a guitar.
She grabbed it while it's still blistering, remove the snapped G-string of the Explorer and replace it with the bone string, tuning it till it's tuned correctly in a minute and finally, she took out a wire out of her rod and plug it into the guitar.
She removed the strap off her and throw it to skwisgaar, who easily caught it by its neck, after which Utsuho pointed her rod at him, menacingly.
"Play it,"she said.
"Uh, I don't know how the sounds travel in space, let alone both of us able to breathe in vacuum but okay,"Skwisgaar answered, dumbfounded by how much both of them are breaking science at that moment, pressed down the correct frets and strummed, his hair flowed backwards as the clean distorted sounds came out of the amp.
In this case, Utsuho's rod's a temporary amp. Talk about extemporization.
"Holy..."Skwisgaar doesn't even bother finish his sentence as his all-too-familiar orgasmic guitar solo-ing adrenaline runs through his body.
And he done it. His left hand shift up and down the frets with his each fingers had his own movement vertical movement, six strings are chicken feet for these swift bastard while his right hand dexterously picked the correct selection of strings for melodies that earned envy from budding guitarist. Unfortunately, music can't be transmitted by words, oh man, it was awesome, you should have been in space like I do on that day.
Utsuho then turned around to pushed back the skeleton into the Sun, then disarm herself the same way the rod appears, by 'commanding' it to disappear til it's turned into a mere light.
"You done already?"Yukari said, appearing so conveniently via her gap just behind Skwisgaar.
"Yeah,"he said."Gotta say, it's...uh...unex-ex-uh."
"Ah well, at least you have a fixed string."
"Of course, that string plus service cost money,"Utsuho reminded.
"Ah, yes, how can I forget?"Skwisgaar said as he reached into his pocket and pulled the compensation out, hidden within his fist."This is no money, this is the most prized gift anyone has ever received from me, one of it was even given to my band mates as a present."For a minute, Utsuho was intrigued by the mysterious gift, if her slight smile at the edge of her mouth was enough proof. Skwisgaar opened his fist with gentle speed. The compensation reveals to be...
That's where Utsuho finally lost it: stiff, eyes still staring into his palm, and later her jaws went wide opened, only be able to say "What the f..".
"Uh, is she oka-"
"Of course,"Yukari answered for Utsuho, except at the exact opposite of what Utsuho was REALLY thinking."She's just in awe of the most valuable gift in the World!"
She got closer to Skwisgaar's ear and whispered "Now you have to pay for transportation."
"Hmmph, fine,"Skwisgaar rolled his eyes and once again reached into his pocket to pulled out something as worthy as big pile of nothing Utsuho has, a wad of cash.
"WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?"Utsuho's rage became loud and clear, her lower jaw broke open upon shouting, call it melodramatic and you'll already be covered with her radioactive waste from the toilet.
Of course, Skwisgaar and Yukari weren't listening to her because she's a chew toy in this fic, gotta go along with the trope. Utsuho said some more stuff even I don't bother writing, just a simple background noise(however, if you want the more detail about it, it goes something like " Wah wah wooble woble buttfucker foafafababb") while Yukari said "Thanks."She paused for a while to check her watch hidden within her sleeves."But you have passed the time limit, off you go."
"What?"Skwisgaar said before got kicked in the ass by that famous troll Yukari into the gap and subsequently closed up. Yukari looked down onto the neatly stacked cash held together with a single strip of paper wrapped around the stack, she removed it, roll the cash neatly, reached into her gap. A square lighter was in her grasp as soon she pull her hand out and...
"You bullshitting me, aren't ya, Yukari?"
"Aaah, but it got such wonderful aroma to it." And no, that's not an idiom, metaphor or such, she smoke them like they were weed."Double the fun when I do it in front of that money-broken miko with an empty offertory box."
Oh, now you gonna get boned,"I take it back, THIS is the moment where Utsuho snapped, I mean, God, look at her creepy fake smile she's putting on while staring into Yukari's souls. Yukari seems to have not been affected, though."How about a little...sparring match."
"That would be lovely."
"Haha, silly fool,"Utsuho whispered to herself."You don't know for the fact that the radiation give off from the Sun brings me strength and power, you are so screwed."
She then proceeds the usual step of summoning her rod again with an evil smirk.
Five seconds later, that smirk turned into a worried frown.
"Uh, where's my arm cannon?"
"If you not gonna attack, then I'll will."
"Wait, hold on a minute, uh..."
Yukari summons large amounts of gaps around Utsuho, enough to cut off any means of escape for Utsuho, following this harmless yet frightening action, streams of damnaku flow in in sophisticated pattern towards Utsuho.
In other words, she's fucked.
*back at Osaka, Japan*
"Urrgh, hi, uh, Japaner,"Nathan said, in front of the stage of wild obsessive mostly Japanese fans that cheered with such volume that threaten to kill one's set of ears."We would love to play you the most brutal songs ever live in front of you but our lead guitarist are..."
"Woaah,"shortly afterward, Skwisgaar fall onto the stage from the height that's not deadly enough to kill him.
"Are...uh..HERE!"Nathan said in relief that Skwisgaar came in time.
"Skwisgaar! Skwisgaar! Skwisgaar!"the crowd cheered as Skwisgaar get up from an awkward landing. He wasn't satisfied with the crowd's enthusiasm yet and answer it with a pose, pointing up to the sky to put in more will to hear their music and probably die.
His pointed suddenly felt heavy and quickly succumbed to the weight.
"Ah dude what the hell is that thing?"Pickles shouted once the a strikingly similar rod appeared on Skwisgaar.
"Uh, I dunno,"Skwisgaar answered."But this is the thing that strings my guitar or some dildoes. Hey, my finger something very comfortable..."
A fireball was then fired onto the crowd, burning them into a pile of blister-ridden burned people.
And they not even started to play their song.
A new record.
A/N: Ah, I finally got myself to publish anything upon the face of the web, hmm, that's good. Sorry if Okuu was a bit OOC(but then again, since when ZUN establish a detailed character development for his own character)and for the action part seems a bit dry, I mean, give me a break, this is a first time I'm writing an action scene, and overall...oh I don't wanna look down upon myself with those downside but I'm not a king of the World either, which is why criticism are appreciated, even more so if you put effort to it. So criticize.