Description: The translation program for the TARDIS fails, and suddenly the Doctor and his companions are speaking two very different languages. Wackiness ensues.

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Translations are at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!

Amy and Rory were in the kitchen, slogging drowsily through two bowls of Cheerios when the Doctor showed up. He breezed through, doing a fancy little turn at the counter and grabbing a biscuit while he was at it.


Then he was off in the opposite direction from which he'd come.

A moment of silence filled the kitchen, and then Amy opened her eyes a crack, just enough to see Rory's blurry form sitting across from her at the table.

"What did he say?"

"I have no idea."

The Doctor was in the control room by then, happily tinkering away with the TARDIS and talking to himself out of habit. He was going to fix the chameleon circuit today, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Not even the good ones...though there were at least a trillion ifs that needed sorting, and the random and or two. Or ten. The tremalgohyde was low and he'd have to go find was around here somewhere, he just knew it. Maybe the library? Perhaps. More likely than not. Got a thirty-to-one chance on that one. Bet it's in the history section. Yes! Or behind the librarian's desk; don't know why I've got one of those, though. I haven't even got a librarian! I'll have to pick one up next place we stop...

The fillibrand would need a checkup, too, just to make sure that the TARDIS wouldn't be landing in any walls for another fifty years or so. But the robidifier was especially important. It automatically restocked the wardrobe whenever it needed sorting, and the Doctor had always found it immensely helpful to have a clean bowtie after saving yet another planet from complete and utter annihilation.

Bowties were cool.

Rory wandered in then, looking as if he'd just been walloped over the head by something rather large. He was still wearing his bathrobe and his hair was actually wacky enough to be in the running with his nose for once. He shuffled over to the pilot chair and tumbled gracelessly into its depths, slumping down until his head was supported by the backrest and his feet were stuck well out in front of him.

"€£¥,"(2) the Doctor said absently, "¥€££€ ¥£€£€¥£ €¥£€£¥£€ €¥£€ ¥£¥€¥¥£!" (3) He smiled hugely at the human for about half a second before turning his attention back to his machine.

Rory rubbed groggily at his eyes. "What?"

The Doctor looked up again, frowning slightly at the younger man. "€¥
£€£¥£€...€ ¥£¥¥ €¥££€¥ ¥€£ €¥£€£¥£€ £€£¥£€€ ¥£¥ €¥££'€. ¥'€ ££€£¥ £€€¥£¥¥€¥, ££€¥¥€£€¥, £€£ ¥£'€ ¥ £¥¥€ ¥££€¥¥€£€. ¥£€£ ¥£€£€ £¥£ €€¥£¥€¥£ £€¥ €¥£ €£¥ £€€¥££€ ¥¥ €£ €¥£€ £¥£€? (4)

Rory was staring at the Doctor in an entirely unpleasant way, as if with every word he had spit out a few of his teeth. The Time Lord did a quick check to make sure that wasn't the case, then strode over to stand directly in front of the younger man and began examining him in that slightly unsettling way of his. Rory shifted nervously into a more upright position, wary as always of the Doctor's intensity. "Sorry, I don't speak...gibberish...sorry, again..."

"€£¥¥ £€ £¥€ €¥€£, €¥£ €¥€'€ €€¥£¥ ¥£€€¥£€¥£?" (5) the Doctor asked, his tone more contemplative than offended. It was clear that Rory was being serious. "£€ €¥¥€£€ ¥€£ £€¥'¥ €¥£¥€ £¥¥¥€£¥€£, ¥€£¥¥€£ £€-€¥! (6)

"Sorry, again," Rory added unnecessarily.

"¥£. ¥€£'¥ €£. ¥€£ £€¥€ €¥£¥¥?" (7)

Rory frowned. "Sorry?"

"£¥£!" (8) the Doctor shouted quite suddenly, causing Rory to jump. "€¥£ €¥€£¥£¥€¥£'€ £¥¥€£€¥." (9)

Then he bolted out of the room, leaving one very confused human being in his wake.

1: Hello
2: Hello
3: You're looking gorgeous this morning!
4: Gorgeous...I just called you gorgeous because you aren't. I'm being sarcastic, obviously, but it's a good sarcastic. Very witty and positive and why are you looking at me like that?
5: What do you mean, you don't speak gibberish?
6: Of course you don't speak gibberish, neither do-oh!
7: No. Can't be. Say that again?
8: Aha!
9: The translation program's offline.