Author's Note: And here I present the Francis & Matthieu version of the Big News! XD But unlike the Alfred & Arthur one, this won't be chaptered. It's only a one shot. So, I hope you enjoy this and please don't forget to review! Flames are a no-no but criticism are a-ok!
Pairing(s): FrancexCanada / FrancisxMatthieu
Genre(s): Romance, Humor
Warning(s): Yaoi, Crack, Male Pregnancy
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction by a fan for fans. Hetalia Axis Powers rightfully belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.
"The Big News: Francis & Matthieu"
Matthieu stared at the most unholy cross he'd ever laid his eyes on.
"No, that can't be." The meek Canadian whispered then rubbed his eyes.
It was still there. "No, trick of light."
Coming to that conclusion and believing it, he moved out from the room and into his well-lit living room. He looked down on the plastic rectangle he held on his hands and the unholy cross was still there.
"These glasses are old." He said, sounding as if he were trying to comfort himself.
Matthieu then left the living room and went up to his room – he was going to get his newer pair of glasses. He stepped inside his walk-in closet and there, on one whole side were glasses. Glasses of different shapes, colours and styles.
Matthieu laid the one he was wearing on a small table on the side and took one pair from the hundreds he had lined up. He looked down on the plastic rectangle – it was still unholy.
"These glasses are old." He said to himself then took the pair off and tried another one.
He looked down again, it was unholy as ever. "These glasses are old, too."
Convinced it was the glasses' fault, he tried pair after pair as the rectangle plastic turned un-holier by each passing pair.
"It's not the right grade."
"It's from Alfred. It must be wrong."
"I look like a geek in these."
"This isn't my size therefore, it's not mine which is why the unholy cross is still there."
"This. Is. Not. Right."
"It's 3D glasses."
"It's see-in-the-dark glasses."
"It's rose tinted glasses!"
"It's from Alfred again – it's worse than the last."
"Why do I see roses on the sides? Maple!"
After trying five-hundred pairs of glasses in a record time of one hour, Matthieu sat down on the tiled floor beside all the discarded pairs of glasses. The unholy cross was still. Frickin. There. No matter which pair he'd worn, its unholy image was still there on the unholy rectangle of unholy-ness.
Then it dawned upon Matthieu—
"Maple! I should try the contact lenses!" Matthieu gasped out as if he'd had the brightest idea of the century.
Quickly, he stood up and walked over to a larger than life drawer and pulled it out revealing several boxes of contact lenses and bottles of solutions. He took one box, opened it and tried the clear contact lenses on.
"...This is outdated – I need to use another one." Matthieu said and took out the pair he was wearing then took a newer one from the drawer.
"These must be outdated."
"It's clearly outdated."
"Why am I seeing Wickey Wouse?"
"It's from Alfred – it's not working, as expected."
"Holy maple—what the hell did Kiku send me?"
"It's not the right size."
"Ah! It burns! What the maple?"
Eight-hundred and twenty-two pairs later, Matthieu sat on the corner. His eyes red as can be and he wasn't wearing any contact lenses. His cheeks were stained with tears from all the contact lenses he tried on and still, the unholy cross was still there as if it were mocking Matthieu.
"Maple... Why is it still un-frickin'-holy there?"
May be this was a prank, he thought. But who would tease him like this? It was about time they'd jump out and laugh at his face if ever there was.
Then it must be true.
Matthieu groaned as he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them looking very much like a ball. He banged his forehead on his knees suddenly, as if doing so would erase the unholy cross.
"What am I going to do now?" He groaned and bit his lip in frustration.
If it is true that I'm pregnant – as perverted as it sounds – then what the hell am I going to do? It takes two to baby-make which means he's the erm... father – since I'm the one carrying the life in me. Is this divine punishment for trying to make my myself be seen? Of all the people to father, it had to be him!
Matthieu let out an exasperated growl of maple, or what sounded like one.
"Oh mon Dieu!"
What the maple? Perfect timing – he's here! Matthieu thought with all the sarcasm he had.
"Mon garçon, what are you doing on the floor?" The said (or rather, thought of) Frenchman said with a frown of concern.
Oh, maple! He's calling me his boy! This isn't the time, papa! MAPLE!
"Mon Matthieu, look at me." Francis said with worry thick in his voice. "What has happened to you? You can tell papa anything."
Right. How's about this, papa – I'm pregnant with YOUR frickin' bébé!
"Matthieu, s'il vous plaît papa is getting very worried." Francis pleaded, tugging on Matthieu's sleeves.
Mon Dieu, the boy could be so stubborn!
"Go away." Matthieu muttered coldly – for the love of God and maple, he didn't mean it but he didn't want Francis to know.
Matthieu, having known the French bastard since time immemorial, knew with out a doubt that he was a perverted paedophile who'd do anything that moves. If put in a married life, there were only two things Matthieu was certain of:
One, Francis was most likely to object to marriage and if not, he wouldn't be committed and would have a million lovers.
Two, Francis might even do the baby – he did so with Matthieu! Although, only when the Canadian was of legal age but still, that wasn't an excuse.
"Matthieu!" Francis gasped, shocked to his system – the last time Matthieu told him that was when... well, never. "Non, don't do this to moi. Don't shoo moi away! Talk to papa, talk to moi. I will listen to you."
"Va t'en!" Matthieu exclaimed, he was on the verge of crying. As immaculately wrong as it was, he loved the Frenchman that raised him and the thought of him opposed to the idea of marriage bliss and a child was quite hurtful.
If Francis had cat ears, his ears would've drooped down in hurt. His little Matthieu had never been so cruel to him. Granted, he got the same treatment from other nations but he could care less – Matthieu, sweet Matthieu, was the one who mattered the most.
Francis looked around at the mess, not knowing what else to do. He felt helpless, why would Matthieu not talk to him – or even look at him? Had he done something wrong? Non, I did not even miss his half-birthday this year and the past years!
Then Francis saw the glowing holy light.
He picked the discarded plastic rectangle on the floor and saw the holy cross in pink.
"M-Matthieu!" Francis gasped out in shock. "You-You're enceinte?"
He was completely certain that it belonged to Matthieu. Wasn't it he who made sure no one else got near Matthieu all this time? Cuba got close, but by that time, Matthieu was already bound in chains to Francis.
Matthieu stiffened like a stone, how the maple did he find out?
"Mon Dieu!" Francis gasped and quickly embraced Matthieu, "Isn't that wonderful news, ma chère?"
Wait, what did he say?
"What?" Matthieu gasped, pushing Francis away and looking at him with red eyes.
"Have you been crying all this time?" Francis' grin turned to an immediate frown when he saw the red eyes and cheeks. "Matthieu, do you not want this? Are you not happy?"
Matthieu shook his head, unable to trust his voice at the moment. Godly maple, he wants this? Oh, Godly Maple!
"You... do not want this?" Francis cat ears would've drooped down once more. But if this was what Matthieu wanted... then he could not force it on the—
"No!" Matthieu gasped, jumping on Francis. "No! I-I want this! I'm happy, I really am!"
Francis' heart did a happy dance as he embraced the Canadian in his arms, not minding the throbbing pain on his head from hitting the tiled floor.
"Then why were you crying, mon amour?"Francis asked with a soft voice as he stroked Matthieu's hair.
Matthieu stiffened again, this time he felt guilty for thinking of Francis as the worst. What a nice way of starting the whole thing, Matthieu!
Francis chuckled, "Did you think that I would oppose to the idea of marriage bliss and children with you, mon amour?"
Matthieu gulped and slowly looked up at Francis who looked down at him with amused eyes. Then they rolled on the floor, now Matthieu was beneath the Frenchman.
"I do not blame you," Francis sighed, cupping Matthieu's cheek with one hand, "I was never a good role model anyway. But, mon Matthieu, je t'aime. For you, I will stop my unholy ways."
Matthieu swallowed hard, he felt like crying – what Francis has said felt like a marriage proposal and Matthieu was too happy he needed to cry.
Francis gently placed his lips over Matthieu's as tears rolled down from the Canadian's closed eyes. When Francis pulled away from the kiss, he pecked Matthieu on the forehead then on both of his eyes.
"No more crying." Francis said softly with a smile and Matthieu nodded as he returned the smile.
Francis twirled his finger around Matthieu's curl, he could stare at the boy for centuries and never get tired. "Matthieu, mon amour, we must have a wedding. It can be private, if you wish – I do not care as long as we are bound together and have many little bébés running around then I am happy."
"Bébés?" Matthieu choked out with a perfect imitation of Francis' accent.
"Oui, bébés." Francis grinned down at his Matthieu, "I want to have as many bébés with you, Matthieu."
Oh, Lord Maple.
Author's Note: Oh yes, make more maple babies~ (OwO) *shot* *wipes blood* Fangirls don't die! Don't forget to review!
And even though my Dad's name is Francis, my using his name in this fic wasn't weird at all. *rolls eyes* I think I might just start calling France either just France or François. Dad always comes into mind with that name. OTL Thank Jesus I'm not a fanboy named Matthieu or else this would SO NOT be weird. *sarcasm*
mon Dieu – My God
Mon garçon – My boy (Mon Fils means son, but I like, felt awkward using that. Lol. So I stuck with garçon.)
Mon Matthieu – My Matthieu
s'il vous plaît - Please
Vat'en – Go Away
enceinte - Pregnant
ma chère – My Dear
mon amour – My Love
je t'aime – I Love You
bébés – Babies
Correct me if I butchered any of the French. OTL