I'd just gotten out of Coop and opened the door to my office. The typical So-Cal afternoon of mostly clear blue skies and bright sunshine greeted me.
I didn't give two fucks.
My career had been going extraordinarily well. I managed to rock this working mommy thing like a fucking pro. Who knew I could be a the hottest property on the set scene with spit up on my shoulder and a poop-filled diaper in my purse?
Of course, that was a while ago now. Tris just turned four a few months ago and I'd been running my own office and had my name on multiple films as lead designer. Last year, I was nominated for a Globe for a historical biopic. Talk about some crazy shit.
"Now I'm that bitch," Pita sang, "yeah, look at me now."
I think Edward was more upset than I was when I didn't win.
It made me angry that I was thinking about him, but I didn't have time to focus on it.
I was on a call with a epic fail courier service. I walked through the entrance and and past my assistant without a glance.
"Epic fail? Did we fall back into 2010?" Pita questioned shaking her head.
I was listening to the girl on the other end of call shuffle things around and mumble to someone before she spoke again. "Mrs. Cullen?"
I flinched. That wasn't my fucking name. I knew there was a fucking reason I hyphenated.
The whiny, nasally bitch continued. "Roslyn is out, but I can assure you that the dress will be found."
I gripped the phone. Hoping I wouldn't burn my fingerprints into the side. My jaw was locked and my body was thoroughly tense. "Found?"
Pita pulled on a black robe and a white collar."Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."
"It's too late to pray. Her name is already mud," Tulip informed. "Bend over and kiss your cooter goodbye, sweet cheeks."
"What the fuck do you mean found?" I was spiting each word through the phone, nearly one syllable at a time.
I heard my name but I didn't have time to dick with anyone right then. I had a much bigger bitch
to flambe. My ability to deal with stupid was lessening every second I was on the fucking phone. I
didn't tolerate bullshit, especially not for such an important shipment. I trusted the dress my assistant
designer and I took nearly two months to create would arrive to the set when they said it would.
I should've known not to trust anyone to deliver clothes. No one had the sense of commitment I did.
"Delivering a suit to your hot husband once upon a time, doesn't make you an pro," Pita commented.
"I haven't seen my husband since she got into a fight with hers," Tulip sniveled. "It's been two months and twelve days."
"Are you fucking kidding me with this?" I barked into the phone. "Where is my dress? It needed to go from point A to point B! It is supposed to be on a set in Vancouver tomorrow! Tomorrow!"
I enunciated each syllable of tomorrow to the courier service bitch on the other end.
The assistant stuttered a few unintelligible things before she composed. "I'm sure it's just been misplaced uh, Ma'am..?"
"Ma'am!? Holy fuck. I already feel old. This bitch didn't have to get nasty about it," Pita griped and started slathering on wrinkle cream.
I was pacing across the expanse of my artfully decorated office, carefully avoiding all the pictures of Edward and I. Instead, I focused on the pictures of my son. My favorite was the one from last year when we went to Washington to visit my parents. He was sitting on Rocket's hood and mini-Edward smile was plastered across his face.
As cute as his little mug was, it wasn't distracting enough.
"Excuse me?" I balked and tried not to crush my fourth phone in as many months. I couldn't focus on the age slight because my entire career was about to fall through the cracks if this main costume didn't make it to Vancouver in eighteen hours.
"Listen, you fucking useless, career sabotaging..."
My phone was immediately snatched away and a very frightened looking woman stood cowering in front of me. She was blonde and maybe a little over five feet tall, she was my fifth assistant in three months.
And by far the most useless waste of sperm on the God forsaken planet.
"You said if you appeared homicidal...that I should..uh take you're phone and..uh...hide..."
I narrowed my eyes and clenched my fists. I took a deep breath, and then another before I spoke. "You fucking forgot the hide part, Sophie!"
"Why the fuck did we hire this bitch again?" Pita lamented. "She's got less sense than a fucking melon baller."
"That's an insult to melon ballers everywhere. Hell that's an insult to balls in general. I know sperm with more sense than that halfwit." Tulip mused.
"That's the sperm that won. That's the scary part," Pita added.
"God dammit! What the fuck good are you? I'm going to make the Horrible Bosses look like fucking saints! Get the hell out of my way, Sophie!"
I roughly took my phone back, and stalked past my spineless assistant and continued where I left off with the other one on the phone.
"Tell your boss if that dress is not in Vancouver before the set director has his morning heroin injection, that I'm going to tear out her spleen and feed it to her!"
I threw the phone, and Sophie promptly caught it and dropped it in the same breath.
"You can't afford to lose another assistant." Pita quivered.
"Lose, kill, dismember. Now you're just splitting hairs," Tulip countered.
"Sophie, I have fired an assistant for bringing me coffee with fucking cream in it! That phone was six hundred fucking dollars! Do you like being a complete fucking moron? Is it..."
She wasn't even looking at me. "Hello? I'm not fluent in dumbass, but..."
Still wasn't looking at me and then her lip was trembling and she was pointing behind me.
I was expecting her to stutter "Gh...gh...gh...Ghost!"
I whipped my head around and saw Alice and Rose standing there. I rolled my eyes and turned away.
"I don't have time for this."
Things had always been good between me and my bitches, until recently.
"You mean when you told Edward it was all his fault and you needed a break?" Pita questioned.
Tulip was quick to correct her. "It's actually Slugger's lazy ass neighbors that caused all this. All they do is hang around and bump into each other."
"Getting clothes delivered isn't as stress free as you thought," Alice laughed uneasily. "Though, I never threatened anyone's spleen before."
"Then you weren't doing it right, Alice," I muttered over my shoulder.
"You scared the piss out of your assistant."
"Again!? These bitches need to get their incontinence under control!"
"Holy fuck, Bella!" Rose's disapproving tone cut through my banter with Alice. "You need to turn down the bitch to medium."
"Not a setting I'm familiar with."
Rose was posing to strike, her eyes were extremely focused. Her short sentence was pointed. "Not lately."
"Can I help you with something? Or were your asses overdue for an "irritate the shit out of Bella" session?"
"Bella, we were just wondering if you'd come out with us. It might, take your mind off...things." Alice's offer was hesitant and practiced.
"Alice, my four year old is a better fucking liar than you," I responded. I wish they would just say whatever they needed to and leave. I had a crisis to focus on, other than my shitty personal life.
"I told you," Rose hissed to Alice. "The only way is to be straight with her."
"As opposed to lesbian?" I countered. "What the fuck is going on?"
"He's miserable without you," Rose confessed. The room was exceedingly quiet and her confession was louder than it should have been.
"He better be," Pita commented. "He needs to spend his life pining for us and die miserable and alone."
"Slug..ger! Slug..ger!" Tulip cried in her best Stanley.
"Yeah, well, sucks to be him," I answered lamely, not looking at them.
I wasn't going to go into specifics with them. It wouldn't change a fucking thing anyway. We fought over meaningless bullshit, but we had a crazy stupid love that I was happy to own until my last fucking breath, but all that changed.
After the incident.
Tulip and Pita shivered.
"We do not speak it's name," Pita whispered and walked back into the darkness.
"It sucks for everyone," Rose countered harshly. "I'm done passing Tris between the two of you. I'm done seeing my brother so fucking depressed."
"Then close your eyes and tell him to get the fuck out of your guest house!"
I couldn't tell her that I was more of a fucking mess than he was. The only thing holding me together was Tris. I moved around my desk and tactfully ignored their asses by looking through a drawer for something that wasn't fucking there.
Alice shuffled. "Do you miss him?"
Her eyebrow was raised and the know-it all pixie looked me over like she had x-ray fucking vision.
I steeled myself against her non-verbal interrogation. "He's the father of my child. So for Tris's sake, I guess."
Pita was horrified. "She misses him more than Christian Grey misses his red room of pain!"
"This is more than fifty shades of fucked up. We're talking 1080p HD levels of fucked," Tulip bitched and brought out her flow chart and pointer.
"You are so full of shit!" Rose hissed and shut my office door. "If you don't miss him, then why the fuck are you still wearing your wedding ring?"
"I'm still married to him! He's still my fucking husband!" I defended.
Rose backpeddled her bitch and confusion dawned across her face. "So, what the fuck does that mean?"
"It means he's still..." I started. "It...I don't fucking know what it means! Things got fucked up and I don't know if I can forgive..."
"What happened?" Alice questioned. "Did..he you know? Mess around with someone else?"
Rose and I scoffed at the accusation. Rose started in first. "That fucker wouldn't be breathing if he did."
"I wouldn't blame him if he did." My thought popped out fully unfiltered as Pita pretended to be occupied.
Alice and Rose's jaws both dropped in sequence.
"Look, we're not talking about this anymore."
Rose hadn't changed much in almost four years. She was still the determined, gorgeous fiercely competitive bitch she'd always been. She and Emmett were their same odd-couple selves, and I still didn't take shit from her, but I would always listen to whatever advice she had for me. She was my fucking sister and I loved her.
"You sound like a fucking Lifetime movie," Pita quipped. "Maybe we can get some B actors in here and get ourselves a Christmas special with a lame ass title."
"'Christmas Bitches,'" Tulip finalized. "'Tree-lighters with Twats' probably wouldn't make it to Lifetime."
She wasn't amused with my dodging and brought out the big guns.
"For the sake of that little boy, you better. He doesn't understand why his parents are living in separate houses and don't play the "kissing game" anymore. I don't care who cheated or didn't cheat or took the last of the toothpaste! You need to sort this shit out!"
She was pleading with me and if I was a better person, I would have caved right then and gone to talk to him, but I was still so mad at myself and at him and the fucking situation that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to make my son's life better, but he seemed to be handling our separation okay. He seemed to accept the explanation I gave him. That Daddy was stinky and Aunt Rosey had to keep him at her house until he smelled good again.
Thank fuck my little man was as naive as his father and bought my total line of bullshit.
"I cant...I don't want to fucking talk to him!"
Rose was wearing her "I'm so done with your bullshit" face. "You've got to tell me what the fuck happened!"
"Rose, it is none of your goddamned business!" I was out of my fucking seat and making my way to my door when her and Alice but me off. The door was immediately locked and I was trapped with two very pissed women.
"We could totally fucking take them," Pita snarled and then coughed.
"Sit down there, Grandma. You haven't worked out in a long time, might strain a muscle if you don't stretch first!" Tulip cautioned. "I need my exercise equipment back. I'm tired of waiting for your proud ass to get us to Slugger!"
She then proceeded to play Ain't to Proud to Beg and mope in the corner.
Alice was speaking in time with the movements of her hands. "No! You've got to tell us, or you'll be stuck in here with us for the entire afternoon!"
"I'll just go out the fucking window!" I argued.
"Then I guess you won't find out where your fucking dress is...will you?" Rose questioned. She had a superior as fuck smile on her face, and Alice looked blindsided.
"Where the fuck is it?!" I screamed lunging at her. Alice had to pull me back and hold my arms. She was so fucking annoying for someone who was so small.
Not to mention strong. What was she? A fucking Power Ranger?
Rose continued as Alice held my arms. "That's right. You tell me why my brother is a depressed heap on my couch, or I will make sure that dress wont see the light of day!"
I was pulling as hard as I could, seething. "You won't see the fucking light of day if I get lose, Rose!"
"Just fucking tell us! Or did you fuck him over so bad that your embarrassed to say what you did?! Did you whore around with one of his fucking friends or something?"
I lost my shit then, and I couldn't believe she had the fucking nerve to even accuse me of something like that.
Pita held up the bullhorn to my throat and I screamed back my defense at the top of my lungs.
"He told me maybe we're better off not having another baby, because I was going crazy just like my...my...fucking mother!"
Alice's grip immediately loosened and I fell forward, but Rose caught me.
"Oh my god!" Is that why you're fighting? Are you...trying to have another baby?!" Rose was full on squealing now.
I immediately corrected any of their fucking assumptions. "No...well...we were...that's definitely not happening."
"Like ever," Pita accented.
"We are never ever ever...getting sperm and egg together," Tulip echoed.
"All this was over some stupid comment about you being like your mother?" Rose questioned.
I knew it was time to tell her everything, if only because I needed to know what the bitch did with my dress.
"Then he basically told me it was my fault that his egg seeking missiles can't make contact! I was so fucking pissed I punched him."
Pita and Tulip both cowered and mumbled incoherently about "the incident."
"I was...am afraid I'll hurt him again." I had never been more shocked or ashamed. All the times I'd threatened him with massive bodily harm I'd never actually thought I would hurt him.
"That explains the bruise he had," Rose muttered. "He told me he got accidentally punched on set."
"He wishes, I'm sure."
"So have you guys been trying for a...
"Eleven months, and seventeen days," I interrupted.
"That's not that..."
"It's a long fucking time when all you want to do is see a tiny little plus when you pee," I paused. "Dr. Avery says we're both perfectly healthy and everything is 'fine'. Which is such a load of crap because I am not fine." I sat back in my chair and tried to hold myself together.
For the first time in my life, I was truly fucking sad.
The room was super fucking quiet. I felt like I had just white washed the walls with my dirty fucking laundry. The trashtoids had of course caught wind of Edward living with his sister and they had all made up their own stories. That I cheated, that he cheated, phony pictures circulated like wild fire and Esme mopped up the mess as best she could. I didn't care. I couldn't care what anyone thought or didn't think, because it only mattered what I thought and what my son thought.
I was so fucking grateful for my little man. For my bright, amazingly funny and smart little man. I looked at the newborn picture I had on my desk. The one where he is hours old and Edward was holding him.
I decided right then that I already got to experience that miracle once and if I never got to again, then it was meant to be that way.
Rose was talking rapidly as she walked around the room. "So that's why Edward is setting a permanent ass grove in my seven thousand dollar couch? Because he can't knock up his wife and called her crazy and then she hit him?"
Rose's whole body relaxed. "Thank fuck."
I shrugged in confusion.
"Well, shit honey! There are so many things you can do to get yourself pregnant!" she continued.
"Last time I checked I would still need, Edward," I retorted.
Tulip was singing. "Guess whose back, back again? Slugger's back. Tell a friend."
Rose shook her head a little. "Again. Tris' conception was immaculate. Moving on. There are roots and yoga...invitro! Surrogacy, adoption..."
"Adoption would mean not from the fruit of your brother's loom," I mumbled. Though I supposed there were so many kids that needed a home it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world.
Rose was irritated. "Bella. If you mention my brother's fucking loom again, I will cut out your tongue using rusty scissors."
"Better than cutting open my tits and lifting them 2 inches." I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and smirked. I was starting to feel somewhat less homicidal.
Rose gave me a look that if I kept talking, I was going to lose not only my tongue, but my eyeballs and the ability to breathe. So I flipped her off and stood to hug her. "Yep, those two inches definitely paid off.
"Bitch. I love you."
Alice had been strangely quiet during our movie of the week moment. It wasn't until then I noticed that she was looking pretty pale. Well, paler than usual because the woman avoided sun like the plague.
"What's wrong, Alice?"
"Nothing, Rose. We should go."
Alice was pulling on Rose looking anywhere but my face.
"What the fuck? First you're reading me the riot act now you're bailing?"
Rose fought against Alice's pull and instead steadied her. "Alice?"
She looked petrified. Which was fuck all strange because I've never seen Alice afraid of anything.
Not even me.
I would have been mortally wounded, but I was too concerned about her sudden departure from her pixie slash bitch personality to harp on it.
She backed behind Rose slightly and mumbled something I couldn't hear.
"Just spit it out pixie, you're freaking me out."
"I'm pregnant," she said just above a whisper.
"Holy fucking shit!" Pita mouthed.
I mimicked her, but I was pretty fucking loud and so was Rose.
"She's joining the tots through twats club!?" Tulip cried.
"Someone is going to need to show her the ropes," Pita informed.
Tulip was busy breaking out her Super-T outfit and black mask. "Now this looks like a job for me. So, everybody just follow me."
Pita was thoroughly annoyed. "Yes, like we needed any more controversy."
"Just give me the signal, I'll be there with whole list full of new insults!" Tulip snarled and snapped her mask.
Alice and Jasper got married last spring, and they'd been traveling around the country while he toured with his new band and only got back a few months ago.
I guess I knew what they were doing since they got back.
They were slamming nasties like sex monkeys on parade.
Rose was squealing and hugging Alice as I came out from behind my desk. She flinched.
I raised my eyebrow and smirked. "If I wanted to fucking hit you pixie, I would have done it years ago."
She smiled. " I'm not going to end up police blotter?"
"You're not pissed?
Of course I was fucking pissed, but somehow I was able to still be insanely fucking happy for her.
I hugged the hell out of her. "You're gonna be the size of a MAC truck, have swollen fucking ankles and puke until you can't see straight. I'll take my revenge from that."
Rose was laughing. "You bitches are both crazy. I'm never going through any of that crap for a kid. When I'm ready I'm adopting one. I'll leave the heavy lifting and stretch marks to someone else."
"You don't have the constitution for it, Rose. It takes a real woman."
"And a real tough kid slide," Tulip added.
Rose huffed. I ignored her and turned to Alice. "When are you due?"
"Is it Jasper's or did Emmett father this one too?" I joked.
Alice grimaced and laughed. "Of course, Jasper!"
"Another reason adoption is prime for us. Could you imagine continuing the idiocy of that gene pool?" Rose interjected.
We all laughed and hugged Alice again before I threatened Rose's life if she didn't tell me where the fuck my dress was.
I walked to the red door and tried to put on my "I'm so fucking happy I could split in two" smile, but it was definitely forced.
I knew my awesome little man would be there, but I knew Edward wouldn't be. Though, that was probably for the best, because I knew I wasn't in any state to see him.
If I saw his face, I didn't know if I would punch it or kiss it. We had too much to hash out and all I wanted to do was forget about all the horrible bullshit.
Tris was almost always with me, but as much as I hated to admit it, I ended up getting a nanny. His name is Drake, he's in his thirties and he and Tris hit it off right away. Him ogling my straight husband on a daily basis, is better than a young, sexy, woman throwing her cooter in his face on a regular basis.
That was my job, and there was no way in fuck I was letting some hand that rocks the cradle mimicking bitch usurp my throne.
The house wasn't the same. It was littered with fucking toys and blocked off with baby gates. Which refused to open when you really needed them to. All the outlets were covered and God help my weakened bladder, all the fucking toilets were locked. Short of Tris in bubble wrap, there was no further way to baby proof our house.
Drake headed out with a sad smile on his face after I got home. Before he left, he told me Tris was playing with his cars in his room. Taking the five-second window I had to be alone, I decided to change clothes and get out of the underwire bra from hell before I went in to see my little man. I dug through my drawer and my hand was instantly covered with something thick and brown.
Pita was frantic."Is that chocolate or poop? Chocolate or poop!?"
I sniffed it a couple times to discover it was chocolate, rather than shit, covering my bras. Although, that really didn't make it any better.
"Tristan Thomas Stuart! Why is there chocolate in my...f...bra?" I yelled exiting my room while throwing on a tee shirt. It wasn't an unfair assumption he was the saboteur considering, he was habitually scheming prankster.
My sentence calmed towards the end and I managed not to say the f-word as I came around to find him playing on his massive race car bed.
"Full-screen?" Pita questioned.
Tulip gawked at Pita monetarily before huffing. "The bitch is getting senile."
Tris looked guilty as he glanced up at me, but then his eyes started to crinkle and a smirk identical to Edward's stared up at me. "Uncle Em said those are 'goodie holders.' So, I put my Reeses in there."
He explained like I was a moron, and he was just doing something completely natural.
"Of course he fucking did," I grumbled, forgetting momentarily that he had ears like an elephant.
"You said a mommy only word."
I explained to my son early on that certain words only mommies were allowed to say. And that his wiener would fall off if he said them. So far his blind faith in whatever people said was paying off and he didn't sound like a sailor. Though his literal translation of what Emmett had taught him was severely pissing me off. Considering Emmett had told Tris knowing that's exactly what he would fucking do.
I came to sit down next to him and stroke his hair. "What else did uncle Em tell you, baby?
He became very animated and sprang off his bed. "That when my goodies were gone, I could use them for a swing shot!"
It took me a minute to figure out what he was saying. "Did uncle Emmett say you could use my bra as a sling shot?!"
"He says I can shoot my cars really far with them, Momma!" He threw a toy car across the room and it hit the deep blue wall with a thud.
"Tristan, it doesn't matter what Uncle Em told you. My bras are not toys, alright?"
He grew very serious. "Uh huh."
"And you cannot shoot your cars with them," I cautioned, then added. "I'll buy you a real sling shot and you can shoot rocks at Uncle Em, okay?"
As if his ears wear burning, Emmett rounded the corner into Tris' room.
"Speak of the bra sabotaging, dipshit!" I spat.
Emmett bowed his head momentarily before a booming laugh bubbled from him and he walked over to Tris.
"Little man, you were supposed to keep that goodie holder stuff on the DL!"
"She found my goodies!" Tris defended and shrugged. "Momma is mad achoo."
I snickered and shook my head. "You forget how to knock? Some things never fucking change."
Emmett glared at me. "I tried to knock, but no one answered. You really shouldn't have given me a key, Short Stuff."
It seemed like everyone in our family had a key to our house, which was all Edward's fucking idea.
"Are you taking him over there now?"
Emmett nodded but swallowed hard before he answered. "It's Tuesday."
Something was definitely fucking off with him. "Emmett?"
My tone was wrapped in warning and sprinkled with subtle tones of "I will rip your head off if you don't tell me what the fuck is going on."
He'd already grabbed Tris' hand and was moving out of the room. "What? We gotta get Tris over to Aunt Rosey cause she's baking him a carrot cake!"
"Don't like carrots!"
Emmett turned to him at the top of the stairs. "Do you like shoulder rides?"
Tris nodded quickly and Emmett placed his little body on his massive shoulders and raced down the stairs.
"Something is definitely up," Pita agreed.
"Unless it's a dick named Slugger, put my vote down for disinterested." Tulip huffed .
"Emmett what the fuck is going on?!" I demanded, following him down the steps.
He stopped abruptly when I pulled on his shirt as he neared the door. "I'll lose my goodies if I tell you," he admitted. "Just trust, Short Stuff."
His big eyes were so fucking serious, I couldn't bring myself to argue with him. I guess I did have a setting lower than super bitch.
I blew my little man a kiss. "Bye, baby. You be good? Okay?"
I was too fucking tired to chase him down the street and knew that even if he was a bad influence, Tris was pretty fucking safe with him, and Edward for that matter.
"Mother of fuck! Stupid fucking crap!" I yelled after closing the door behind them.
I was so fucking over this shit. I needed some time to reevaluate and relax, but I never could seem to find it. I leaned on the door as I locked it. I vowed I would sit and hash out with Tulip and Pita what my next step should be, but their incoming suggestions were quickly drown out by a voice behind me.
I froze. I hadn't heard his voice in so long, it startled me at first. I tried to breath deeply, but it wasn't making the uncertainty subside. I couldn't bring myself to turn the fuck around, because if I did I wouldn't be in control of what would come next.
"You never were to begin with," Pita chimed in.
Tulip nodded. "That was pretty much our department from day one."
I reluctantly turned and when I saw him, the panic set in. He looked disheveled and heartbroken, like he'd been sitting on the street corner an touting he was the man that "can't be moved." Since I wasn't ready to talk to him, I fucking freaked and went for the car keys, but I noticed they were gone.
All of them.
"What the fuck?" I yelled as I looked over the spot where we kept them. Even the keys to Edward's Ducati were gone.
"Emmett...took them." Edward clarified. "I told him to."
His voice got stronger as he moved near me. My anger flared at his admission. "I told you I needed a fucking break."
He stopped and contemplated what I'd said. "And I'm telling you your break is fucking over."
Tulip was priming, spritzing and otherwise lacing herself with every pheromone cocktail she could think of.
He took another step towards me and I couldn't take any more back.
My stomach was somersaulting, like I was a fucking child and had just gotten off the tilt – a- whirl.
"I will tell you when my break is fucking over, Edward!" I opened the door. "Get out."
Instead of leaving, he slammed the fucking door from the inside and grabbed my wrist. I held my breath and tried not to cum from the heat of his touch.
"This is our house," he growled. His stare bore into me. "I'm not leaving again."
"I hit you, Edward!" I ranted, looking anywhere, but his face. "Jesus! Did you come back to get your ass handed to you?"
"I came to get my fucking wife back."
There was nothing but him and I sitting with the ring of his affirmation dousing the fucking room. I missed him more than I thought I could miss anyone, and he was standing in front of me. My pride and fear were killing me, as they wouldn't let me touch him.
"Slugger completes me!" Tulip wailed. "and that smexy man completes you! Pita get your sorry excuse for a subconscious out here!"
"Shit! Were we rolling? I was at the craft table. Can we start that from the top?" Pita mumbled wiping cake off her face.
"I...I..can't...fucking do this." I removed his fingers from my skin.
"Why?" Edward growled, and wrapped his fingers back around my arm.
"Please...just don't fucking touch me," I pleaded. I was losing the war with Tulip and Pita was of little use as she went over the script she missed.
"That's a good line," she snickered and went to stuff her face again.
"Why can't I touch you?" His fingers started tracing up my arms and around my shoulder.
Tulip was frantically trying trying to signal Slugger by Morse Code."Two moans and three dots of lady lube, means steal home and flip the ump the bird!"
"Because we need to fucking talk and if you keep touching me, Tulip is going to take full control of my body and I cannot be held responsible for what she makes me do."
Even through his pain I could see that flicker of challenge in his eyes when I briefly caught them. He kept his fingers moving slowly against my skin. Up to my face and around the back of my head and into my hair, effectively pulling us closer.
My heart was beating incredibly fucking fast and I couldn't get control of my breathing. It was like the first fucking time he had ever touched me and again, I was trying to fight the urge to mount him and ride him like a fucking pony.
"Do you still love me, Beautiful?"
I swallowed as my gaze wandered upward. I couldn't believe after everything that I could magically fall out of love with him. I thought about him every fucking day we were apart as much as I tried not to. Our son was the spitting image of him and the whole fucking reason he left was because I told him to, because I loved him too fucking much and didn't want to hurt him again.
Tulip was fastening up her pink skirt and putting on her dweeb t-shirt. "Baby, not a day goes by that I'm not into you." she sang, then added. "Now get into me, before I start busting out with Decode lyrics."
"Your mind isn't clouded by anything but peen," Pita complained.
I nodded. "Yes, but it doesn't change the fact that...
His lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence. Powerful and unforgiving as they moved rapidly against mine. I nearly fucking cried, just from a kiss.
He was back and pressed against me and kissing me, and all I wanted to fucking do was melt into him and tell him how goddamn sorry I was and that I would never fucking hurt him again.
"There will be time for all that when our NC- 17 rating has been moved to XXX and were accepting our peen statuette!" Tulip countered ripping her clothes off.
Breathless, I pulled away. "Edward, we need to talk."
He simply shook his head, and began kissing me again. I couldn't bring myself to try and fucking stop him. We needed to have a million discussions about a thousand different things, but somehow through the years our roles had changed. He was the one who wanted to have sex and I was the one who wanted to talk. Somehow I had become the fucking chick in our relationship.
"As if the mouthy vagina between your stilts didn't already indicate that," Pita reminded.
I kissed him back with the same fervor, like I fucking died and he brought me back to life. We tried to express how much we missed one another by how far we could get our tongues in the other's mouth. His fingers gripped my neck and mine were in his hair, tugging on the longer strands, as our other hands wandered against the other's skin.
I let my free fingers trail up his stomach. His entire body was heated like he was engulfed in flames, which my touch only singed my fingers. I scarcely got another breath before his shirt was off and I was pressing myself into him. He was almost too fucking fast for me, as he was roughly pawing at my shirt before I could take any of him in.
I opened my mouth to tell him to cool his fucking jets, but he wouldn't let me talk and just kept his lips steadily moving against mine as he practically ripped off my pants. It wasn't until he went to move for his zipper that I finally got to speak. "I missed you and..." I panted against his neck not fully letting go of him.
He shook his head again and forcefully took hold of me before I could make a move to fight against him. He was acting so fucking strange that I didn't know whether to seriously stop him or stop worrying and enjoy the frenzied sex on our marble floor.
Tulip was so goddamn happy she had gotten noise makers, cake and a banner that said "Welcome Home" in bright blue letters.
Edward's lips were even more forceful as he pushed into Tulip, without a word, but a groan which echoed off our entry way and caused me to bite my fucking lip to keep from screaming. Silencing myself had become a fucking necessity since Tris had a built in "mommy is getting some" radar and managed to pick the perfect fucking time to cry or otherwise come into our room unannounced.
Thank fuck he was only two when he caught Edward and I going at it like mammals and I was able to distract him with juice and animal crackers. We only hoped he suppressed the hell out of that memory when he was on his therapist's couch in the near future.
My ass was cold against the floor, and I was bounded to get a fucking bruise, but I was too turned the fuck on by ballsy, rough return of my husband.
My legs wrapped around him, and our breaths mixed together as he continued to kiss me. His slow fucking pace, like he was trying to decide if he was doing the right thing was driving me crazy.
"The only way to beat my crazy…is to fuck me into a coma," Tulip interjected.
It was a sick, twisted ride of fucking sweat and pent up emotion, that I never wanted to get off.
"Speak for yourself," Tulip panted.
I couldn't stifle my moan fast enough when, he bit my nipple and I sounded like I was being murdered rather than being thoroughly fucked at the bottom of a stairwell. Edward noticed and really spoke to me for the first fucking time.
"I want to hear every last fucking thing I'm doing to you, Beautiful," he whispered into my neck.
I pulled his face to mine and kissed him fiercely before letting go minutely and bitting his lip. His lips returned to mine with the same tenacity, as our movements became more intense the room started to go the fuck out of focus. The heat between us and the wicked way I was being violated by my incredibly missed, fuckhawt husband caused my mouth to run and forget that we had ever been anything but sex monkeys.
We weren't fucking parents, when Slugger was giving Tulip the only thing she'd been bitching incessantly for. We weren't famous when he was delivering me to fucking bliss you didn't want to write home about, but letters you instead wanted to send to Penthouse. Our relationship hadn't taken a time out and we were just what we had always been, Hollywood and Beautiful.
I was moaning his name, innocently, as I lost the ability to form any other coherent words and his thumb was working my clit, like it was the A button on his X-box controller.
Edward's ensuing command was almost lost on me, as I couldn't hear anything over the distraction of his dick slamming into me like he was trying to bury himself inside me.
"Fucking scream it."
I was vaguely fucking aware of what he was asking me, as the invariable tension was ripped away, and I fucking intensity I'd almost forgotten washed over me. And I didn't need his goddamn instructions because my mouth was directly tied to my clit, and acted accordingly as I came.
"Edward Fucking Cullen!"
My scream seared my vocal chords and Edward's tongue found it's way back into my mouth, as his motions jerked harshly and stilled. My eyes rolled back in my head as he reluctantly removed himself from me. Tulip was sore, but satisfied, my ass was numb and bruised and I was still on the cold marble but I closed my eyes and really smiled for the first time in a long time.
Then, my body was being jostled and I was vaguely aware I was being moved. Edward's strong arms were around me as we moved to the couch.
"You couldn't have done that before my ass was black and blue?"
He shook his head and the triumphant smirk, I missed like air, lit up his face. "No."
"I suppose, I deserve that," I admitted as reality set back in. "Your face looks better. I'm sorry about...what happened. "
He looked somewhat ashamed as he laid next to me. "I'm not...I shouldn't have said that to you..."
There is was. We were both apologizing for shit getting the better of us. It wasn't the lifestyle or the paps which caused us to attack each other, or another person who came between us. It was because we couldn't have a baby. Because I loved him so fucking much, him saying we shouldn't have another one hurt more than if he had gotten it on with a big titted blonde. Or him comparing me to my mother.
The whole fucking fight seemed so stupid in retrospect and I had no idea where foyer sex left us.
"Do you...want to come back?"
"I told you, I'm not leaving again."
I could almost hear his smile grow wider. "You sound happy."
"I missed you too fucking much to dignify that superior fucking tone with a response."
He couldn't be so fucking oblivious as to think I didn't miss him. "About as much as you missed me."
His response made me swallow what little pride I had left.
"I died a little bit every fucking day." I turned my face towards him, catching his eyes and staring into them for I didn't know how many fucking minutes. I knew our separation had been somehow harder on him, the rejection was written all over his fucking face. The guilt of causing him so much fucking pain welled up and mingled with the steady relief of knowing I hadn't lost him completely. Before I knew it I was fucking crying.
Yeah, I fucking cried now.
Along with a ton of other prissy shit I never thought I'd do.
I didn't realize just how much I missed him until that point and I fucking lost my shit, which led to the snot sobbing that followed. All he did was hold me while I mumbled out apologies and a whole bunch of incoherent things about never wanting him to actually leave and that I was just pissed.
When I was finally able to speak more than gibberish, my emotionally drained ass was only able to respond with, "Me too."
It seemed so incredibly stupid. All the time we fucking wasted being apart, to only end back up together.
It made me wonder why he really waited to come back, as he probably could have walked in the next day and I would have begged him to stay. "Why today?"
"Why not?" he answered with a kiss to my temple. I glanced up at him, he knew I wasn't going to accept a vague fucking answer. "Rose said you were still wearing your ring."
"Until my last fucking breath."
His stare snared mine and the truth lingered on his lips, as he kissed me again.
"It's May thirteenth."
In the midst of being apart, I'd forgotten the date entirely. Tris' conception date was somehow upon us. In the past, there was nothing that could have topped it. Now, it seemed it would also commemorate the day I got my husband back.
I proceeded to laugh weakly. "I don't think lightning is going to strike twice. Despite Slugger's triumphant return. "
"As long as we can practice in the off season, the lightning can take it sweet ass time," Tulip affirmed.
"You know, It doesn't matter if we have another one. I'm fucking in love with you, not your sperm."
"I love you. It doesn't matter if Tris is an only child because that leaves more time for me to do this."
He started kissing me just below my earlobe and around my neck. There was something to be said for the amount of pressure that was alleviated by his sentence.
I felt like the greatest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt blessed because I had everything I never knew I wanted. Humbled because I knew what it felt like to lose it. And fucking enlightened because I now knew, I could never live without it.
"I've already caught lightning in a bottle. I don't need it to strike again." I kissed him again and again until my lips were ready to fall off.
Tulip was inpatient. "Now dust of your cleats, put on your helmet, point to the outfield and get ready to round home again."
Pita laughed wickedly. "There's a storm moving through. Hope no one is using an aluminum bat..."
"Are you sure?" Edward asked, his face contorted into a look I didn't quite recognize.
Why he thought he needed to ask was beyond me. All the signs were there, signaling us like a beacon that it was over.
"It's pretty fucking unmistakable. We've tried four different times now. The outcome hasn't changed."
He swallowed twice and cleared his throat then practically ran through our bedroom door.
I don't know if I could fucking see him like that. I didn't know what he would do now that we had stopped trying.
Tulip whimpered. "I can't go through this shit again! I'm going to sue you for my emotional duress! V. Agina vs. Nymphomaniac Owner.
"Keep a stiff upper lip!" Pita encouraged.
Tulip scoffed and growled. " It's not my upper lip I'm worried about!"
I rose slowly from our bed and decided to take my time finding him. If he was even in the house at all. I wouldn't blame him if he had taken the fuck off. Its not like there was a whole lot left to say.
Tulip was incensed. "Fuck you! I have a whole fuckton to say to you! I already look like elephant man down here!"
"Those battle scars definitely don't look like they're fading," Pita grimaced and looked away.
I checked a good majority of the house before I glanced out front. That's where I saw him, standing on top of the Vanquish yelling into his phone.
I opened the front door just in time to hear him say, "I'm Double fucking O Seven!"
Yes, lightening had somehow stuck twice. It only took us nearly destroying our marriage, tons of stress and a fucking act of god in order to happen.
"Huge fucking details!" Tulip gaped. "As huge as Tris' monster head!"
"This one's head could be the size of a watermelon!" Pita prodded unforgivingly. "Or a VW Microbus!"
At least this time, I knew why I was puking from the smell of eggs. I didn't have to be ambushed by a fucking parasite after being thrown for a loop by my doctor. Though beating the shit out of him was pretty damn fun.
I wasn't homicidal this time. I was fucking stoked.
"Your dad is a crazy mofo..." I stopped. I didn't know what to call this one.
Tris was my Tic Tac. I couldn't call his little brother or sister the same thing.
"Let's not name this one after food," Pita urged.
"This new hitchhiker is the size of a grape. If memory serves," Tulip grumbled.
Grape didn't sound right. Nothing really did. I mentally filtered through a vast list of ideas, but my musing was interrupted when Edward saw me. He carefully pulled me on top of the car with his free hand and continued to ramble to Emmett.
"No she hasn't threatened my balls. She looks pretty fucking happy, actually." Edward defended, but quickly nodded over to me to make sure his assessment was correct.
I smiled and shook my head. I felt like I was fucking Indy and the knight just told me I chose wisely. "My cup runneth over."
"Get the hell up off your high horse!" Tulip complained "You'll be lucky if I don't throw this baby out with the bath water!"
"Watch it T-wat or I will give you more than ninety-nine problems and this bitch will be one of them," Pita threatened.
"Gotta go, Em. Thanks. Later." He hung up and we sat on the hood of the car. Just staring up at the fucking sky.
I started laughing hysterically as he grasped my hand.
He eyed me warily. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid you are going to snap at any minute."
I laughed harder. "I snapped a long fucking time ago."
He laughed along with me. "Are we crazy for wanting to do this again?"
"No more crazy than we were the first time."
He turned to face me. "Are you okay? We should get you off the car and into the house."
"Walking into this house started all this in the first place," I quipped.
He swallowed and his tone dropped. "Having regrets, Beautiful?"
I smiled at his insecurity and reassured him with a squeeze to his hand. "Only that I didn't do it sooner. Hollywood."
He kissed me and led me through the red door.
If the twenty-five year old me could see me now, she would be screaming at me asking what the fuck I thought I was doing and looking for a rock to throw at me.
The me of today would simply flip her off and smile at my husband, kiss my son and decide the new baby's nickname is Bolt, as she closed the door on her and didn't look back.