Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor the title of this one. I make no profit from using either.

AN: Sorry readers, I've had this one sitting around for a few days now but just haven't had the chance to post; RL is finally catching up to me it seems. Also, what's up with the new login/account home thing? Talk about wow! That's what I get for not being here to keep up to date on updates. Not sure I like it to the side, kind of space taking and attention grabbing (read: distracting), but I'll get used to it I guess.

Timeline: This one is a bit of a continuance on the last. I'm not sure if I gave a year in the last one, (here's hoping I didn't) but I've made this during fourth year. There is no Quidditch Cup or Triwizard Tournament or anything like that. Just a simple year.

There's no death, no matter what you think the title might tell you. XD

Chocolate Kills

Harry Potter grinned in satisfaction as the light scent of coconut wafted in Professor Lupin's wake. It was only a week after Christmas and the presents that brought to light Lupin's … flea problem. Harry was pleased to see the man looking much better, even if he smelled like a tropical cabana boy.

Sadly, the same could not be said for Padfoot. The poor dog was seen more often than not either seated on his rump with a back paw scratching furiously at neck and ears or gnawing at various bits of his body with sharp teeth bared. Harry felt near to no pity, having warned Sirius that the fleas would move from Lupin to Padfoot if preventative measures were not taken. If the old dog wouldn't listen it was his own fault if he scratched himself raw.

Now, there was only one thing left to do.

Harry read through the assigned passage in his Defense book quickly before scooting a slimmer book on top. He sneaked a glance a Lupin. Good, as long as he drew no attention to himself he could continue where he left off.

Harry could nearly quote this specific chapter of the book by heart, but it was worth one last look before he followed through with his plan. Still, he felt a twinge of guilt before another glance at a Lupin bolstered his confidence. It was for the man's own good, Harry thought with a firm nod.

His mind worked over the chapter. The title was bold and the text large.

Dogs and Chocolate: A Toxic Combination

Harry knew the chapter continued on with phrases like, 'chocolate can sicken and even kill dogs', 'dogs metabolize theobromine from chocolate much more slowly', and 'the more theobromine a cocoa product contains, the more poisonous it is to your dog: dark chocolate and baker's chocolate being the riskiest'.

A little research on Harry's part met with the hypothesis that chocolate was just a lethal to wolves as it was to dogs, though no one had attempted feeding chocolate to a wolf.

This information brought to mind all the times he witnessed Lupin eating chocolate. The man's favorite was the Honeydukes specialty. It was a thick slab of chocolate made from flat blocks in a variety of types: white, milk, dark, sweet dark, semi-sweet, and bittersweet. The slab was so large and thick that it needed to be sliced like bread to be eaten. It was banned at Hogwarts due to its ability to rot teeth and rile up unsuspecting third years. There was a black market trade on it though, because the forbidden quality made the chocolate that much sweeter …

… not that Harry would know, of course! He glanced around the room with wary eyes as though everyone knew his deepest thoughts. Finding no one watching him, Harry returned to the book and his thoughts on dogs and chocolate. Sirius wasn't a fan of chocolate, evil man that he was, so there was no need to worry about him. It was Lupin that was the big worry; that man always had his pockets filled to bursting with the tempting treats. There were chocolate bars, truffles, the Wizarding equivalent of Oreos, candy bars, and chocolate frogs. Harry wiped his mouth, grimacing at the wetness on his fingers.

Right, back on track. Chocolate bad. At least for dogs and wolves, not sweet little fourth years. Thankfully, before he could continue his thoughts the bell rang through the castle to signal the end of classes. Professor Lupin was quick to dismiss them and Harry saw his fingers detour to his overfull pocket as his eyes strayed to the tea set on his desk.

Luckily for Harry, this was his last class for the day, and he could stay behind. He urged his friends to go on ahead without him and made his way to Lupin's desk.

"Harry? What do you need?" Lupin asked, though again, Harry saw his eyes give longing looks to his tea set.

"I picked up some things for you at the last Hogsmeade visit." Not really, but he doesn't need to know that, Harry thought. The boy reached into his bag and pulled out a pack of chocolate chip cookies. Another delve into the bag brought out chocolate biscuits with cream filling and gold wrapped truffles and Harry piled them on the Professor's desk as well. Harry also pulled out a container of what looked like chocolate brownies and paw shaped chocolate on a stick which Harry thought was an adorable gift for a werewolf, though was having second thoughts at the grimacing looks Lupin was giving them.

Harry was beginning to think this plan was set to be a failure. He gave a disappointed sigh, thoughts already working towards a new plan before a hand, quick as lightening, snatched up the cream filled biscuits.

"You didn't have to do this, Harry," Remus said in a completely unconvincing tone, already flicking his wand to produce steam from the tea pot. His cup was quickly filled with hot tea and the bag holding the biscuits torn open—completely disregarding the plastic zipper at the top.

"It was no problem, Professor," Harry said bemusedly. He watched Lupin dunk the cookie into his tea and then shove it unceremoniously into his mouth.

"Mmm, this is really good. Where did you say you got this? It doesn't taste like Honeydukes." Had no one ever taught this man not to talk with his mouth full? He vaguely resembled a chipmunk at this point, cheeks so packed full of chocolate biscuits they bulged obscenely.

Harry avoided looking at Lupin, eyes gazing down at the quickly disappearing biscuits. "Is it better?" Harry asked in an faux uncertain tone. "I found this little shop in one of the back alleys. It was what they claimed on their sign: Better than Honeydukes," Harry lied. It wasn't like Lupin needed to know he was eating carob dog biscuits. There was nothing in them that a person couldn't eat; Harry had checked them quite thoroughly!

"I-I don't know," Lupin trailed off. Shaking fingers grabbed up one of the truffles. "I'll need to taste a bit more to be sure."

"I can pick you up some more next weekend. This was just a sample after all. I told the nice little, old lady behind the counter of your love of Honeydukes and she gave me all this free in an effort to convert you." Another lie, but what were a few white lies to keep Lupin, and his wolf, safe? This was the man who gorged himself every day (morning, noon, and night) before the full moon because he claimed the chocolate relaxed him. There was no way for his stomach to empty before it became the wolf's stomach. That much chocolate was sure to be doing some damage, Harry justified.

"Yes, yes, that would be nice," Lupin replied absently, eyes already focused on the chocolate chip cookies. "You should head back to Gryffindor, Harry. I'm sure your friends will be worrying soon."

"Of course, Professor, enjoy your evening."

Now, Harry just had to find some time to make his way into the Muggle world to pick up some more dog biscuits … and some more containers. The jig would surely be up if he gave them to the Professor packaged as they were ... with pretty little dogs on the covers.


Rule 13: Nor will I leave dog biscuits on his desk.

I started writing this with Harry putting the biscuits on Lupin's desk as a joke or a prank or even following this story line except with Lupin having no idea they treats are from Harry, but I thought a scene where Remus eats and enjoys them (with Harry's inner commentary) was too good to pass up.