Kiss the Rain
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. All rights are reserved to Stephenie Meyer.
A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read this story. It goes off the path from what I'm used to. The song I was given was 'Kiss the Rain' by Billie Myers, and somehow this was the picture it painted. There is an E/B vid to the song on youtube if you care to see it!
Thanks to my pre-readers and betas TwistedInMasen, Cullen_sistah, ForksPixie and TwittahMom (Kiva). Thanks guys!
This story was entered in Volume 1 of the O/S Soundtrack Contest I would like to assure everyone that Fade Into You IS NOT ABANDONED! I have had some stuff ging on and writers block has broken me. I promise that a new chapter will be up as soon as is humanly possible, I am sorry I suck.
This story was entered in Volume 1 of the O/S Soundtrack Contest
I would like to assure everyone that Fade Into You IS NOT ABANDONED! I have had some stuff ging on and writers block has broken me. I promise that a new chapter will be up as soon as is humanly possible, I am sorry I suck.
The rain was coming down in sheets, much like it always did in this area of Washington State. Seattle was wet, cloudy and three hours from home.
Edward touched the glass of the window and smiled. She loved the rain, he thought to himself, and then reprimanded himself for thinking of her in the past tense. She'd moved on, not died. He wished he could see her right at that moment. She would be standing out there in the pouring rain, arms spread wide and laughing at the beauty of Mother Nature.
Then he remembered that he was the one that had made the mistake and he had to fix it if he wanted her to come back to him.
Edward picked up the phone that sat on the table next to the bed and dialed that forever familiar number. He let out a deep sigh when her voice rang out and pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought about what to say to her this time.
"Hi, you've reached Bella. I can't come to the phone right now-," she sounded happy - that's what mattered. Right? "She's indisposed right now!" He heard a male voice call out and laugh. Anger flared deep inside him as it always did when he heard the man that was able to be near her and make her laugh. "Shut up, baby. Anyways, leave a message and I'll call you right back!" she ended joyfully, followed by a loud, harsh beep.
She called him baby. This nameless, faceless man was now beholden to the nickname she had once reserved only for Edward.
She sounded so happy. So much so, that he refused to feel any anger towards her. He'd store that away for her gentleman friend if and when he ever got his hands on him.
Most importantly, Bella never, ever returned his phone calls.
He remembered back to maybe two weeks ago when the message was very different and he sighed. She had cut him out completely now.
"Hey 'Little bo Bella'," he started with and sadly smiled at the use of his favorite nickname for her, thinking of the time it came around. "I miss you. Is it lonely where you are? Is it raining there too? I hope so. I know how much you love the rain. Remember to kiss it for me, will you?"
He moved back to the window in the moving chair he now resided in; his 'legs on wheels' he called them, and stared out at the droplets creating mesmerizing patterns on the glass. He imagined her walking through his door, telling him she made a mistake, telling him that it was okay and that everybody makes mistakes. It never happened. The pause while he was thinking out his words carefully was longer than he expected and he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, the one that wasn't holding his lifeline to his ear.
"They tell me I'm crazy, baby. That I should stop holding out because you won't come back to me. They don't know shit," he scoffed angrily and then took a couple of deep breaths to get his temper in check. Lashing out would get him nowhere - this he knew. "Bella, just pick up the phone. Just once. I just need to hear your voice and to know that you are really oka-"
An even longer, louder and harsher beep cut him off and he furiously threw the cordless to the bed where it bounced off the hard mattress and down onto the floor shattering into pieces. He didn't care. It's not like she would call anyways. But what if she did?
He thought back to the time when he gave her the nickname; a time when they were happy, when all that mattered to them was each other.
There was a meadow off the edge of the Cullen property that they frequented. In the spring and summer it bloomed with colors so beautiful, Bella used them to describe her feelings.
"How's my girl today?" Edward asked as he and Bella lay side by side in the confines of their own little hideaway. The rest of the Cullens knew the place well, but also knew better than to disturb the pair on their retreats to it.
"I feel like the lupins. They stand tall, they look like tiny little trees, and they're pink - just like my cheeks when you call me your girl."
Bella blushed even more then and Edward relished that. Her blushing was almost his favorite thing in the entire world - almost. It didn't quite surpass her eyes or lips, but it came mighty close.
"Why are you so perfect?" He asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.
"Why are you so perfect?" She retorted and he laughed. This question never got answered between them. It always played out the exact same way. It was always a little 'You hang up,' 'No you hang up'. He knew how it would go so he rolled away lying on his back smiling looking up at the sky.
He opened one arm to her and she eagerly climbed in looking down at him. She was such a confident woman. There was never a need for her to wonder if she was enough, if she was beautiful or whether he loved her. She just knew. He'd always made sure of that.
"The movers are coming tomorrow at nine in the morning," he said absentmindedly as he rubbed her arm. He then rolled himself until he was almost entirely on top of her, hovering, leaning down to kiss her and trailing sweet kisses to her ear. "And then, Miss Swan, I will never have to wake up alone again." She giggled and he looked down at her in amusement. "In three months time you'll become my wife - the blushing Mrs. Cullen," he grinned. "But it will never be enough. I want you forever, my little Bella."
Bella burst out laughing and Edward looked down at her with amused confusion. "Something funny young lady?"
"When you say 'little Bella it reminds me of Little Bo Peep for some reason. Every time. And that reminds me of that stupid rhyming song." She smiled up at him and caressed his cheek. "You know, Bella, Bella bo Bella, Banana Fanna fo Fella…," she trailed off, rolling her eyes and laughing at the weird train of thought her brain took her on.
Edward merely smiled at her, kissing her nose and proclaimed that she was his 'Little Bo Bella' and that was all that mattered.
"What's on your mind, little bro?"
Edward looked up, surprised to find his brother in his room. He then looked away, back out the window to the rain. It was the only thing that made sense anymore. It was the only thing that never once told him he was an awful person.
"What? I don't even get a hello?" Emmett asked and Edward barely gave a nod in his direction, never averting his eyes. The older boy spotted the remnants of the broken phone on the floor beside the bed and immediately understood. Edward was always in these moods after he called Bella.
"She didn't answer again, huh?
"No, Emmett. She didn't answer. Will you leave me alone?"
"No can do, little man," Emmett said, trying to aggravate him and it worked. He was thankful because he hated the emotionless void his brother always became when his life crashed down on him. "You're going to hang out with me today. How are you feeling?"
Edward ignored him some more. He didn't feel like doing this - pretending that everything was okay. It wasn't what he did.
"Rose and I are getting married. Did you hear?"
Edward closed his eyes and blocked his brother out. Instead of drowning out the thoughts, it brought them straight to the front of his brain. There she was - Bella on their wedding day in a pure white satin gown.
"If anyone can show 'just cause' why this couple cannot be legally joined in marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Silence reigned throughout the yard in which Bella and Edward had decided to exchange their vows. He looked at her like he was the luckiest man on the earth and she looked at him as though she, herself was the one who won the prize.
No one would dare object to this union, however. They were meant to be. They found each other young, and they held on. This was their moment and no one would ruin it.
Edward mouthed 'I love you' to his beautiful blushing bride as everyone looked on, and she repeated the sentiment back to him with tears in her eyes.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister said. After a short pause and a shake of his head he finished off with, "You may kiss the bride."
And 'kiss the bride' Edward did. He threw every ounce of emotion into it, going so far as to arch her backwards in a delicate dip, smiling the entire time.
"Hi Mrs. Cullen," he whispered, wiping her tear-stained cheeks. She laughed through her tears and moved in to reclaim his lips with hers, unable to speak because she was so worked up.
After the cake and the garter and all of the other essential traditions were out of the way, Alice, Bella's Maid of Honor and Edward's sister, helped her change into a simpler dress and they were on their way to their honeymoon destination.
Edward, of course, kept this destination a secret from his bride. She hated surprises, but he also knew that if she was aware he was taking her to the family island for a two week stay, she would blow a gasket and try and find a way to pay for something, so he kept silent.
"Where did you go there, man?" Emmett asked, and Edward hung his head. He shook it from side to side, looked out at the rain and back up to his brother.
"Why does she hate me, Em?"
"She doesn't hate you Edward. I told you. She didn't have a choice about leaving you."
"There is always a choice," Edward shouted irately and then tried to stand before remembering his useless limbs and slapped the arm of the chair as hard as he could. He closed his eyes and counted to ten. "There is always a fucking choice. What did I do that was so wrong? We could have worked it out."
Edward pictured her with another man and felt the sudden need to vomit. Looking over to the wastebasket, Emmett understood his need and brought it to his younger brother. As Edward emptied the contents of his stomach into the can, Emmett contemplated which route he should go this time. This was a ritual.
Edward would call Bella. Bella wouldn't answer. Edward would smash the phone. Emmett showed up. Edward relived memories. Edward pictured Bella in another man's arms, which was frankly absurd; then he would expel himself of all nutrients.
He wanted to be pissed that the rest of them weren't around for this. Jasper, their sister Alice's fiancé, came by every once in awhile. He was a groomsman at Edward's wedding and had forged quite a bond with him. He had explained when Alice stopped coming that she just found it too hard. It was too difficult to see him this way. She was upset that he couldn't figure it out and if he was told the truth he would just get angry and tell them to stop lying to him in order to protect Bella.
She left him. Plain and simple.
She left him because he couldn't use his legs.
She left him because she was in love with somebody else.
She left him because she had found better rain to kiss.
She left him because he fucked up.
Think of anything, and he would use it as a reason. Except the truth.
It killed Emmett, but he would stay to the end. Their mother, Esme, had turned to alcohol, and their father, Carlisle, had turned to caring for her.
"She didn't have a choice, Edward, you have to beli-"
"She had a fucking choice, Emmett. She's in some other man's arms now and I don't even know why. If you only knew what I'm left imagining here, man." Edward shook his head and pulled chunks of hair into his fists, trying not to replay more memories.
"I can't believe you took me to your Island," Bella said as they lay in bed naked, tracing his chest with her fingers.
"Technically," he said smugly, catching her hand and bringing it up to his lips, "it's our island now." She laughed lightly and leaned up to kiss his lips.
Edward took this opportunity to roll on top of the only woman he would ever love and entered her, ever so slowly, cherishing the moment as if it was their last.
Bella let out tiny sounds as they pushed and pulled. Their hips moved in unison and their lips stayed locked on each other. And when they weren't, they were busy finding purchase anywhere possible. Edward made her cum with his fingers. And then with his tongue and then when he was inside her as they arrived together. As they laid lazily, locked intimately, a simple brush of her finger across his chest made him hard again and they bucked and hissed and moaned until there was nothing left, but love in either of them, to give for the night.
It was only the first night of their honeymoon and they both knew that every day would just be better than every moment before it. Bella said she was sure that they would love each other so hard that their hearts might explode and Edward laughed lightly as he wrapped her up in his arms and hummed to her.
"Sleep, my only love. I will always be here when you wake up."
Edward was once again pissed because she wasn't there when he woke up. She had abandoned him and it wasn't fair.
Emmett saw it in his face and wracked his brain. He excused himself from his brother's room at the facility and found Bella's father, Charlie at the end of the hallway. Even Charlie visited when the rest of the family couldn't be bothered to do so.
The man was wrecked by the whole ordeal, but he held on. Not only did he hold on, but he tried to keep Edward from drowning. He would visit; he would explain the hard stuff and he would even change the voicemail recordings on Bella's cell phone with old ones when they felt Edward needed a change.
The two men forged a bond and worked their asses off trying to get Edward to see through the haze and understand reality. Charlie knew that it would be what his daughter wanted and he really didn't have anyone else. His ex-wife, Renee, had come up when it happened, with her new husband, Phil, before heading back to Arizona. It left him alone and feeling useless.
"How is he today?" Charlie asked and Emmett shook his head sadly at him.
"It's a bad one, Charlie. It's a really bad one. He's already done it all and I don't know where to go from here. I needed a break," Emmett said almost shamefully. He felt awful saying he needed a break from his only brother but it was true. He wasn't lying when he said he would stick it out, but he had to admit that it made him physically sick sometimes to have to watch him go through this.
"Why don't you take that break and I'll go say hi, huh?" Charlie patted him on the shoulder and they exchanged sad smiles.
"Thanks Charlie. I think I would be lost without you."
Charlie nodded and made his way down the hall to Edward's doorway. Standing in the doorway, he watched in pain as the boy was bent over in his chair frantically trying to pick up scattered pieces of yet another phone to put it back together. He always said the same thing and he was muttering it then.
"What if she tries to call and I don't have a phone? She'll hate me even more then. I need to have a phone. I need to have a phone."
Bella's father turned away and made his way down to the nurses' station. Once there, the nurse looked up at him with pity and he hated that. He didn't need their pity. Without words, she got up, went through a door and emerged with a brand new phone in hand and silently handed it over.
This had become a ritual. Charlie wondered if it was a daily occurrence or just a once in awhile thing. He was so concerned for the poor boy in that room. Edward loved his daughter so much and this had literally broken him. It took away his mind and his spirit and he was terrified of how he would do if he ever actually grasped the idea that she had, in fact, died.
Bella was dead. That was the pure and honest truth.
Charlie entered the room slowly, approaching the boy as though he was a scared animal. He placed the phone down on the table and bent down to plug it into the wall. Edward's eyes never left his movements. When Charlie finally turned to him, he gave him a sad smile and extended a hand towards his shoulder.
"How are you doing, son?" He asked quietly.
Charlie always called him son. By rights, he was. He was family through and through. Edward shrugged his question off and went back to looking out the window.
"Do you want to try calling Bella again?" he asked him, bringing his attention back to the now. "I'll stay right here while you do it."
Edward looked at him warily before picking up the phone and dialing the number he knew so well. It was embedded in his memory until he died. It was the last link to his only love.
As it rang, Charlie watched him and he knew then what he had to do. He could tell the second that the recorded voice of his daughter played on the other end - Edward's face morphed into slate, his features taut and devastated. Then his features and emotions changed to anger - anger at the so-called 'other man' that he heard there.
"Edward, that's your voice, you know?"
The young boy glared at him and shook his head.
"No it isn't." He was adamant about this fact.
"It is. Edward, Bella didn't just leave you." He reached out to touch his arm and Edward pushed it away in anger. "She left me too. She left her mother, her step-father, she left Alice and Emmett...she left us all, Edward. Do you remember?"
Edward looked at him, confused and remaining silent long after the first beep. Then he just stared him down trying to understand what he meant.
"Do you know why you're in the wheelchair, son?" Charlie asked and Edward's face whitened. He looked conflicted as he tried to both nod and shake his head at the same time, dropping the phone and gripping on to the hair on his head.
"No, no, no, no, no," he repeated over and over as he shook his head forcefully.
"Edward, Bella died," he said and braced himself for the onslaught of anger he knew was coming. "There was a car accident. You…," Charlie trailed off and tried to figure out how to tell him, yet again.
Edward tried to stand and instead, because he couldn't, lashed out with a fist to Charlie's too close stomach; one and then another and then three more. Charlie let him do it until he was just sobbing. His tears soaked his own shirt and Charlie continued.
"She died instantly and you were crushed in the wreckage. They had you in a coma for awhile and you missed it. It wasn't fair to you, but you missed it."
"Stop lying to me," Edward screamed out in a primal rage. "Stop telling me this. It isn't true. You don't fucking know anything."
Charlie had expected this. What he did not expect was the sudden swing of the chair towards the wall where Edward punched the shit out of it, taking out his frustrations and anger and making himself bleed.
"She left me and you just lie for her. You're a despicable man, Charlie. How the fuck dare you?"
Charlie knew he didn't mean even one word of that. He'd heard some variation of it many times before. He pressed the emergency call button as he watched helplessly as the boy damaged the property and himself, screaming and swearing at the top of his lungs.
There was a sudden flurry of movement in the room as his doctor and two nurses worked to restrain, sedate and calm Edward down before they moved him into his bed. The calmness that blanketed the room was terrifying. The worst part of it was he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow.
When Bella died, he never got to mourn her or see her body because he had been in a barbiturate-induced coma - acontrolled coma, as he underwent surgery after surgery in the hopes of regaining his movement and repair the many other damaged parts of his body. His legs and his heart never recovered. His mind took the brunt of it, closing itself off and choosing to remember what it wanted to, instead of what it needed to.
Because he was absent when she was pronounced dead, her father came to identify the body. When they lowered her into the ground and wept for them both, he refused to believe it. She simply left him instead. That, Edward could wrap his head around. That he could believe.
Charlie felt his eyes well up with tears at the sight in front of him. The once so self-assured boy now lay in a hospital bed, medically sedated muttering to himself. It was torture to watch.
"Kiss the rain, baby," was the last thing Charlie heard him state under his breath before he went off in search of Emmett to tell him how today's attempt had gone. The rain pounded down on the windows and Edwards head lolled to the side to watch it as his eyelids grew heavy.
Tomorrow was another day; a different attempt; a new approach.
Tomorrow would be exactly the same.