Warning: My attempt at angst, a crazy Sora and incest.
I'm starting to break. I don't think I can hold up this façade much longer. I feel like a dam with an invisible crack.
You can't fix what you can't see.
But day by day, that crack is growing bigger. Under this much pressure how could it not?
Do you know what you do to me. Being around you makes me crazy with longing, desire, love, hate.
Hate for myself, how could I feel this way?
Hate for you, what have you done to me?
Yet everyday I play the same game. Act like nothing's wrong. Act like there isn't a torrent of emotions swirling within me, struggling to break loose.
It's hard you know, to look at you and not have a mental break down. To hug you and not try anything more. Why did we have to be siblings? I swear there's nothing I would love more than to not be related to you.
Maybe then my feelings wouldn't be so wrong.
I could only possibly taint you with these feelings. I want you to look only at me, hold only me.
Love me the way I love you.
An impossible dream, I know, but it still doesn't stop me from dreaming.
Your voice scares me. It sounds concerned. I shake away my thoughts and smile.
"Yeah?" I answer, almost certain that I sound just as normal as usual. Your hand comes up to cup my cheek and I shudder at the touch.
"Is something wrong?" You ask. My eyes snap open and I'm surprised that I didn't notice them slide shut.
I pull away from your touch, afraid of what it's doing to me, but I can't seem to summon a smile.
"Of course not, why?" I ask. I can do this god dammit. I can stay normal.
Hah. Who am I kidding, I feel as if I'm going to snap at any moment.
"You seem a bit off." You answer.
You look somewhat hurt that I pulled away from your touch. I'm amazed at myself to find that I can bring a hint of light laughter to the surface.
"You're imagining things Roxas, I'm fine." I said. And there it is, finally, the smile I've been trying to muster. You don't seem convinced and this frightens me more. I can't keep talking about this.
I feel like I'm going to overflow.
"I'm in my room, I have homework to do." I say quickly, hastily getting off the couch and making my way upstairs. You don't comment but your face tells me you still have something more to say.
Inside my room, my safe zone, I drop onto my chair and let out a shaky breath. I can't keep this up much longer.
I look at my hand and for a moment I'm greeted with a flash of claws. I blink and rub my eyes but all I see is my hand. Oh wonderful I must be delusional now too. Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep.
A knock at the door makes me start but I realize it's only you. You let yourself in and take a seat on my bed.
The bed dips so far I see you falling into a black hole. That's all my bed is. Tainted with what I do at night, thinking of nothing but you.
I rub my eyes again but you're sitting there with a strange expression on your face.
"Sora?" You ask, I hate your tone of voice. It sounds like you're talking to a disturbed child.
But isn't that exactly what I am?
"I'm worried about you." You say.
Ah, that's never a good sign is it?
"You seem out of it all the time and you're just not that same as you used to be."
Were you always surrounded by that pretty white glow?
"You can talk to me, I promise whatever it is I won't be angry."
It's probably an indication of how pure you still are.
"So please, talk to me."
The crack in your voice is what brings me back to semi-reality.
"Yes, yes you will be angry. You'll be very, very angry." I state.
You look at me, troubled expression and all, and shake your head.
"Sora whatever it is, I give you my promise I won't judge you."
"Of course, I promise Sora."
"I love you."
The expression on your face makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
"I love you too?" You respond.
"If you close your eyes and promise not to peek I'll show you what's wrong with me."
I said stop it!
You obey instantly. I'm up and walking over to you in mere seconds. When you're sitting like this, I feel taller than you for once.
Before a part of me can protest any longer I bend down and press my lips to yours. The way you freeze makes me smile and I slowly drag my tongue across your lower lip.
It's then you seem to regain your senses because suddenly I'm being shoved back roughly. I feel myself trip backwards and don't try to stop myself as I fall. The sound of my head hitting the ground is faint.
The pain is dull as I hear you screaming.
"What the hell Sora?"
My eyes give away nothing as I look up at you and shrug.
"I told you I love you didn't I?" I ask.
Suddenly you don't look angry. I'm slightly amused as I watch multiple emotions flit over your face.
From nothing, to disgust, to horror.
You say nothing as you leave the room, though I hear the door slam shut to yours.
I pick myself up without thinking and quietly make my way downstairs. I open the door to find the world blanketed in vanilla pudding. I don't bother with shoes or a jacket as I leave.
I walk for a while, until I reach the bridge actually.
My thoughts are blank.
I'm standing on the railing when I hear a stranger's voice.
"Hey! Kid! It's not safe up there! Get Down!" He yells.
I smile at him.
"I'm just going for a swim."
"What are you crazy? The water's frozen!" He yells, advancing towards me. I can't understand why he would say that because when I look down all I can see is clear water and a million colourful fish.
He must be crazy.
I shake my head and smile at him as I step off the railing.
I hope he gets help, because by god, some people need it.